Invites and Paper

Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

We are getting married and having only close friends and family (around 25 people) come to our out-of-town wedding.  We are going to do a reception/party back home a few weeks later.  How do I word in the invitation that guests at the wedding out-of-town have to pay for their own dinner and drinks?  
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Re: Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

  • I wasn't expecting responses like this.  But thank you for the opinions. 
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member

    honestly cancel the wedding. You can not have people pay for dinner.


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    [Deleted User]adk19
  • Unfortunately, there really is no way to word an invitation like this.  In the eyes of the majority of people it will be considered extremely rude.

    That being said, if you gave more details we may be able to give some ideas to help out :)  You obviously haven't sent out your invites yet, so is the time of the wedding set in stone?  What is the time you were thinking?  Do you have a $0 budget for food or could you pull together even $150? Where is your ceremony taking place? Where were you planning on dinner taking place?  Were you hoping for something to happen after dinner? Dancing?

    Budgets are tight for everyone but there are many ways you could tweak your wedding so that guests know what to expect, won't be offended and can enjoy your day.  Even just doing cake and punch in the early afternoon is 100% acceptable.  If you could pull out $150 you could do a 7pm wedding with DIY light appetizers afterwards.  Sams club has awesome deals on veggie plates, throw in some crackers and hard cheeses, maybe some rolls with herb butter (very easy to make) or honey butter and you're set to go.
    These are great suggestions. My only edit would be to push the ceremony start time to at least 8pm if you aren't going to serve a meal. 7:30 is dinner time.

    Seriously though, you could even order in pizza and beer for everyone and that would be fine. Just feed them in a way that's appropriate for the time of day.
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoPineapplePopsiclesadk19
  • These are great suggestions. My only edit would be to push the ceremony start time to at least 8pm if you aren't going to serve a meal. 7:30 is dinner time.

    Seriously though, you could even order in pizza and beer for everyone and that would be fine. Just feed them in a way that's appropriate for the time of day.
    Thanks for the edit! You are 100% right! 


    OP: If you did that you could do an 8pm ceremony and then on your invites put something like "Punch and light hors d'oeuvres to follow".  If you could swing it, you could even throw some mini Swedish meatballs in a crockpot.  Guests would love having a protein as an option.  
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  • We were getting married at 3 p.m. at Big Cedar. (Their elopement package.)  Dinner was going to be at the restaurant on site at 5 p.m. and then after we are going to Ernie Biggs Piano Bar to celebrate.  Our budget is very small.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    We were getting married at 3 p.m. at Big Cedar. (Their elopement package.)  Dinner was going to be at the restaurant on site at 5 p.m. and then after we are going to Ernie Biggs Piano Bar to celebrate.  Our budget is very small.
    Is this what you're doing?  http://www.big-cedar.com/Page/Elope-at-Big-Cedar.aspx

    If so, I can't believe that the venue only provides cake, champagne, and dinner for 2 people.  Agree with PPs.  You need to provide food for your guests.  You can just simply have more cake and punch immediately after the wedding, then do dinner and the piano bar by yourself. 



    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoMommyKristin88
  • We are getting married and having only close friends and family (around 25 people) come to our out-of-town wedding.  We are going to do a reception/party back home a few weeks later.  How do I word in the invitation that guests at the wedding out-of-town have to pay for their own dinner and drinks?  
    I probably wouldn't come. Not because I'm cheap or if you were a family member didn't like it.. it's how rude that would sound no matter what way you put it in an invite. I woudln't send out invites.. or if I did I'd say it's to the ceramony only.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    We are getting married and having only close friends and family (around 25 people) come to our out-of-town wedding.  We are going to do a reception/party back home a few weeks later.  How do I word in the invitation that guests at the wedding out-of-town have to pay for their own dinner and drinks?  
    I probably wouldn't come. Not because I'm cheap or if you were a family member didn't like it.. it's how rude that would sound no matter what way you put it in an invite. I woudln't send out invites.. or if I did I'd say it's to the ceramony only.
    She still needs some form of reception after the ceremony.  Cake & punch would be adequate.



    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoMommyKristin88
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
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    OP, I know the responses probably seem harsh but they are correct. It is very poor taste to invite people to an event that you should be hosting and ask them to pay for anything. I don't know when your wedding is, but if you can't/don't want to change locations, please save the money to pay for your guests' meals. Cancel your cable, eat ramen noodles - whatever. If you're willing to move to a different location, it may be cheaper to feed your guests.
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoLiatris2010newvalley
  • We can't change anything really.  We already have sent in the contract and paid.  
  • We can't change anything really.  We already have sent in the contract and paid.  
    To the bolded part, what is in your contract?  If the link above was correct, then the only thing you really couldn't change is the time.  I would think that a 3pm 30 min wedding with cake and punch afterward then expecting guests to be released by 4:30/5 would be better than having them pay for their own meals.  Just my opinion, others may disagree.

    It doesn't hurt to ask though if you can move it up :)  An option for cake and punch, if you can't afford to pay the resorts pricing would be to see how much it would be to rent a conference room or meeting room to have the cake and punch.  Get a cake from a local store and have fruit punch with sierra mist, ginger ale, and pinapple juice (always a winner).

    $$ seems to be the biggest intimidation for you at this point.  Get creative :)  I agree w/ PPs ideas about canceling cable, eat ramen, sell some stuff on craigslist or a local FB site, heck, even refinance your car if you can.  I know going into debt for a wedding isn't the answer BUT its all about priorities :)
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • I guess I don't look at it that way because I think you are just paying for one day.  What difference does it make if we pay for guest/don't if we are still reaching the end result of being married?  Having a wedding is just a big elaborate party.  Why do I need a big expensive party to celebrate starting the rest of my life with the one I love?  I think the focus should be more on the love we have for one another as opposed to the dollar amount spent. 
  • I vote truly have a private ceremony (and this place looks beautiful and romantic) and keep the party at home.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I guess I don't look at it that way because I think you are just paying for one day.  What difference does it make if we pay for guest/don't if we are still reaching the end result of being married?  Having a wedding is just a big elaborate party.  Why do I need a big expensive party to celebrate starting the rest of my life with the one I love?  I think the focus should be more on the love we have for one another as opposed to the dollar amount spent. 

    You're absolutely right that the only thing that matters at the end if the day is you two being married; so don't invite anyone. Elope, for real.
    southernbelle0915
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