Hat Etiquette

gmcr78

Ladies,
I read something on EHell today about a woman being berated by her friend for her inappropriate funeral attire and it got me thinking.  I've been looking for a small black hat or fascinator with a little bit of black netting (not full on veil, birdcage or face covering, at most covering just a little bit of the forehead).  I have some dresses that I think a hat like this would compliment for weddings and other occasions, and hats are fun.
My question is this-if I showed up to a wedding with a hat like this (I've included pics of possible examples below), would that be an etiquette faux pas?  The intention is not to look like a wedding or mourning veil, but a cute accessory to compliment a dressy outfit.  Black is the obvious color choice because it will match most outfits.  I have been looking online for wedding hat etiquette and I'm not finding anything to this level of detail that would tell me if this was inappropriate for some reason, such as looking like funeral attire.  What are your thoughts?

Examples:

KatieinBkln

I think it would depend on the dress/accessories you wear. If you wore an LBD with a hat like this, it would indeed feel very "mourning" to me. But with a bright print or pastel? Much more celebratory. You could even "lighten" it up with a flower (real or silk, but silk won't wilt) for something like a wedding/church service.

This is just my impression of the matter, though. I don't know if there are specific rules of etiquette about this.

manateehugger

I have no idea of true hat etiquette, but most of these scream wealthy mourner to me (except maybe the second one). It would depend on the rest of the outfit. A less black hat or fascinator, I would think would be super fun.

thisismynickname2

My sister has a black fascinator and it looks fabulous with any of her dressy outfits. Just don't wear one with a full black dress and yes, that would look mournful.

The British love their hats.  See Prince William's wedding as exhibit A.  I think some people here in the States would be a bit perturbed if your hat blocked their view of a ceremony, but then again, I'm short and don't like it when tall people block my view of anything- so there you go. 

My mom (British) wears big hats to weddings and gets lots of compliments.  I think Americans really need to get on the fabulous hat bandwagon outside of horse racing.  Rock it!  

misshart00

I agree with PPs. Just don't wear it with black. And I agree with @thisismynickname‌, Americans need to wear awesome hats more often.

LondonLisa

In the UK it is common to wear a hat to a wedding, but there are certain rules. Such as you should never wear a hat after sunset and you take your hat off when the Mother of the Bride takes her hat off. Be careful about wearing a hat with netting, it shouldn't cover your eyes like a veil. 

If you wear a black hat, I would pair it with a bright colour or a bold pattern or else it can look like a funeral. Here are some examples of a black hat worn at a wedding:

STARMOON44

The fascinator I think is fine but the other black hats with veils are too funerary for a wedding. What about navy?

Also hats are not customarily worn at evening events.

gmcr78

Thank you! These are the rules I'm talking about, I appreciate hearing from someone in the know! I also appreciate the perspective from others-it's interesting that what looks like a fun, chic hat to me might look like a funeral hat to someone else, and I definitely don't want that. I wouldn't want to wear a huge hat, maybe something smaller like a pillbox with a little bit of netting detail but not covering the eyes at all-again, not going for the mourning widow look. Sounds like staying away from a black dress while wearing a black hat is a must. Great advice, all, thank you!

gmcr78

@LondonLisa, what is the rule on fascinators after sunset? Does that count as a hat, or could I get away with that?

thisismynickname2

Learn something new every day!  

LondonLisa

gmcr78 said:

@LondonLisa, what is the rule on fascinators after sunset? Does that count as a hat, or could I get away with that?

No- In the UK at least, non-jewel head wear (hats and fascinators) is strictly a daytime accessory. Now it is a victim-less crime if you want to wear one. But it is equivalent to wearing a tuxedo during the daytime (men should always wear a morning suit if it is during the daytime). It is just out of place as a full hat and dress (usually with matching coat) is the daytime equivalent of black tie evening wear (think Royal Ascot). So if you were going to an evening event, you would wear an evening gown and if you wanted headwear you would accessorise with jewelled pieces such as a tiara or jewelled comb (but be careful here, unless they are real it can look prom queen so most people just wear a smart updo).

misshart00

@LondonLisa‌ I just want to listen to you talk about fashion and see more hat photos.

LondonLisa

This is formal, black tie equivalent day dress (with Princess Eugenie wearing a Fascinator and Prince Harry in a morning suit):

LondonLisa

misshart00 said:

@LondonLisa‌ I just want to listen to you talk about fashion and see more hat photos.

haha, should I just have "The Hat Box with LondonLisa" where I just post photos of hats. Seems rather local news (and one step away from the classic 'Anchorman' cat fashion show)

"... and here we have Princess Michael of Kent with the Countess of Wessex wearing Rachel Trevor-Morgan...."

Kahlyla

LondonLisa said:

misshart00 said:

@LondonLisa‌ I just want to listen to you talk about fashion and see more hat photos.

haha, should I just have "The Hat Box with LondonLisa" where I just post photos of hats. Seems rather local news (and one step away from the classic 'Anchorman' cat fashion show)

"... and here we have Princess Michael of Kent with the Countess of Wessex wearing Rachel Trevor-Morgan...."

Yes! Yes, this please!

alpacalunch

LondonLisa said:

misshart00 said:

@LondonLisa‌ I just want to listen to you talk about fashion and see more hat photos.

haha, should I just have "The Hat Box with LondonLisa" where I just post photos of hats. Seems rather local news (and one step away from the classic 'Anchorman' cat fashion show)

"... and here we have Princess Michael of Kent with the Countess of Wessex wearing Rachel Trevor-Morgan...."

I understand you're joking, but I have sincere interest in that!!!

Seriously, it's nice learning the rules for these things! 

photokitty

I love hats! I would totally read "The Hat Box with  @LondonLisa !"

beethery

DOOOOO IIIIIITTTTT.

I would totally read the shit out of it.

CMGragain

Black hats are not for weddings.  Any other color is fine.  I wore an ivory hat to my daughter's wedding because FMIL was a "hat lady", and wanted to wear onoe, too.

manateehugger

I would so read it also!!

I got my first fascinator for the Kentucky Derby this year; I wish I had more reasons (social acceptability?) to wear it. 

gmcr78

Thanks to all of you for your feedback, much appreciated!

rajahmd

CMGragain said:

Black hats are not for weddings.  Any other color is fine.  I wore an ivory hat to my daughter's wedding because FMIL was a "hat lady", and wanted to wear onoe, too.

If the future Queen of England can get away with wearing a black one with a colorful dress to a wedding, I think it's ok. Black is not inherently bad for weddings- it's about the total outfit.

scrunchythief

l I've never heard of the no hats in the evening rule.  Is that a real etiquette rule?  I always wear a hat or a veil in church, so I think I would still wear one in the evening in that case, but I'd be curious to know for other circumstances.  I love hats:)  Especially since they're less conspicuous than veils, especially at weddings.

Fairyjen1

    I wear fascinator type hats all the time with certain outfits. Someday's it just going to the grocery store. People look at me like I'm an AW occasionally (and may even say something), but that's their problem not mine! My little hat isn't hurting anyone and I feel good wearing it.

misshart00

Fairyjen1 said:

    I wear fascinator type hats all the time with certain outfits. Someday's it just going to the grocery store. People look at me like I'm an AW occasionally (and may even say something), but that's their problem not mine! My little hat isn't hurting anyone and I feel good wearing it.

I may start doing this.

LondonLisa

scrunchythief said:

l I've never heard of the no hats in the evening rule.  Is that a real etiquette rule?  I always wear a hat or a veil in church, so I think I would still wear one in the evening in that case, but I'd be curious to know for other circumstances.  I love hats:)  Especially since they're less conspicuous than veils, especially at weddings.

scrunchythief said:

l I've never heard of the no hats in the evening rule.  Is that a real etiquette rule?  I always wear a hat or a veil in church, so I think I would still wear one in the evening in that case, but I'd be curious to know for other circumstances.  I love hats:)  Especially since they're less conspicuous than veils, especially at weddings.

I don't know about America, but it would be strange to see a guest at a wedding that starts in the evening with a hat. It is very much daytime attire. Remember, they were originally to keep the sun out of a woman's eyes, so it would be like wearing sunglasses at night. Now a hat worn to church for religious purposes, such as a Catholic mantilla, is completely different than what we are talking about, which a essentially a fashion hat.

LondonLisa

RajahBMFD said:

CMGragain said:

Black hats are not for weddings.  Any other color is fine.  I wore an ivory hat to my daughter's wedding because FMIL was a "hat lady", and wanted to wear onoe, too.

If the future Queen of England can get away with wearing a black one with a colorful dress to a wedding, I think it's ok. Black is not inherently bad for weddings- it's about the total outfit.

.... and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland etc. England and the UK are not synonyms!

PrettyGirlLost

LondonLisa said:

RajahBMFD said:

CMGragain said:

Black hats are not for weddings.  Any other color is fine.  I wore an ivory hat to my daughter's wedding because FMIL was a "hat lady", and wanted to wear onoe, too.

If the future Queen of England can get away with wearing a black one with a colorful dress to a wedding, I think it's ok. Black is not inherently bad for weddings- it's about the total outfit.

.... and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland etc. England and the UK are not synonyms!

To us Yankees they are sometimes ;-)

IrishPirate60

I'm old enough to remember when a Kleenex bobbypinned to my hair was fashionable (and acceptable) for Sunday Mass. Arghhh. Who were we kidding?

CMGragain

scrunchythief said:

l I've never heard of the no hats in the evening rule.  Is that a real etiquette rule?  I always wear a hat or a veil in church, so I think I would still wear one in the evening in that case, but I'd be curious to know for other circumstances.  I love hats:)  Especially since they're less conspicuous than veils, especially at weddings.

There are two kinds of hats.  Daytime hats are functional.  They have brims, and might just keep the sun off your face or neck.
Evening hats (fascinators) haven't been seen since the early 1960's, until just lately when the fascinator fad came back.  An evening hat is completely non-functional.  It is purely decorative.  If it looks like a little bird has flown down and placed something small on your head, it is an evening hat.  They usually have sequins, crystals or feathers.

MairePoppy

IrishPirate60 said:

I'm old enough to remember when a Kleenex bobbypinned to my hair was fashionable (and acceptable) for Sunday Mass. Arghhh. Who were we kidding?

LOL! Whenever mom and I walked by a Catholic church, she required we stop in to light a candle and say a prayer. Head coverings for females were required back then, so she would bobby pin a Kleenex, handkerchief or church bulletin (!) to our heads. I'm not sure why she packed her purse with Kleenex, handkerchiefs and bobby pins, but not those nifty little mantillas that came in travel pouches, which we used for Sunday Mass.