Wedding Etiquette Forum

Including FILs

My parents have offered to host and pay for our wedding reception. My fiance's parents haven't been involved in the planning and have not offered to help with anything. We're working on our invitations which will be coming from my parents. We're not sure if we should mention to my FILs that my parents will be hosting and their names will be on the invitation but there's will not. We don't want them to be surprised/hurt and feel like they haven't been given the opportunity to host but my parents had reached out and his had not. We don't know if they haven't been involved because they're uninterested or because they're giving us our space to plan the wedding we want. Any suggestions on how to handle?

Re: Including FILs

  • ctr24 said:
    My parents have offered to host and pay for our wedding reception. My fiance's parents haven't been involved in the planning and have not offered to help with anything. We're working on our invitations which will be coming from my parents. We're not sure if we should mention to my FILs that my parents will be hosting and their names will be on the invitation but there's will not. We don't want them to be surprised/hurt and feel like they haven't been given the opportunity to host but my parents had reached out and his had not. We don't know if they haven't been involved because they're uninterested or because they're giving us our space to plan the wedding we want. Any suggestions on how to handle?
    No - if they aren't hosting, their names do not get included on the invitation. If you're having a program, you can list them there.

    You wouldn't be slighting them by doing this, it's simply the formal way to do invitations.
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  • Technically my parents hosted, but I still wanted to throw H's parents on there (yes, it's not technically correct or traditional but oh well), so we did the whole "Son of Mr. and Mrs. In Laws" under his name. 

    What does your FI think about them not being on the invitation? 
    image
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Ours read something like: Mr. and Mrs. Father of the Bride Invite you to the wedding of their daughter Bride's Name to Groom's Name son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Father That way it was clear my parents were hosting but his parents were still included. It worked out well. ETA, Knot ate my spacing/paragraphs. But you get the idea.
  • PDKH said:
    Technically my parents hosted, but I still wanted to throw H's parents on there (yes, it's not technically correct or traditional but oh well), so we did the whole "Son of Mr. and Mrs. In Laws" under his name. 

    What does your FI think about them not being on the invitation? 
    We did this too. In fact, my mom told me she wanted FI's parents on the invite as well.


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Parents should not be on the invitation UNLESS they are hosting.  The invitation is a note from the hosts  to the guests, inviting them and telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not an honor to be on an invitation, only to receive one.  The invitation is is not a family tree.  It does not include or exclude anyone.  It is not the place to acknowledge or honor them, either.  Do that in your wedding program and at the reception.
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  • CMGragain said:
    Parents should not be on the invitation UNLESS they are hosting.  The invitation is a note from the hosts  to the guests, inviting them and telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not an honor to be on an invitation, only to receive one.  The invitation is is not a family tree.  It does not include or exclude anyone.  It is not the place to acknowledge or honor them, either.  Do that in your wedding program and at the reception.
    This. Totally.
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  • CMGragain said:
    Parents should not be on the invitation UNLESS they are hosting.  The invitation is a note from the hosts  to the guests, inviting them and telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not an honor to be on an invitation, only to receive one.  The invitation is is not a family tree.  It does not include or exclude anyone.  It is not the place to acknowledge or honor them, either.  Do that in your wedding program and at the reception.
    Didn't care. Wanted their names on there, it didn't hurt anyone, and it was still clear who was hosting.
    image
  • @PDKH Ditto. Didn't hurt anyone and made all parents happy.


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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    scribe95 said:
    Triple ditto @PDKH. Our invitation made it clear my parents were hosting but still included his parents with the "son of" language. No harm no foul. 
    This was one of our only "victimless crime" etiquette faux pas.  I felt strongly (as the MOB and full hostess) that our SIL did not live "in a bubble", and wanted to include his parents.
  • CMGragain said:
    Parents should not be on the invitation UNLESS they are hosting.  The invitation is a note from the hosts  to the guests, inviting them and telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not an honor to be on an invitation, only to receive one.  The invitation is is not a family tree.  It does not include or exclude anyone.  It is not the place to acknowledge or honor them, either.  Do that in your wedding program and at the reception.
    As you note, one of the major pieces of information is the "who". Stating "John Smith, son of Mary and Joseph Smith" simply expands upon the "who" aspect of the invitation. Therefore I don't think it's really a faux pas. It's not about honoring or excluding anyone. It's simply adding some information. True, it's information that in this day and age is pretty unnecessary, but there are a lot of dated wedding traditions that are still considered fine. So I think this one is fine, too. 

    The faux pas would be to indicate that someone is hosting when they are not, which it doesn't seem like you're doing at all. 
  • My FI and I are paying for a majority of the wedding but our parents have been helping us out too. We included both our parents names on the invite because of that.
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