Bad Day - Vent

justbeingme93

I need to vent. 

It seems like the bad news just keeps on coming lately. I was doing pretty well with all of it until today. 

My grandpa is quite sick, and after 10 years of fighting various health issues...it doesn't look good. My good friend, whose wedding was this past June, found out she has a very rare and aggressive cancer. I have been told that the doctors have done all they can do for her. A co-worker, who is an older woman, found out she has an aneurysm on the left side of her head. I didn't press for too much information, but she is headed to a major hospital as I type. 

My SO leaves for the fall semester tomorrow, so our last date is tonight. And what do you know...I got smacked with a cold this morning. My head feels like it is going to explode. AND...My niece and nephew have been staying with us the last few days while my sister and her H talk fight out an impending divorce. It has been nice having the kiddos around, but the screaming and running WILL be coming to halt when I come home from work. 

I am so sorry if none of that made sense. I just need to get it out there. I'm so filled with sadness right now. I can handle sad news usually, but all of these situations were announced since the beginning of August (minus my SO leaving for classes). 

What is your go-to horrible day/week/month remedy? 

labro

I'm so sorry for everything you are going through with your grandpa, friend, and co-worker. Sending them all good vibes, thoughts, and prayers! My horrible day/week/month/anything go-to is always red wine.

Peaseblossom55

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. When I have a bad day I go to a nice glass of red wine and chocolate.

Blue & White

So many hugs. There must be something in the air. A lot of us NEYers are losing sanity and quickly due to outside forces (like voldemort)

GoldenPenguin

Lots of hugs & vibes to you. Take some non-drowsy cold meds & try to enjoy your last date night with SO tonight!! 

Swazzle

I'm so sorry you're going through and dealing with all of that. 

Ditto PPs: 

lavenderfields13

OH WOW that is a lot going on! here I am feeling bad for myself and there's people fighting cancer and other health issues  

sorry that this is your last night with BF- enjoy every second of it.

I've been an emotional wreck lately, I feel like FI and I are on the verge of breaking up and I have to stop myself from bursting into tears at my desk.

BreMR

I am so sorry @justbeingme93‌ that is a lot to handle!!! I agree with pps, drink ALL the wine!

Also sorry to you @lavenderfields13‌ , every relationship hits rough patches, I hope you can work through it!!

Blue & White

@lavenderfields13 that's always a scary place to be in. Have you had the opportunity to voice these fears to your BF? I guess for me my worrying is worse than reality 99.9% of the time so I try to realize I need a reality check more quickly than normal people plus communication is good!

lavenderfields13

@blue, we've been arguing a lot lately and last week he actually said out loud "why are we even together? all we do it fight"

he won't go to couples counseling because "we're not even married yet, we shouldn't have problems"

like what? no logic there. when we're good, we're good but lately when we're bad it's really bad. i can't imagine my life without him but i can't do this forever. i don't know if i should give him an ultimatum- go to counseling with me and try to work on things and show you care or...we're done..

sorry if none of that makes sense

labro

@lavenderfields13 I'm so sorry you and your FI are going through a rough time. It sounds like you aren't meeting on the same level when you communicate. I hate ultimatums but I guess I don't really know what all is wrong. Do you know why you are fighting or what you are fighting about? There's nothing wrong with having an argument or a disagreement, but you need to have an effective disagreement, not let it devolve in to name-calling, or just trying to "win". I don't know...I think I'd be more articulate and helpful if I knew more. I wish things were going better for both of you!

Blue & White

@lavenderfields13‌ I think the "we aren't even married" excuse is just that - an excuse. My H is pretty skittish about therapy but very good with communicating with me and very supportive of my therapy if/when I need it. But if we were on the rocks and our marriage was in danger you can bet it he would be on board with whatever it took to keep us together. I don't want to say you should call your BF's bluff, but if he doesn't get why you're together, why should you be?

@justbeingme93‌ I'm sorry for hijacking your thread like this - I think you should eat some snickers ice cream bars with me because they're amazing. And good for wallowing in. And delicious.

justbeingme93

@LaPeanut1018 @Peaseblossom55 @Blue&White @Swazzle @BreMR

Thank you for all the well wishes, ladies. My SO just sent me a message to hit up the hot tub tonight. I will definitely be bringing some wine and guilty pleasure food. 

Blue & White said:

@lavenderfields13‌ I think the "we aren't even married" excuse is just that - an excuse. My H is pretty skittish about therapy but very good with communicating with me and very supportive of my therapy if/when I need it. But if we were on the rocks and our marriage was in danger you can bet it he would be on board with whatever it took to keep us together. I don't want to say you should call your BF's bluff, but if he doesn't get why you're together, why should you be? @justbeingme93‌ I'm sorry for hijacking your thread like this - I think you should eat some snickers ice cream bars with me because they're amazing. And good for wallowing in. And delicious.

Not a problem. Everyone needs a little help once in awhile. I'm glad my thread got people opening up. Hang in there, @lavendrfields13 . 

eilis1228

@justbeingme93 Oh wow, that's a lot on your plate! For tonight, take some non-drowsy cold meds and enjoy your last night with your BF. Be sure to indulge in plenty of wine, chocolate, and sex. *hugs*

@lavenderfields13 Oh no, I'm so sorry you guys are going through such a rough patch. *hugs* I really hope you guys are able to sit down and hash it out quickly. 

phira

Well, I feel like an asshole. I've been moping all night because the rest of my fudge got thrown out by accident. Meanwhile, you're actually living in some kind of hell dimension.

Is there anything we can do?

@lavenderfields13 I wouldn't do an ultimatum (I did and it didn't do much to help), but I would do individual counseling for sure.

[Deleted User]

geez, @justbeingme93‌ and @lavenderfields13‌ ... that's some heavy stuff. ice cream and cupcakes for everyone! @justbeingme93‌ I hope you had a great evening with your BF. LDRs suck.

[Deleted User]

phira said:

Well, I feel like an asshole. I've been moping all night because the rest of my fudge got thrown out by accident. Meanwhile, you're actually living in some kind of hell dimension.

Is there anything we can do?

@lavenderfields13 I wouldn't do an ultimatum (I did and it didn't do much to help), but I would do individual counseling for sure.

BLASPHEMY! I would be moping too if this happened to me! Perfectly understandable!

lavenderfields13

thanks ladies, and sorry @justbeingme93 for hijacking your thread.

we didn't really talk seriously yesterday because he was doing his usual thing- pretending the fight we had the night before never happened. i was still upset so i was just crying a lot and he finally said he was sorry that we fought. he doesn't understand why i was so upset though. this is such a cycle- we fight and then the next day he's over it and acts like everything is fine. everything is NOT fine or the same issues wouldn't keep coming up. i have a counseling appt today (i just recently started going on my own) so i will definitely be talking about this. my goal for counseling is to work on me but to also get him to come with me at some point so we can hash things out with the counselor. i think a lot of our issues are our expectations of each other- i don't think either one of us is living up to what the other thinks we should be doing. 

hopefully things will get better, we've been together a really long time and have committed to marrying each other, i feel like we need to make this work. 

phira

lavenderfields13 said:

thanks ladies, and sorry @justbeingme93 for hijacking your thread.

we didn't really talk seriously yesterday because he was doing his usual thing- pretending the fight we had the night before never happened. i was still upset so i was just crying a lot and he finally said he was sorry that we fought. he doesn't understand why i was so upset though. this is such a cycle- we fight and then the next day he's over it and acts like everything is fine. everything is NOT fine or the same issues wouldn't keep coming up. i have a counseling appt today (i just recently started going on my own) so i will definitely be talking about this. my goal for counseling is to work on me but to also get him to come with me at some point so we can hash things out with the counselor. i think a lot of our issues are our expectations of each other- i don't think either one of us is living up to what the other thinks we should be doing. 

hopefully things will get better, we've been together a really long time and have committed to marrying each other, i feel like we need to make this work. 

My ex-boyfriend did this constantly! The worst time it happened was INCREDIBLY TMI (although I'll tell the story if people really want), and at the end of the night, I was so furious that I was debating demanding that he leave my apartment, and ... he was like, "Let's watch TV!"

One thing that might help--and it might NOT help! I dunno!--is that when you fight, it might be worth having each person try to put into words why the other person is upset. I started modeling this when J and I were fighting a lot this summer, and it's worked out pretty well for us.

For example, I'll say, "You're upset with me because you're exhausted, but I brought up a stressful hypothetical right before you were about to fall asleep, so now you're too stressed to sleep. You also feel attacked because every time you try to express your feelings, I get sarcastic and I twist your comments." Etc. etc. And then at the end, I'll ask, "Is there anything I missed?" And then he'll do the same for me.

One of the things that really upsets me when I fight with anyone (not just J), is that I always just want the person to apologize WITHOUT making it my own fault I'm upset, or claiming that they're sorry but they had good intentions. Anything that can translate to, "I'm sorry, but ..." just makes me more frustrated. J had a lot of trouble with that for a while because he felt like it wasn't fair if he couldn't explain himself ("I'm sorry that I did x, y, z. But here's why I did it!"). The above method is how we compromised--I still get him to make an effort to understand why I'm upset without adding anything about how he had good intentions, and he gets me to recognize his good intentions verbally (and the reverse is true--I make an effort to understand why he's upset, and he recognizes my intentions).