Am I Crazy?

mocarski002

So I've read here and a few other places about ring bearers and flower girls. I've noticed a lot of comments about certain age being too young. My flower girl is my niece. She is going to be close to 3 1/2. I know she will be fine. She loves being the center of attention and she is so excited to wear her pretty dress. However my godson/nephew will be my ring bearer will only be 1 1/2. I know he is young & he won't really understand what's going on.But he is my godson who I care about dearly and want him to be a part of my day. My thought is I can always have a back up plan if he gets stage fright. I've worked with kids in this age group so I know there's a 50/50 chance of him not wanting to do anything lol

Maggie0829

mocarski002 said:

So I've read here and a few other places about ring bearers and flower girls. I've noticed a lot of comments about certain age being too young. My flower girl is my niece. She is going to be close to 3 1/2. I know she will be fine. She loves being the center of attention and she is so excited to wear her pretty dress. However my godson/nephew will be my ring bearer will only be 1 1/2. I know he is young & he won't really understand what's going on.But he is my godson who I care about dearly and want him to be a part of my day. My thought is I can always have a back up plan if he gets stage fright. I've worked with kids in this age group so I know there's a 50/50 chance of him not wanting to do anything lol

At 1.5 years old is he capable of holding the pillow and walking down the aisle alone?  I am guessing no.

Also, why can't him being in pictures with you be enough?  I get that you love him and care about him but you are having him in the wedding for yourself not because he will get any joy out of it.

So my suggestion is any child under the age of 3 is too young to be a member of the wedding party. And honestly, even 3 is pushing it for me.  I would probably lean more to 5 because then at least the kid may have some memory of it when they grow up.

holyguacamole79

I was at a wedding where they had a 19 month old nephew (and Godson) as the ring bearer.  He SCREAMED the whole time and his dad finally carried him down the aisle.  I would NOT have a 1.5 year old in your wedding. 

manateehugger

People generally recommend against it because 1. the kid is too young to even care or acknowledge that he/she is in a wedding and 2. like you said, they can't really fill the role without a high probability of getting scared or upset or falling down the aisle. 

I don't know - for me it was fun to have our RB and FG because they were old enough to know what was going on and they were so excited about it (ring bearer cried after the wedding when he thought he couldn't keep the pillow he carried). Having a young child who was bewildered and clueless would feel too much like a prop. 

loveislouder

I think that as long as you know all the things that *could* happen, it's your wedding and if you want them in it, good on you.

OliveOilsMom

Both of my nephews were my RB for our wedding. My one nephew was a few months shy of 2 at our wedding. I played his entire involvement by ear. When it came time for the rehearsal, he had no interest what so ever. He wouldn't even walk with his brother and my niece who was a BM. So Henry was a RB in name only. He was listed in the program and I gave him a gift for being a RB. But during the ceremony he stayed in the children's room with his mom, so he could play with everything. Also, so you know, kid tuxes are a fortune and often the same rental price as an adult. My SIL purchased both boys' tuxes off Amazon for $40 each. She then resold them on ebay once the kids outgrew them. Sorry, TK is eating my paragraphs.

southernbelle0915

1.5 years is too young. He won't get anything out of it and it'll be a PITA for his parents to facilitate. Just forget having a ring bearer. 

I went to a wedding this weekend where the FG was about 2.5. She threw a huge tantrum right before the ceremony. She refused to throw flowers and walked down the aisle with her arms crossed. It was not cute. Moral - it's not great to have kids who are too young do this.

jenna8984

I'm not having a flower girl or ring bearer- I just don't see the point in them. My nephew is 4 and I love him to death but he doesn't need to walk down the aisle. He will be in a bunch of pictures and that's enough for me. I guess my point is, just because you love them it doesn't change anything by having them walk down the aisle or not. They will still be a part of your day without that.

AddieCake

That is too young in my opinion.

speakeasy14

While I agree that it is too young, you have also admitted that you are aware he could end up not cooperating. As long as you are prepared and okay with the possibility of a toddler having a meltdown, then it is fine if you have him as a RB. If you choose to keep him, just do not have him hold the actual rings.

thisismynickname2

If this is a risk you're willing to take, you do you.

The only time I saw a very, very young flower-girl was when it was the daughter of the couple getting married.  The teenage bridesmaid (sister of the groom) walked the toddler down the aisle.  It was awkward, and cute, and went as well as one could expect for a 1.5 year-old.  

Liatris2010

mocarski002 said:

So I've read here and a few other places about ring bearers and flower girls. I've noticed a lot of comments about certain age being too young. My flower girl is my niece. She is going to be close to 3 1/2. I know she will be fine. She loves being the center of attention and she is so excited to wear her pretty dress. However my godson/nephew will be my ring bearer will only be 1 1/2. I know he is young & he won't really understand what's going on.But he is my godson who I care about dearly and want him to be a part of my day. My thought is I can always have a back up plan if he gets stage fright. I've worked with kids in this age group so I know there's a 50/50 chance of him not wanting to do anything lol

I get wanting him to be "part of your day" because he is important to you, but he will be part of it if he in in attendance. Making him be in the weddding is putting your desires above his (no 1.5 year old wants to be in a wedding) and possibly his parents' who will have less stress if their kid is not in the wedding. I think it is selfish to have him in the wedding. Take a cute photo with him and call it done.

chibiyui

I have to agree that 1.5 is far too young. Get some cute pictures and call it a day. It will still be special.

Also, you won't even see him go down the aisle/participate in your wedding unless you're having a videographer, because he'll go down the aisle before you. 

mrsmagicgeek

One of my cousins had a boy about that age as ring bearer. They had him sit in a wagon and had an older child pull it down the aisle. The boy loved being the center of attention and it went really well. They were lucky, but it was absolutely adorable.

Bubblegum5586

I had my 2 nieces as flower girls and one was 20 months and one was 2.5 years. Luckily both their moms were BMs so they just walked down the aisle with their mom. I was fine if they didn't walk or if they did. 

I guess what I am saying is have low expectations and a back up plan!

ETA: and by back up plan I mean if their parents are int eh wedding, having someone else they can sit with.

csuave

A friend of mine had pretty much the exact same RB situation as you with the age and being a Godson/nephew. When she told me he was going to be her RB I thought to myself, "yeah, I don't see this working." Well, it worked just fine. She knew he was very good at walking and she had a short aisle. The RB's mom was MOH and up front. RB's dad was a reader and walked behind RB as he did a 5 second running walk down the aisle with his pillow. I think because you recognize it could go awry and are fine with that and because you know the kid well and his capabilities it is an OK idea. If RB's mom and dad would like the idea of having their son involved (and family is usually more likely to be on board with this as in the case of my friend where both parents also had roles in the wedding) then you are good to go. Edit: TK ate my paragraphs

mocarski002

Thanks everyone! My sister (his mom) is my MOH and we both agreed we will play it by ear. If anything he can walk with her, his sister or my brother in law. If he's not having a good day/moment before the ceremony we will just do without him.

Jen4948

I'd say under 3 is just too young to be in a wedding ceremony as anything but a guest.  Just take some photos with him.  But don't try to make him walk down the aisle, whether on his own or with someone.  He will still be "included."  

artbyallie

foundmymagicgeek said:

One of my cousins had a boy about that age as ring bearer. They had him sit in a wagon and had an older child pull it down the aisle. The boy loved being the center of attention and it went really well. They were lucky, but it was absolutely adorable.

Most of us around here advise strongly against that idea. The thought of pausing the ceremony to rush an infant or toddler to the emergency room for stitches... it may be a slim chance, but not one I would be willing to take. I would feel guilty forever if my wedding had led to a child getting injured. (My ringbearer was already in a cast after falling off his trampoline. Not my fault!)

pinkshorts27

I always wonder why, if you love a kid so much, that you would want to put them in a situation that they would most likely not understand and not enjoy, especially just for some cute pictures. Seems silly and unnessiarily stressful to me.

Jen4948

foundmymagicgeek said:

One of my cousins had a boy about that age as ring bearer. They had him sit in a wagon and had an older child pull it down the aisle. The boy loved being the center of attention and it went really well. They were lucky, but it was absolutely adorable.

Aside from the fact that many venues prohibit wagons, I would not recommend this on the basis of the safety of both the child pulling the wagon and the ones inside it.  What if it tips over?  What damage could it do to the floors?  As you point out, the children in the wedding you were at were "lucky."  Luck cannot be counted on.

Honestly, a kid who has to be pulled in a wagon is just too small and too young to participate in a wedding ceremony, because not only are they not able to get up and down the aisle on their own, they don't really understand what they are being asked to do for the sake of "inclusion" and "cuteness."  Just take photos with them.  They'll still be "included."

danamw

A backup plan is the way to go, and tell yourself you won't be upset if the 1.5 year old doesn't work out.

In the wedding I was MOH, we had a 7 year old boy as RB and he was no problem. His 5 year old girl cousin as FG was more of a wild card. One of the bridesmaids was his mother/ her aunt, so we had her walk first, and the kids holding hands next. We told her, "walk to Aunt Linda"

If the girl didn't want to walk down the aisle at the last minute, she didn't have to. But it worked perfectly. They charged down the aisle like it was a race, and it was adorable.

smhubbel

Maybe consider having your godson in a wagon that is pulled down the aisle and set the pillow in his lap. I have heard of A LOT of people doing this. They decorated the wagon, put a nice blanket/fabric in the bottom, and used an older style wooden wagon since the sides were taller and the child would not fall out. An adult pulled the child down the aisle in one case, and an older child (8 years old) pulled it down in another wedding I have been to. In one case, it was the couple's son so of course they wanted him to be the ring bearer. 

Jen4948

smhubbel said:

Maybe consider having your godson in a wagon that is pulled down the aisle and set the pillow in his lap. I have heard of A LOT of people doing this. They decorated the wagon, put a nice blanket/fabric in the bottom, and used an older style wooden wagon since the sides were taller and the child would not fall out. An adult pulled the child down the aisle in one case, and an older child (8 years old) pulled it down in another wedding I have been to. In one case, it was the couple's son so of course they wanted him to be the ring bearer. 

Post deleted for duplicate response.  See above post as to why wagons are not a good idea at weddings.