Question About Plus 1's?

themosthappy91

So I'm just curious about the etiquette surrounding an issue I'm having and wondering what the correct line of thinking is.

When I asked my bridesmaids to be part of my wedding party I said upfront that I would love for them to bring plus 1's if they so desired.  Bridesmaid #1 is in a longterm committed relationship and will be bring her girlfriend (sidenote: it will be their first completely "out" event together, yay for them!).  Bridesmaid #2 is also in a longterm relationship but her boyfriend is a marine and will be stationed overseas at the time.  Bridesmaid #3 is single.

Ever since the day I got engaged Bridesmaid #3 has been obsessed with finding someone she can bring to the wedding.  She is very concerned that she won't possibly have a date by the time the day rolls around (looking more and more likely, since it's 4 months off by now).  The other day when we were discussing something related to the topic of plus 1's, she said something along the lines of "At the very least, I'll just bring [name of other female platonic friend]."

I thought this was rather surprising because I guess I sort of thought plus 1's were for romantic partner's only, not just to choose a friend to tag-along.  Am I incorrect in this thinking?  The friend in question that Bridesmaid #3 is supposedly planing to bring failing all else is a girl that I have met, but we aren't friends, nor is she friends with anyone else at the wedding.  Bridesmaid #1 is peeved because she feels like if Bridesmaid #3 brings a friend who is a girl, others will automatically assume that her girlfriend is also merely a "friend who is a girl" and that is obviously a little hard to swallow with this being their first big outing together (obviously she wouldn't make a huge deal of it, but I still feel for her).   

I guess I just felt a bit... annoyed is too strong a word, but I have lots of friends that I wish I could invite to my wedding but am choosing not to for budget reasons, so it felt a little off that some random friend of a friend would be there.  I guess practically speaking, not than different than if it were a new boyfriend, but still unusual to me.  

Thoughts?

JCbride2015

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

So I'm just curious about the etiquette surrounding an issue I'm having and wondering what the correct line of thinking is.

When I asked my bridesmaids to be part of my wedding party I said upfront that I would love for them to bring plus 1's if they so desired.  Bridesmaid #1 is in a longterm committed relationship and will be bring her girlfriend (sidenote: it will be their first completely "out" event together, yay for them!).  Bridesmaid #2 is also in a longterm relationship but her boyfriend is a marine and will be stationed overseas at the time.  Bridesmaid #3 is single.

Ever since the day I got engaged Bridesmaid #3 has been obsessed with finding someone she can bring to the wedding.  She is very concerned that she won't possibly have a date by the time the day rolls around (looking more and more likely, since it's 4 months off by now).  The other day when we were discussing something related to the topic of plus 1's, she said something along the lines of "At the very least, I'll just bring [name of other female platonic friend]."

I thought this was rather surprising because I guess I sort of thought plus 1's were for romantic partner's only, not just to choose a friend to tag-along.  Am I incorrect in this thinking?  The friend in question that Bridesmaid #3 is supposedly planing to bring failing all else is a girl that I have met, but we aren't friends, nor is she friends with anyone else at the wedding.  Bridesmaid #1 is peeved because she feels like if Bridesmaid #3 brings a friend who is a girl, others will automatically assume that her girlfriend is also merely a "friend who is a girl" and that is obviously a little hard to swallow with this being their first big outing together (obviously she wouldn't make a huge deal of it, but I still feel for her).   

I guess I just felt a bit... annoyed is too strong a word, but I have lots of friends that I wish I could invite to my wedding but am choosing not to for budget reasons, so it felt a little off that some random friend of a friend would be there.  I guess practically speaking, not than different than if it were a new boyfriend, but still unusual to me.  

Thoughts?

You're right with the bolded.  Plus 1 means she can bring anyone she wants.  It's a little annoying, but oh well.

sarals24

I mean, if you are giving her a plus one, you don't really get a say in who she brings. Either invite a date of hers by name, or suck it up and let her bring who she wants. I fail to see how her bringing a friend means anything in terms of your other friend's relationship. I'm guessing that two people there romantically will act much differently than two platonic friends.

manateehugger

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

So I'm just curious about the etiquette surrounding an issue I'm having and wondering what the correct line of thinking is.

When I asked my bridesmaids to be part of my wedding party I said upfront that I would love for them to bring plus 1's if they so desired.  Bridesmaid #1 is in a longterm committed relationship and will be bring her girlfriend (sidenote: it will be their first completely "out" event together, yay for them!).  Bridesmaid #2 is also in a longterm relationship but her boyfriend is a marine and will be stationed overseas at the time.  Bridesmaid #3 is single.

Ever since the day I got engaged Bridesmaid #3 has been obsessed with finding someone she can bring to the wedding.  She is very concerned that she won't possibly have a date by the time the day rolls around (looking more and more likely, since it's 4 months off by now).  The other day when we were discussing something related to the topic of plus 1's, she said something along the lines of "At the very least, I'll just bring [name of other female platonic friend]."

I thought this was rather surprising because I guess I sort of thought plus 1's were for romantic partner's only, not just to choose a friend to tag-along.  Am I incorrect in this thinking?  The friend in question that Bridesmaid #3 is supposedly planing to bring failing all else is a girl that I have met, but we aren't friends, nor is she friends with anyone else at the wedding.  Bridesmaid #1 is peeved because she feels like if Bridesmaid #3 brings a friend who is a girl, others will automatically assume that her girlfriend is also merely a "friend who is a girl" and that is obviously a little hard to swallow with this being their first big outing together (obviously she wouldn't make a huge deal of it, but I still feel for her).   

I guess I just felt a bit... annoyed is too strong a word, but I have lots of friends that I wish I could invite to my wedding but am choosing not to for budget reasons, so it felt a little off that some random friend of a friend would be there.  I guess practically speaking, not than different than if it were a new boyfriend, but still unusual to me.  

Thoughts?

Yes, you are incorrect. A plus one is just that - the opportunity to bring another individual. You do not get to dictate who that individual is or demand that the plus one be a romantic interest (what the what?).

Any romantic partners are not plus one's, are significant others and should be invited by name on the envelope (regardless of length of relationship - not your business).

I get that bridesmaid 1 is probably sensitive and nervous about bringing her girlfriend to a public event, but she needs a big dose of get over it. I wouldn't assume that bridesmaid 3's date is a girlfriend; even if people do, that should not effect bridesmaid 1's life or relationship. If she brought a male as a plus one, I wouldn't assume he was a boyfriend.

Tons of my single friends brought female friends. Others brought male friends that they had zero romantic interest in. This is a mountain out of a molehill.

themosthappy91

Thanks for the input ladies.  I just have never been to a wedding where this is done- plus 1's were always romantic significant others.  I was never planning on saying anything to Bridesmaid #3 about who she chooses to bring- as you all said, I extended an open plus 1 invitation.  This is just a surprising concept to me!

manateehugger

Significant others are not plus one's, they are significant others. Make sure you invite them by name!

steph861

I get why it's annoying - I'd be a little peeved too. But, as others have pointed out, you lose control over who your guests bring once you give them a +1.

mysticl

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

Thanks for the input ladies.  I just have never been to a wedding where this is done- plus 1's were always romantic significant others.  I was never planning on saying anything to Bridesmaid #3 about who she chooses to bring- as you all said, I extended an open plus 1 invitation.  This is just a surprising concept to me!

Are you absolutely sure about that?  Did you find out each and every couple's specific relationship status? There may have been platonic couples there that you just made assumptions about.  One of my friends has a guy friend who is her go to date for events if she isn't in a relationship (or if she is but her S/O isn't available).  They are not and never will be a couple but some people might make assumptions since he has attended several events with her.  

twitterbird

Its my understanding that if a guest has a SO you should invite them by name (bridemaid 1 and 2). If they are truly single then you can give them a plus one (which is highly suggested if they are in the bridal party) and from there they can bring who they want. If they want to bring a friend then they can bring a friend.

JaxInBlue

missax said:

Someone correct me if i'm off base but I don't think SOs should be lumped into the +1 category. SO's are guests that you are required to invite while +1's are a courtesy to guests who do not have a SO.

Just as a side note i'm confused why you keep saying "romantic significant other"? Is there any other kind?

This.  SOs and plus ones are not the same thing.  SOs are part of a social unit and get invited by name.  Plus ones are the option for truly single guests to bring a companion, romantic or not.  In my understanding, it's good to try to invite plus ones by name, but there is some room to leave the designation as "& guest" when the initial invitation is made.

I would not worry about it.  Just as you would invite the SO of either Bridesmaid 1 or 2 even if you didn't know them well, whoever Bridesmaid 3 brings doesn't have to be one of your very favorite people.  Be polite for the brief period you'll interact with her, be sure to get her name for table or escort cards if you use them, but otherwise don't worry about it. On your wedding day it's not your job to boost Bridesmaid 1's confidence or to ensure her that people will correctly interpret her relationship.

And I get feeling frustrated that someone more random will be at your wedding when you are leaving off other guests who you might now better, but it's honestly something most wedding couples deal with and hopefully your friends will understand that every guest list has to end someplace.

Marzipan13

I feel you, OP - a guest of ours (not anyone in the WP) is DESPERATE to find someone to bring.  Every time we run into him, he brings up the wedding & his search for a woman to join him.  His anxiousness to find someone is a bit weird to us though, because it's not as if he won't know anyone there - in fact, he's seated at a table entirely comprised of people he went to college with (and is friends with!).  But, whoever he brings, he brings - that's the moral of both our stories.  It is annoying, but ...ehh, we'll be having our own fun! 

novella1186

PDKH said:

Significant others are not plus one's, they are significant others. Make sure you invite them by name!

This! I personally think it's a little bit rude of BM3 to bring a friend. A wedding is not a frat party. But she's totally free to do so if she gets a plus 1. If you don't want plus 1's then don't allow plus 1's, but the SO of BM1 would still be included because she's an SO. Are there any single groomsmen? Can you just set up BM3 with one of them?

MegEn1

Two things:

1. +1s can be great for people who don't know a lot of other people at the wedding aside from the bride/groom. I went to a wedding in Las Vegas and was offered a +1 because I wouldn't know anyone else there but the bride and her sister/moh. My boyfriend (now FI) was deployed at the time so I brought an old friend - someone who the bride and I had actually grown up with. It was great fun, and we all hung out together leading up to the wedding. It made it so much more enjoyable for me.

2. Does your BMs friend know other people at the wedding? BMs are often quite busy at weddings - photos, spending time with the bride as she's getting ready, etc. Your BMs friend may be left hanging out alone if she doesn't know other people - no fun at all! Just something to keep in mind. 

lilacck28

I was a plus 1 guest of my female friend. She was really nervous about going to a wedding alone where she really didn't know very many people besides the bride. And the people she did know, she didn't really get along with. She was originally going to bring her bf, but they (thankfully) broke up. 

I am NOT going to extend plus ones to my wedding party/ friends because I'm trying to keep numbers down and we are all part of a very close friend group where social anxiety issues aren't a problem (and they live near each other or near my venue, so traveling also won't be an issue. ETA: as of now, only of them are coupled up, so that also won't be an issue, see post below.) However, there may be a few people I invite who I will extend a plus one to, as they won't really know anyone besides FI and me. I would expect that person to bring a friend-- in my opinion, that's the purpose of a plus one. To bring a friend to feel comfortable and have a better time at the wedding. 

I actually think bringing a date, that is just some new person that my friend brought just so s/he could have a traditional "date", kind of defeats the purpose. Obviously, the decision to bring a "date" or a friend is up to the person with the plus one, but if I were you, I'd be even more happy that my friend was possibly bringing her own friend instead of a random guy. 

mysticl

Marzipan13 said:

I feel you, OP - a guest of ours (not anyone in the WP) is DESPERATE to find someone to bring.  Every time we run into him, he brings up the wedding & his search for a woman to join him.  His anxiousness to find someone is a bit weird to us though, because it's not as if he won't know anyone there - in fact, he's seated at a table entirely comprised of people he went to college with (and is friends with!).  But, whoever he brings, he brings - that's the moral of both our stories.  It is annoying, but ...ehh, we'll be having our own fun! 

Because even if you know people at the wedding it can be awkward if you are there alone and the rest are coupled up.  And there is something about watching a couple get married that can really make your single status sting.  

novella1186

missax said:

novella1186 said:

PDKH said:

Significant others are not plus one's, they are significant others. Make sure you invite them by name!

This! I personally think it's a little bit rude of BM3 to bring a friend. A wedding is not a frat party. But she's totally free to do so if she gets a plus 1. If you don't want plus 1's then don't allow plus 1's, but the SO of BM1 would still be included because she's an SO. Are there any single groomsmen? Can you just set up BM3 with one of them?

I don't understand this at all. If she's not in a relationship who else would she bring? Being annoyed, upset, or confused by single guests bringing a friend as a +1 is truly baffling to me.

ETA - I didn't get past the 1st sentence of the post before I felt the need to respond but now that i've read the whole thing i'd like to add something. Please do not set BM3 up with a GM just to avoid her bringing a friend as a plus one. This is horrible advice.

Maybe "set up" was the wrong choice of words. All I meant was, if she can't find someone to bring, it might make her feel better if a GM is also going stag. One of my BMs is coming in from out of town and she's single, and she is choosing not to bring a +1. She was worried about being the only single on in the wedding party, and I told her not to worry cuz a couple other BMs and GMs are also single, so she won't need to feel left out and can hang out with everybody without feeling like a third wheel.

manateehugger

I still don't understand why this is annoying or even remotely a concern of the bride. Is it really that irritating to you to allow one of your closest friends to bring someone to talk to and hang out with? Why is it annoying that she's choosing to bring someone sans penis? Or sans "I'd like to date you" feelings? How is that even the bride's business once she's extended a plus one? And the groomsman tangent makes zero sense. Someone nervous about going by herself isn't going to be made less anxious by you saying, "Don't worry, I know a single guy you could hook up with!"

Marzipan13

mysticl said:

Marzipan13 said:

I feel you, OP - a guest of ours (not anyone in the WP) is DESPERATE to find someone to bring.  Every time we run into him, he brings up the wedding & his search for a woman to join him.  His anxiousness to find someone is a bit weird to us though, because it's not as if he won't know anyone there - in fact, he's seated at a table entirely comprised of people he went to college with (and is friends with!).  But, whoever he brings, he brings - that's the moral of both our stories.  It is annoying, but ...ehh, we'll be having our own fun! 

Because even if you know people at the wedding it can be awkward if you are there alone and the rest are coupled up.  And there is something about watching a couple get married that can really make your single status sting.  

Yes, that's true, and I understand that (which is why we gave everyone +1s!).  It's just odd that he talks about finding a girl to bring like it's the end of the world.  It's like his mission in life currently to bring a girl to our wedding, some way, some how.

mysticl

Marzipan13 said:

mysticl said:

Marzipan13 said:

I feel you, OP - a guest of ours (not anyone in the WP) is DESPERATE to find someone to bring.  Every time we run into him, he brings up the wedding & his search for a woman to join him.  His anxiousness to find someone is a bit weird to us though, because it's not as if he won't know anyone there - in fact, he's seated at a table entirely comprised of people he went to college with (and is friends with!).  But, whoever he brings, he brings - that's the moral of both our stories.  It is annoying, but ...ehh, we'll be having our own fun! 

Because even if you know people at the wedding it can be awkward if you are there alone and the rest are coupled up.  And there is something about watching a couple get married that can really make your single status sting.  

Yes, that's true, and I understand that (which is why we gave everyone +1s!).  It's just odd that he talks about finding a girl to bring like it's the end of the world.  It's like his mission in life currently to bring a girl to our wedding, some way, some how.

That could be an extension of his wanting to be in a relationship and the wedding is just a concrete date he can focus on for finding said relationship.  

themosthappy91

MegEn1 said:

Two things:

1. +1s can be great for people who don't know a lot of other people at the wedding aside from the bride/groom. I went to a wedding in Las Vegas and was offered a +1 because I wouldn't know anyone else there but the bride and her sister/moh. My boyfriend (now FI) was deployed at the time so I brought an old friend - someone who the bride and I had actually grown up with. It was great fun, and we all hung out together leading up to the wedding. It made it so much more enjoyable for me.

2. Does your BMs friend know other people at the wedding? BMs are often quite busy at weddings - photos, spending time with the bride as she's getting ready, etc. Your BMs friend may be left hanging out alone if she doesn't know other people - no fun at all! Just something to keep in mind. 

I don't know why it keeps making me type in the box... oh well.  Anyway, THIS is more along the lines of what I was thinking- BM is 1) obviously going to be busier than a normal guest just being a bridesmaid (she actually personally has volunteered to be on "drunk duty" - meaning trying to prevent others from overindulging/making sure me and the groom aren't the ones having to take care of them if they do... not a small task with our crowd :P) and 2) she (BM) is very close with tons of other people at our wedding so presumably she'll be wanting to socialize with them for some portion of the night.  So honestly I thought it was a strange idea for the sake of BM's +1, because she doesn't know anyone else at the wedding and might be kind of awkwardly left hanging out for a lot of the night.  Is it worth mentioning this concern to BM before she invites her friend?

Also sorry for the confusion about +1 vs. S.O. - I was using them interchangeably in this case to mean "a person I do not necessarily know that well but am including for the sake of someone I am close to", but obviously I will be including long-term significant others (by long-term I mean people who are currently in a relationship at the time we send the invites) by name on the invitation.  

All of the weddings I've been to have been small family affairs so I'm absolutely positive no one there brought anyone who wasn't romantically attached to them, so I suppose this is just a concept I've never been exposed to.  Not saying it's wrong (though I do stand by feeling that it's an odd choice in this case, for the above-stated reasons), it's just not something I would think to do!

 

mysticl

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

MegEn1 said:

Two things:

1. +1s can be great for people who don't know a lot of other people at the wedding aside from the bride/groom. I went to a wedding in Las Vegas and was offered a +1 because I wouldn't know anyone else there but the bride and her sister/moh. My boyfriend (now FI) was deployed at the time so I brought an old friend - someone who the bride and I had actually grown up with. It was great fun, and we all hung out together leading up to the wedding. It made it so much more enjoyable for me.

2. Does your BMs friend know other people at the wedding? BMs are often quite busy at weddings - photos, spending time with the bride as she's getting ready, etc. Your BMs friend may be left hanging out alone if she doesn't know other people - no fun at all! Just something to keep in mind. 

I don't know why it keeps making me type in the box... oh well.  Anyway, THIS is more along the lines of what I was thinking- BM is 1) obviously going to be busier than a normal guest just being a bridesmaid (she actually personally has volunteered to be on "drunk duty" - meaning trying to prevent others from overindulging/making sure me and the groom aren't the ones having to take care of them if they do... not a small task with our crowd :P) and 2) she (BM) is very close with tons of other people at our wedding so presumably she'll be wanting to socialize with them for some portion of the night.  So honestly I thought it was a strange idea for the sake of BM's +1, because she doesn't know anyone else at the wedding and might be kind of awkwardly left hanging out for a lot of the night.  Is it worth mentioning this concern to BM before she invites her friend?

Also sorry for the confusion about +1 vs. S.O. - I was using them interchangeably in this case to mean "a person I do not necessarily know that well but am including for the sake of someone I am close to", but obviously I will be including long-term significant others (by long-term I mean people who are currently in a relationship at the time we send the invites) by name on the invitation.  

All of the weddings I've been to have been small family affairs so I'm absolutely positive no one there brought anyone who wasn't romantically attached to them, so I suppose this is just a concept I've never been exposed to.  Not saying it's wrong (though I do stand by feeling that it's an odd choice in this case, for the above-stated reasons), it's just not something I would think to do!

 

No. You gave her a plus one, she gets to bring someone.  You expressing "concern" over the person not having anyone to talk to will only make it sound like you are trying to take back the invitation,  

dramamonkey

For my wedding - MOH (my BFF) brought her younger (by two years) brother as her plus one

BM1 came with her husband

BM2 came with her husband

BM3 brought a mutual college friend, whom I probably otherwise wouldn't have invited. In fact, I suggested this girl as her "plus 1" 

manateehugger

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

MegEn1 said:

Two things:

1. +1s can be great for people who don't know a lot of other people at the wedding aside from the bride/groom. I went to a wedding in Las Vegas and was offered a +1 because I wouldn't know anyone else there but the bride and her sister/moh. My boyfriend (now FI) was deployed at the time so I brought an old friend - someone who the bride and I had actually grown up with. It was great fun, and we all hung out together leading up to the wedding. It made it so much more enjoyable for me.

2. Does your BMs friend know other people at the wedding? BMs are often quite busy at weddings - photos, spending time with the bride as she's getting ready, etc. Your BMs friend may be left hanging out alone if she doesn't know other people - no fun at all! Just something to keep in mind. 

I don't know why it keeps making me type in the box... oh well.  Anyway, THIS is more along the lines of what I was thinking- BM is 1) obviously going to be busier than a normal guest just being a bridesmaid (she actually personally has volunteered to be on "drunk duty" - meaning trying to prevent others from overindulging/making sure me and the groom aren't the ones having to take care of them if they do... not a small task with our crowd :P) and 2) she (BM) is very close with tons of other people at our wedding so presumably she'll be wanting to socialize with them for some portion of the night.  So honestly I thought it was a strange idea for the sake of BM's +1, because she doesn't know anyone else at the wedding and might be kind of awkwardly left hanging out for a lot of the night.  Is it worth mentioning this concern to BM before she invites her friend?

Also sorry for the confusion about +1 vs. S.O. - I was using them interchangeably in this case to mean "a person I do not necessarily know that well but am including for the sake of someone I am close to", but obviously I will be including long-term significant others (by long-term I mean people who are currently in a relationship at the time we send the invites) by name on the invitation.  

All of the weddings I've been to have been small family affairs so I'm absolutely positive no one there brought anyone who wasn't romantically attached to them, so I suppose this is just a concept I've never been exposed to.  Not saying it's wrong (though I do stand by feeling that it's an odd choice in this case, for the above-stated reasons), it's just not something I would think to do!

 

You get stuck in the box because TK's formatting sucks. If you see "SITB" in a post, someone got stuck and is trying to divide what they are quoting from what they are saying. It's annoying.

Anyway:
1. Why do you need someone on drunk duty that's not a paid worker? This is your bartenders' job and liability. Please don't encourage or let her do this to herself; it's not her job. Just say, "Hey, this is what I hired people for. I just want you to enjoy yourself!"

2. I'm still confused. Are you concerned because the platonic friend your BM wants to bring doesn't know anyone? If so, no, don't say anything. The BM is allowed to bring whomever she chooses. It doesn't matter if the friend doesn't know other people - she knows your BM and is there to keep her company. I've brought H to weddings where he knows virtually no one, and that's fine because he's there for me, not for anyone else.

ETA: One of my bridesmaids is married, but her H (supposed to be a GM) was deployed during our wedding. I told her to bring someone along if she wanted some company. She brought a girlfriend I vaguely knew from college; I doubt this girl knew many other people at our wedding because she wasn't in my or H's friend groups in college. It was fine and seriously didn't matter. You're getting worked up and concerned over nothing.

JaxInBlue

Agree with mystic.  Let this play out for now.  You've got 4 months.  Since she doesn't need to decide on the plus one now, just let her continue to mull it over.  In three months, when it's closer to RSVP time, she may decide on the friend, or to come alone, or may even have an SO. 

Also, since it sounds like she's agreed to play Bad Cop if necessary (IMO, not her job, something to plan out with your venue) I would definitely allow her to bring someone.  She's volunteering to go the extra mile and if she wants to gave a platonic friend with her, maybe that will make things more fun for her while everyone else is living it up at the bar.

themosthappy91

PDKH said:

ElizabethAdeline91 said:

MegEn1 said:

Two things:

1. +1s can be great for people who don't know a lot of other people at the wedding aside from the bride/groom. I went to a wedding in Las Vegas and was offered a +1 because I wouldn't know anyone else there but the bride and her sister/moh. My boyfriend (now FI) was deployed at the time so I brought an old friend - someone who the bride and I had actually grown up with. It was great fun, and we all hung out together leading up to the wedding. It made it so much more enjoyable for me.

2. Does your BMs friend know other people at the wedding? BMs are often quite busy at weddings - photos, spending time with the bride as she's getting ready, etc. Your BMs friend may be left hanging out alone if she doesn't know other people - no fun at all! Just something to keep in mind. 

I don't know why it keeps making me type in the box... oh well.  Anyway, THIS is more along the lines of what I was thinking- BM is 1) obviously going to be busier than a normal guest just being a bridesmaid (she actually personally has volunteered to be on "drunk duty" - meaning trying to prevent others from overindulging/making sure me and the groom aren't the ones having to take care of them if they do... not a small task with our crowd :P) and 2) she (BM) is very close with tons of other people at our wedding so presumably she'll be wanting to socialize with them for some portion of the night.  So honestly I thought it was a strange idea for the sake of BM's +1, because she doesn't know anyone else at the wedding and might be kind of awkwardly left hanging out for a lot of the night.  Is it worth mentioning this concern to BM before she invites her friend?

Also sorry for the confusion about +1 vs. S.O. - I was using them interchangeably in this case to mean "a person I do not necessarily know that well but am including for the sake of someone I am close to", but obviously I will be including long-term significant others (by long-term I mean people who are currently in a relationship at the time we send the invites) by name on the invitation.  

All of the weddings I've been to have been small family affairs so I'm absolutely positive no one there brought anyone who wasn't romantically attached to them, so I suppose this is just a concept I've never been exposed to.  Not saying it's wrong (though I do stand by feeling that it's an odd choice in this case, for the above-stated reasons), it's just not something I would think to do!

 

You get stuck in the box because TK's formatting sucks. If you see "SITB" in a post, someone got stuck and is trying to divide what they are quoting from what they are saying. It's annoying.

Anyway:
1. Why do you need someone on drunk duty that's not a paid worker? This is your bartenders' job and liability. Please don't encourage or let her do this to herself; it's not her job. Just say, "Hey, this is what I hired people for. I just want you to enjoy yourself!"

2. I'm still confused. Are you concerned because the platonic friend your BM wants to bring doesn't know anyone? If so, no, don't say anything. The BM is allowed to bring whomever she chooses. It doesn't matter if the friend doesn't know other people - she knows your BM and is there to keep her company. I've brought H to weddings where he knows virtually no one, and that's fine because he's there for me, not for anyone else.

ETA: One of my bridesmaids is married, but her H (supposed to be a GM) was deployed during our wedding. I told her to bring someone along if she wanted some company. She brought a girlfriend I vaguely knew from college; I doubt this girl knew many other people at our wedding because she wasn't in my or H's friend groups in college. It was fine and seriously didn't matter. You're getting worked up and concerned over nothing.


1. Oh I was saying that more as a funny little aside, like "she might have her hands full!" I don't really expect that to be her responsibility and would intervene if she really took that upon herself.

2. I promise I'm not worked up at all! I think my original phrasing in the initial post was "I'm curious"... which is really the level of intensity I'm approaching the whole issue with. My experience is merely that of one person and I always like seeing what others think about these sorts of things .

AddieCake

If you give someone a plus one, you shouldn't care who they bring unless it's someone dangerous. It affects nothing.