What do we send out after the wedding to those who weren't invited to tell them that we got married?

Knottie20363977

We are having a very small wedding. Not only for budget related reasons, but also because we feel like we'll enjoy it more. We are going to have about 20 people, hopefully less. We were originally going to invite 200-250 people. That includes extended family, friends, ect. Many of them live around the country and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. Right after the wedding, (or soon after), I'd like to have one of our pictures put onto a nice card telling them that we got married and send it out. Is there a name for that? Is there a proper etiquette?  I just want to make sure that these postcard-type things that we send out are appropriate. I'd like it to have a wedding picture or two and maybe "We got married!" with our wedding date. 

If you're wondering, we plan on having a party prior to our wedding for those who aren't invited. I'm not sure what that would be called either... It will be mostly my fiance's family there, since most of my family lives out of town. Or if there is any good etiquette to remember for that. Any input will help! Thanks.

JCbride2015

blueskies13 said:

We are having a very small wedding. Not only for budget related reasons, but also because we feel like we'll enjoy it more. We are going to have about 20 people, hopefully less. We were originally going to invite 200-250 people. That includes extended family, friends, ect. Many of them live around the country and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. Right after the wedding, (or soon after), I'd like to have one of our pictures put onto a nice card telling them that we got married and send it out. Is there a name for that? Is there a proper etiquette?  I just want to make sure that these postcard-type things that we send out are appropriate. I'd like it to have a wedding picture or two and maybe "We got married!" with our wedding date. 

If you're wondering, we plan on having a party prior to our wedding for those who aren't invited. I'm not sure what that would be called either... It will be mostly my fiance's family there, since most of my family lives out of town. Or if there is any good etiquette to remember for that. Any input will help! Thanks.

Just call it a party and do not mention one word about a wedding.  It would be incredibly rude to invite them to a wedding-related party but not to the wedding itself.

The word you're looking for with the postcards is a "wedding announcement."  It should be very simple.  Honestly I wouldn't include a photo.  Wait to use photos on your holiday cards or something.

Brides Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

(Thanks @CMGragain, think I got this right based on your other posts)

Knottie20363977

That is a very good point. I will certainly not mention wedding. I would never want to hurt someone's feelings. Do you think it would be better to avoid that type of party all together? It was my fiance's idea-I personally think it would be a little awkward. Is there some way to include those who aren't invited in a non offensive way? Would it be better to have a party afterwards? Or an engagement party?

Wedding announcement. I knew there was a name for them. Thank you for the format as well. 

RebeccaFlower

blueskies13 said:

We are having a very small wedding. Not only for budget related reasons, but also because we feel like we'll enjoy it more. We are going to have about 20 people, hopefully less. We were originally going to invite 200-250 people. That includes extended family, friends, ect. Many of them live around the country and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. Right after the wedding, (or soon after), I'd like to have one of our pictures put onto a nice card telling them that we got married and send it out. Is there a name for that? Is there a proper etiquette?  I just want to make sure that these postcard-type things that we send out are appropriate. I'd like it to have a wedding picture or two and maybe "We got married!" with our wedding date. 

If you're wondering, we plan on having a party prior to our wedding for those who aren't invited. I'm not sure what that would be called either... It will be mostly my fiance's family there, since most of my family lives out of town. Or if there is any good etiquette to remember for that. Any input will help! Thanks.

Why would you have a consolation prize party prior to getting married? I guess I don't understand having a small wedding if you're going to host the same people anyway. I would skip having this party or have it after your wedding. 

And why send cards if you're having a party? I guess I just really don't understand the choices you're making.

Knottie20363977

RebeccaFlower said:

blueskies13 said:

We are having a very small wedding. Not only for budget related reasons, but also because we feel like we'll enjoy it more. We are going to have about 20 people, hopefully less. We were originally going to invite 200-250 people. That includes extended family, friends, ect. Many of them live around the country and wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. Right after the wedding, (or soon after), I'd like to have one of our pictures put onto a nice card telling them that we got married and send it out. Is there a name for that? Is there a proper etiquette?  I just want to make sure that these postcard-type things that we send out are appropriate. I'd like it to have a wedding picture or two and maybe "We got married!" with our wedding date. 

If you're wondering, we plan on having a party prior to our wedding for those who aren't invited. I'm not sure what that would be called either... It will be mostly my fiance's family there, since most of my family lives out of town. Or if there is any good etiquette to remember for that. Any input will help! Thanks.

Why would you have a consolation prize party prior to getting married? I guess I don't understand having a small wedding if you're going to host the same people anyway. I would skip having this party or have it after your wedding. 

And why send cards if you're having a party? I guess I just really don't understand the choices you're making.

I'm a little lost! I just need some direction. 

BMoreBride6

blueskies13 said:

That is a very good point. I will certainly not mention wedding. I would never want to hurt someone's feelings. Do you think it would be better to avoid that type of party all together? It was my fiance's idea-I personally think it would be a little awkward. Is there some way to include those who aren't invited in a non offensive way? Would it be better to have a party afterwards? Or an engagement party?

Wedding announcement. I knew there was a name for them. Thank you for the format as well. 

No to the engagement party for 2 reasons.  1, you don't host your own engagement party and 2, anyone invited to the engagement party would have to be invited to the wedding. 

RebeccaFlower

Okay... Well, I think you're going to need to be very open to opinions here since it seems like you're all over the place. 

1) Don't host your own engagement party. Also, people invited to any pre-wedding party (engagement, shower, bachelorette) need to be invited to the ACTUAL wedding (not the party), so keep that in mind. It's super rude to invite people to the pre stuff but not the actual. 

2) I think hosting a party before is super strange. You can have your 20 person wedding and host a large party after however, this is not a wedding or reception. It's a party. Have great food, booze, musi & cake but no cake cutting, spotlight dances or white dresses. 

3) What does your 20 person wedding look like? You should be hosting them in some way, even if it's cake & punch at 2:00 or a full meal at 6:00pm. 

4) I don't think you need to send any sort of announcement if you're hosting these people. Put it in your news paper if you really want to. 

I, personally, don't understand having a small wedding then a big party. It seems very pointless since you're going to host the same people and people do really enjoy the ceremony. 

OliveOilsMom

If you wanted to do something for FI's family. Then after the wedding, just have a BBQ. Don't make it about the wedding in any way. I would wait until after the wedding to do it, because if you have it before (even if its a non-wedding related BBQ), people will still be asking you about your upcoming wedding. Having the BBQ after the wedding, will help avoid those "how are the wedding plan?" questions when those people won't actually be invited to the wedding. You could always have a few photos with you at the BBQ and if someone asks about the wedding, you can show them the photos. And ditto JCBride on the Wedding Announcement. PS, I think TK ate my paragraphs.

JellyBean52513

Agree with PPs on your two questions:

1. Send out what are called wedding announcements right after you get married. Include your names, date, & location of the wedding. If you're moving, you can include your new address.

2. Don't have a pre-wedding party/celebration with people who aren't invited. I know, I know, you can technically throw a party anytime, but it sounds like you want to have a party specifically to celebrate the wedding with people who aren't invited. To do have everyone gather and celebrate the fact that you're getting married, but you won't be inviting them, is definitely not polite. Your best bet is to simply throw a party after your wedding just for the sake of partying! Your guests will naturally be excited and ask questions, want to see pictures, etc. but going about it in this way reduces the impression of people gathering to celebrate an event that you don't want to include them in. Does that make sense?

Knottie20363977

Thank you all for the help! I really was all over the place. I think I'll just bypass the party completely and enjoy our intimate wedding. We will send out wedding announcements right after we are married, and if anyone we know wants to meet with us before we move we can have lunch with them. Thanks again!

CMGragain

You get ONE DAY for your wedding.
You can have a party when ever you like, but not another wedding reception.
Never apologize for getting married.

RebeccaFlower

blueskies13 said:

Thank you all for the help! I really was all over the place. I think I'll just bypass the party completely and enjoy our intimate wedding. We will send out wedding announcements right after we are married, and if anyone we know wants to meet with us before we move we can have lunch with them. Thanks again!

Good for you. I'm glad you're listening. Weddings can be hard to plan, especially when people don't really know how (and it's the first time for many, many of us). Sometimes advice sounds harsh with no emotion written in the text, but you can learn a ton from these ladies. 

PrettyGirlLost

"What do we send out after the wedding to those who weren't invited to tell them that we got married?"

Nothing?  Seriously, I don't get this type of thing.

I've never received a wedding announcement after weddings I wasn't invited to, and if I did I think my reaction would be "Oooooooookaaaay?  Do you want a cookie?"

ETA:  I think your extended family would probably enjoy a picture of you both, though.

BMoreBride6

PrettyGirlLost said:

"What do we send out after the wedding to those who weren't invited to tell them that we got married?"

Nothing?  Seriously, I don't get this type of thing.

I've never received a wedding announcement after weddings I wasn't invited to, and if I did I think my reaction would be "Oooooooookaaaay?  Do you want a cookie?"

ETA:  I think your extended family would probably enjoy a picture of you both, though.

Honestly, I feel the same.  It would look gift grabby to me (like when high school grads send out "graduation announcements" when you aren't actually invited to the graduation)

MandyMost

I think it's a good idea to send marriage announcements if you essentially elope. Your family and close friends will want to know that you're married...if for nothing else so they know how to address mail to you correctly in the future. :-) But I agree with others that they are unnecessary if you're inviting your friends and family to the wedding, because those who you didn't invite probably don't really care too much and it will look gift grabby.

Jen4948

RebeccaFlower said:

Okay... Well, I think you're going to need to be very open to opinions here since it seems like you're all over the place. 

1) Don't host your own engagement party. Also, people invited to any pre-wedding party (engagement, shower, bachelorette) need to be invited to the ACTUAL wedding (not the party), so keep that in mind. It's super rude to invite people to the pre stuff but not the actual. 

2) I think hosting a party before is super strange. You can have your 20 person wedding and host a large party after however, this is not a wedding or reception. It's a party. Have great food, booze, musi & cake but no cake cutting, spotlight dances or white dresses. 

3) What does your 20 person wedding look like? You should be hosting them in some way, even if it's cake & punch at 2:00 or a full meal at 6:00pm. 

4) I don't think you need to send any sort of announcement if you're hosting these people. Put it in your news paper if you really want to. 

I, personally, don't understand having a small wedding then a big party. It seems very pointless since you're going to host the same people and people do really enjoy the ceremony. 

Well, Mormons do this because non-Mormons and Mormons without temple recommends can't attend sealings or ceremonies in their temples, but I don't get it being done for other reasons.