Is my wedding tacky?

cambryn

My grandmother, who raised me, has been a complete nut-case since my engagement. I think it's because she is poor and can't help much with the wedding- but my absentee parents have stepped up- my dad actually helping with money- and my mom being super supportive, catering the event, and having fun dress shopping etc. My grandmother is a notoriously nit-picky person who is very good at belittling me and making me feel ugly- so I didn't bring her to the dress shopping. I think she is feeling left out- so I keep giving her things to be 'in charge of': the 6 flower girls dresses, baskets, priest, floral arrangements- she's basically my go to person on all of those. She likes that a lot- but anything she hasn't had a hand in is deemed 'tacky.'

I keep getting reassurances from others that my ideas are sound,

But despite this, I listen to her, and am worried she's right- even though everybody else (including a friend of ours from Project Runway) loved the choices I've made- she raised me- and she's making me second guess everything. 

INTERNET PEOPLE- IS IT TACKY? OR IS GRAN JUST BEING SPITEFUL?

When she saw the dress on me, she said it was tacky and cheap looking. Currently sleeveless, but we're going to add tulle sleevelet things. She wanted something with lots of rhinstones on the top and ruching... 

Terrible pic, but here is the dress I chose:

 

When she saw the bridesmaids dresses she criticized the colors, saying they aren't bright enough for a November wedding.

When she heard I was going with traditional linen ivory table clothes, she again said it sounded tacky. 

It's going with something similar to the following flowers, and general place setting (only the runner would most likel be a subtle sage color- as there were no affordable wooden tables in the area and a table cloth is required) Gran thinks I should have table clothes the same color as my flowers...

Please just tell me the truth. I'm rattled and need to hear from people who have no reason to lie to me.

Edited to Add: DRESS AND BRIDESMAID DRESS COLORS ATTACHED

AlexisA01

cambryn said:

My grandmother, who raised me, has been a complete nut-case since my engagement. I think it's because she is poor and can't help much with the wedding- but my absentee parents have stepped up- my dad actually helping with money- and my mom being super supportive, catering the event, and having fun dress shopping etc. My grandmother is a notoriously nit-picky person who is very good at belittling me and making me feel ugly- so I didn't bring her to the dress shopping. I think she is feeling left out- so I keep giving her things to be 'in charge of': the 6 flower girls dresses, baskets, priest, floral arrangements- she's basically my go to person on all of those. She likes that a lot- but anything she hasn't had a hand in is deemed 'tacky.'

I keep getting reassurances from others that my ideas are sound,

But despite this, I listen to her, and am worried she's right- even though everybody else (including a friend of ours from Project Runway) loved the choices I've made- she raised me- and she's making me second guess everything. 

INTERNET PEOPLE- IS IT TACKY? OR IS GRAN JUST BEING SPITEFUL?

When she saw the dress on me, she said it was tacky and cheap looking. Currently sleeveless, but we're going to add tulle sleevelet things. She wanted something with lots of rhinstones on the top and ruching... 

Terrible pic, but here is the dress I chose:

 

When she saw the bridesmaids dresses she criticized the colors, saying they aren't bright enough for a November wedding.

When she heard I was going with traditional linen ivory table clothes, she again said it sounded tacky. 

It's going with something similar to the following flowers, and general place setting (only the runner would most likel be a subtle sage color- as there were no affordable wooden tables in the area and a table cloth is required) Gran thinks I should have table clothes the same color as my flowers...

Please just tell me the truth. I'm rattled and need to hear from people who have no reason to lie to me.

Some of the photos do not show up. It says broken link. Personally you should not have discussed your wedding with to begin with. Bean Dipping her would have worked well before you assigned tasks for her to do. 

QueerFemme

I can't see your dress or the bridesmaid dress. But even so, I'd have a conversation with granny and tell her to please stop referring to your wedding as tacky.

CMGragain

Tacky = trying to do too much with too little.

Non-tacky wedding = bride, groom, officiant, license, witnesses.
Non-tacky reception = homemade cake, punch, coffee.  Cloth tablecloths are nice, and flowers, too.

Very tacky =  spending more than you can afford to try and impress people.

Stop listening to Granny.  She is toxic.

sarahufl

I personally think your dress is beautiful and granny is being mean.

Stop talking to her about it and move along with your plans.

ElcaB

First, let me just say I am seriously crushing on your BM dress colors. I think they'll look amazing! 

Your dress is not my style, but I think it looks lovely. I think a belt would really enhance the look, though, and take it up a few notches. 

Grandma needs to butt out. Stop giving her so much to comment on. 

MegEn1

I hope it's not tacky - those are super similar to my wedding colors! Navy, Maroon, Silver, and White!  

And my wedding is in October. 

doeydo

scribe95 said:

Does Granny know what tacky means?

Maybe she thinks it a cool young person word, like "phat". 

zitiqueen

Six flower girls?

climbingsingle

None of that is tacky. She needs to chill the eff out.

tammym1001

So Granny raised you and now probably one of the biggest moments of your  life so far is coming and your parents have stepped in to help you plan and pay for it? It sounds to me like granny is probably feeling slighted that she isn't getting this time with you especially since she raised you while, I'm assuming, your parents were not in the picture. 

I don't think your wedding is tacky, but maybe give granny a break because it sounds like her feelings are really hurt that all of a sudden your parents want to be a part of your life. 

abbyj700

I honestly hate the term tacky as used to describe others weddings. As long as you host your guests correctly - all's fair in love and weddings. We're having a  Halloween costume party with a food truck for our rehearsal dinner and I"m sure tons of people would think that's tacky- guess what? The secret is to love what you pick and stick with it. 

I honestly think there is more to this than wedding colors and dresses. She raised you. And even you state that your parents are/were absentee. Maybe take her out to dinner, express how much you love her and the things she's done for you throughout her life and talk to her about her for a while - perhaps her wedding/first love/family/being a wife/etc. Switch up the dynamic to be about her.

NavyBlue143

My mom did this. With her, tacky = not what I want/ it wasn't my idea so I don't like it.

If what H and I wanted conflicted with what she wanted, it was tacky. We did it anyway because we were paying. I STILL get compliments on our wedding, and it was two years ago. Everyone was comfortable and properly hosted. So your Gran is probably just trying to get her way. Tell her you won't share details anymore if she's going to disparage them. And stick to it. It worked with my mother.

southernbelle0915

Why on God's green earth do you keep talking about your wedding with her?

Just stop. And her mindless, inappropriate insults will stop. To quote the ever-wise @beethery "Don't start none, won't be none." Same idea anyway... I just liked the quote.

And FTR - I don't think your choices are "tacky". Tacky is doing rude shit like having a cash bar and cutesy poems that have a rude message.

beethery

southernbelle0915 said:

Why on God's green earth do you keep talking about your wedding with her?

Just stop. And her mindless, inappropriate insults will stop. To quote the ever-wise @beethery "Don't start none, won't be none." Same idea anyway... I just liked the quote.

And FTR - I don't think your choices are "tacky". Tacky is doing rude shit like having a cash bar and cutesy poems that have a rude message.

Oh man, I wish I could take credit for that, but I think one of the original purveyors of this message was Nas.

StitelME

I honestly don't have much else to add. The PPs pretty much cover it. Grandma's probably feeling a little hurt and in need of some time with you. Reassure her that, just because your parents are suddenly back in the picture, doesn't mean you love or appreciate her any less.

cambryn

zitiqueen said:

Six flower girls?

STUCK IN BOX  Yes, six! :P We have a lot of nieces and my little cousin, and it would upset the girls to have only some of them get to participate, as they are all 3-7 years old. Fi has two brothers- but they have 5 girls between them- and then I have my four year old cousin who wants to be in the wedding like her older sisters (who are bridesmaids.) Kids going crazy with flowers should be cute and fun. 

StitelME said:

I honestly don't have much else to add. The PPs pretty much cover it. Grandma's probably feeling a little hurt and in need of some time with you. Reassure her that, just because your parents are suddenly back in the picture, doesn't mean you love or appreciate her any less.

I had a talk with my gran and explained the situation, and told her just that. Said something along there lines: 

"'I think you feel that you're being left out of things, and so some of your comments are coming from a  place of hurt, rather than you thinking I've actually made bad decisions. I love you and of course want you involved in all of this. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way. I love you and want your input.

Mom was there for dresses because we've always done clothes shopping well together with no friction. You've always hated clothes shopping, so I was just trying to make it easier- not leave you out. 

I really feel you'll grow to like the decisions I've made, but hope you can be nicer about decisions you don't agree with. If they are already finalized it makes me get insecure and feel bad when you say it's 'tacky' or speak disdainfully. You raised me to have taste, and I think you know that you can trust my judgement- just as I trust yours."

She said she was sorry for being snarky- said she actually did like everything- but wants to do some dress alterations (we already were, but whatever...) and that she wants this to be nothing but a good and happy time for me and did not want to do anything to make it a negative experience fo rme.

All in all, good talk- she is feeling comforted- and I'm feeling better.

Weddings are a fucking emotional minefield! 

I wish I had my Fi's family- nothing but boys who don't give a crap about decisions, and are supportive of everything. Best future in-laws ever.

mrscomposer

Saying your dress was tacky shot my eyebrows up - I picked the same dress (isn't it the most?  I just want to wear it all the time).  I am wearing just a simple ivory sash with it, though, to make more of a break.

I think the conversation you had with her sounds awesome.  Well done for being tactful and loving

csaville

Who gives a shit what someone who isnt the bride or groom thinks?! Its YOUR wedding! You get do to do what you want and if they dont like it then they dont have to attend. Its tacky to make comments about someone elses wedding choices. You do what you like and screw everyone else. 

MegEn1

csaville said:

Who gives a shit what someone who isnt the bride or groom thinks?! Its YOUR wedding! You get do to do what you want and if they dont like it then they dont have to attend. Its tacky to make comments about someone elses wedding choices. You do what you like and screw everyone else. 

Be careful here ... those are often the words used by people who embrace bad etiquette and treat their guests poorly because 'I'm the bride, what I want goes no matter what.' Not saying you meant it this way or that, but some Knotties might take this the wrong way.

That said, if you want to have a Renaissance-themed dress at a wedding complete with Time Lord and lightsaber battle - GO! And please invite me.

http://leodjphoto.com/blog/2013/09/maryland-science-center-wedding-photography-baltimore-heather-mauno/

[Deleted User]

You look beautiful in your dress and you look happy in it. Just because it doesn't have the bling that gran would go for, does not mean in any way that it is tacky. I like the idea of your table clothes being a different color then the flowers, it will help the flowers pop & show off. In regards to your BM color, it is November and that is fall. I think the darker colors are perfect for that time of year. I was a November Bride myself and my girls wore dark brown. We had a punch of color with their flowers. I had sunflowers put in along with some other brighter colored flowers and they looked great against the girls dark dresses.

moonpowder

It's simple, everything is tacky at some point.

Take a deep breath and that's it.

If you like it, it's perfect.

Tacky is like sexy, it's in the eyes of the beholder. 

So even if your wedding dress is made of white suede, ivory stretchy velvet. Accent of purple rhinestones. Rosette made of ''green camo''. A red, green and orange sash paired to a dried blue flower bouquet. People who loves you will see you glow. Including you, and your husband.

So don't worry. Be happy.

[Deleted User]

Awww--poor thing--everything looks beautiful. Is Gramma always nit-picky and making you feel bad? Then I'd say the problem is mainly within Granny herself. Is it mostly about the wedding? Then I'd say her feelings are hurt or she's stressing because she can't help you more with $$. I think you're doing the right thing by giving her tasks to help you out. Let her know you value her opinion and love her. If she's always belittling you, then let that tacky roll right off your back. It can be hurtful when we want someone's approval and can't seem to get it, but that's when you need to believe in yourself. A grown woman can choose her own wedding colors, dress, whatever--and whatever they are, if you love it, that's what matters. ; )