Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unplugged Wedding Phrasing?

So I've browsed around on this forum long enough to get the impression that the concept of having an unplugged ceremony is NOT super popular around here. Never the less, I'm hoping y'all can help me out. I am set on having an "unplugged" ceremony, i.e. in some way indicating that we would prefer that people not take pictures during the ceremony. This has nothing to do with wanting our guests to "be in the moment" or whatever the usual rationale (in my experience at least) is- I consider this to be a practical requirement in our case after having attended several weddings on my fiance's side of the family where people taking photos got way out of control and distracting. I love my fiance's family, but it seems like they have no common sense when it comes to this issue- standing up to get a shot, moving up to the front of the church to get a shot, leaving on flashes and "clicking" noises (you know, the sound camera phones make when they take pictures). Long story short they take it to a whole other level. So I feel we have a real need for an unplugged wedding here and I am trying to decide the most polite way to make our wishes apparent on this matter. Cute sign at the front of the chapel? Note in the programs? Have the officiant say something? Putting aside that many of you probably won't love this idea in general, if you HAD to have an unplugged wedding, what do you think is the best way to do it?

Re: Unplugged Wedding Phrasing?

  • I did have paragraphs, sorry ladies...
  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    TRUST ME, you won't notice. I say this from experience. My sister and my friend had their ipads up the whole time filming. I had no clue Tons of pics were taken of me that I had no idea were taken. You will be busy. TRUST ME, you will be busy..

    I heard no clicks, I heard no noise...you will not notice.

    and this is a true story:

    We didn't hire a videographer. Instead, my sister in law agreed to tapedit. Guess what? She forgot to hit record, so THANK GOD others DID video tape it because otherwise I would not have had any record of us at the church....

    If it is a church requirement, you can put in a note saying "church prohibits use of flash photography" but that is about it.

    And I agree with others, some will just plain out ignore the rule anyway


  • So I've browsed around on this forum long enough to get the impression that the concept of having an unplugged ceremony is NOT super popular around here. Never the less, I'm hoping y'all can help me out. I am set on having an "unplugged" ceremony, i.e. in some way indicating that we would prefer that people not take pictures during the ceremony. This has nothing to do with wanting our guests to "be in the moment" or whatever the usual rationale (in my experience at least) is- I consider this to be a practical requirement in our case after having attended several weddings on my fiance's side of the family where people taking photos got way out of control and distracting. I love my fiance's family, but it seems like they have no common sense when it comes to this issue- standing up to get a shot, moving up to the front of the church to get a shot, leaving on flashes and "clicking" noises (you know, the sound camera phones make when they take pictures). Long story short they take it to a whole other level. So I feel we have a real need for an unplugged wedding here and I am trying to decide the most polite way to make our wishes apparent on this matter. Cute sign at the front of the chapel? Note in the programs? Have the officiant say something? Putting aside that many of you probably won't love this idea in general, if you HAD to have an unplugged wedding, what do you think is the best way to do it?

    Let it goooooooo
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  • Oh I'm sure I won't notice it, but I know, having been in the guest's seat many times, that it really takes away from the event for the rest of the audience.  Like not even "takes away from" in the sense that like, it's a little distracting when someone is getting up and moving around during the ceremony (which to me is just beyond comprehension anyway), but more in the sense of my view of the ceremony has literally been blocked by someone standing up and craning around because they want to take a picture.  

    They honestly aren't bad people- I just don't think they realize how what they are doing comes across.  So my motivation here is to make a solid attempt to bring it to their attention and hope for the best!  Like I said, for better or for worse we are 100% decided we are going to address it in some way- I just would like to do it in the best way possible!
  • missax said:
    Oh I'm sure I won't notice it, but I know, having been in the guest's seat many times, that it really takes away from the event for the rest of the audience.  Like not even "takes away from" in the sense that like, it's a little distracting when someone is getting up and moving around during the ceremony (which to me is just beyond comprehension anyway), but more in the sense of my view of the ceremony has literally been blocked by someone standing up and craning around because they want to take a picture.  

    They honestly aren't bad people- I just don't think they realize how what they are doing comes across.  So my motivation here is to make a solid attempt to bring it to their attention and hope for the best!  Like I said, for better or for worse we are 100% decided we are going to address it in some way- I just would like to do it in the best way possible!
    I'm going to assume that if some people are rude enough to get up to take pictures during the ceremony they'll have no problem ignoring the unplugged announcement.
    I know, that's my fear too- but I'm determined to try to do something.  
  • Another vote for I think they won't pay attention if they're that rude anyway-- but if you must, just have the officiant say something quick at the beginning of the ceremony.  

    I like Daria's wording: ""Please make sure all ringers are turned off, and please refrain from taking photos until after the ceremony."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • It does not matter why you are doing it, whether it's being in the moment or because you don't want to be distracted, you will still sound like a control freak.
  • If you feel you have to make a cute little sign to lessen the blow, you shouldn't be doing whatever it is you want to do. If these guests are truly that rude and thoughtless, don't invite them. Problem solved.
  • I also like Daria's wording. That is about as much as you can do.
  • My priest will be saying something as he thinks it disrespectful for people to be taking photographs in church and not paying attention. Fine with me actually. I think its shocking that people STILL have to be reminded to turn phones off/ringer off during things like weddings and funerals.
  • Poetry. When you want to be controlling but you still want to seem nice and cute, a poem is the best way to accomplish this. If the underlying message is REALLY controlling, like telling people what they can and can't do with their personal property (their phones), it's best to add lots of smiley faces an exclamation points. 

    I may help you write this poem once I've had my coffee and put my snarky pants on.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Use Daria's wording at the beginning of the ceremony.  Are you having your wedding where there is a traditional center aisle and guests can enter their seats from the sides?  If so you can also rope off the center aisle, so that no one can walk on it.  All your guests would need to enter from the side. 
  • Another vote for Daria's wording, and in total agreement with PPs that those who are intent on taking pictures will do so regardless of what is said.

    If your venue has a no pictures during the ceremony requirement (a few churches around us do), I would tell the family gossip on each side and let them spread the word, or, if you have a website, link to the venue's policy, as you might if your reception venue required men to wear jackets or whatnot.  I would not make up a policy or stretch the truth, though, I would only do this if it was an on-the-books policy.
    image
    Anniversary


  • Why wait until the ceremony to bring it up to your FI's family? Perhaps he can spread the word ahead of time that he doesn't want photos during the ceremony.
  • Why wait until the ceremony to bring it up to your FI's family? Perhaps he can spread the word ahead of time that he doesn't want photos during the ceremony.
    This is also a good idea. People may be more likely to comply/show a little consideration if the officiant's announcement isn't the first time they're hearing the request. 

    This is only marginally related, but people who take photos/video with iPads are just...the biggest dorks. Put that shit down, you look ridiculous!
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • Why can't your FI just talk to his family about their behavior? He could just say, "we love you but you get a little to enthusiastic when taking pictures at weddings, we'd really appreciate it if you could tone it down a little. Of course you can take pictures just make sure not to block anyone else's view."

    Maybe they don't know how rude they are because no one's ever bothered to say "Hey you're kinda of in everyone's way, could you tone it down?"

    I don't think you could try to control all of your guests because you have a few who might be rude and would probably be rude no matter what announcements are made.


  • Thank you all so much, I love the ideas! It seems like for sure the best thing to do is have the officiant say something, and I'd never even thought of the ribbon idea but that would help A LOT. I think we also will try to have a before-hand convo with at least the immeadiate fam, along the lines of what bethsmiles was saying.

    I was a bit concerned posting this here that, because many people do not like this concept, I would just get a million responses just saying "don't try to control your guests etc" (which is why I tried to make it clear upfront that whether or not we say or do SOMETHING isn't up for debate right now, for better or worse). I am so pleased that by-and-large this wasn't the case and so many of you had great suggestions about phrasing, who it should come from, and other creative solutions. Thank you for actually answering my question and trying to understand my situation!

    And finally, zitiqueen, I don't know how this works in your family but in mine I don't really have the choice to not invite my fiancé's entire immeadiate family to our wedding :P.
  • Oh and to be clear, I do understand the reservations about this topic! All I'm saying is that I appreciate those of you who, despite reservations, were able to offer constructive advice. I believe the heart of etiquette is making other people more comfortable, so sometimes it's necessary to bend or break hard-and-fast rules to do that. I've made the decision to say something about no pictures because I believe that will make the vast majority of my guests trying to watch the ceremony happier. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not, just consider me a lost cause :)!
  • I think the previous ideas are the best. And I agree with you- it's not that I'm worried about myself being distracted, but I HATE being a guest at a wedding when someone does this because all I do is sit there and hate on that person because they are so disrespectful. I honestly think that the officiant saying something at that time when everyone gets quiet before everything *starts* will actually work, because in most cases it's not like these are horrible people that are going to be like "no fuck you officiant I'm getting my damn photo".... They are super excited but THOUGHTLESS family members that, with a decent reminder (especially if it's something they've heard before) will get the idea. At least that's how my fam is. My biggest thought about this is related to my dad, because I am my father's daughter and it drives him UP A WALL when people do things like have their cell phones on in church or jump into the aisle to take pictures. And he would just be sitting their at my wedding fuming at those people and I don't want him to have to deal with that.
  • Oh and to be clear, I do understand the reservations about this topic! All I'm saying is that I appreciate those of you who, despite reservations, were able to offer constructive advice. I believe the heart of etiquette is making other people more comfortable, so sometimes it's necessary to bend or break hard-and-fast rules to do that. I've made the decision to say something about no pictures because I believe that will make the vast majority of my guests trying to watch the ceremony happier. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not, just consider me a lost cause :)!
    I think you are convincing yourself of that, but truth be told, your guests aren't bothered by that.
    YOU are.

    Most Guests are not really bothered by people taking pictures nor do they even notice.

    Remember, NOBODY cares more about your wedding than you do.
  • I hate cell phones and I hate being surrounded by crowds of people clicking and buzzing away, and I think it's rude.
     I also hate that there's no nice way to tell them to put their effing toys away for thirty minutes and sit like nice respectful adults. Aside from the nice minister announcement, which will have to do. 

    (Because I can't do what I want, which is confiscate all cell phones like a high school teacher before class starts. Then I'd like to put them all into a bag of bricks, and drop them into the sea.)
  • Oh and to be clear, I do understand the reservations about this topic! All I'm saying is that I appreciate those of you who, despite reservations, were able to offer constructive advice. I believe the heart of etiquette is making other people more comfortable, so sometimes it's necessary to bend or break hard-and-fast rules to do that. I've made the decision to say something about no pictures because I believe that will make the vast majority of my guests trying to watch the ceremony happier. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not, just consider me a lost cause :)!
    I think you are convincing yourself of that, but truth be told, your guests aren't bothered by that.
    YOU are.

    Most Guests are not really bothered by people taking pictures nor do they even notice.

    Remember, NOBODY cares more about your wedding than you do.
    I disagree with the bolded.  Apparently enough people do notice that this is even a discussion in this forum.  You really don't personally know what goes through other people's minds, so you can't really claim "most guests are not bothered."
  • Jen4948 said:
    Oh and to be clear, I do understand the reservations about this topic! All I'm saying is that I appreciate those of you who, despite reservations, were able to offer constructive advice. I believe the heart of etiquette is making other people more comfortable, so sometimes it's necessary to bend or break hard-and-fast rules to do that. I've made the decision to say something about no pictures because I believe that will make the vast majority of my guests trying to watch the ceremony happier. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not, just consider me a lost cause :)!
    I think you are convincing yourself of that, but truth be told, your guests aren't bothered by that.
    YOU are.

    Most Guests are not really bothered by people taking pictures nor do they even notice.

    Remember, NOBODY cares more about your wedding than you do.
    I disagree with the bolded.  Apparently enough people do notice that this is even a discussion in this forum.  You really don't personally know what goes through other people's minds, so you can't really claim "most guests are not bothered."
    Actually, I think it comes up a lot because brides believe everyone should be focusing on them 10000 percent and don't like the thought of people "not being in the moment" most of the times
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014


    Jen4948 said:





    Oh and to be clear, I do understand the reservations about this topic! All I'm saying is that I appreciate those of you who, despite reservations, were able to offer constructive advice. I believe the heart of etiquette is making other people more comfortable, so sometimes it's necessary to bend or break hard-and-fast rules to do that. I've made the decision to say something about no pictures because I believe that will make the vast majority of my guests trying to watch the ceremony happier. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not, just consider me a lost cause :)!



    I think you are convincing yourself of that, but truth be told, your guests aren't bothered by that.
    YOU are.

    Most Guests are not really bothered by people taking pictures nor do they even notice.

    Remember, NOBODY cares more about your wedding than you do.

    I disagree with the bolded.  Apparently enough people do notice that this is even a discussion in this forum.  You really don't personally know what goes through other people's minds, so you can't really claim "most guests are not bothered."


    Actually, I think it comes up a lot because brides believe everyone should be focusing on them 10000 percent and don't like the thought of people "not being in the moment" most of the times

    Certainly there's plenty of that but it doesn't account for all of it. In my own case, although I'm not looking to have an "unplugged" wedding, I do have a number of relatives and friends who are always taking pictures and I don't want to spend every moment smiling and posing for photos. My dad's bar mitzvah was like that for him and for forty years after that he refused to look at the photo album.
  • Wegl13 said:
    I think the previous ideas are the best. And I agree with you- it's not that I'm worried about myself being distracted, but I HATE being a guest at a wedding when someone does this because all I do is sit there and hate on that person because they are so disrespectful. I honestly think that the officiant saying something at that time when everyone gets quiet before everything *starts* will actually work, because in most cases it's not like these are horrible people that are going to be like "no fuck you officiant I'm getting my damn photo".... They are super excited but THOUGHTLESS family members that, with a decent reminder (especially if it's something they've heard before) will get the idea. At least that's how my fam is. My biggest thought about this is related to my dad, because I am my father's daughter and it drives him UP A WALL when people do things like have their cell phones on in church or jump into the aisle to take pictures. And he would just be sitting their at my wedding fuming at those people and I don't want him to have to deal with that.
    THIS, so much!  My family would be infuriated if some of my future in-laws displayed the kinds of behavior that I've seen them display first hand at other weddings and I'd rather just try to save them the grief with a gentle reminder... and I absolutely agree, these aren't horrible people, just very excited and they lose their heads a little!

    As for the discussion of whether or not I am merely "convincing myself" that this is a problem... I guess there's no way to say for sure.  I genuinely believe most of my guests would be bothered by people taking photos on their phones but it's not like I've conducted a formal poll.  I'm just basing my assessment on 1) my personal experience as a guest, 2) conversations I've had with other guests at weddings where people were taking photos in the audience (and to reiterate, I don't really have experience with what is probably considered "normal" taking of photos, i.e. people snapping a fews shots from their seats... my future in-laws tend to take it to another level that is truly more attention grabbing by almost any standard), and 3) conversations I've had on the subject with my parents and grandparents.  So those are my "sources", if you will.  


  • I hate cell phones and I hate being surrounded by crowds of people clicking and buzzing away, and I think it's rude.
     I also hate that there's no nice way to tell them to put their effing toys away for thirty minutes and sit like nice respectful adults. Aside from the nice minister announcement, which will have to do. 

    (Because I can't do what I want, which is confiscate all cell phones like a high school teacher before class starts. Then I'd like to put them all into a bag of bricks, and drop them into the sea.)
    AH I LOVE THIS.  As a middle school teacher, this is truly my real impulse, which I am fighting to keep under control.  "Put your phones in the shoe box and you'll get them back at the end of class- er, the ceremony."  

    Just kind of tragic that sometimes adults are as bad as, if not worse than the 11-year-olds I teach when it comes to using common sense about their gadgets!
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