What do I call my in-laws after we're married?!

loveislouder

I call my FILs by their first names, and always have. That being said, I call FI's grandparents Grandma and Grandpa, and his Aunts and Uncles Aunt Jane and Uncle Tarzan.

My mom called my dads parents Mom and Dad because they took her in when she was 15 (when they first started dating) and she considered them to be her parents as her real parents were far from the best parental figures.  So I guess it depends on your situation.

kbsmom1

Great idea to have that conversation with In laws...... How about Ms. Jane and Mr. John ???.... Kinda of a southern thing but it works for my DD and her hubby:)

princessleia22

I don't think I've ever called my in-laws anything directly. I tend to not use people's names unless necessary, so I rarely say names when talking to people. In my head, I usually refer to them by first name, so that is probably what I'd use. If I'm talking to someone else about them, I use their first names. But, if I'm talking to DH about them, I often refer to them just as mom/dad, or sometimes your mom/dad. For some reason I feel weird referring to them by first name when talking to him. Like others said, this is something you need to work out with the in-laws. FFIL has already said you can call him by first name, so that solved that one. I think you just need to talk openly with FMIL and tell her the situation. I'm sure she wouldn't want to have you call her mom if it makes you uncomfortable, and especially since you have valid reason for it.

cowgirl8238

I appear to be in the minority that just adopted "mom" and "dad" after the first few months of dating.  But then again, his family (just like mine) encouraged it. It may also be the fact that growing up we called lots of people aunts and uncles even if they were in no way related to us, just because they were good family friends.

To me, I would go by what they say is good and you are comfortable with.  For us we use different variations of 'Mom" to distinguish our mothers and it works.  For you, first names, Mr. and Mrs. or general avoidance would all work.

Good luck!

artbyallie

I honestly try not to address my MIL by name as I'm uncomfortable doing so. I use FIL's though. When I have to call her something to her face, I'll use Miss Firstname, as I did/do at church with ladies who teach Sunday school or are in the nursery. I use just her name if she comes up in conversation with someone else.

This may be particular to my area or more generally to some areas, though I'm not sure if it's a Southern thing or a Bible Belt thing or maybe a rural thing, so I'm not going to ascribe it to anywhere aside from my own hometown and H's hometown because they do the same there.

rsbloom

We always called each other's parents by their first names, because we were adults when we started dating.  If we were in high school when we started dating, I can see how that transition would be awkward though, because as kids you always say "so and so's mom" or "Mrs. lastname"

My family has always been more informal, I always called my aunts and uncles by their names or nicknames, not "uncle" "aunt."

Haven't come across the "mom" "dad" issue yet, but these are good ideas for how to deal with it!  

chasseuse

My parents always referred to their ILs by first name. My FMIL calls her mom "mother" and her MIL "mom." I have no idea why--I'm not comfortable enough to ask yet. So far, I call my FILs by their first names. I expect that will continue.

syoun1nj

My MIL (I have never met and probably never will meet my FIL) refers to herself as "Suzy Mom" in notes to me (Suzy isn't her real name, but, you get the idea). I too avoid calling her anything in person but when I do, or refer to her in convos, I just say Suzy. I imagine "mom" or something might come with time, but not quite there yet. I'd stick with Mr/Mrs or first names.

I do have some parents friends that I call my "moms" and I call them Mama Smith or Mama G. Would you be comfortable with a nickname similar to that at this point? Maybe it would appease her a bit - but only if you're comfortable with it, of course.

downtondiva

I plan on calling mine by their first names, just as I do now. I would feel weird calling them Mom and Dad.

doeydo

I would call them by their first names.  If they insist on you calling them mom & dad, I would say "Sorry, but I am not comfortable with that.  Can I call you X instead?"

huskypuppy14

I call my in laws by their first names. My husband  uses my mom's first name and my dad's nickname.

 My dad has a nickname that his work colleagues, our friends, boyfriends, husbands etc. call my dad (family calls him by his first name). So family calls him Alex, but everyone else calls him AJ.

My brother in law met my sister in high school, so it's awkward for him to call my parents by their first names. My dad is easy, because of the nickname, but for awhile he avoided calling my mom anything.

 My sister does the same for her father in law, because his first name is also the same as her husband, so usually she refers to him as Mr. Smith.

My mom owns a business in the town we grew up in, so a lot of our friends who knew her since they were kids feel awkward calling her by her first name. She says you can call my Kate, and they say no I can't do that Mrs. Jones. 

vh2014

I still call my best friend from high school's mom Mrs "last name".  She's told met to call her by her first name and sometimes I refer to her as Ms "First name".  I was raised to always use Ms and Mr in front of names of people older than me and it just felt awkward to call her by her first name.  I don't do it at work or anything... but for some reason since it didn't feel respectful to call her by just her first name because I was a kid when I met her.  She loves it, I think because it's "southern"... and she's from NY but moved here.

FI and I have been together for over 5 years... I have never called his dad (his mom passed) anything but FI's Dad when others were around.  I may have called him Grandpa once or twice to FI's niece and nephew.  Of course I now refer to my parents by their grandparent names (I have kids) so that's not too unusual to me. Thinking back I think that's what my FI has referred to my parents by as well.... 

 

dramamonkey

I call them by their first names... 

My MIL STILL refers to HER (long deceased) MIL as Mother LastName. 

janeywoo1978

I going to call them by their first names as that is what they are called!!! I don't think it is disrespectful at all and on correspondence from my h2b and me I will write Mum and Dad. 

caitlinmca

Since I began dating my FI and met his parents, we went on first name basis, so that is what I will continue to call them, FI grandma however, said don't call me S* first name, call me grandma, so I call her grandma. It's nice though as I don't have any grandparents around.

lyndausvi

caitlinmca said:

Since I began dating my FI and met his parents, we went on first name basis, so that is what I will continue to call them, FI grandma however, said don't call me S* first name, call me grandma, so I call her grandma. It's nice though as I don't have any grandparents around.

It's really funny, but all the in-laws in my family call all the aunts, uncles and grandparents "Aunt/uncle so-n-so or Grandma/grandpa".   But for some reason some people have an issue calling their parents-in-law by their first name.      I even have friends who call my aunt  "Aunt Kathy", but call my parents "Mr and Mrs" (even after my parents told them to call them by their first names.)   

It's funny, but I've done the same thing.  Addressing friends aunts/uncles or grandparents as "aunt, uncle or grandma", but their parents "Mrs and Mr" .I'm talking about people who I met as a child.  It's hard to break the Mr/Mrs things when you addressed that way since birth.

ETA - now that I think of it, I''m called "Aunt Lynda" by some of my niece's and nephew's friends and cousins from the other side. Whatever.

ashley8918

Huh, I would never have even thought about this. I have always called my FILs by their first names. I have since the day I met them, and would never have called them anything else, so I really don't get it. FI has done the same with my mom.

hellosweetie1015

AddieCake said:

I think you should call them Thunder and Lightning. I once knew people who didn't want to be called Grandma and Grandpa (or any form of that) so that's what the kids called them. 

My mom is going to be "Ging Ging". Dad doesn't know yet what he's going to be.

OP, I call my FILs "Bob and Sue". I called them Mr. and Mrs. LastName until we got engaged, though, at which point I was invited to call them Mom and Dad. I can't do that though, not now and likely not ever. No offense to those of you who do it. I think FMIL figured that out, and I do kind of feel bad, but she kind of backpedaled right after she suggested "mom and dad" and said, "or Bob and Sue, whatever you're comfortable with." 

FI calls my dad "Joe" (which, frankly, half the time so do I), and my mom A-cubed (her initials are AAA, except that's not the right letter muahahaha online anonymity).

Wegl13

It was nice that parents had remarried because then I knew what to call at least half of them (first name). But I cannot for the life of me call his mother by her first name, except in writing (text/email). If I'm talking about her I go "your mommy and HusbandFirstName" or just "Mommy and Husband" because that's how they communicate to us in writing, but even though I am almost 30... If someone is a generation above me they get Mr and Mrs LastName. End of story. I think we each call each other's grandparents by their grandparent names (grandma, grandpa, etc) though- isn't it weird that we are okay calling them that but not calling them mom and dad? I guess it's because there's only one mom and dad in someone's life generally but there can be multiple grands.

afox007

I have always called my FIL's by their first names. I do occasionally call FSFIL dad already since he always gets the biggest smile anytime FI or I call him that. FMIL on the other hand will probably always just get first name at least until she gets over her she already has a wonderful DIL thing (FI's ex). If you can only have on DIL I can only have one mom, sorry.