MOH Troubles

HellsingMommie12

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth. No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days. Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared. I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.

NYCMercedes

HellsingMommie12 said:

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth. No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days. Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared. I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.

Call her and express your concern for her well-being. Be a friend. Leave your wedding out of the conversation. What do you mean she missed a meeting? Like an AA meeting?

climbingsingle

How did she literally fall of the face of the earth? Does she live in a place where gravity doesn't exist?

HellsingMommie12

I had a talk with her the last time this happened.. The wedding party and I meet up once a month at either the house or a local restaurant.

I think her brain falls off the face of the earth. LOL she just floats off to another world. And doesn't come back for weeks on end.

lilacck28

Deep breaths. It's great that you're concerned for your friend, but things come up in people's lives (job stuff, family stuff, relationship stuff, health stuff, etc.) Sometimes they are really busy and just don't call us back in as timely a manner as we would prefer. That stinks, but it happens. Call up your friend and let her know that you want to hear that she is okay, and ask her how she is doing. Listen to what she says when she gets back to you. Then let it go. You're way too far away from your wedding to be considering something like dropping your friend from the wedding, which will most likely result in dropping your friend from your life.

HellsingMommie12

My texts keep coming back undeliverable etc. Same with the phone. And facebook, it looks like she hasn't even logged in since Tuesday.

I'm more on the side of concerned. But as I said earlier, this isn't the first time.

misshart00

HellsingMommie12 said:

My texts keep coming back undeliverable etc. Same with the phone. And facebook, it looks like she hasn't even logged in since Tuesday.

I'm more on the side of concerned. But as I said earlier, this isn't the first time.

Then tell her the dress she needs to get and by when, then let it go. If she shows up to the wedding, she walks down the aisle. If she doesn't show up, then obviously she has taken herself out.

climbingsingle

Why do you have your bridal party meeting up once a month?

holyguacamole79

Why do you regret picking her? Because her well-being is possibly at risk?

artbyallie

HellsingMommie12 said:

I had a talk with her the last time this happened.. The wedding party and I meet up once a month at either the house or a local restaurant.

I think her brain falls off the face of the earth. LOL she just floats off to another world. And doesn't come back for weeks on end.

I think I would disappear too if I were expected to attend monthly bridesmaid meetings. Why are you doing that?

Viczaesar

Am I in fantasy land?  How on earth does not hearing from someone for 5 days equal them falling off the face of the earth?  And for heaven's sake, why are you having monthly meetings?  The only thing any of your attendants, including the MOH, need to do is get the dress and show up at the wedding.  You cannot require them to attend pre-wedding meetings or throw you parties or anything like that.

AddieCake

I wouldn't be attending wedding party meetings once a month over a year out from your wedding, either.

beethery

All I saw was 'meeting'

Why the hell are you having a damn meeting? If it ain't a NWR book club, tupperware, or Avon sales thing, you shouldn't be doing anything like it.

lurkergirl

HellsingMommie12 said:

My texts keep coming back undeliverable etc. Same with the phone. And facebook, it looks like she hasn't even logged in since Tuesday.

I'm more on the side of concerned. But as I said earlier, this isn't the first time.

So she hasn't talked to you in 5 days...one work week...

And you're checking when she logged in to fb?  FFS, it sounds like she's busy.  Or maybe just avoiding you and your meetings.

Monthly meetings?  Seriously?  I would be avoiding you too.

If you're truly concerned about her well being, then reach out to her and express that.  Don't discuss the wedding.

Maybe try to step back and look at the situation from her perspective.  Keep in mind that nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do. 

Fran1985

Dude its 5 days. It hasnt been 5 months. Also CHILL on monthly meetings when your wedding is a year away. Id be MIA too

LadyMillil

HellsingMommie12 said:

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth. No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days. Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared. I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.

First bolded - there are times when I work 14-16 hour days for a full 7 day week, or when I work 21 days straight. Add on commuting time and taking care of myself and trying to keep my house running smoothly, I just don't have the time to log on to FB, or the energy to actually respond to a text or phone call. Nobody sees me during this time but DH and my coworkers. Not hearing from some one for 5 days is not a big deal, unless you have reason to believe she has been abducted/injured/hospitalized or some other tragedy could have occurred.

Second bolded - I was forced out of a wedding party, so listen to me when I say that this is one of the most hurtful things you can do to a person that is supposed to be close to you. It is a relationship ending move. It is telling some one that is supposed to be one of your nearest and dearest that xyz part of your wedding is more important to you than them. Give the MOH the dress details and the order deadline. If she doesn't get the dress on time she has removed herself from the WP. All she needs to do is show up on time for the ceremony, in the agreed upon attire, and in a relatively sober state. If she does flake and not show up, it has exactly zero impact on whether you get married that day. No one else will notice or care that she isn't there.

zitiqueen

HellsingMommie12 said:

I had a talk with her the last time this happened.. The wedding party and I meet up once a month at either the house or a local restaurant.

I think her brain falls off the face of the earth. LOL she just floats off to another world. And doesn't come back for weeks on end.

So you're saying this is common behavior for her? You knew she was like this before you asked her to be your MOH? Please clarify.

Liatris2010

HellsingMommie12 said:

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth. No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days. Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared. I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.

You want to dump your best friend because you freak out if she doesn't check in with you once a week or attend your apparently mandatory bride-slave meetings? It seems like you are the root of the problem and not her. Instead of "freaking out" why don't you poor yourself a cocktail, put your feet up, and work on getting some perspective. You don't need monthly wedding planning meetings with your BMs or anyone else, and you don't need to freak out about a few missed text messages.

MairePoppy

I call MUD. You want to 'fire' your freind because hasn't retuned your calls for 5 days and skipped out on unnecessary bm meetings for your wedding, which is next June. This can't be real.

lc07

HellsingMommie12 said:

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth. No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days. Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared. I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.

Step 1: Make sure BFF is alive and well.

PrettyGirlLost

HellsingMommie12 said:

I'm having one of those moments where I REALLY regret picking my maid of honor.
She keeps literally falling off the face of the earth.   Like the Earth's gravitational hold has weakened and she's floating off into space?  Or a sink hole opened up and she fell in?  Because that's the only way one could "literally" fall off the face of the Earth.  No body has seen or heard from her for almost five days.   And no one thought fit to call her and find out if she is ok?!  She could be dead, FFS!  Screw your wedding.  Yes the wedding is in June...but she completely missed a meeting the other night and has just disappeared.   What in the hell are you having a meeting for now if your wedding isn't until next year?!  And again, screw your wedding, your friend is missing!  I don't know what to do...and she keeps doing this. This is the third or fourth time in the last few months.   Could it be that she is avoiding all these unnecessary wedding "meetings" for your wedding that is a year away? ><

I don't want to come off as a terrible person, but I feel as though I may need to drop her because I'm HORRIFIED that she's going to do this right before the wedding and it'll cause an even bigger freak out then what it is causing now.  Well, you just came off as a horrible person right there.  Barring a major tragedy or catastrophe, people usually show up for the weddings they agree to be in.  And if she doesn't show up, what is there to freak out over?  Nothing, except perhaps being disappointed she couldn't make it.

H E L P I don't want to come off as a jerk, but I don't know what to say to her that isn't going to sound that way.    You say NOTHNG!  There is nothing for you to worry about, if anything, until next June!!

PrettyGirlLost

HellsingMommie12 said:

I had a talk with her the last time this happened.. The wedding party and I meet up once a month at either the house or a local restaurant.

I think her brain falls off the face of the earth. LOL she just floats off to another world. And doesn't come back for weeks on end.

What?!  Why?!  Your wedding is NEXT JUNE!!!!!

What in the hell do you need to meet with them about every month for the next 10 months?

I had like a 2 year engagement and never had a meeting with my BMs.

[Deleted User]

Monthly meetings? Whoa... I am doing all of my own wedding planning (wedding, reception, wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelortte party etc etc). Just me, my laptop, and my notebook. And the occasional suggestion from FI. 

Viczaesar

CrystinTyler said:

Monthly meetings? Whoa... I am doing all of my own wedding planning (wedding, reception, wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelortte party etc etc). Just me, my laptop, and my notebook. And the occasional suggestion from FI. 

You should not be planning your wedding shower or bachelorette party.

OliveOilsMom

Viczaesar said:

CrystinTyler said:

Monthly meetings? Whoa... I am doing all of my own wedding planning (wedding, reception, wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelortte party etc etc). Just me, my laptop, and my notebook. And the occasional suggestion from FI. 

You should not be planning your wedding shower or bachelorette party

@crystinTyler You should not be throwing any parties in your own honor which is what a shower and bachelorette are. Especially a shower, it is a gift giving occasion and that is why you should not be planning it yourself. Basically you are throwing a party so people can give you presents which is seen as gift grabby.

southernbelle0915

crk9112twp said:

Monthly meetings? Whoa... I am doing all of my own wedding planning (wedding, reception, wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelortte party etc etc). Just me, my laptop, and my notebook. And the occasional suggestion from FI. 

You shouldn't be planning your own shower...

To the OP - its ridiculous to have monthly meetings. Stop now. Your BMs are going to be so sick of your wedding by the time it comes around they're not even going to want to go anymore. If I were your MOH, I'd be skipping out too. Get yourself a glass of wine and CHILL.

doeydo

LOL, I thought you two worked together since you said she missed a meeting.  So, no one hears from her and your first thought is to kick her out from the wedding party thus ending the friendship?  Not going over to double check she is OK, not sending out a search party or something?  

ETA you sound like a great friend.

abbyj700

I feel like I'm in bizzaro world...meetings for a wedding that is next year? WHAT??