On the verge of a break down

JenniferW2015

Someone please give me some advice on this issue!
My FI and I decided from the very beginning of our wedding planning that we wanted to have an adult reception due to the fact that if we invited everyones kids that would add 150 kids to the already huge guest list. His mother has not liked the idea from the beginning..but it was what we wanted so we stuck to it.
Now our wedding is only 9 days away and there has been a huge blow up over one comment that I unfortunately made on FB about extra people on RSVPs and not knowing if we will be able to sit next to eachother on one of our flights to Aruba.
One person started attacking us saying its not right that her kid is not welcome because they are LIKE family (but are not blood related). It has turned into one enormous argument between my FI and his mother and now his sister as well. They are saying that we are in the wrong for not allowing guest C not bring their child. Guest Cs sister and brother have now said that they will not be attending as well as guest C.
In the meantime, my FI has tried to explain to his mother that this was our wishes and people should respect it. She is taking Guest Cs side in the whole issue and has even implied that she may not attend the wedding at all now. I think it is absolutely crazy that this has become such a big issue all because guest C started this huge argument.
What are we to do? I feel like these people are ruining our wedding by creating so much drama.
Please help!!!!!!!

atlastmrsg

Stand your ground and it will blow over. I had a child-free wedding. My FI wanted to give a niece (or cousin? someone...) a pass because she was breast feeding. I told her no, out of fairness to my family members who had declined because their toddlers were not invited. I think she was surprised, but since I explained it calmly and rationally, she understood. She seemed a little cool to me initially, then got over it.

Yes, some people declined because their children weren't invited. But given that I had to rent a ceremony chair and Chiavari reception chair, pay the caterer per plated meal, and pay the open bar (one price for adults, one price per minor's plate) regardless of whether the minor was 1 or 19, those costs added up fast. My venue maxed at 150, so I didn't have space for a bunch of kids. But equally important to me was an environment that was free of crying children, exhausted parents, etc. I wanted a quiet, mature event, and it worked out fabulously.

Ignore the drama. Don't give passes for kids at this point. Enjoy the day, and advise your day of coordinator or planner that children were not invited so that s/he can deal with if someone shows up kids in tow. You'll just have to decide if that person is turned away completely, or accommodated if you have extra seats/late cancels. I told my coordinator absolutely no kids. If someone showed up with a child, they would be shown that the child was not on the spreadsheet of RSVPs and table assignments, and that the child would have to be taken home. Harsh? Yes. But no one brought uninvited kids, so it was a non-issue.

holyguacamole79

JenniferW2015 said:

Someone please give me some advice on this issue!
My FI and I decided from the very beginning of our wedding planning that we wanted to have an adult reception due to the fact that if we invited everyones kids that would add 150 kids to the already huge guest list. His mother has not liked the idea from the beginning..but it was what we wanted so we stuck to it.
Now our wedding is only 9 days away and there has been a huge blow up over one comment that I unfortunately made on FB about extra people on RSVPs and not knowing if we will be able to sit next to eachother on one of our flights to Aruba.
One person started attacking us saying its not right that her kid is not welcome because they are LIKE family (but are not blood related). It has turned into one enormous argument between my FI and his mother and now his sister as well. They are saying that we are in the wrong for not allowing guest C not bring their child. Guest Cs sister and brother have now said that they will not be attending as well as guest C.
In the meantime, my FI has tried to explain to his mother that this was our wishes and people should respect it. She is taking Guest Cs side in the whole issue and has even implied that she may not attend the wedding at all now. I think it is absolutely crazy that this has become such a big issue all because guest C started this huge argument.
What are we to do? I feel like these people are ruining our wedding by creating so much drama.
Please help!!!!!!!

First off (and it seems like you've learned this already), get wedding talk off Facebook. 

Secondly, who is paying for the wedding?  If FI's family has no financial contributions, then they really have zero say.  Even if they were financially contributing, they should have brought up the issue of C's child when the guest list was first created, not now.

Stand your ground.  Let C know that you cannot accommodate their son/daughter.  Continue to let discussion between FI & FMIL be handled by FI.  I really hope his mother will still attend the wedding regardless.

Good luck!

CMGragain

Call FMIL's bluff and refuse to discuss it.  My late MIL tried the same threat.  DH told her that he would personally carry her into the church, dressed in her pajamas, if she tried to boycott our wedding.  She came.

JenniferW2015

Yeah the comment was an in the heat of the moment type thing, which I normally do not do, but a girl can only take so much. Wish I wouldn't have posted it now. But I had no idea it would turn into an all out brawl. Bottom line I think these people aka Guest C and family are being selfish by not coming. But I am to the point I really don't give a rats ass if they are there or not anymore. Obviously they are not that close of family friends as everyone thought.
Both sets of parent are paying equal parts and my parent are standing behind our decision.

kata18

I agree with a PP, this will eventually all blow over. As long as your FI and you are at the wedding, then everything is already perfect. Stand your ground; it's your wedding.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

How'd it go, OP?  Did Guest C show up for free food?  Did FMIL smooth out her petticoats?