40-Plus Brides

Family...to invite or not?

I'm going to be getting married in less than a year and I come from a small family. I'm the oldest of the cousins on my mom's side and this is my first marriage and as much as I want all my family there, my issue is with my relatives on my mom's side of the family.  My mom passed away almost 25 years ago and she was the glue that kept the family together so to speak.  Over the years since my mom died I've tried to keep in touch with my aunts and cousins, but I've recently stopped trying.  The(the aunts and cousins) never return phone calls or emails when I (try to ) invite them to dinner or a girls weekend.  The straw that broke the camels back for me was that I invited my aunt to dinner and when she called me back and left a message she asked for a rain check because she "wasn't feeling it".  The only time they contact me is to invite me to baby and/or bridal showers.  Am I wrong in feeling that I don't need or want them sharing my day with me when I can't get them to even have dinner with me?  I feel like I'd be a hypocrite if I did invite them since it would be for one day and then honestly probably not see them or talk to them until another family member dies.

Re: Family...to invite or not?

  • It your & your FI's wedding day. If you only want to invite people that are close to you and are an active part of your lives, there is nothing wrong with that.
  • I agree with Erikan.  Invite the people that you and your fiancé want.  It's your wedding.
  • Ok so good to hear I'm not the only one in this boat. I'm planning a small wedding for next summer. Long story short, to keep my sanity I most likely won't invite certain family members because I have all but completely cut myself off from them. I have people saying "oh, that's horrible" but you know what? It's my wedding. If you want 100 people at yours, most of whom you really don't like, then so be it. I am too old for drama. My Fiance and I want ours to be chill and fun. 

    At any rate, do what you feel most comfortable with. It's YOUR day. I know it's hard at any age, but don't spend too much time feeling bad that you didn't invite someone you don't really want at your wedding anyway. 

    beemersmith
  • I don't think so... I agree with faeriedragon's sentiment (it's OUR day, we want it chill and fun).

    I was really surprised when my mom told me that she told several family members about my wedding.  "You're inviting them right?"  Thing is, few of them ever reach out to me and when I'm passing through town and I try to get ahold of them they don't respond.  They didn't come to my first wedding and I know they won't come to this one.  So why waste money on an invite or (even worse) a reception spot if they do come for some reason other than "they care about me" because they haven't shown that over the last 10+ years
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  • No one should force you to do anything.  We are having a destination wedding with only 20 people.  When we return, our good friend is hosting a reception at her place and then we will invite others -- but only those we want, feel comfortable with and get along with.  We will then send a nice announcement with our photo and say something like, we had a small and private wedding affair, but wanted to share our good news with you.  With all our love, ------
  • It's your wedding.  Only invite the people that you want to attend.  
  • Don't feel obligated to invite anyone! No matter who they are. This is your special day, and if you feel this way about them, it's obvious that you don't want them there, so you should not send them invitations. 

    Why be fake about it? Especially on a day that is meant to be the best day of your life. My boyfriend and I are marrying in Hawaii and we decided not to invite anyone. We just want it to be us. I also feel a bit of a distance between my family and I, and I feel like if any of them did come, it would be out of obligation, not because they particularly care about my life or my wedding. I feel like I'm doing us all a favor. It's not that we don't get along, but we never really talk.
  • Outside of my immediate family, I have a few cousins or other relatives. My Mom was estranged from her family (My Mom is dead) and I never really want to speak them again.  It would just be my immediate family. My fiance is also from a small family. His is even smaller than mine. That is one thing I am sort of thankful about. No great great aunt to come to the wedding. 
  • You most certainly don't have to invite them just because they are family but depending on how far a long you are with your planning stages you should never uninvite someone, for example if you already sent them save the dates. Good luck! I hope it works out in your favor!
  • A good friend said to me "nearest and dearest" There will be less than 100 at my wedding. Really 60. Grandparents have passed, No Aunts, uncles, just close friends and close family
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