Wedding Etiquette Forum

Just another reason not to do a cash bar....

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Re: Just another reason not to do a cash bar....

  • I attended a wedding yesterday and was told that there would be 1 keg and once that ran out you would have to pay for anything else in addition if you wanted anything besides that you would have to pay for it as well as there was a bar attached to it. Well, I'm not one to ever carry cash on me as I live in a big city and this back near my hometown. I get to the wedding reception and find out that even the keg is cash, everything is cash and guess what, I don't have cash on me and do they accept debit..definitely not. So I have to leave the reception before it starts to go to my bank 5 minutes away and come back.

    So please, don't do a cash bar without proper planning its tacky if your guests don't expect it. Granted, I didn't mind the cash bar once I was prepared as I'd rather have the option to buy a drink vs not drink at all since I recently went to a dry wedding but I would of liked to have some head's up to have some cash prior to.
    OP, I get what you're saying - you wished you'd have had a head's up. Totally understand. I don't think you ever meant to rehash for the millionth time whether cash bars are or are not rude. You'd just like to be prepared regardless, got it.

    There's nothing you can do about this recent wedding you went to. But what you can do is avoid a similar fate in the future. Always carry cash and a credit card to parties/weddings. 

    I don't presume to know beforehand what the bar situation will be at a wedding I've been invited to. And personally, as a guest, I'd prefer a cash bar than no bar at all. So if I care enough about the couple to attend their wedding then I'd pony up the cash at the bar. I'd be annoyed too if I had to leave to go fetch my money.

    Don't assume the only two options will be either hosted or dry. Whether one is right and the other wrong isn't really relevant when you're standing at someone's reception and the bartender hands you a tab.
  • As far as I can tell, a cash bar is the main couple's way of telling everyone that at least one of them is from a family with booze issues but they still want there to be drinks.


    This almost gave me whiplash.  People who have a wedding with a cash bar are basically saying that one family is full of alcoholics?  Where the hell did you get that idea? 

    In my area, cash bars are the norm.  They are not etiquette approved, but they are the norm.  NO FREAKING WAY does anyone think it's because people have booze issues.  Rude. 


    I agree.  If I were inclined to think that at all (I'm NOT), I would think the booze issues weddings were the dry weddings.  Because people with actual alcohol issues will pay for it's offered.
  • As far as I can tell, a cash bar is the main couple's way of telling everyone that at least one of them is from a family with booze issues but they still want there to be drinks.
    Right, because having to pay for their drinks at bars totally stops alcoholics in their tracks. They all just rob liquor stores, alcoholics don't pay for their liquor.
  • My SIL recently complained (for MONTHS) about a dry wedding that she HAD to attend (news flash...you didn't have to!). We heard a lot of comments about how they would "bring a flask" or "get drunk beforehand" or whatnot. This all came off very immature and entitled to me.

    Among my friends I would be surprised to attend a wedding where there wasn't some kind of open bar but I would not throw a fit if there wasn't one. If everything else is hosted properly then what are you whining about?

    I once attended a wedding where the bar was only open to the wedding party - the rest of the guests couldn't even buy a drink if they wanted to. Now THAT was rude. The rationale was "but we had 400 people, we couldn't afford a bar for everyone!" Then guess what...you get NO BAR.
  • What really gets me is this "there has to be alcohol for me to have fun at a wedding" attitude.

    Alcohol might make a wedding reception more fun for people to attend, but you're not there solely to have fun.  You're there to celebrate the joining of two people in marriage, whether or not there is alcohol present.  You can't handle that?  Don't accept the fucking invitation.  There's no alcohol?  Get over yourself and be gracious to the couple.  You can have a drink afterwards-on your own time and dime.
  • XrebeccaX said:
    My SIL recently complained (for MONTHS) about a dry wedding that she HAD to attend (news flash...you didn't have to!). We heard a lot of comments about how they would "bring a flask" or "get drunk beforehand" or whatnot. This all came off very immature and entitled to me.

    Among my friends I would be surprised to attend a wedding where there wasn't some kind of open bar but I would not throw a fit if there wasn't one. If everything else is hosted properly then what are you whining about?

    I once attended a wedding where the bar was only open to the wedding party - the rest of the guests couldn't even buy a drink if they wanted to. Now THAT was rude. The rationale was "but we had 400 people, we couldn't afford a bar for everyone!" Then guess what...you get NO BAR.
    Ew, how rude. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    XrebeccaX said:

    Among my friends I would be surprised to attend a wedding where there wasn't some kind of open bar but I would not throw a fit if there wasn't one. If everything else is hosted properly then what are you whining about?

    Assuming the guests don't have to pay for anything, there's nothing for them to whine about.

    But if the guests are charged for drinks, then it doesn't matter if everything else is hosted properly.  For a guest to not appreciate being expected to take out their wallet at what should be a FULLY hosted event is not "whining."

    The reception is supposed to be a thank-you to your guests for attending your wedding, and to thank them by first expecting them to pay for what YOU as the host should be paying for, and then to accuse them of "whining" about it because it shouldn't be coming out of their pockets, comes across as really inhospitable and rude.
  • XrebeccaXXrebeccaX member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    Yes. I was speaking specifically of my SIL who was pouting because she had been invited to attend a DRY wedding. My point was that if the wedding is otherwise politely hosted (appropriate for the hour of the day, no gap, etc) then she is being childish by stamping her little feet about not having liquor available to her.


  • complaining about someone having an open bar hits me as odd. I understand the etiquette that all things should be hosted. However would you rather be hosted with a cash bar or not invited? the compromise would be at most places pay the extraordinarily high consumption prices running into the thousands so that you can pay for everyone's drinks, have no bar at all which seems to me not casting any judgement as unnecessary, or lastly cut your guest list in half to allow for the extra cash needed to pay for a bar. All so that guests don't feel slighted. I'm sure I am in the minority on this one but given the amount that weddings cost a couple who are supposed to be saving for the life ahead of them seems like they could get a pass on this one. It all seems petty to me, would you get mad at someone for inviting you to a baseball game and not buying all your beer and food? 
    What?  Talk about apples and oranges.

    Receptions are a thank you to your guests.  Thank yous are not conditional (i.e. "sure, you can have a glass of wine if you pay for it yourself!  Thanks for coming!").  

    If you can't afford a bar, don't have one.  Simple.  You can still throw a kick ass party for your guests.
    Anniversary

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  • complaining about someone having an open bar hits me as odd. I understand the etiquette that all things should be hosted. However would you rather be hosted with a cash bar or not invited? the compromise would be at most places pay the extraordinarily high consumption prices running into the thousands so that you can pay for everyone's drinks, have no bar at all which seems to me not casting any judgement as unnecessary, or lastly cut your guest list in half to allow for the extra cash needed to pay for a bar. All so that guests don't feel slighted. I'm sure I am in the minority on this one but given the amount that weddings cost a couple who are supposed to be saving for the life ahead of them seems like they could get a pass on this one. It all seems petty to me, would you get mad at someone for inviting you to a baseball game and not buying all your beer and food? 
    How about the idea that you pay for what you can afford? 
    Getting married is a grown up thing, and adult decisions have to be made. If you can't afford thousands for a full open bar, why not a wine/beer soda bar? Or yes, cut your guest list. If you can't afford to properly host 100 people, you don't invite 100 people. Simple.  If I absolutely need all 100 people there, I need to provide something within my budget. An afternoon cake reception, or a brunch reception. 

    But in no circumstances does my inability to budget, or my need to save money for the future justify having my friends and family pick up expenses for things I want but can't afford.

    I have my eye on an 80$ bottle of 2008 Barolo that I would loooove to serve with Thanksgiving dinner. Guess what? I can't make it work in my budget. What I won't do is invite my friends to dinner and then charge them 10$ each to share my wine. I'm going to find something nice that I can offer without breaking my budget. That's the reasonable adult solution. 
    (Maybe for Christmas.)

    A reception is not about the Bride and Groom's fantasy of the perfect party. It's about thanking your guests for taking the time to be part of the day. It is never ever appropriate to ask people to pay for their own thank you gift. 
  • complaining about someone having an open bar hits me as odd. I understand the etiquette that all things should be hosted. However would you rather be hosted with a cash bar or not invited? the compromise would be at most places pay the extraordinarily high consumption prices running into the thousands so that you can pay for everyone's drinks, have no bar at all which seems to me not casting any judgement as unnecessary, or lastly cut your guest list in half to allow for the extra cash needed to pay for a bar. All so that guests don't feel slighted. I'm sure I am in the minority on this one but given the amount that weddings cost a couple who are supposed to be saving for the life ahead of them seems like they could get a pass on this one. It all seems petty to me, would you get mad at someone for inviting you to a baseball game and not buying all your beer and food? 
    An "open bar" and "cash bar" are two different things. An "open bar" = fully hosted/guests pay nothing. A "cash bar" = guests pay for drinks. I don't think one person complained about an "open bar". 

    Giving someone a ticket to a baseball game is different than hosting someone at a wedding reception. If you want to use the baseball game analogy, here's what it would be like. It would be like inviting someone to a baseball game, handing them a beer and hot dog and then saying "$10, please"
    *********************************************************************************

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  • I'm having a dry wedding because I would much rather spend my money on inviting more of the people that I love and want to spend the day with. Their presence at my wedding is much more important than alcohol.
    But, like some of the previous posters, I feel like others are going to think it's "lame." I have had several people (including some of my bridesmaids!) tell me that they're going to bring flasks...

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