Feeling Lost

southrnpurpleveg

Where to start, growing up I was considered the "smart" girl. I grew up never thinking I would marry anyone, I have always been focused on school and jobs. I met my FI 7 years ago & he recently proposed within the last two weeks.

He has an excellent family that accepts for me and doesn't try to change me. However my family attempts to change anyone to their liking, and slightly always over looked me compared to other cousins in my family.

I feel lost, I feel like if I plan a wedding no one will show up but if I don't have a wedding my family will be mad that they missed it. I want to elope because I don't know how to plan a wedding and I have never thought of planning one. In fact I have never been to one in my life either.

My FI had been to a few weddings when he was younger. So he bought me a couple notes books, pens, sticky notes and a book. Plus he got my best friend to buy me the wedding magazines since I have never thought about having a wedding. Even after what they got me I still feel hopeless. Please tell me I'm not the only one that feels this way.

bethsmiles

Don't worry about what your family wants. What do you and your FI want? Do you want to have a private celebration with just the two of you? Celebrate with a small gathering of friends and family? Have a huge blow-out with everyone you know?

Planning a wedding doesn't have to be a huge scary thing and you don't have to do it alone, your FI should absolutely be helping and this boards are a really great resource. The women on here are awesome! I think the best place for you to start is to talk with your FI about what he envisions and who you both would like to be there. Move forward from there.

*hugs* This should be a happy time! Don't let your family get you down!

lc07

southrnpurpleveg said:

Where to start, growing up I was considered the "smart" girl. I grew up never thinking I would marry anyone, I have always been focused on school and jobs. I met my FI 7 years ago & he recently proposed within the last two weeks. He has an excellent family that accepts for me and doesn't try to change me. However my family attempts to change anyone to their liking, and slightly always over looked me compared to other cousins in my family. I feel lost, I feel like if I plan a wedding no one will show up but if I don't have a wedding my family will be mad that they missed it. I want to elope because I don't know how to plan a wedding and I have never thought of planning one. In fact I have never been to one in my life either. My FI had been to a few weddings when he was younger. So he bought me a couple notes books, pens, sticky notes and a book. Plus he got my best friend to buy me the wedding magazines since I have never thought about having a wedding. Even after what they got me I still feel hopeless. Please tell me I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I'm sorry you are feeling lost. We'd be happy to be a resource for you! The best place to start is a guest list. The number of people you would like to attend  will have the biggest impact on your budget. From there, you can start a budget and research venues. Also, if your local board is active, ask them for recommendations if budget is a concern or you need advice about a specific vendor. We'd be happy to guide you in whatever way we can, though!

AddieCake

I am so sorry you are feeling this way! Your family will come to your wedding, I'm sure. We love wedding talk, so even if they are not interested in talking about it, you can always turn to us. But I'm sure they won't all just not show up. How sweet of your fiance to try and help like that!

blabla89

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, OP. Of course your family will show up. Maybe not all of them, depending on the timing and where they live, but I'm sure they will be happy to support you. I'll reiterate what Beth said - planning a wedding doesn't have to be scary.

It's so sweet of your FI to get you those things - a notebook and sticky notes are a lifesaver when it comes to keeping wedding stuff organized. It might be good to sit down with your FI and talk through your concerns about your family, and how each of you feel about planning a wedding. If you and your FI feel that eloping or having a small, private ceremony is best for you, then go for it. It's a perfectly fine option. Do what makes you two happy and don't plan your special day around your family's expectations.

climbingsingle

I think you and your FI should plan the wedding that you both want. If that means eloping, go for it! 

WinstonsGirl

Figure out what is important to you both and go from there.  DH and I weren't big into planning and we found a hotel that had a whole package that we used.  We got things I never would have even thought of, such as a Guitarist for the ceremony, and bamboo arch to stand in front of.  For most of our wedding, our choices were things like "roses or tropical flowers".  If you're ok with less input, this might work.  If you want more input, look at the packages and figure out what you want and use them as a guideline.  

Start with a date, who you want there and your budget.  Then go for venue.  If you and your FI want to elope, elope.  Everyone here is always happy to help, so just post your questions

Ndelible

That was so sweet of your FH! Have the day that you two would like and begin your life together! You are creating a new family!

suorange

Give us your questions, comments, and rants! I think you may be pleasantly surprised by how many people will take an interest in your wedding and want to be a part of it.

southrnpurpleveg

@WinstonsGirl I think I'll try to look for a package deal or something. That's just sounds easier all the way around, my best frend has starting to look for ideas of things for me. My FI is like do what ever you want, with all of you nice words I'm starting to feel better.

morphemes

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Maybe there's a silver lining: if you've never been to a wedding, you are honestly coming at this with a clean slate. You can do WHATEVER you and your FI want without any pre-conceived notions of what a wedding should look like based on weddings you've attended. Don't worry about your family and what they want. I know that's easier said than done. In the end, you need to plan something that you and your FI are happy with and will look back on with no (or minimal) regrets.

SBmini

This isn't your family's wedding- it is yours! So do what you want. And if your family doesn't want to support you, that is their decision to do so. Once you hand the reigns of your wedding off to someone else you more or less guarantee that it won't be what you want. You want to be happy on your wedding day, not upset and resentful because it isn't you. If you do decide to go with a wedding, I highly recommend you get a planner. They'll take so much of that stress off of you and make it so you don't have to deal with details you don't carea bout. So forget about them. Plan the wedding for you! If your family doesn't want to attend then forget about them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

lizandmark2014

I am with past posters on this. Plan your wedding for the two of you. Pick a date that works for the two of you.

As for questions thease forums are good at answering them.

My 2 cents
Plan a wedding within your budget.
Be corgal and invite the family you can afford to host. If they do not show up they will regret it. (Possible less stress )

mailitx

I agree with the aforementioned comments, this is all about what you and your fiancé want to plan, not what your families want - and no, you're not alone in feeling this way! Most brides-to-be are overwhelmed at first, but we are all here for you! Whatever you decide to do, make the decision together, as a team, and you can't possibly go wrong.

And whenever you have questions, problems, or feel the need to talk - we're always here!! Wishing you all the best - and congratulations on your engagement