Etiquette Booklet

PhoneCardLady

I believe that there should be an etiquette book/booklet given to every child when they reach the age of 16 so they know what is proper and what is not. I am not just talking about weddings, but EVERYTHING (including thank you notes).

Yes, perhaps there would be some exceptions.  A friend of the family got pregnant about 15 years after her last child (no affair) so my mom offered to give her a small baby shower.  Sadly, the baby was dropped at birth and died.  She wanted to give the gifts back, but mom told her to use hers for the baby to be buried in.

It is sad that people don't know that there are things that you just don't do - like PPD's or B-Listing people.

manateehugger

http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

And I always think the "giving gift back" rule is kind of horrible, even though I get why it exists. I would never want my gift back because of someone else's misfortune. A miscarriage, broken engagement - I think you'd have to be an asshole to expect your gift back from someone going through such an experience. 

Maggie0829

PhoneCardLady said:

I believe that there should be an etiquette book/booklet given to every child when they reach the age of 16 so they know what is proper and what is not. I am not just talking about weddings, but EVERYTHING (including thank you notes).

Yes, perhaps there would be some exceptions.  A friend of the family got pregnant about 15 years after her last child (no affair) so my mom offered to give her a small baby shower.  Sadly, the baby was dropped at birth and died.  She wanted to give the gifts back, but mom told her to use hers for the baby to be buried in.

It is sad that people don't know that there are things that you just don't do - like PPD's or B-Listing people.

Oh my goodness. That is so sad.

mysticl

PDKH said:

http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

And I always think the "giving gift back" rule is kind of horrible, even though I get why it exists. I would never want my gift back because of someone else's misfortune. A miscarriage, broken engagement - I think you'd have to be an asshole to expect your gift back from someone going through such an experience. 

Though in the case of a miscarriage some people want to get rid of the stuff, it's just too painful to keep it.  

manateehugger

mysticl said:

PDKH said:

http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

And I always think the "giving gift back" rule is kind of horrible, even though I get why it exists. I would never want my gift back because of someone else's misfortune. A miscarriage, broken engagement - I think you'd have to be an asshole to expect your gift back from someone going through such an experience. 

Though in the case of a miscarriage some people want to get rid of the stuff, it's just too painful to keep it.  

I completely get that - I've watched family go through it - but I would want my friend or family to do whatever they felt like they needed to do in that situation, not sitting thinking, "I need to make sure I return these gifts."

JellyBean52513

Funny, I was just thinking about the whole giving-gifts-back thing. I would never expect a gift back from a broken engagement/marriage. I would also never expect money back. And I really couldn't see myself holding it against the couple for keeping a gift/money. If they went through such a tragic ordeal as to call off their wedding, I wouldn't want to have any part of that process. Keep it, sell it, divide it up amongst yourselves, do whatever you gotta do.

CMGragain

Since engagement gifts are NOT traditional, there is no reason to give one back.  Once the wedding has taken place, the couple keeps the wedding gifts, regardless of the length of the marriage.

pearlsofsteel

My grandmother had us in etiquette classes when we were very small and etiquette was always pushed on/taught throughout my youth by the whole family. My friends, as well. I thought this was common until I became an adult and realized how clueless (or rude) so many people are. 

I would never expect a gift back, though. Not because I think everyone is clueless but because I assume it is the last thing on that person's mind when something unfortunate happens.

theartistformerlyknownas

Wait a minute. Somebody dropped the baby?!

I'm sorry, I can't get past this. Etiquette goes out the window when someone drops your baby and it dies. I didn't know that was a thing that happened to people. 

mysticl

CMGragain said:

Since engagement gifts are NOT traditional, there is no reason to give one back.  Once the wedding has taken place, the couple keeps the wedding gifts, regardless of the length of the marriage.

But many consider it proper to send wedding gifts to the couple prior to the wedding taking place rather than taking them to the actual wedding.  Those gifts and shower gifts are expected to be returned if the wedding does not take place.  

hellosweetie1015

...I'm with PPs with the dropped baby thing. Holy shit. How does that even happen?!

ETA: I'm assuming that it occurred at the hospital, which is why I'm so shocked.

BMoreBride6

As a already overly emotional 23 week pregnant women...this made me cry for a good 30 minutes straight. 

mysticl

BMoreBride6 said:

As a already overly emotional 23 week pregnant women...this made me cry for a good 30 minutes straight. 

19 weeks and my brain is doing its best to convince me that it has to be like a 1 in a billion thing and should not be on my list of things to worry about.  

Blue_Bird

That story is just awful. Can't even believe that happened.

I like the idea of the etiquette booklet, but I think 16 is way too late. By that time, bad habits and personalities are set. These type of things need to begin being taught in preschool.