Plus-Sized

I think that my future sister-in-law just insulted my size...I'm not sure how to deal....[Rant]

Hi fellow plus-sized Knotties....

I just got engaged this July and am planning a 7-11-15 wedding! My FH and I are so happy and so far everyone has been thrilled for us!
I have been dress shopping 3 or 4 times and have had MOSTLY good experiences. However my mother and my FMIL have TOTALLY different views on what I should look like on my wedding day. I have always been the most dependent on my own mom when it comes to making a large purchase like a dress because she is the MOST honest person around. (example: "that makes your boobs look giant" or "whoa that give you such a small waist!")  and my FMIL is opposite. anything I put on is received positively. 
I am not a small girl. I am a 12/14 pant and L/XL shirt...5'2" and 175....Im short and stout. but I LIKE my body! of course I watch what I eat and make an effort to keep my weight down but I am not ashamed of myself. As my FH says I have "all the right assets" for him. I am also very lucky because I have an hourglass figure...very defined waist. 
Today my future sister in law (who just married a year-ish ago) were testing about the wedding. I was telling her how my mom sees a more sassy (see fit and flair) dress and my FMIL sees total princess (total ballgown... cathedral train...ect) and due to mixed opinions I have NO opinion yet...
After sitting down with my AMAZING FH (and maybe happening to show him some pictures of me in different shaped gowns...SHHH!!!) he says "wow, the fit and flair looks amazing on you." and he decided the ballgowns just way overpowered me due to my height. 
I then text my FSIL (thinking hey, lets bond since we haven't really ever got along very well) and tell her he likes the idea of fit and flair.
She then proceeds to tell me that's what she pictured me in. she was just too afraid to tell me because she "didn't know how comfortable I would be in it" and that she was afraid since she wore one that I wouldn't want to. she continued to tell me that a f&f also shows off my " very curvy top" and if I can get one with a corset "it will make me have curvier hips and a "SMALL" waist"
Am I wrong to feel beaten down over what she said? I feel so insulted because she is a little smaller than me and make that very apparent sometimes...

END RANT

Thank you so much for listing to that.
I attached two of the pictures that I thought were the most flattering...if anyone could tell me opinions I would be forever thankful 
:) :) :)

 
TH28754

Re: I think that my future sister-in-law just insulted my size...I'm not sure how to deal....[Rant]

  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    It's so hard to tell what a person means over a text, you can't see facial expressions or hear voice fluxes.  As far as the comment she didn't know if you'd be comfortable in it - do you usually wear looser fitting clothes, jeans & t-shirts, dressier clothes, etc?

    As far as saying a corset back, I'm way on board with the corset because it does help you 'mold' your body, it usually requires less in the alterations department, and it allows for last minute weight loss/gains.

    So all in all - it's really hard to say if she was just trying to be helpful.  Weight is such a touchy topic.

    Of the two pics - I like the ballgown better.  I think the drop waist one cuts off in an odd spot (the spot that most women want to camouflage) - maybe if it was more of a gradual flare.  I might be a little partial to the ballgowns because that's what I ended up with, I did keep going between fit and flare and ballgown though (the runner up to my ballgown was a fit and flare -- THIS one)


    image
    Anniversary
  • It's so hard to tell what a person means over a text, you can't see facial expressions or hear voice fluxes.  As far as the comment she didn't know if you'd be comfortable in it - do you usually wear looser fitting clothes, jeans & t-shirts, dressier clothes, etc?

    As far as saying a corset back, I'm way on board with the corset because it does help you 'mold' your body, it usually requires less in the alterations department, and it allows for last minute weight loss/gains.

    So all in all - it's really hard to say if she was just trying to be helpful.  Weight is such a touchy topic.

    Of the two pics - I like the ballgown better.  I think the drop waist one cuts off in an odd spot (the spot that most women want to camouflage) - maybe if it was more of a gradual flare.  I might be a little partial to the ballgowns because that's what I ended up with, I did keep going between fit and flare and ballgown though (the runner up to my ballgown was a fit and flare -- THIS one)
    Typically I tend to dress up more than the average person. I see her most often when I am dressed up (Business causal/office attire)  very rarely do I wear jeans and a tee shirt. 

    I agree it can be hard because it is texting, and I try not to read too much into texts, however I have been known to over sensualize things. 

    That ballgown I had on was my favorite of that style, and the picture of the f&f was not my favorite one (but it is the only picture of me in that style)

    That dress is stunning!!! In fact, near perfect to what my FH had said was "me".  if that was your runner up I'm sure your actual dress is jaw dropping!
  • I would recommend a corset to even really fit brides to give them a smaller waist - I wouldn't be offended. It's not wrong to say most brides want to look like they have a tiny waist on their wedding - regardless if they're plus size or not :) Don't worry about it.
    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Wow the fit and flare really does look AMAZINGGGGGG! Don't worry if she insulted you or not, how could she? You just look so wonderful!

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
    rainbows0215
  • Honestly - and I have a fairly thick skin - I would have just taken what she was saying as helpful. It doesn't' seem to me that she had any rude/mean undertones. I think she was being genuine. BUT - it was over text- so you can never really tell. 


    As far as the dresses go - I LOVE LOVE LOVE the second one! @Dignity100 is right - it does cut at a little bit of a weird place - but I think it looks amazing on you. Once you do pick a dress post some pictures for us to see!!
                                    Daisypath Wedding tickers


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    cowgirl8238
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I don't think your FSIL meant any harm.  Try not to read into it.

    Of the two dresses, I lean towards the A-Line.  But I'm not a fan of fit and flare to begin with.  I just think the fit part always ends at a weird spot on most people and just looks "off".  I also think it's a trend that will date wedding photos.
  • Thank you all so much for your awesome input!
    Last night I spontaneously went to DB with my mom and we found THE dress!!!

    I put it on and I KNEW. I feel like nothing says "sassy princess" better than this...its just....me!

    Let me know what you think :D
    Llikotdesserd
  • I like that dress.  I looks nice on you
  • I like the fit and flake.


  • I personally like the fit and flare DRESS better, but I think the ball gown is more flattering on YOU.  However, it's all about YOU feel in your dress :)  From your description, you and i have a very similar body shape and I didn't feel comfortable in any of the fit and flares I tried on, but if you love it - rock it!
  • Beautiful!! I love the Fit and Flare dress!! Your working that dress well!!
  • I'm so sorry you felt hurt by your FSILs words. I am sure she really did not mean that at all. She probably admires that you have lovely curves and thought that a corset would highlight that even more. I completely understand misinterpreting someone's meaning and feeling hurt but uncertain if you should say something. The first Christmas I spent at my FMIL's house with my fiance (years and years ago now) she gave me a gift of some lacy black panties. (First of all, kind of a weird gift from a FMIL, right?) But she got them a size bigger than I wear in clothes usually. I had gained some weight in the last few years and to me it felt like she was telling me I had a big butt (and not in a good way). I was so hurt, I confessed it to my fiance. Turns out it was the size she wears and so she figured it would fit me. She meant absolutely about the size of my butt and I completely took it the wrong way. Take a step back, take a deep breath. You FSIL sounds like she wants to help you in finding a dress but didn't want to interfere. Her choice of words probably wasn't ideal, but I don't think she meant anything hurtful. 
    mrsknific
  • Thank you so much...your story definitely helps me through this. 
    since this all happened we have seen each other quite a bit. she has recently lost 20lbs and her and my FBIL have been talking about nothing but it.(i  mean good for her, and of course me and my stress eating are jealous!) but ill be the first to admit i feel judged by them often...
    that being said, she has been UBER supportive with the wedding. she has been understanding and so helpful. she is great to bounce ideas off of and i think she is making an effort to push me to pick things that my FH and i want (ie songs, cake, colors)... i think i just have to realize she is blunt and talks most of the time without thinking...
    weddingcactus
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