I knew the comments were coming.

danamw

So it is ok, and won't contribute to your stress, to take on every idiot that says something rude? You think you can change someone who asks about the state of your uterus?

My mom got married in 1947, a courthouse wedding, because there was no money for a big event. And she said, her family thought she was pregnant. She wasn't, as I was the first, born 8 years later.

She said, she just figured when they started counting on their fingers, and ran out of fingers, they might figure out she wasn't pregnant.

climbingsingle

Listen lady. I don't take on every idiot. I get comments about not having kids pretty damn often. I was lamenting about a situation that bothered me. I was being snarky. On the snarky brides board. What exactly is the problem here?

danamw

Hey kid, you aren't the only snarky broad around here! I was being snarky when you were walking around in Pampers with a finger up your nose!

There. Everybody goes through it. I don't have kids, and now I am too old to have any. That is the only reason I am no longer pestered about it!

I paid my dues, now it is time for all you younger ladies to pay yours!

huskypuppy14

I haven't really been pestered about having kids. Sister in law made a comment the day after our wedding if we wanted kids. I said maybe in a couple years. 

Someone at work made a comment that we have a house, got married, and kids are next.

Our friends four year old asked us if we had kids now that we are married (but that was cute!)

I think it doesn't bother me now, because I do want kids and hope we can have them someday.

steph861

huskypuppy14 said:

I haven't really been pestered about having kids. Sister in law made a comment the day after our wedding if we wanted kids. I said maybe in a couple years. 

Someone at work made a comment that we have a house, got married, and kids are next.

Our friends four year old asked us if we had kids now that we are married (but that was cute!)

I think it doesn't bother me now, because I do want kids and hope we can have them someday.

That's adorable (sorry, can't bold from my phone). I think I'm going to put children on my wedding registry now. That's not against etiquette, right?

climbingsingle

danamw said:

Hey kid, you aren't the only snarky broad around here! I was being snarky when you were walking around in Pampers with a finger up your nose!

There. Everybody goes through it. I don't have kids, and now I am too old to have any. That is the only reason I am no longer pestered about it!

I paid my dues, now it is time for all you younger ladies to pay yours!

I'm done arguing with you. I'm not some baby bride in my 20s. If you are you annoyed with some ladies complaining about inappropriate comments, you should probably go somewhere else.

PrincessOfHavoc

I'm in my 30s. We want children.

But it can't happen.

I missed it here, but I was away for medical testing and consults. I have Ehler Danos. Dr F in Baltimore believes I have just hypermobility as I've not had any vascular type complications. However, I frequently am bruised. It's from sports and work, but I always have 5 or more bruises. The fear is I may have some form that's unclear or unknown yet with some vascular involvement but not extreme.

With vascular EDS, Dr F sees pregnancy as life threatening. Apparently it's belived to have caused sudden and complete uterine rupture at times. Which would be a death sentence for me and any fetus.

I've heard so much recently about how we need babies now... It crushes me, I still start crying sometimes. Typing it out is making me cry. I WANT children. I want to be a Mommy. I want to see DF teaching our kids how to ride a bike. I can't have that.

So explain to me why the fuck I should just let the comments roll off my back. Or why I should just put up with it. It's rude, it's invasive and there's NO excuse for an adult to comment.

If I'm not crying, screw you, I'm going to be rude. "Oh, you should share details on your sex life first......I just want to know, you asked me....Sweetie, it takes sex or a turkey baster to get pregnant, babies aren't delivered by stork or found under cabbage leaves"

But seriously. I look healthy. A friend has a bifurcated uterus and can't carry a pregnancy past 19 weeks. She looks healthy. DF's friend got mumps (I think) as a very young child and is sterile. He looks healthy. No one knows why someone doesn't have kids and for those who are medically unable to have children, it can be extremely painful.

Plus, every child should be wanted. If someone hates children, how good of a parent are they going to be? Another friend lives with being raised by a parent who had children only because she should, and hated her children. It is not fun.

I will say I see more conservatives making comments. I'm not totally against a smaller government, but I'm not upset with it. But until I have single, total control over my body - there's no fucking way I want a government small enough to fit in my uterus.

PrincessOfHavoc

danamw said:

Hey kid, you aren't the only snarky broad around here! I was being snarky when you were walking around in Pampers with a finger up your nose!

There. Everybody goes through it. I don't have kids, and now I am too old to have any. That is the only reason I am no longer pestered about it!

I paid my dues, now it is time for all you younger ladies to pay yours!

Sorry I'm not going to excuse rude strangers. I have to deal because those before me didn't squash the must have children types then, so now they think it's ok.

I'm not accepting the bill for the dues that those before me refused to pay. They're adults, time to act like one.

So, you have not paid your dues.

climbingsingle

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I'm in my 30s. We want children. But it can't happen. I missed it here, but I was away for medical testing and consults. I have Ehler Danos. Dr F in Baltimore believes I have just hypermobility as I've not had any vascular type complications. However, I frequently am bruised. It's from sports and work, but I always have 5 or more bruises. The fear is I may have some form that's unclear or unknown yet with some vascular involvement but not extreme. With vascular EDS, Dr F sees pregnancy as life threatening. Apparently it's belived to have caused sudden and complete uterine rupture at times. Which would be a death sentence for me and any fetus. I've heard so much recently about how we need babies now... It crushes me, I still start crying sometimes. Typing it out is making me cry. I WANT children. I want to be a Mommy. I want to see DF teaching our kids how to ride a bike. I can't have that. So explain to me why the fuck I should just let the comments roll off my back. Or why I should just put up with it. It's rude, it's invasive and there's NO excuse for an adult to comment. If I'm not crying, screw you, I'm going to be rude. "Oh, you should share details on your sex life first......I just want to know, you asked me....Sweetie, it takes sex or a turkey baster to get pregnant, babies aren't delivered by stork or found under cabbage leaves" But seriously. I look healthy. A friend has a bifurcated uterus and can't carry a pregnancy past 19 weeks. She looks healthy. DF's friend got mumps (I think) as a very young child and is sterile. He looks healthy. No one knows why someone doesn't have kids and for those who are medically unable to have children, it can be extremely painful. Plus, every child should be wanted. If someone hates children, how good of a parent are they going to be? Another friend lives with being raised by a parent who had children only because she should, and hated her children. It is not fun. I will say I see more conservatives making comments. I'm not totally against a smaller government, but I'm not upset with it. But until I have single, total control over my body - there's no fucking way I want a government small enough to fit in my uterus.

I'm so sorry. 

pinkshorts27

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I'm in my 30s. We want children.

But it can't happen.

I missed it here, but I was away for medical testing and consults. I have Ehler Danos. Dr F in Baltimore believes I have just hypermobility as I've not had any vascular type complications. However, I frequently am bruised. It's from sports and work, but I always have 5 or more bruises. The fear is I may have some form that's unclear or unknown yet with some vascular involvement but not extreme.

With vascular EDS, Dr F sees pregnancy as life threatening. Apparently it's belived to have caused sudden and complete uterine rupture at times. Which would be a death sentence for me and any fetus.

I've heard so much recently about how we need babies now... It crushes me, I still start crying sometimes. Typing it out is making me cry. I WANT children. I want to be a Mommy. I want to see DF teaching our kids how to ride a bike. I can't have that.

So explain to me why the fuck I should just let the comments roll off my back. Or why I should just put up with it. It's rude, it's invasive and there's NO excuse for an adult to comment.

If I'm not crying, screw you, I'm going to be rude. "Oh, you should share details on your sex life first......I just want to know, you asked me....Sweetie, it takes sex or a turkey baster to get pregnant, babies aren't delivered by stork or found under cabbage leaves"

But seriously. I look healthy. A friend has a bifurcated uterus and can't carry a pregnancy past 19 weeks. She looks healthy. DF's friend got mumps (I think) as a very young child and is sterile. He looks healthy. No one knows why someone doesn't have kids and for those who are medically unable to have children, it can be extremely painful.

Plus, every child should be wanted. If someone hates children, how good of a parent are they going to be? Another friend lives with being raised by a parent who had children only because she should, and hated her children. It is not fun.

I will say I see more conservatives making comments. I'm not totally against a smaller government, but I'm not upset with it. But until I have single, total control over my body - there's no fucking way I want a government small enough to fit in my uterus.

I'm sorry. And I was with you until the last paragraph. I don't think rudeness has anything to do with political party.

PrincessOfHavoc

On fertility, at least in my area - it has some visible impact. No, I don't think it's universal, but if I am getting comments, it's usually on how I need to get married, stay home and raise babies. It's strictly from conservatives.

I fear it will get worse once we're actually married and I'll get more universally pissed off.

Granted, to me, anyone who determines my worth strictly by my ability to procreate is conservative. Not political views always, but it's a conservative stand on children and parenting that I only have value to society if I have offspring, so I "must" have children.

novella1186

Here's the thing: If someone doesn't have a child, they either don't want one or can't have one. So what is the point of nagging them about it? Really. If they want one and can have one then they will, so settle down. The nagging is not going to induce an immaculate conception. 

banana468

novella1186 said:

Here's the thing: If someone doesn't have a child, they either don't want one or can't have one. So what is the point of nagging them about it? Really. If they want one and can have one then they will, so settle down. The nagging is not going to induce an immaculate conception. 

SITB - Just need to correct that the Immaculate Conception was not the conception of Jesus.   It was the conception of Mary.

That said, it's a bummer when anyone thinks that they get to stick their desires into the business of others.   Before we had children we had MIL judging us for buying a sports car.   Then we were judged for buying our house before we sold our condo.    People like to make judgments for the sake of just judging and it's annoying.

hellohkb

I post pictures like this on fb. I guess it's why I don't get asked if I'm having kids.

hellohkb

In all seriousness, FI and I have been talking about having kids for a little while. He's definitely the type who would do very well with being a father, but isn't sure he wants them. I want them, but am not sure I'd be a great mother. I'd rather hold off than have kids for the sake of having kids.

PrettyGirlLost

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI and I are 99.9% sure we are not having children. Just about everyone that knows us is aware - because people like to ask about our reproductive plans often. Over the weekend, we attended a birthday party for a friend's toddler. Another friend was there with her newborn. I held the newborn, as did my FI. The mother took some really cute pictures of us holding her kid and then posted them on FB. 

My friend texted me: You guys holding that baby is so sweet! I really hope you change your minds and have one! 

Someone commented on the picture: I thought you didn't like kids. 

Another friend texted me: You guys would make a really cute kid! 

Why. Why. WHY?!?!?!? 

For the most part my friends and family know FI and I do not want kids, but many of them still shrug it off and think that after we are married we will change our minds.  Um, I have been pretty adamant about this for over 15 years, I don't think anything will change once I get a certain ring on my finger.

So of course someone had to make a comment at my bridal shower when I was opening gifts and tearing off ribbons- "You know, each ribbon you break is another child you will have *teehee*"

I said, "You know there are medications to prevent that, right?"

climbingsingle

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI and I are 99.9% sure we are not having children. Just about everyone that knows us is aware - because people like to ask about our reproductive plans often. Over the weekend, we attended a birthday party for a friend's toddler. Another friend was there with her newborn. I held the newborn, as did my FI. The mother took some really cute pictures of us holding her kid and then posted them on FB. 

My friend texted me: You guys holding that baby is so sweet! I really hope you change your minds and have one! 

Someone commented on the picture: I thought you didn't like kids. 

Another friend texted me: You guys would make a really cute kid! 

Why. Why. WHY?!?!?!? 

For the most part my friends and family know FI and I do not want kids, but many of them still shrug it off and think that after we are married we will change our minds.  Um, I have been pretty adamant about this for over 15 years, I don't think anything will change once I get a certain ring on my finger.

So of course someone had to make a comment at my bridal shower when I was opening gifts and tearing off ribbons- "You know, each ribbon you break is another child you will have *teehee*"

I said, "You know there are medications to prevent that, right?"

Lmao! That is hilarious! 

beethery

Yup!

slothiegal

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI and I are 99.9% sure we are not having children. Just about everyone that knows us is aware - because people like to ask about our reproductive plans often. Over the weekend, we attended a birthday party for a friend's toddler. Another friend was there with her newborn. I held the newborn, as did my FI. The mother took some really cute pictures of us holding her kid and then posted them on FB. 

My friend texted me: You guys holding that baby is so sweet! I really hope you change your minds and have one! 

Someone commented on the picture: I thought you didn't like kids. 

Another friend texted me: You guys would make a really cute kid! 

Why. Why. WHY?!?!?!? 

For the most part my friends and family know FI and I do not want kids, but many of them still shrug it off and think that after we are married we will change our minds.  Um, I have been pretty adamant about this for over 15 years, I don't think anything will change once I get a certain ring on my finger.

So of course someone had to make a comment at my bridal shower when I was opening gifts and tearing off ribbons- "You know, each ribbon you break is another child you will have *teehee*"

I said, "You know there are medications to prevent that, right?"

Oh my god.  At one of my old jobs, I had an assistant who had four or five kids (none planned).

She would say ALL THE TIME, "Gee slothie, you're just so lucky you don't have kids!"

Bitch please.  It ain't just luck working down there.  Either by shutting my legs or popping a pill or unwrapping a rubber or what have you, I have done and continue to take measures to prevent teh babiez because I have not been (and continue to not be) ready for that responsibility.

(*I realize accidents happen.  But please do not pretend it's just good "luck" that has kept me childless for the past however many years.  Be an adult.)

Cookie Pusher

"Almost 20 percent of American women end their childbearing years without giving birth and the “childless by choice” movement includes actress Cameron Diaz and comedian Chelsea Handler, who both recently opened up about their decisions."

http://www.today.com/parents/child-free-choice-women-open-about-choosing-not-be-mom-1D80097318

PrettyGirlLost

slothiegal said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI and I are 99.9% sure we are not having children. Just about everyone that knows us is aware - because people like to ask about our reproductive plans often. Over the weekend, we attended a birthday party for a friend's toddler. Another friend was there with her newborn. I held the newborn, as did my FI. The mother took some really cute pictures of us holding her kid and then posted them on FB. 

My friend texted me: You guys holding that baby is so sweet! I really hope you change your minds and have one! 

Someone commented on the picture: I thought you didn't like kids. 

Another friend texted me: You guys would make a really cute kid! 

Why. Why. WHY?!?!?!? 

For the most part my friends and family know FI and I do not want kids, but many of them still shrug it off and think that after we are married we will change our minds.  Um, I have been pretty adamant about this for over 15 years, I don't think anything will change once I get a certain ring on my finger.

So of course someone had to make a comment at my bridal shower when I was opening gifts and tearing off ribbons- "You know, each ribbon you break is another child you will have *teehee*"

I said, "You know there are medications to prevent that, right?"

Oh my god.  At one of my old jobs, I had an assistant who had four or five kids (none planned).

She would say ALL THE TIME, "Gee slothie, you're just so lucky you don't have kids!"

Bitch please.  It ain't just luck working down there.  Either by shutting my legs or popping a pill or unwrapping a rubber or what have you, I have done and continue to take measures to prevent teh babiez because I have not been (and continue to not be) ready for that responsibility.

(*I realize accidents happen.  But please do not pretend it's just good "luck" that has kept me childless for the past however many years.  Be an adult.)

wrigleyville

Cookie Pusher said:

"Almost 20 percent of American women end their childbearing years without giving birth and the “childless by choice” movement includes actress Cameron Diaz and comedian Chelsea Handler, who both recently opened up about their decisions."

http://www.today.com/parents/child-free-choice-women-open-about-choosing-not-be-mom-1D80097318

I'm really interested to see what that statistic looks like in another ten years. I suspect it will go even higher.

I can't find the study right now, but the number of childfree women (by choice) jumped exponentially between 1970 and today. It was like a spike.

wrigleyville

Princess, I am really very sorry to hear that. I can't have children either, but I've never wanted them.

When people hounded me about kids, I used to tell them I couldn't have them, thinking that would make them feel guilty and get them off my back, but oh HELLS no. Then they'd start in on IVF, adoption, surrogates, etc. Finally, I had to put my foot down and learn how to say, "It's none of your business!"

I imagine you get a lot of the same crap (if people know about it, that is). I'm sorry.