Am I wrong in being annoyed?

pinkcow13

I posted a few days ago that FI was going on a bachelor trip to upstate NY. He left Monday night, and since then FMIL has been texting me - mostly in the evenings - to see "How I'm holding up", "Am I lonely yet?", "What am I doing tonight?." Ummm FI went upstate for 3 days. I lived on my own for 2 years. I'm totally fine. In fact, although I miss him, I have enjoyed my alone time. I did some (very minor) cleaning, watched movies I love, drank some vino, it was fabulous.

Yesterday evening she texted me "Can you tell FI to call me? Thanks." He is on a trip!!!! Seriously? Let him be! I have not even been calling him. When he texts me, I respond, but I want him to enjoy himself, have fun with the guys. So I told her that I have not been speaking much with him since I know that he's busy with the guys, and he has been texting me late at night. She said she wanted him to look over a letter that she needs to send to her job (She is on medical leave, and they wanted to confirm the return date.) I told her that I would gladly look at it for her. I did, made some edits, and that was that. She texted me an hour ago "Hi, have you heard from FI yet?"

I get it. It's her son, and on top of that, she is bored at home. I can't help but feel annoyed, though. FI is a grown man! I think it's fine for a 30 year old to go away for a few days and not have to call his mom every day while he is on vacation. And she is not confined to her home, either. She complains that she is bored at home doing nothing all day, but then I hear that she went out to dinner, or to her friends house. 

I'm not going to say anything, it is not my place. I just needed to vent. And I feel bad that I feel so annoyed right now. IDK if I'm being unreasonable in my feelings because my relationship with my parents is different. Sigh. Well - at least it is Thirsty Thursday and FI will be back and we can have some yummy margarita's later!

WinstonsGirl

Vent away.   My MIL is a bit like that, but she's also just separated from FIL and moved across the country out here.  I can totally see how's she's bored and lonely and just wants to talk once in a while.  Vent to us, get your drink on later and have a great weekend on your own

Maggie0829

Why isn't she just texting or calling him instead of bugging you?

KatieinBkln

I will tell you what I tell very small children: You're always entitled to your feelings! (Less entitled to act on them, but you of course know that).

Additionally, I am almost perpetually annoyed at all times, so you have the a-ok from me to carry on being irritated. I would find this really annoying as well.

pinkcow13

Yea, I get irritated really easily myself! This week has been especially irritating thanks to a VERY annoying coworker. @Maggie0829 - I have no idea! I'm assuming that maybe she tried calling or texting him, but he is not responding on time? FI is not rude, and if he saw she called and texted he would at least shoot her a text so she knows he's alive lol. They have been doing a bunch of outdoorsy stuff all day long these past few days, I understand that he is not glued to his phone!

Sugargirl1019

WE HAVE THE SAME MIL

pinkcow13

flantastic said:

Well... she probably is also bugging him.

At least, the fact that she thinks you can get his attention better than she can is a good sign for your relationship? Maybe?

lmao - this is a good way to look at it! Hopefully once he is back she stops bugging me as much...

KatieinBkln

pinkcow13 said:

Yea, I get irritated really easily myself! This week has been especially irritating thanks to a VERY annoying coworker. @Maggie0829 - I have no idea! I'm assuming that maybe she tried calling or texting him, but he is not responding on time? FI is not rude, and if he saw she called and texted he would at least shoot her a text so she knows he's alive lol. They have been doing a bunch of outdoorsy stuff all day long these past few days, I understand that he is not glued to his phone!

He also might not get service in certain areas if he's hiking or something.

beethery

I would be annoyed but I am also on the train of TALK TO YOUR OWN SON SBFKJDHBFKJHDBFKJHSBDF because FMIL does that to me too.

Or better yet she'll text one of us, and then while typing a response, she will IMMEDIATELY CALL, instead of waiting the 10 seconds it takes to get back to her. And god help me if FI doesn't answer because he's working, playing soccer, bathing, shitting, sleeping, what-the-fuck-ever, I'm going to get a call.

Love FMIL, she's a nice lady, but she needs to cut this shit out, and Pinkcow I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

pinkcow13

Sugargirl1019 - Isn't it wonderful?!!? LOL

KatieinBkln, that is a good point. There also was not any electricity in their cabin, so FI brought his portable charger and did not want to waste his battery. I'm sure he made that clear to her. As in, I cannot have 30 minute conversations every day while I'm in the middle of the woods with a phone on super battery save mode. 

beethery - Yes this is our situation, also!!!! This is not the first time she has pulled the "Tell FI to call me" card. One time he was in the DAMN SHOWER. You can't wait maybe 15 minutes after you called him, and he didn't pick up to go bugging me with this nonsense?!?!

mschristie123

Omg that sounds like my mom. I would be so annoyed. My mom is like that with DH and I know it annoys him.

Although hearing really annoying, overbearing MIL stories makes me wish my MIL was more in the picture. DH and his mom only talk about once a month and she usually only calls him if she needs money. She's super flaky and not really involved in our lives at all. It was sad when we were planning the wedding... it wasn't anything she really got that excited about. Sometimes I would just love an over the top MIL.

theartistformerlyknownas

Yeah, FI is in Vegas all weekend for a work trip, and FMIL keeps insisting that I come to her house Saturday when all of FFIL's (FI's stepdad's) family will be there. I've met those people like twice, and don't particularly fit in very well with them, so the thought of hanging out with them all day doesn't sound a hell of a lot better than spending the day alone crafting and drinking wine.

raissyrais

@pinkcow13 Sounds like your MIL is trying to find out what YOU are up to. Maybe she thinks you're being a naughty little girl

jdluvr06

I cant really say anything. I talk to my mom and FMIL everyday. FMIL usually calls me if she wants something because she knows I'm the more reliable of the two of us when it comes to answering phones.

pinkcow13

@mschristie123, that is sad, it sounds like they did don't have a great relationship which must be hard. At the end of the day it is a good thing that she likes me so much. My best friend's SO's mom has not warmed up to her at all and she makes my friend feel really bad. It is not (I don't think) anything personal against my friend, I think it is more of a cultural issue. For example, she refused to allow my friend to attend his bday dinner with the family (parents and his brother). She said it was "Family only." So he told his mom if his SO was not invited to his bday dinner, he would spend his birthday with her. His mom did not speak to him for like a month. Oy. 

lolo883 - Spending the day crafting and drinking wine sounds a lot better to me, too! FMIL also told me if I got too lonely, I could stay by her. I have no idea why she thinks I would become this helpless little thing just because he went away for a few days lol.

pinkcow13

raissyrais said:

@pinkcow13 Sounds like your MIL is trying to find out what YOU are up to. Maybe she thinks you're being a naughty little girl

Honestly, that thought crossed my mind too! Especially when ( I commented when you had commented), she told me I could stay with her lol. Although, I lived on my own for 2 years right before FI and I moved in - but we weren't engaged then so maybe now it's more critical! lol.

pinkcow13

jdluvr06 said:

I cant really say anything. I talk to my mom and FMIL everyday. FMIL usually calls me if she wants something because she knows I'm the more reliable of the two of us when it comes to answering phones.

Yea, I remember that your mom and FMIL are really close, which is awesome. Definitely not the case here lol. Lately, I have been speaking with FMIL daily, but via text because I hate phone calls.

cupcait927

Oh man. Vent away. You aren't being unreasonable at all - that shit would drive me nuts as well. She's being just, maybe, slightly overbearing. I get annoyed when FFIL texts me every once in awhile bc FI is horrible at checking his phone. If he did it constantly I probably would've chucked my phone out a window by now.

At least you got to enjoy your time alone and drink wine and watch movies! I wish FI would go away for a couple of days so I could do the same!

pinkcow13

cupcait927 said:

Oh man. Vent away. You aren't being unreasonable at all - that shit would drive me nuts as well. She's being just, maybe, slightly overbearing. I get annoyed when FFIL texts me every once in awhile bc FI is horrible at checking his phone. If he did it constantly I probably would've chucked my phone out a window by now.

At least you got to enjoy your time alone and drink wine and watch movies! I wish FI would go away for a couple of days so I could do the same!

Oh, I have been tempted to chuck my phone out the window a few times! I must say, I really enjoyed my alone time. Plus, I had the kitties to keep me company lol.

climbingsingle

Dude, I so feel you. I swear, we have the same FMIL. Although I think FI might have said something to her, because she's not calling me every day and only sends me a few texts in the AM. 

pinkcow13

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Dude, I so feel you. I swear, we have the same FMIL. Although I think FI might have said something to her, because she's not calling me every day and only sends me a few texts in the AM. 

Yeesh.... a few texts in the AM? UGH...

raissyrais

@pinkcow13 lol then she's probably keeping an eye out for her darling baby boy haha, funny images are popping in my head...

beethery

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Dude, I so feel you. I swear, we have the same FMIL. Although I think FI might have said something to her, because she's not calling me every day and only sends me a few texts in the AM. 

Calling. every day. No thank you.

sophhabobopha

 FMIL is even worse at phones than her son, so I'll never have to deal with that. Sometimes it takes her days to call you back.

Cookie Pusher

I'm really glad DH and I don't have smothering parents! I've gone months without talking to my mom (we live less than a mile away from each other) and DH will go weeks without talking to FIL. I mean, if there's nothing to talk about, why bother each other? And no one checks up on us when one of us goes away on a trip, that's just... weird.

pinkcow13

raissyrais said:

@pinkcow13 lol then she's probably keeping an eye out for her darling baby boy haha, funny images are popping in my head...

STUCK

LOL yea, she probably is doing just that! I mean she was pretty much texting me through the night, every night. Well, now that he is back, hopefully the nonstop texting will stop!

pinkcow13

beethery said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Dude, I so feel you. I swear, we have the same FMIL. Although I think FI might have said something to her, because she's not calling me every day and only sends me a few texts in the AM. 

Calling. every day. No thank you.

This blue creature dude seriously cracked me up

pinkcow13

Cookie Pusher said:

I'm really glad DH and I don't have smothering parents! I've gone months without talking to my mom (we live less than a mile away from each other) and DH will go weeks without talking to FIL. I mean, if there's nothing to talk about, why bother each other? And no one checks up on us when one of us goes away on a trip, that's just... weird.

Right?? I mean, when she texted me as soon as he left (he left Monday night like around 9), I thought it was a bit odd. But when she texted me every night, I just felt like... is she checking up on me? But I pushed the thought out of my head, not wanting to be my usual paranoid self. I chalked it up to maybe replacing him with me while he was away. I mean, what if I had plans? (lately I have been very boring. I have myself on a very tight budget because of the wedding). Sometimes I like to go to dinner or happy hour with my friends. If I was not answering back, or stayed out late (maybe if I was having tacos and margaritas till 3AM in Jersey City LOL), I wonder what she would have thought then!

Cookie Pusher

pinkcow13 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

I'm really glad DH and I don't have smothering parents! I've gone months without talking to my mom (we live less than a mile away from each other) and DH will go weeks without talking to FIL. I mean, if there's nothing to talk about, why bother each other? And no one checks up on us when one of us goes away on a trip, that's just... weird.

Right?? I mean, when she texted me as soon as he left (he left Monday night like around 9), I thought it was a bit odd. But when she texted me every night, I just felt like... is she checking up on me? But I pushed the thought out of my head, not wanting to be my usual paranoid self. I chalked it up to maybe replacing him with me while he was away. I mean, what if I had plans? (lately I have been very boring. I have myself on a very tight budget because of the wedding). Sometimes I like to go to dinner or happy hour with my friends. If I was not answering back, or stayed out late (maybe if I was having tacos and margaritas till 3AM in Jersey City LOL), I wonder what she would have thought then!

Oh good grief, definitely don't tell her that you're going to drink margaritas until all hours of the night with a bunch of internet people!!

AddieCake

Yes, that would annoy the fuck out of me. My MIL is great, but she is very insecure. If she texts or messages my husband and doesn't hear back from him right away, (sometimes she texts him while he is at work or asleep) or if it takes him awhile to play his turn on Words With Friends with her, she assumes he is mad at her and texts me to find out if he is. Arrrrgh.

KatieinBkln

Cookie Pusher said:

pinkcow13 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

I'm really glad DH and I don't have smothering parents! I've gone months without talking to my mom (we live less than a mile away from each other) and DH will go weeks without talking to FIL. I mean, if there's nothing to talk about, why bother each other? And no one checks up on us when one of us goes away on a trip, that's just... weird.

Right?? I mean, when she texted me as soon as he left (he left Monday night like around 9), I thought it was a bit odd. But when she texted me every night, I just felt like... is she checking up on me? But I pushed the thought out of my head, not wanting to be my usual paranoid self. I chalked it up to maybe replacing him with me while he was away. I mean, what if I had plans? (lately I have been very boring. I have myself on a very tight budget because of the wedding). Sometimes I like to go to dinner or happy hour with my friends. If I was not answering back, or stayed out late (maybe if I was having tacos and margaritas till 3AM in Jersey City LOL), I wonder what she would have thought then!

Oh good grief, definitely don't tell her that you're going to drink margaritas until all hours of the night with a bunch of internet people!!

I uh, actually would like to do that.