Is it weird

KatieinBkln

That I kind of want to sing a song to my FI at my wedding? I don't know if it would be appropriate at all, let alone whether the ceremony vs. reception is better, but I really love Death Cab for Cutie's "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." CLICKY I would just have it played, but I like the idea of signing something specifically to him. Is this ridiculous/inappropriate altogether? If not, what do you recommend for timing/etc? ETA: I'm posting and running, but I'll check back later--I'm not ignoring you!

slothiegal

Eh, personally, I would skip this. It seems a little AW/performance-ish. Are you doing a first look? Maybe you could sing it to him then or on your honeymoon and have a personal, intimate moment with just the two of you. Or record it on his phone and have him watch it while he's getting ready before he sees you?

(I looooove that song though.....really, all of Death Cab.)

holyguacamole79

Ditto @slothiegal.  I think it's a sweet gesture, but it may come off as AW-ish. 

My parents said they were at a wedding once where, out of nowhere during dinner, the bride serenaded her husband with a bit of "At Last" (Etta James).  Mom said it was beautiful, so it could work.  I just think it's a bit risky and would be better in a private setting.

KatieinBkln

slothiegal said: Eh, personally, I would skip this. It seems a little AW/performance-ish. Are you doing a first look? Maybe you could sing it to him then or on your honeymoon and have a personal, intimate moment with just the two of you. Or record it on his phone and have him watch it while he's getting ready before he sees you?
(I looooove that song though.....really, all of Death Cab.)



I guess I AM a bit of an AW in this--what's the point of singing if you're not performing, ya know? I would feel wayyy weirder singing to him in private, ha.

ETA paragraphs maybe?

chibiyui

Love the song, would be really awkward to watch as a guest.

Jen4948

I wouldn't do it, but not because it might seem "weird." Rather, because as the principals, you and your FI will already occupy the spotlight most of the time at your wedding. So I wouldn't do anything else that would appear to be a performance. As @slothiegal says, it would appear AWish.

RebeccaFlower

Nope, nope, nope. I would totally side eye you for this, I think its even worse than choreographed AW dances. Plus, that song is like a million years long so you'd need some serious editing. 

KatieinBkln

Jen4948 said: I wouldn't do it, but not because it might seem "weird." Rather, because as the principals, you and your FI will already occupy the spotlight most of the time at your wedding. So I wouldn't do anything else that would appear to be a performance. As @slothiegal says, it would appear AWish.


I guess by the same token, if the entire wedding is already "about" me and FI, what's one more spotlight moment? (I wouldn't even mind having this take the place of a first dance, for example, because both of us are terrible dancers anyway). To the bolded: it would be a performance! But if people perform at a wedding anyway--i.e. the ceremony, the vows, etc.--how does it translate that anything else is attention whoring? (And what is WITH that word, anyway? I'm not interested in being brought in on a chaise with people fanning me and attending to me like a princess, but I am, I guess, philosophically interested in why people seem to be so terrified of being the center of attention at one of the few events in their lives when they are supposed to be the center of attention).

I don't even necessarily disagree with any PPs that it might not be a great idea. You all might be convincing me... But the reasoning of "Oh no, don't draw too much attention at your own wedding" seems like it's a little overly concerned with appearing humble (rather than actually being humble/grateful/gracious).

ETA: goddamn paragraphs

NYCMercedes

Why don't you sing it to him while you're first dancing to it. Should be interesting!

KatieinBkln

RebeccaFlower said:

Nope, nope, nope. I would totally side eye you for this, I think its even worse than choreographed AW dances. Plus, that song is like a million years long so you'd need some serious editing. 

A. This made me chuckle. It is a pretty long song... 

B. I am FASCINATED at what I am learning about reasons why people dislike stuff today. To me, choreographed first dances are stupid because they're cheesy. I have never ever thought, "Wow, those two certainly love attention." I mean, I guess they do? Maybe I've spent a ton of time around performers in general so I don't have an automatic bad response to people who like the spotlight (as long as they aren't constantly hogging it at inappropriate times). BUT it is interesting and useful to me to see how other people might respond to this.

beethery

Choreographed anything that isn't by professionals at some kind of dancing show makes me cringe, and serenades make me die inside. Not sure why.

Jen4948

KatieinBkln said:

Jen4948 said:

I wouldn't do it, but not because it might seem "weird." Rather, because as the principals, you and your FI will already occupy the spotlight most of the time at your wedding. So I wouldn't do anything else that would appear to be a performance. As @slothiegal says, it would appear AWish.

I guess by the same token, if the entire wedding is already "about" me and FI, what's one more spotlight moment? (I wouldn't even mind having this take the place of a first dance, for example, because both of us are terrible dancers anyway). To the bolded: it would be a performance! But if people perform at a wedding anyway--i.e. the ceremony, the vows, etc.--how does it translate that anything else is attention whoring? (And what is WITH that word, anyway? I'm not interested in being brought in on a chaise with people fanning me and attending to me like a princess, but I am, I guess, philosophically interested in why people seem to be so terrified of being the center of attention at one of the few events in their lives when they are supposed to be the center of attention).

I don't even necessarily disagree with any PPs that it might not be a great idea. You all might be convincing me... But the reasoning of "Oh no, don't draw too much attention at your own wedding" seems like it's a little overly concerned with appearing humble (rather than actually being humble/grateful/gracious).

ETA: goddamn paragraphs

Well, in this particular context, "performance" means something at the reception, pre-planned or choreographed, that the guests are just supposed to watch or listen to without directly participating in. It doesn't include anything that happens at the ceremony or things like the spotlight dances, toasts, or cake-cutting which are normal parts of the reception, but it would include any kind of singing, dancing, playing music, readings, or other types of performances by the principals, immediate family, or wedding party members.

Why not one more spotlight moment for the couple?  Because the reception is about the couple "receiving" the guests after the ceremony and is thus for and about them-it's not one more opportunity for the couple to stroke their egos while making their guests watch and listen passively.

RebeccaFlower

I don't think it's about being an attention whore, I think as a guest, I would be wildly uncomfortable watching someone serenade someone else. I just think it's awkward. 

Yes, your wedding is absolutely about you, but I do think this takes it to another level. 

artbyallie

It's inappropriate because people are coming to see a wedding, not a concert. Performing at your own wedding is essentially forcing your guests to be a captive audience.

CMGragain

Don't do it.  Not nice to inflict performances on a captive audience.
Daughter is a professional singer, and so was I in my former days.  No WAY would we have sung at our weddings!  Very AW and tacky!

southernbelle0915

Thumbs down.

You say you want to sing it to HIM but then you say it'd be weird to sing it him in private? In all honesty, it sounds like what you really want is to sing in font of your guests for the performance factor while you have a captive crowd. That gets a big fat eye roll from me. Sorry.

Jen4948

KatieinBkln said:

Jen4948 said:

I wouldn't do it, but not because it might seem "weird." Rather, because as the principals, you and your FI will already occupy the spotlight most of the time at your wedding. So I wouldn't do anything else that would appear to be a performance. As @slothiegal says, it would appear AWish.

I guess by the same token, if the entire wedding is already "about" me and FI, what's one more spotlight moment? (I wouldn't even mind having this take the place of a first dance, for example, because both of us are terrible dancers anyway). To the bolded: it would be a performance! But if people perform at a wedding anyway--i.e. the ceremony, the vows, etc.--how does it translate that anything else is attention whoring? (And what is WITH that word, anyway? I'm not interested in being brought in on a chaise with people fanning me and attending to me like a princess, but I am, I guess, philosophically interested in why people seem to be so terrified of being the center of attention at one of the few events in their lives when they are supposed to be the center of attention).

Because the principals already have such huge roles in what's going on that expecting their guests to sit by and watch a concert or a choreographed dance or whatever, when they were invited to a wedding ceremony and are expected to sit through spotlight dances, cake-cutting, toasts, and perhaps bouquet and garter tosses, would mean that they are claiming more than their fair share of everyone's attention.

Remember, the purpose of a wedding ceremony is to join the bride and groom as a couple, and of a wedding reception is for the couple to "receive" the guests who attended the ceremony.  Neither is meant to be an additional opportunity for them to stroke their egos while the guests watch.

ilovecake84

I was at aa wedding where the bride sang a song to the groom. She doesn't normally sing so it was just plan weird.

She first sang him the song, then did a choreographed dance for him with a few of her friends and then had arranged a flash mob for all of the guests to participate in (probably 2/3 did). I found it all very awkward and AWish

CMGragain

Please don't do this.  It is AWish!

Simply Fated

southernbelle0915 said:

Thumbs down. You say you want to sing it to HIM but then you say it'd be weird to sing it him in private? In all honesty, it sounds like what you really want is to sing in font of your guests for the performance factor while you have a captive crowd. That gets a big fat eye roll from me. Sorry.

This is partly why it comes across as AWish to me.

OP, if what you want to do is sing to him, them sing to him. The fact that you want people there to make it less weird for you makes me think that it's not about doing something special for him, but doing something special where everyone can see and hear it.

landa10315

My friend recently did this at her wedding and it was beautiful. I think it can be done tastefully, although I do agree that it can be done in a way that seems AWish. The DJ announced my friend was on the dance floor while guests were eating, and she sang to her H who was sitting at the sweetheart table.

Ndelible

It sounds like you and your crowd are maybe performers? If so, they would probably appreciate and understand what you are trying to do. If not, the song may make your guests uncomfortable. The reception seems like a better fit than the ceremony in either case.

jerkyanne

There is a wedding in my group of friends that a bunch of them went to that is legendarily terrible and comes up as a fun story time often.
One of the main things every single one of them hated was the bride singing while she walked down the aisle. In addition to it being ridiculous, when she mistimed the song and walk, she finished the song facing her audience (read:guests). Everyone judged, and still does.
Don't be that bride.

KatieinBkln

Jen4948 said:

KatieinBkln said:

Jen4948 said:

I wouldn't do it, but not because it might seem "weird." Rather, because as the principals, you and your FI will already occupy the spotlight most of the time at your wedding. So I wouldn't do anything else that would appear to be a performance. As @slothiegal says, it would appear AWish.

Because the principals already have such huge roles in what's going on that expecting their guests to sit by and watch a concert or a choreographed dance or whatever, when they were invited to a wedding ceremony and are expected to sit through spotlight dances, cake-cutting, toasts, and perhaps bouquet and garter tosses, would mean that they are claiming more than their fair share of everyone's attention.

Remember, the purpose of a wedding ceremony is to join the bride and groom as a couple, and of a wedding reception is for the couple to "receive" the guests who attended the ceremony.  Neither is meant to be an additional opportunity for them to stroke their egos while the guests watch.


This makes sense to me--I guess the line has to be drawn somewhere after all the toasts/spotlight dances/etc that are not particularly fun for the average guest. They will have been asked to "tune in" enough.

Thanks for taking the time to reply!

cafarrie

Personally, I think it depends on the type of ceremony you are having.  I was in a church choir all through college and lots of my friends have sung at their own weddings - some were weird, some were not.  For example, if you're having a religious wedding, maybe do this one at communion (may not be appropriate depending on your priest/officiant/etc)?  This is worked out well and been really nice for people.  What didn't work out so well was when the bride or groom made that song a special "event" part of the ceremony....it was just kind of awkward for everyone. 

Another idea would be to record yourself singing that song and have it played at the reception?  It would be a really special dance for the two of you but it's not as "look at me" - it wouldn't have to be your first dance song, but could be if you'd like!?  

jenijoyk

I've been to a wedding where this happened. I was really uncomfortable, but maybe the people whoe were closer to the bride had a different opinion. We just got really big eyes and clung to each other's hands under the pew in a silent, "Is this really happening right now???" moment. Yes. Yes it was happening.  

Plus, it's going to be so easy to get so nervous and emotional - even if you are a performer. It's your wedding day! A day for all sorts of weird things to happen in your brain.

Also this: http://kkyr.com/bride-sings-as-she-walks-down-the-aisle-can-you-say-awkward-video-survey/

 

PineapplePopsicles

jerkyanne said:

There is a wedding in my group of friends that a bunch of them went to that is legendarily terrible and comes up as a fun story time often. One of the main things every single one of them hated was the bride singing while she walked down the aisle. In addition to it being ridiculous, when she mistimed the song and walk, she finished the song facing her audience (read:guests). Everyone judged, and still does. Don't be that bride.

What did she sing?!

ShellePurdie1

I guess I am in the minority but I think it's a cute idea!

Fran1985

jenijoyk said:

I've been to a wedding where this happened. I was really uncomfortable, but maybe the people whoe were closer to the bride had a different opinion. We just got really big eyes and clung to each other's hands under the pew in a silent, "Is this really happening right now???" moment. Yes. Yes it was happening.  

Plus, it's going to be so easy to get so nervous and emotional - even if you are a performer. It's your wedding day! A day for all sorts of weird things to happen in your brain.

Also this: http://kkyr.com/bride-sings-as-she-walks-down-the-aisle-can-you-say-awkward-video-survey/

 

That's actually what I did while reading the OP. My eyes got super wide and I just kind of gasped "no"

KatieinBkln

Maybe I should just play this one when I come out to prepare people for what's to come.

The Decemberists – The Infanta (<<Click)

[Deleted User]

I agree with many others here I would probably want to die for the bride even if she could sing really well. Sing for him that night, make it cute, romantic,sexy whatever you want. Not at the wedding though. It comes off just odd to guests