Invites and Paper

Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

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Re: Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

  • At the end of the day, I don't have to take any of your advice.  I asked a question, and got rude responses.  That is not what I was expecting.  

    Please just remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm
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    A reception is thanking your guests for celebrating with you.  Guests should not have to open their wallets to be thanked.
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    doeydoLiatris2010MommyKristin88
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    edited August 2014


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    VulgarGirl
  • I guess I don't look at it that way because I think you are just paying for one day.  What difference does it make if we pay for guest/don't if we are still reaching the end result of being married?  Having a wedding is just a big elaborate party.  Why do I need a big expensive party to celebrate starting the rest of my life with the one I love?  I think the focus should be more on the love we have for one another as opposed to the dollar amount spent. 
    You are right the focus should be you two getting married.  BUT your focus should also be on being gracious and saying thank you to your guests for taking the time out of their busy schedules to celebrate with you.  They are doing so much for you, especially with it being an OOT wedding (taking off work, food while traveling, lodging, gas/flights).  By inviting them you are asking them to spend their resources on you, your FI and your wedding.  Even the smallest gesture of cake and punch is your way of showing them they matter and you appreciate everything they have done for you.
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    doeydonewvalley
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    At the end of the day, I don't have to take any of your advice.  I asked a question, and got rude responses.  That is not what I was expecting.  

    Please just remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
    OP, I understand this is not what you expected.  Bottom line is, it is very rude to expect your guests to pay their own way at a celebration that you are hosting.  If I was invited to a wedding like this (where I drive out of town, go to a wedding, then pay my own way at the reception), I would decline and not bother to send a gift.

    I assume this is what you're doing - http://www.big-cedar.com/Page/Elope-at-Big-Cedar.aspx ?

    If so, you have two options:
    1.)  Have a TRUE elopement - just you and your FI (soon to be DH).  Enjoy the pretty scenery, cake, and champagne.  Then have the celebration at your home afterwards.  It would be tacky to put on your wedding dress for this celebration, as you are already married.  Also, as Maggie pointed out, if you take this route, you should decline any offers for showers / bachelorette parties.  Anyone who is invited to the pre-wedding showers / parties must be invited to the wedding.
    2.)  Invite your 20-25 guests to an early afternoon wedding at your venue.  Have the 30 minute ceremony, then have a short reception with cake & punch afterwards.

    It comes down to this.  When you invite family / friends to celebrate with you, you need to host them.



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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydonewvalley
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    We were getting married at 3 p.m. at Big Cedar. (Their elopement package.)  Dinner was going to be at the restaurant on site at 5 p.m. and then after we are going to Ernie Biggs Piano Bar to celebrate.  Our budget is very small.
    Is this what you're doing?  http://www.big-cedar.com/Page/Elope-at-Big-Cedar.aspx

    If so, I can't believe that the venue only provides cake, champagne, and dinner for 2 people.  Agree with PPs.  You need to provide food for your guests.  You can just simply have more cake and punch immediately after the wedding, then do dinner and the piano bar by yourself. 
    Holy crap, I just caught that!

    OP, can you get married on a Monday-Thurs and use that extra money you will save to host your guests?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    holyguacamole79
  • At the end of the day, I don't have to take any of your advice.  I asked a question, and got rude responses.  That is not what I was expecting.  

    Please just remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
    If you don't want to treat guests like guests, don't invite them at all. That's all we're saying here. You've gotten plenty of good suggestions; I hope you consider them. 
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    MairePoppyMGP
  • At the end of the day, I don't have to take any of your advice.  I asked a question, and got rude responses.  That is not what I was expecting.  

    Please just remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
    You don't have to. But if you care about your friends and family, you will. You got "rude" responses because its quite frankly a very rude idea. There is a reason you don't hear about people paying for their own meal at a wedding. Its shockingly rude. You do not have to have a big party. You paid 1,200 for a ceremony site. You could have used that money to host pizza, bbq, or cake and punch for your guests.
    This is where I'm at. Done right, $1,200 could get you a lovely reception in a public park or similar venue.
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    At the end of the day, I don't have to take any of your advice.  I asked a question, and got rude responses.  That is not what I was expecting.  

    Please just remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
    You don't have to. But if you care about your friends and family, you will. You got "rude" responses because its quite frankly a very rude idea. There is a reason you don't hear about people paying for their own meal at a wedding. Its shockingly rude. You do not have to have a big party. You paid 1,200 for a ceremony site. You could have used that money to host pizza, bbq, or cake and punch for your guests.
    Agreed.  You're paying $1200 for a view, essentially.  And I can't believe that this venue is calling it an "elopment" when you have up to 20 guests, but you only feed the B&G.



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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydohellohkbhuskypuppy14
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    We can't change anything really.  We already have sent in the contract and paid.  
    In that case I suggest you trul elope, which means you don't have any witnesses- no wedding party, no family, no guests.

    Or limit your ceremony witnesses to a handful of people- whatever number and whomever you can afford to host afterwards.  If the package includes cake and champagne for 2, then you need to upgrade or bring in enough champagne and cake for everyone you invite to the ceremony.  But you have to have cake and punch afterwards at the very least.  Not neccissarily a full meal as your ceremony will be during and over before a traditional meal time.

    Then go have your romantic dinner for 2 and meet up with everyone afterwards at the piano bar.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    AddieCakedoeydo
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    edited August 2014
    I guess I don't look at it that way because I think you are just paying for one day.  What difference does it make if we pay for guest/don't if we are still reaching the end result of being married?  Having a wedding is just a big elaborate party.  Why do I need a big expensive party to celebrate starting the rest of my life with the one I love?  I think the focus should be more on the love we have for one another as opposed to the dollar amount spent. 
    You don't.

    The "big expensive party" is thrown in honor of your guests, not you and your husband, and the point is for you to host your guests and thank them for attending and celebrating/publicly supporting your marriage.

    It's called a wedding reception because you "receive" your guests.

    If you cannot afford to host your guests in some way- cake and punch following the ceremony- then don't invite guests and truly elope.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydo
  • Also, since many of us suggested light appetizers, cake and punch, or even pizza and beer how did that translate to us telling you that you had to have a giant party to celebrate your marriage?

    We pretty much gave you advice on how to do a lovely, modest party.
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydohellohkb[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    You know what OP, go ahead and do what you had planned.  Apparently you think you are above any etiquette standards and you believe that your families love for your will overshadow your rudeness.  If you really think that the day should only focus around the life you are starting together rather then you showing your appreciation for the family and friends who are going to travel and spend money on you for your oh so special day then by all means, bill the hell out of them.  I mean, they love you, so why wouldn't they be okay with being treated like shit?

    sarawifenowPrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    OP, keep this in mind.  You're getting consistent advice from people.  We don't know you, and you don't know us.  BUT, for all you know, I could very well be your childhood friend whom you're planning to invite to your wedding. 

    If a bunch of Internet strangers think this is a tacky idea, there is a decent chance that your family & friends will, too.



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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoPineapplePopsiclesnewvalley
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    OP you are going to a place that offers packages for elopement. That means you and FI that's it. 
    If you want a big party, then you have to be a hostess and take care of your guests. 

    It doesn't even have to be big.  Cake & punch for 20-25 guests isn't that much.



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    doeydo
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby!
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    This is one of those times that I really wish I would have kept on moving and not open this thread. OP, what you are planning is so so rude. I 100% ditto PPs and say elope.

     

    Oh, and...

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  • Ok I understand everyone does not agree with me.  

    Please stop commenting.
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis
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    My parents got married at the courthouse. Just them and a handful of friends. Then afterwards, they took everyone out to lunch at a local pizza place. At the time, that was what they could afford. They were thanking their guests for showing up and watching them get hitched. 

    When my mom got re-married to her wife it was just the two of them and me and my FI. After they got hitched, the four of us went to dinner and my mom and new step-mom paid for it. Because they were hosting us at their reception. We were their guests.

    You do not host a party of any kind and then say "Oh but you buy your own meal, k? Thanks!", no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
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    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoJen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Ok I understand everyone does not agree with me.  

    Please stop commenting.
    Sorry, but you have no right to ask or expect this.

    This is a public forum on the Internet.  Everyone has the right to express their opinions, just as you do.  Nobody has to agree with you or withhold their opinions because it makes you uncomfortable.  And just about everyone in this forum has had to accept that at one time or another they have posted something that the majority, perhaps even everyone else, does not agree with.  The gracious course of action when that happens is to accept it, perhaps even allow for the validity of the other side of the arguments, and move on.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby!
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    Can I ask a serious question? What kind of comments did you think you were going to get? Did you really think that the idea of making your guests pay for their own dinner was going to go over well on here? Did you you think that you were a special case? I really want to know hat exactly is going through your mind.
    This.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    Ok I understand everyone does not agree with me.  

    Please stop commenting.
    Are you considering our suggestions and the info we are giving you?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydo
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