Question about inviting people one month before the wedding

LaurenTom624

I had this friend that I met in first grade and we were best friends for many years. We lost touch when we were about 15 and did not reconnect until very recently at 27 y. o. I have been hanging out with her and her two friends and we have become close again. She mentioned she wanted to celebrate my bachelorette activities with me. I explained that I was flattered, but I did not want her to put so much work into things for me because unfortunately my wedding guest list was pretty locked in and at the very top for a while before she even came back in to my life. I explained that I would feel terrible for having her do that without giving her and her friends and invite too. She responded that it didn't matter to her whether they were invited or not. They still wanted to do this for me, wedding invite or not. She was not offended at all. As I have been getting RSVPs back I have discovered that we now have room to invite them. I want to extend an invitation to all of them but I am worried that I will offend them for being an afterthought or not good enough to have made the first round. Like I said, the list was already pretty much final by the time she came back around and she was not offended about not receiving an invite even after celebrating at my party. Is it still okay to invite her and the others without seeming like an ass? Or is it better to just not say anything?

[Deleted User]

I think this is fine. It's not like you really B-Listed these people, they didn't make the guest list because at the time they were not your nearest and dearest. You have been honest about the situation up to now, so I think it's fine. The only caution I would give you is to still leave yourself room budget and capacity-wise. I had several people who declined our invitation but then were able to make it at the last minute.

pegasuskat

I don't consider this B-listing.  They became close after invite list, and they know that.  They seem like very good and understanding friends, I would invite in this case.

jenna8984

I'm not up to date proper etiquette so if you're looking for that, it's likely a do not invite them/ B list answer. But my own personal opinion is that it's fine. I mean what is it hurting? They are clearly good friends with you and understand the situation and still being really cool about wanting to celebrate with you. It sounds like they'd be really excited to be able to attend so what's the harm. To me it's not the standard B-list where you knew about them in the guest list draft stages and purposely left them out and you were hiding it from them waiting for responses. That's what is hurtful to people and these girls know that is not the case.

huskypuppy14

Also agree with photokitty. I think you are ok OP.

I've been that person that got back into someones life about a month before her wedding. She asked if I wanted to come and sent me an invitation. I didn't see this as B listing because we had lost touch for a while, so I was out of her life when she made the guest list, just like the OP's situation.

sarawifenow

This is B listing which is rude. I would decline the bachelorette and see if you could hang out just as friends instead of having it be a pre-wedding party.

sarawifenow

IndianapolisJane said:

I think this is fine. It's not like you really B-Listed these people, they didn't make the guest list because at the time they were not your nearest and dearest. You have been honest about the situation up to now, so I think it's fine. The only caution I would give you is to still leave yourself room budget and capacity-wise. I had several people who declined our invitation but then were able to make it at the last minute.

I respectfully disagree. This is B-listing. They didn't "make the cut" when the guest list was drafted. If they receive an invitation now, that is the definition of B-listing.

[Deleted User]

I guess I just think OP didn't PLAN on B-listing. It wasn't her goal to "free up" invites for second-class guests. These girls weren't close friends at the time. They are now.

sarawifenow

Yeah but just because you don't plan on doing something doesn't make it less rude. I guess I just don't do B-listing in any form. Personal preference I guess.

 

I'm sure OP will invite them and they will be ok with it.

cowgirl8238

I have to agree with SaraBrideSoon.  Intentional or not this is the definition of a B-List.  I guess this is where the saying, "There is an exception to every rule" may come into play.  Personally I would probably invite them since they are already aware of the situation, but I would still feel like its a bit of a B-Listing.

photokitty

I started hanging out with someone after invites went out for our wedding. We quickly become very close and they were integrated into my close circle of friends. We invited them, I don't think of it as B listing bc I had no intention of inviting them bc I didn't really know them when I sent the invites. I say if your relationship suddenly developed in the time since invites went out it's not B listing. To have invited them before would have seemed odd bc the relationship hadn't really started.

JellyBean52513

I second @photokitty. OP really didn't have a relationship with the friend at the time invites went out, nor did she even know the other two girls. OP didn't have their names sitting on a waitlist, ready to be invited once declines came in. THAT would be B-Listing, and I don't see this as such.

HeatherKat

What @photokitty said. It's not a B list because they were never on the list to begin with, these are people you've recently reconnected with after invites were already sent. Others are more etiquette savvy than I am, but I really think that you're in the clear on this one!

LaurenTom624

Hey everyone! Thanks for the replies. It gave me a lot to think about. I decided to risk it and I invited them. I explained pretty much what they already knew. I had my guest list pretty much at max and then a few months later I met them. I also explained that it is not my intention to offend them and I just really wanted them there now that I know that there is room to have them. They were all excited and happy to say yes. They said they could not possibly be mad or offended because I have been honest from the very beginning. I never strung them along saying "maybe." I said this is how it is and I hope you all understand, and they did. They said that they were surprised to be invited because they knew the situation, but that they are so glad I did. They can't wait to celebrate with me. So to anyone that may ever be in a similar situation, know that in this situation the risk was worth it. I get to have important people at my wedding and they were completely understanding and happy to be invited. Just be honest about everything from the beginning and I think you can avoid any issues. Thanks again everyone!