A bit of a wedding date vent...

badbnagdway

Between one of my close friends, one of my sisters, and one of his sisters, every date between the end of this August and June 1 2015 is blocked off except for a tiny window of time (a weekend) in January (don't know if venues are available yet so close to that time). It is hot hot hot here in the summer and neither of us want a summer wedding. If we push to fall we're on top of another friend's wedding and, let's face it, football season (I love football). Plus, we really do not want to wait more than a year to do something we'd be happy to do at a court house tomorrow if not for family expectations. 

If one more key person tells me they are going to live with the pygmies in Africa or some other far flung place I'm going to lose it. We even offered to fly my sister internationally for the wedding and the answer is no. I'm going to hyperventilate. 

My sister may have to skype into the wedding. I'm not even kidding. 

beethery

If you're cool with a courthouse wedding, do it. Devil take the hindmost. If it doesn't meet family expectations, they have the rest of y'all's lives to get over it.

short+sassy

beethery said:

If you're cool with a courthouse wedding, do it. Devil take the hindmost. If it doesn't meet family expectations, they have the rest of y'all's lives to get over it.

Oh, beethery!  You crack me up all the time and you especially did today .

I totally agree.  If you and your FI would be happiest with a courthouse wedding, than do that!  No muss, no fuss, and the two of you will be just as married as if you'd had 500 guests and a champagne fountain .

I had a sorority sister in college who did exactly that.  Her and her FI sat down one Sat. trying to figure out just a DATE they could have their wedding on that didn't conflict with something else.  There were no good options anytime within the next 12 months.  They decided they didn't want to wait that long, didn't want all the hoopla...and literally went to a justice of the peace that afternoon!  They didn't tell their families ahead of time because they knew they would have push back.  However, there just wasn't much for the families to say when the deed was done. 

ashley8918

I am going to echo PPs. Have the wedding you want, not the wedding that other people want. You will likely regret it otherwise.

badbnagdway

Ha, I appreciate the comments so far and admire anyone with the conviction to say screw it, we're eloping. I'm not sure we're quite there yet -- we like the idea of folks being with us on that day, it's just the hassle other people are already causing is making me gurgle with annoyance. 

badbnagdway

Also -- my sister's conflict is that she is going on a college study abroad in Europe. Allegedly the program says she can't leave, even for like, 4 days. What will she be missing? Drinking wine? Again, we do want folks to share with us, and even though I have an elopement impulse I think I would probably regret it eventually.

beethery

I feel ya. I really want my whole family to be there for the ceremony. But my grandparents aren't really well-suited for travel anymore, plus FI has made one request of the whole thing, and that is to have only immediate family at the ceremony due to his anxiety issues. He'd elope in a heartbeat.

Compromises have to be made somewhere, so this is how we're working it out.

huskypuppy14

What about June 7. Is one week into June really that hot?

scrunchythief

Some study abroad programs do have really strict rules about returning home mid-way.  A high school classmate of mine studied abroad for her whole senior year in Switzerland and she wasn't allowed to return home except for an emergency.  If she did, and it wasn't an emergency, she wouldn't be allowed to go back. She had to Skype in for graduation since her program wasn't done yet.  I'd take your sister at her word.  

Also, I'm kind of confused as to how three people getting married can take up every weekend for nearly a year.  Did I misread something?

badbnagdway

scrunchythief said:

Some study abroad programs do have really strict rules about returning home mid-way.  A high school classmate of mine studied abroad for her whole senior year in Switzerland and she wasn't allowed to return home except for an emergency.  If she did, and it wasn't an emergency, she wouldn't be allowed to go back. She had to Skype in for graduation since her program wasn't done yet.  I'd take your sister at her word.  

Also, I'm kind of confused as to how three people getting married can take up every weekend for nearly a year.  Did I misread something?

I don't disbelieve her, although this is a college liberal arts program, I'm sure they did tell her she can't leave. It is a ridiculous policy though in my mind, she is going to be studying english and art and drinking wine. Even in grad school it was not the end of the world to miss a couple days of school for a family thing, as long as it wasn't during finals. 

The issue is three different people -- one of my bestie's is going to (insert incredibly dangerous part of the globe) for a fellowship for four months (she's not really the problem, with our far flung guests it would be too short notice to get married this fall anyway). My sister (one of my three sisters actually) is studying abroad for the four months after that. And fi's sister is booked for all of May. (Honestly by the end of May it's too hot anyway as well). 

There is one weekend in January where we may be able to make it happen -- where the stars may align and everyone who we would feel truly sad without will be in this country -- and that might have to be the solution. I live down south and fi and I both dislike the heat and humidity here, but putting that aside, it's peak wedding season as well so we will end up paying 25- 40% more for venues, etc. Again, that may end up having to be the solution, a summer wedding, we just strongly dislike it. 

I'm just feeling really cranky about it, I know you all are making good suggestions. 

beachyone15

Are you opposed to having the wedding indoors (to avoid hot/cold weather)?

pinkshorts27

I would also caution when trying to make a date work for everyone, even if you sacrifice to make the date work, it still may not work for everyone or someone might surprise you and still RSVP no.

Just a warning. Also, I would consider an indoor wedding. We wanted a summer wedding because our state only can avoid the rain in July/August (and not even then), but compromised with an indoor December wedding due to schedules.

rooz103

I know what you mean! Within just the immediate families, we have guests coming from Saudi Arabia, Mexico and South Korea. Because of all the grad school schedules, work schedules and insane international flight costs, there was only a single weekend within 18 months that worked. (And that's the story of why we're getting married Jan 3rd) Even then, FI's brother and nieces will be Skyping the ceremony. It's not the time of year we originally wanted, and FI and I will be zombies in the days preceding the ceremony due to hellish end-of-year work loads, but it's a small sacrifice in order to have (almost) all of the brothers and sisters at our wedding.

badbnagdway

beachyone15 Although I long for an outdoor wedding to a certain degree, I have reconciled myself to an indoor wedding regardless of time of year, with hopefully a venue where people have the option of stepping outside on a deck or something like that. (The chapel we're hoping to get - but of course which I found out is booked up for the January date, has a beautiful little garden that would be nice even in winter to take some pictures in). I sadly am completely allergic to everything here so the reality of it is if we were outside my face would be swollen and my eyes would be tearing within about an hour (even in January I have days I have to take allergy meds). I know it then seems like it shouldn't matter what time of year we have the wedding, but again, if we wait until summer we will face the wedding tax of wedding season. 

pinkshorts27 you are right, not everyone will come. I didn't think it would be too much to ask to have immediate family there, but it may come down to my younger sister skyping in. It is far from ideal but realistically our ideal dates, when the venues we want are available, are in March. We have offered to fly her back and if that isn't going to work, maybe we've just done as much as we can. You are right, there is only so much we can do for other people. 

Again, appreciate the feedback. It is just supremely frustrating. 

short+sassy

Skyping your sister in, though obviously not ideal, sounds like a good option.  Sometimes it is just one of those things, especially when family/friends are flung out.

I live in New Orleans and my sister (she's in CA) got married less than 8 weeks after Hurricane Katrina hit. I was temporarily living in Miami and she called to let me know, as much as she would love to have me at the wedding, she would totally understand if I couldn't make it considering everything going on.  I assured her I would still be going.  And, for once, celebrated that I am a huge procrasinator and had not bought my plane ticket yet when the hurricane hit...so I was able to just book my flight out of Miami, lol.

southernbelle0915

Just plan a date - not everyone will be able to come and you can never please them all. If you want to do the courthouse thing, do it! You'll save a shitload of money and a lot of planning time.

peachy13

my FI and I also had this problem. We have been engaged now for 10 months and still have over a year (Oct 2015 wedding) to go. Getting married in 2014 or early 2015 was not an option with multiple family members and friends getting married. We also were pretty adamant about not having a summer wedding, because, sweaty/gross mess. So we landed on doing a two year engagement, and I have to say, it's been great. Plenty of time to plan and save without stressing too much.

But, I get that's not for everyone (just ask my grandmother who complains about it constantly). If you're cool with a courthouse wedding, do it. Like others have said, it's what works best for you and your FI.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

What date will have the MOST people there?  Not everyone will come so what date works for 70% of them?

badbnagdway

Long engagements are great for a lot of folks -- my sister (another sister, not the studying abroad one) had a two year engagement. It gave them time to save and plan. We are just not up for it though -- personally, the longer I have to plan the more stressful it seems. We have the money available that we think is reasonable to spend on a wedding and host our guests well (ideally our wedding will be like a really fun tasty dinner party). We put an offer on a house and hopefully will be closing in a couple months. And, of course there's the biological clock, which I don't hear ticking at all, but science says differently and that I better get to work on kids in the next two years.

thisismynickname2

At 31 I understand the not-ticking yet sort-of-ticking clock, haha. 

Congrats on the house!

I also vote for a date with 70% of VIPs or just Skype in your sister.  You simply won't please everyone. An acquaintance I'm not even inviting gave me an evil-eyeball for having the gall to plan my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.  Seriously? Nobody can win the date game. Good luck.  

badbnagdway

@thisismynickname Yeah, I am 32 (33 soon enough - yeesh!). I don't feel old, or wake up thinking, gosh, I better get on the baby train! But although women do it all the time it seems scary to push the 35 year old envelope on kids. Y'all are certainly making me feel better if we can't work out a date with all the sibs.

MandyMost

I agree with the wedding in March, Skype your sister in plan. That seems like the best for everyone. If money wasn't an object (you mentioned venues being more expensive in summer), I'd suggest you go for June and do it in a big hotel or something where you wouldn't have to go outside at all, so you could avoid the heat.

But, assuming you do March and Skype in your sister, are you able to visit her abroad maybe for a "bachelorette party" where she's studying, or something like that where she'd still be involved. And if you're going to have a shower, you could do it earlier than usual so it's before she leaves (like maybe that weekend in January). 

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie83906351 said:

Between one of my close friends, one of my sisters, and one of his sisters, every date between the end of this August and June 1 2015 is blocked off except for a tiny window of time (a weekend) in January (don't know if venues are available yet so close to that time). It is hot hot hot here in the summer and neither of us want a summer wedding. If we push to fall we're on top of another friend's wedding and, let's face it, football season (I love football). Plus, we really do not want to wait more than a year to do something we'd be happy to do at a court house tomorrow if not for family expectations. 

If one more key person tells me they are going to live with the pygmies in Africa or some other far flung place I'm going to lose it. We even offered to fly my sister internationally for the wedding and the answer is no. I'm going to hyperventilate. 

My sister may have to skype into the wedding. I'm not even kidding. 

I'd never delay a wedding because of any sport season, not even football. . . and I come from a football obsessed city.

There's a hockey game on the night of my wedding. . . I think ppl can miss one game or decline if it's that much of an issue for them.

sarahufl

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie83906351 said:

Between one of my close friends, one of my sisters, and one of his sisters, every date between the end of this August and June 1 2015 is blocked off except for a tiny window of time (a weekend) in January (don't know if venues are available yet so close to that time). It is hot hot hot here in the summer and neither of us want a summer wedding. If we push to fall we're on top of another friend's wedding and, let's face it, football season (I love football). Plus, we really do not want to wait more than a year to do something we'd be happy to do at a court house tomorrow if not for family expectations. 

If one more key person tells me they are going to live with the pygmies in Africa or some other far flung place I'm going to lose it. We even offered to fly my sister internationally for the wedding and the answer is no. I'm going to hyperventilate. 

My sister may have to skype into the wedding. I'm not even kidding. 

I'd never delay a wedding because of any sport season, not even football. . . and I come from a football obsessed city.

There's a hockey game on the night of my wedding. . . I think ppl can miss one game or decline if it's that much of an issue for them.

In defense of the football thing- I grew up in a town where college football is everything. To the point where traffic gets terrible, hotels book up, restaurants won't take reservations for large parties, airfare triples, you can't get rental cars, etc. Delaying a wedding for football games is very practical sometimes.

Wegl13

Ugh I found out after booking our photographer that we are getting married on the day of the SEC championship. Which face it, even if we're not going and neither is that "other school"... Is still really important. But at least we are having an afternoon wedding so it should be over by then and dad can listen to Eli on the way home!

lc07

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie83906351 said:

Between one of my close friends, one of my sisters, and one of his sisters, every date between the end of this August and June 1 2015 is blocked off except for a tiny window of time (a weekend) in January (don't know if venues are available yet so close to that time). It is hot hot hot here in the summer and neither of us want a summer wedding. If we push to fall we're on top of another friend's wedding and, let's face it, football season (I love football). Plus, we really do not want to wait more than a year to do something we'd be happy to do at a court house tomorrow if not for family expectations. 

If one more key person tells me they are going to live with the pygmies in Africa or some other far flung place I'm going to lose it. We even offered to fly my sister internationally for the wedding and the answer is no. I'm going to hyperventilate. 

My sister may have to skype into the wedding. I'm not even kidding. 

I'd never delay a wedding because of any sport season, not even football. . . and I come from a football obsessed city.

There's a hockey game on the night of my wedding. . . I think ppl can miss one game or decline if it's that much of an issue for them.

I got married on a Sunday night during football season. I just had the game playing in the bar. I didn't really care if people would rather hang out there than watch me eat a salad.

[Deleted User]

sarahufl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie83906351 said:

Between one of my close friends, one of my sisters, and one of his sisters, every date between the end of this August and June 1 2015 is blocked off except for a tiny window of time (a weekend) in January (don't know if venues are available yet so close to that time). It is hot hot hot here in the summer and neither of us want a summer wedding. If we push to fall we're on top of another friend's wedding and, let's face it, football season (I love football). Plus, we really do not want to wait more than a year to do something we'd be happy to do at a court house tomorrow if not for family expectations. 

If one more key person tells me they are going to live with the pygmies in Africa or some other far flung place I'm going to lose it. We even offered to fly my sister internationally for the wedding and the answer is no. I'm going to hyperventilate. 

My sister may have to skype into the wedding. I'm not even kidding. 

I'd never delay a wedding because of any sport season, not even football. . . and I come from a football obsessed city.

There's a hockey game on the night of my wedding. . . I think ppl can miss one game or decline if it's that much of an issue for them.

In defense of the football thing- I grew up in a town where college football is everything. To the point where traffic gets terrible, hotels book up, restaurants won't take reservations for large parties, airfare triples, you can't get rental cars, etc. Delaying a wedding for football games is very practical sometimes.

I also live in a place...a province where our football team is Jesus, so much in fact I have their logo forever inked on me. Yep I'm a little insane. I picked my date for no other reason except to not interfere with the CFL schedule. Haha!

mrscomposer

@purplepinkcupcake - bleed green?

We live in Manitoba, but FI cheers for the Stamps.  As luck would have it, our wedding date is when Calgary is in Winnipeg.  He SAYS he doesn't care, but he totally does!

[Deleted User]

jsangel1018 said:

@purplepinkcupcake - bleed green?

We live in Manitoba, but FI cheers for the Stamps.  As luck would have it, our wedding date is when Calgary is in Winnipeg.  He SAYS he doesn't care, but he totally does!

SITB

jsangel1018
Nailed it!! (I'm over the moon happy my football boyfriend has signed back with us today - ha!)

 This reminds me of a Superbowl commercial years ago I saw when I was in high school.. there was a wedding and everyone was at the front minus the groom and his men. The bride looks far and wide all over the church and finds them locked in a room huddled around a tiny TV..the groom has a "oh shit....BUSTED" look on his face, and the bride goes, "Oh good, the game's on!" and sits on his knee. Haha!!!

btw.. I'm looking forward to the labour day classic and banjo bowl...Go Riders! All the best with your upcoming wedding! (That day I will cheer on the blue...my thing is AnyoneButCalgary! Hee)  Sorry this got long...