Help!! Extremely low budget!!!

aleciajaye

emmiejayne said:

You know what? It's your wedding, do it your way.  Think creatively, DIY stuff if you want,and have time and skill, scour the sales and make Ebay your best friend.

Having a low-cost wedding doesn't mean you can't have a special, elegant day. Little is often more, and having a simple wedding means less things to think about and it'll bring down your costs!

In general, and from my own experience, off-season (October-March) weddings are cheapest.

Shrink your guest list - work colleagues (unless they're friends), vague "Jane Smith plus-one"s, and your mum's friend from the bridge club can go. Would the party/family gathering not be the same without them? INVITE! Don't just invite people you're not close to because it's "just how things are done".

Don't mention the word wedding to vendors until AFTER you have signed a contract! Just say party or family reunion; it can drop costs by as much as 20%.

Don't buy into the concept of "without X my wedding won't be perfect!"  Guess what? It will be, because you're marrying the lucky guy/girl you're in love with.  Make it about the marriage, not the wedding.

Make it about you guys. I'd much rather people put money towards our honeymoon than buy us stuff we don't actually need! In my social circle it's OK to say "We don't actually need anything, really, it'll be amazing if you come, but if you really would like to get us something, we're trying to save up for a scuba experience in Turkey/home refurb/etc."

With regards to BYOB weddings, we're providing a signature cocktail, beer, wine, water and fruit juice, but if anyone wants anything more complicated then they can bring it themselves.  Why is it against etiquette? Yes, I want my guests to have fun and enjoy themselves, but why does that mean there has to be a full £10,000 open bar?  Also, potluck weddings work in come cultures/social circles.  If ours wasn't so big, I'd consider it! 

Etiquette DOES vary by neighborhood, country, religion, culture; that's kinda the point.  If I ate with my fingers in the UK, I'd get funny looks - it's "rude".  But in India (lived there for a while) it's common practice to the point where it's difficult to find restaurants that have cutlery, and it's certainly not found in the home.

PS to all those who use the dreaded T word; I HATE the word tacky.  What does it even mean, anyway? Maybe I think you're wedding is tacky.  You'll probably think mine is, but guess what? I don't give a rats ass, because if we enjoy it, and the people who are coming enjoy it, then let it be.  It's similar to, if not the same as, the juvenile concept of what's "cool" or "hip" or "in" or whatever is said these days.

I second the advice about using the word wedding with vendors (my iPad won't let me bold). A friend got married this past April. Her MIL paid for the RD, didn't mention wedding and saved 47% on the cost. Ridiculous the mark up on these things.

beethery

emmiejayne said:

You know what? It's your wedding, do it your way.  Think creatively, DIY stuff if you want,and have time and skill, scour the sales and make Ebay your best friend.

Having a low-cost wedding doesn't mean you can't have a special, elegant day. Little is often more, and having a simple wedding means less things to think about and it'll bring down your costs!

In general, and from my own experience, off-season (October-March) weddings are cheapest.

Shrink your guest list - work colleagues (unless they're friends), vague "Jane Smith plus-one"s, and your mum's friend from the bridge club can go. Would the party/family gathering not be the same without them? INVITE! Don't just invite people you're not close to because it's "just how things are done".

Don't mention the word wedding to vendors until AFTER you have signed a contract! Just say party or family reunion; it can drop costs by as much as 20%.

Don't buy into the concept of "without X my wedding won't be perfect!"  Guess what? It will be, because you're marrying the lucky guy/girl you're in love with.  Make it about the marriage, not the wedding.

Make it about you guys. I'd much rather people put money towards our honeymoon than buy us stuff we don't actually need! In my social circle it's OK to say "We don't actually need anything, really, it'll be amazing if you come, but if you really would like to get us something, we're trying to save up for a scuba experience in Turkey/home refurb/etc."

With regards to BYOB weddings, we're providing a signature cocktail, beer, wine, water and fruit juice, but if anyone wants anything more complicated then they can bring it themselves.  Why is it against etiquette? Yes, I want my guests to have fun and enjoy themselves, but why does that mean there has to be a full £10,000 open bar?  Also, potluck weddings work in come cultures/social circles.  If ours wasn't so big, I'd consider it! 

Etiquette DOES vary by neighborhood, country, religion, culture; that's kinda the point.  If I ate with my fingers in the UK, I'd get funny looks - it's "rude".  But in India (lived there for a while) it's common practice to the point where it's difficult to find restaurants that have cutlery, and it's certainly not found in the home.

PS to all those who use the dreaded T word; I HATE the word tacky.  What does it even mean, anyway? Maybe I think you're wedding is tacky.  You'll probably think mine is, but guess what? I don't give a rats ass, because if we enjoy it, and the people who are coming enjoy it, then let it be.  It's similar to, if not the same as, the juvenile concept of what's "cool" or "hip" or "in" or whatever is said these days.

@emmiejayne To the bolded:

Pot lucks are a mess, and if your open bar is going to cost 10,000 of any kind of currency, you are doing it wrong (unless you are having an enormous wedding and doing only top shelf things and serving stuff like Louis XIII Cognac). Don't recommend pot lucks to people. If you can't afford to feed your guests to the point where they have to bring their own food, you don't need to have guests.

Definition of tacky, as defined by TK posters who do not want to be tacky:

Tacky: Passing cost of stuff on to your guests. Poorly planning to the point where you (general you) can not afford to do X unless your guests do a cash bar (and therefore cut the cost of beverages for you), or they pay for your fucking honeymoon. Tacky is bad. Tacky shit like that makes you look like you don't understand how money works and think that it grows on trees or falls out of the sky.

Don't be tacky. Don't be financially stupid. Plan what you can afford, and if you can't afford it, you need to do something else.

You have a lot of learning to do.

emmiejayne

You are entirely missing my point. Tacky is a horrible word. It is designed to make other people feel shitty about themselves.

My point about pot luck is that it *can* work for *some* people. I wasn't recommending it in every case.

In some cases (mine included) weddings are a family gathering, celebrating the joining together of two families. All I care about reception-wise is that my guests have a good time and are well fed - everything else is meaningless. In others, its a chance to show off how much money you have.

The whole point of my post wasn't "this is how things are done", it was providing viable options. Maybe you don't agree and that's fine, but given that its my opinion, dont tell me I am wrong.

To the OP - make your wedding how you like. If it makes you happy, do it. The days of strict rules regarding etiquette are over. If you want to chat to someone who won't BS you or tell you your ideas are tacky, and who will try to work out viable suggestions, shout me. Good luck with everything

esstee33

emmiejayne said:

You are entirely missing my point. Tacky is a horrible word. It is designed to make other people feel shitty about themselves. My point about pot luck is that it *can* work for *some* people. I wasn't recommending it in every case. In some cases (mine included) weddings are a family gathering, celebrating the joining together of two families. All I care about reception-wise is that my guests have a good time and are well fed - everything else is meaningless. In others, its a chance to show off how much money you have. The whole point of my post wasn't "this is how things are done", it was providing viable options. Maybe you don't agree and that's fine, but given that its my opinion, dont tell me I am wrong. To the OP - make your wedding how you like. If it makes you happy, do it. The days of strict rules regarding etiquette are over. If you want to chat to someone who won't BS you or tell you your ideas are tacky, and who will try to work out viable suggestions, shout me. Good luck with everything

Uh, no. Stop this bullshit. 

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding without your FI? Like, not even "and guest," which would be offensive enough on its own, but just totally without your FI? 

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding in which the bridal party was served a much nicer meal than you? Or only the bridal party was allowed to have alcohol, and everyone else could only have soda/water? 

How would you feel if there was a cover charge at the wedding reception, and you had to literally pay for your own dinner? 

How would you feel if you got your invitation super late, making it pretty obvious that you weren't on their first-choice invite list? 

Etiquette has a purpose -- ensuring that your guests (ALL your guests) are hosted appropriately. It's not there for you to pick and choose which etiquette standards are most convenient for you, and for you to disregard the standards that make you have to actually fucking think and plan appropriately. 

ETA: Also? Yeah, the purpose of the word "tacky" is to make people feel shitty about choices THAT ARE SHITTY. 

emmiejayne

esstee33 said:

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding without your FI? Like, not even "and guest," which would be offensive enough on its own, but just totally without your FI? 

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding in which the bridal party was served a much nicer meal than you? Or only the bridal party was allowed to have alcohol, and everyone else could only have soda/water? 

How would you feel if there was a cover charge at the wedding reception, and you had to literally pay for your own dinner? 

How would you feel if you got your invitation super late, making it pretty obvious that you weren't on their first-choice invite list? 

Etiquette has a purpose -- ensuring that your guests (ALL your guests) are hosted appropriately. It's not there for you to pick and choose which etiquette standards are most convenient for you, and for you to disregard the standards that make you have to actually fucking think and plan appropriately. 

ETA: Also? Yeah, the purpose of the word "tacky" is to make people feel shitty about choices THAT ARE SHITTY. 

One: seeing as most of our friends are mutual, this will 99% likely not happen.  In the case that it does, it wouldn't bother me - why would I expect someone to invite them to their wedding when they don't even know him by sight?

The other stuff is just trying to prove a point.  No one here would do that (the separate dinner thing, separate drinks, cover charge), but it's not etiquette, it's common courtesy.  There is a massive difference between saying "we don't need gifts, please don't worry about it, but if you really want to get us something cash would be preferred for a home refurb/whatever" than saying "here, pay for your dinner!".  As for the late-not-first-choice-invite, if I'm not close to you, I don't expect to be invited! 

Appropriate hosting varied by religion, community, country, social circle, ethnicity.  Etiquette varies the same way (yes it does, don't argue.  Having lived in several different countries, I know my shit.)  I was at a wedding in the south of France, and it was potluck - everyone brought a cake, or a salad or something (the couple provided the main dishes).  It was beautiful and loving, and about bringing together two families, not about "providing" a good time.  Everyone had a fantastic time because family from across the world was brought together in a celebration of love and commitment.  My UK aunt had a very up-market, posh, hotel wedding and it was awful, for exactly the reasons two paragraphs down.

Have you ever considered that people don't believe exactly the same things as you? Have you ever considered that what's right for one person might not be for another?

"Tacky" to me means making the wedding day more important than your marriage. It mans that the aesthetics become the most essential part.  It means making other brides feel bad about themselves and their decisions when what they want and need is guidance and inspiration, not heartless, judgmental criticism.

emmiejayne

FOR THE OP: Have your wedding the way you want it.  Etiquette is irrelevant.  Think instead about common courtesy, family and friends, and what's appropriate for them!  Asking anonymous brides on the internet just makes you feel shitty (unless you've got rhino skin, like me).  Ask the people who mean the most to you! They'll give you the best insight on what they think is appropriate or not.

Honesty is the best policy regarding courtesy and politeness, so if your family/friends shoot down an idea, don't take it as criticism.  Take it as a "it's not perfect, tweak it a bit", and BOOM, fabulousness shall appear.

I keep saying good luck; it's more that you survive the bitchy "your wedding is tacky/not good enough" BS, than your wedding.  *hugs* all round.

esstee33

emmiejayne said:

esstee33 said:

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding without your FI? Like, not even "and guest," which would be offensive enough on its own, but just totally without your FI? 

How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding in which the bridal party was served a much nicer meal than you? Or only the bridal party was allowed to have alcohol, and everyone else could only have soda/water? 

How would you feel if there was a cover charge at the wedding reception, and you had to literally pay for your own dinner? 

How would you feel if you got your invitation super late, making it pretty obvious that you weren't on their first-choice invite list? 

Etiquette has a purpose -- ensuring that your guests (ALL your guests) are hosted appropriately. It's not there for you to pick and choose which etiquette standards are most convenient for you, and for you to disregard the standards that make you have to actually fucking think and plan appropriately. 

ETA: Also? Yeah, the purpose of the word "tacky" is to make people feel shitty about choices THAT ARE SHITTY. 

One: seeing as most of our friends are mutual, this will 99% likely not happen.  In the case that it does, it wouldn't bother me - why would I expect someone to invite them to their wedding when they don't even know him by sight?

The other stuff is just trying to prove a point.  No one here would do that (the separate dinner thing, separate drinks, cover charge), but it's not etiquette, it's common courtesy.  There is a massive difference between saying "we don't need gifts, please don't worry about it, but if you really want to get us something cash would be preferred for a home refurb/whatever" than saying "here, pay for your dinner!".  As for the late-not-first-choice-invite, if I'm not close to you, I don't expect to be invited! 

Appropriate hosting varied by religion, community, country, social circle, ethnicity.  Etiquette varies the same way (yes it does, don't argue.  Having lived in several different countries, I know my shit.)  I was at a wedding in the south of France, and it was potluck - everyone brought a cake, or a salad or something (the couple provided the main dishes).  It was beautiful and loving, and about bringing together two families, not about "providing" a good time.  Everyone had a fantastic time because family from across the world was brought together in a celebration of love and commitment.  My UK aunt had a very up-market, posh, hotel wedding and it was awful, for exactly the reasons two paragraphs down.

Have you ever considered that people don't believe exactly the same things as you? Have you ever considered that what's right for one person might not be for another?

"Tacky" to me means making the wedding day more important than your marriage. It mans that the aesthetics become the most essential part.  It means making other brides feel bad about themselves and their decisions when what they want and need is guidance and inspiration, not heartless, judgmental criticism.

You are absolutely fucking hopeless. Etiquette is not the same thing as cultural tradition. If you can't understand a simple distinction like that, I have no more energy to waste on you. 

southernbelle0915

emmiejayne said:

One: seeing as most of our friends are mutual, this will 99% likely not happen.  In the case that it does, it wouldn't bother me - why would I expect someone to invite them to their wedding when they don't even know him by sight?

The other stuff is just trying to prove a point.  No one here would do that (the separate dinner thing, separate drinks, cover charge), but it's not etiquette, it's common courtesy.  There is a massive difference between saying "we don't need gifts, please don't worry about it, but if you really want to get us something cash would be preferred for a home refurb/whatever" than saying "here, pay for your dinner!".  As for the late-not-first-choice-invite, if I'm not close to you, I don't expect to be invited! 

Appropriate hosting varied by religion, community, country, social circle, ethnicity.  Etiquette varies the same way (yes it does, don't argue.  Having lived in several different countries, I know my shit.)  I was at a wedding in the south of France, and it was potluck - everyone brought a cake, or a salad or something (the couple provided the main dishes).  It was beautiful and loving, and about bringing together two families, not about "providing" a good time.  Everyone had a fantastic time because family from across the world was brought together in a celebration of love and commitment.  My UK aunt had a very up-market, posh, hotel wedding and it was awful, for exactly the reasons two paragraphs down.

Have you ever considered that people don't believe exactly the same things as you? Have you ever considered that what's right for one person might not be for another?

"Tacky" to me means making the wedding day more important than your marriage. It mans that the aesthetics become the most essential part.  It means making other brides feel bad about themselves and their decisions when what they want and need is guidance and inspiration, not heartless, judgmental criticism.

I don't think you have lurked enough. People DO have separate dinners, events, levels of bar access, etc. It's pretty gross and I think it might really surprise you. In a bad way.

Yes, cultures are different. But we aren't talking about the difference between an American wedding and an an African wedding here. This question/thread is about standard American etiquette (or common courtesy). I'm glad you "know your shit" because you've lived in another country. Whoop-dee-doo - I have too. But that has absolutely nothing to do with what is and what is not standard etiquette for an American wedding. 

Reading the actual question and thread helps instead of you using someone else's thread as your own little soap box.

emmiejayne said:

FOR THE OP: Have your wedding the way you want it.  Etiquette is irrelevant.  Think instead about common courtesy, family and friends, and what's appropriate for them!  Asking anonymous brides on the internet just makes you feel shitty (unless you've got rhino skin, like me).  Ask the people who mean the most to you! They'll give you the best insight on what they think is appropriate or not.

Honesty is the best policy regarding courtesy and politeness, so if your family/friends shoot down an idea, don't take it as criticism.  Take it as a "it's not perfect, tweak it a bit", and BOOM, fabulousness shall appear.

I keep saying good luck; it's more that you survive the bitchy "your wedding is tacky/not good enough" BS, than your wedding.  *hugs* all round.

I feel like you have this perception of etiquette that it's some Downton Abbey, stuffy thing. It's not. It IS common courtesy, just as you are advising people. Only your idea of what is common courtesy as it relates to weddings is incorrect. It's not a matter of opinion. It's a fact.

For example, when you bump into someone, it's proper etiquette to say 'excuse me', right? You wouldn't tell someone to glare at the person, say 'excuse YOU', etc. would you? No. There IS a proper way handle certain things. You happen to be incorrect about how to handle weddings. That's fine, but instead of giving people bad information, maybe you should try to learn something so that you can actually HELP people going forward...

Also, families/friends will tell you what you want to hear as it relates to your wedding. I am about the most blunt person you'll meet. But when my girlfriend came out of the dressing room crying tears of joy saying 'this is the one!!' in a wedding dress I thought was god-awful, I said 'you look great and so happy - I'm so glad you found it!" Because really? I'm not going to rain on her special day by saying 'um, that dress looks horrible on you and like a prom dress."

emmiejayne

Apologies, I'm not American, I'm English.  We do things differently.  But having a budget wedding is about thinking outside the box, right? Maybe it's helpful to look at other ideas, instead of staying with something because "it's just how it's done."

Also, what the heck is a soap box?

Good luck with everything.

chibiyui

emmiejayne said:

Apologies, I'm not American, I'm English.  We do things differently.  But having a budget wedding is about thinking outside the box, right? Maybe it's helpful to look at other ideas, instead of staying with something because "it's just how it's done."

Also, what the heck is a soap box?

Good luck with everything.

I'm pretty sure LondonLisa has said potlucks aren't accepted over in England either. Thinking outside the box would be contacting a food truck or local restaurant instead of a wedding caterer or reception hall. Asking your guests to make food is just, well, TACKY.

southernbelle0915

emmiejayne said:

Apologies, I'm not American, I'm English.  We do things differently.  But having a budget wedding is about thinking outside the box, right? Maybe it's helpful to look at other ideas, instead of staying with something because "it's just how it's done."

Also, what the heck is a soap box?

Good luck with everything.

Understood - this poster is asking about her American wedding. And actually, the OP is planning a lovely wedding. It's other posters who came in later giving her bad advice (like having guests provide the alcohol/potluck/etc.). I usually rely on @LondonLisa for English etiquette because she's a guru. 

Etiquette rules still apply to budget weddings. Thinking outside the box is a must - but there are ways to do it without violating etiquette rules. For example, on the first page of this thread, the OP was given lots of ideas on how to keep costs down - non-meal time wedding, keeping guest list down, backyard bbq, etc. 

There are people on these boards who had a totally etiquette friendly wedding and had it on an extremely low budget. It's possible to do it for $100. The main thing is that budget isn't an excuse to break etiquette. The same is true for luxury weddings. Just because someone has a certain budget doesn't give them a free pass to treat people like poop.

emmiejayne

They might not be accepted in HER social circle.  

Stop trying to wind me up with the whole tacky thing.  It's a subjective adjective.  Repeat, subjective.

Please read several of my above posts, one about being supportive and inspiring to other brides, and the other about considering other avenues with an open mind.  

To the mod: sorry, I wasn't aware I had to agree with everyone else.  Nor was I aware I had to "lurk" for a certain period of time before I posted.

LondonLisa

emmiejayne said:

They might not be accepted in HER social circle.  

Stop trying to wind me up with the whole tacky thing.  It's a subjective adjective.  Repeat, subjective.

Please read several of my above posts, one about being supportive and inspiring to other brides, and the other about considering other avenues with an open mind.  

To the mod: sorry, I wasn't aware I had to agree with everyone else.  Nor was I aware I had to "lurk" for a certain period of time before I posted.

I get that you are having a budget wedding. However, I have been to amazing budget weddings. I went to a cream tea in the village hall wedding that was one of the most fun I have ever been to! The bride bought scones, finer sandwiches, cake and tea. No alcohol, no super expensive 3 course meal. Everyone had a great time. 

I think what is hard to understand when you feel backed into a corner, is that everyone has budget constraints. It is easy to feel you HAVE to serve the set menu and have an open bar. Budget realities mean that quite a large proportion of people cannot afford that. Therefore, these boards are fantastic at showing that one can have a non-meal time wedding, one can have a dry wedding etc. 

The absolute unbreakable rule of this board is: "Treat your wedding guests just as that: GUESTS". Meaning don't make them cook, don't make them pay for anything, and don't leave them starving during a meal time. 

I admit the North American directness was a bit surprising at first, but I am SO glad they did! How many times in life can one ask: "is this ok" and have a completely unbiased group respond? That is a fantastic resource.

As for cooking, don't banish Aunt Beryl to the kitchen to prep all the food, even if she offers. She will do it because she loves you. But that is all the more reason to have her next to you on the dance floor where the memories are made. You want to remember the wedding laughing with your nearest and dearest even if that means during afternoon cake and tea, rather than enjoying the set menu with your family slaving away behind the scenes. 

southernbelle0915

emmiejayne said:

They might not be accepted in HER social circle.  

Stop trying to wind me up with the whole tacky thing.  It's a subjective adjective.  Repeat, subjective.

Please read several of my above posts, one about being supportive and inspiring to other brides, and the other about considering other avenues with an open mind.  

To the mod: sorry, I wasn't aware I had to agree with everyone else.  Nor was I aware I had to "lurk" for a certain period of time before I posted.

Look, I was trying to be nice to you and took the time to explain wedding etiquette, the culture of this forum, etc. You're welcome, by the way.

Of course you don't HAVE to lurk. But when you don't, you look like a bull in a china shop rolling up in here spouting off information that is incorrect and confusing to brides. 

How is it not "supportive" and "inspiring" for posters to give brides information and ideas on how to have their budget wedding and still be polite to guests? Please enlighten me since you seem to know everything. Or is your idea of "supportive" ONLY saying "it's YOUR super special day!! Do whatever you want and treat your guests however you want!!" Sorry, but that is bad advice.

emmiejayne

Supportive and inspiring is, to me, the way LondonLisa has been with me.  "Maybe not this, but try X, Y, Z and don't forget the marmite."

theKnot in general seems... jeez, really harsh, to be honest. When someone has spent time thinking about options and ideas, to have a stranger say "OMG it's so tacky, you can't do that!" is really freaking hurtful.  I acknowledge it's a valuable resource, but there is a culture here of "I don't like it, personally, so therefore it's tacky".  

Thanks for trying to explain it to me, really. I'm not dense, I promise, nor do I try to act like a bull-in-a-china-shop, I'm autistic. I'm just aggravated when people have the attitude of "I'm the expert, you're wrong, stfu". I've tried to be more liberal and less about this is just how things are done, more "you're an adult, use the options/advice here but use your own judgement".

wandajune6

I always thought that you want to be surrounded by the people you love when you get married and be able to celebrate with them after.

It's always puzzled me why someone would ask these cherished people to come to their party but not allow them to enjoy it. If they are loved, wouldn't you want them to have a better time than everyone else, not worse?

When I got married, the boys got ready at our house, the girls got ready at the hotel, and my parents and assorted other family got ready at their house. I had lunch delivered to all 3 locations so no one had to worry about anything. Sure, it was just sandwiches (thanks, Jimmy John's!) but I wanted to make life easier for those people I care about most.

It seems strange to me...

LondonLisa

@emmiejayne, I don't think anyone is calling you thick. The thing is, the wedding industry pumps our heads so full of "it is your day, so do whatever you want" which you should read as: "spend more money! We don't care if it is you or your guests, as long as we get the cash!"

I look at TK as the antidote to that. It brings me back down to reality. 

Everyone on here wants all the other women to have the best weddings they can. They wouldn't post otherwise. 

But with some etiquette things, it really can be a black and white situation. And sometimes that is a bitter pill to swallow. At the end of the day, asking someone to bring food (potluck) to a wedding is rude. 

Viczaesar

emmiejayne said:

Supportive and inspiring is, to me, the way LondonLisa has been with me.  "Maybe not this, but try X, Y, Z and don't forget the marmite."

theKnot in general seems... jeez, really harsh, to be honest. When someone has spent time thinking about options and ideas, to have a stranger say "OMG it's so tacky, you can't do that!" is really freaking hurtful.  I acknowledge it's a valuable resource, but there is a culture here of "I don't like it, personally, so therefore it's tacky".  

Thanks for trying to explain it to me, really. I'm not dense, I promise, nor do I try to act like a bull-in-a-china-shop, I'm autistic. I'm just aggravated when people have the attitude of "I'm the expert, you're wrong, stfu". I've tried to be more liberal and less about this is just how things are done, more "you're an adult, use the options/advice here but use your own judgement".

No, there is a culture here of "That's rude and an inappropriate idea.  Here is the etiquette rule that you're breaking.  You should do X or Y instead." 

I'll agree with you that the choice of some people to say tacky is misleading sometimes; tacky is subjective.  Rude, however, is not.  Some people say tacky and rude, some people say tacky and mean rude.  Etiquette breaking results in rudeness.  Etiquette is merely the formal name of good manners and treating people well.

cheapchicbride16

The best way I've seen to cut costs on a wedding is to cut out the little things that really aren't needed. Favors... You really don't need them and why spend the extra money on something people probably don't want. Save The Dates... You can do without them. For a reception... Cake, Punch and Appetizers are perfect for me and it doesn't take the whole day up. Just have fun on your wedding and don't stress. A wedding isn't about a day, but about building a marriage and a life together forever.

crystalsoongooden

I can relate my fiancée and I are planning our OWN wedding too. Our budget is low I would say considering others but that's okay honestly you have to live after a wedding. I would say check local parks or civic, vfw, and community centers in your city sometimes you will get a discount if you live in that community and just have punch, cupcakes go to SAMs club or Costco they have cakes to order even cupcakes. I found my venue for $550.00. You can find a really cheap ceremony spot as ppl stated parks would be cheap.
I wish you the best!

Knottie03870115

I have gone to stock the bar parties, but they were housewarming parties more or less. If you have casual friends/family that wouldn't mind this, by all means go for it. You know your inner circle better than anyone commenting on your post. 

I think if you do it in someone's back yard and keep it small you should be able to stick to your budget. Consider doing a Sunday "brunch" wedding and having easy breakfast/brunch food that you can easily and affordably cook or have friends help cook. Mimosas for alcohol, and you should be set

For invitations, you can usually buy them off of etsy.com or another website that lets you download the actual .pdf. You can then send the file to a printing facility (I used Jive in Nashville). Try to find something other than Kinkos, as it is a little pricier. 

As far as a dress goes, you can get a white gown that is not necessarily a "wedding gown" much cheaper than a traditional wedding gown..... Just find something white, pretty, and long. 

If you want music, see if you can find any friends that play music to loan you their equipment, or buy/rent some speakers and make a playlist to hook an iPod up to. 

At the end of the day, you are marrying your best friend and that is ultimately what matters most. Best of luck!!!

southernbelle0915

Knottie03870115 said:

I have gone to stock the bar parties, but they were housewarming parties more or less. If you have casual friends/family that wouldn't mind this, by all means go for it. You know your inner circle better than anyone commenting on your post. 

I think if you do it in someone's back yard and keep it small you should be able to stick to your budget. Consider doing a Sunday "brunch" wedding and having easy breakfast/brunch food that you can easily and affordably cook or have friends help cook. Mimosas for alcohol, and you should be set

For invitations, you can usually buy them off of etsy.com or another website that lets you download the actual .pdf. You can then send the file to a printing facility (I used Jive in Nashville). Try to find something other than Kinkos, as it is a little pricier. 

As far as a dress goes, you can get a white gown that is not necessarily a "wedding gown" much cheaper than a traditional wedding gown..... Just find something white, pretty, and long. 

If you want music, see if you can find any friends that play music to loan you their equipment, or buy/rent some speakers and make a playlist to hook an iPod up to. 

At the end of the day, you are marrying your best friend and that is ultimately what matters most. Best of luck!!!

It's not ok to ask friends/family to fund your bar. And its not OK to ask them cater your wedding. Its also not OK to ask musician friends to play or loan their equipment free of charge.

I agree with you on invites and the dress as good ideas.

nikkilovesjoel

We considered having either Chipotle or Qdoba cater our wedding.  At about $12 per person, it's a great deal.  That seems like it would go well with your theme, and you could hold your party at pretty much any free/cheap space.  It seems like it might go well with your priorities.

ambiguousbride

That price point is very doable

My sister had an adorable low budget wedding and it was a lot of fun for all involved. The invitations were made by us with scrapbooking paper, card stock and ribbon (25.00) The ceremony was at the church our great grandparents were married in (100.00)  They held the reception at the VFW (150.00) Family cooked a buffet, bought food at sam's club (250-300.00), centerpieces were spray painted beer wine and liquor bottles, some were wrapped in twine too (10-15.00) and the flowers were from price chopper or shop rite (60.00) and that did all the tables and the bouquets. The DJ was a friend of the family and cut them a deal (200.00) My sister got a floor sample dress from Davids bridal for 179.00 it looked beautiful on her. Her hubby wore his air force blues. They planned a cash bar, but my family ended up picking up the tab. The guest book was a photo matte that was a few dollars. Our cousin was the photographer. Oh and I made four tier cake and 75 cupcakes as my gift to the couple.

Don't let anyone make you feel like your wedding is less than fabulous because you aren't maxing out your credit cards to do it.

ambiguousbride

Oh and so many people are on instagram you can make one of those little chalkboard signs with a hashtag or whatever and get tons of great photos that way too!

Knottie74412830

I have to disagree with the posts that say you should not ask any guests to provide anything for the wedding. I helped my (at the time) boyfriend's sister plan her wedding and she had a pretty similar budget. The dress she picked out was about $200 over budget, so I paid the difference as my family's wedding gift to her. She rented a small cabin near a lake for the day and held the ceremony on the front lawn. The reception was inside which included a buffet style pot-luck. The two families all brought food to share. I even went in to help finish cooking with my bridesmaid dress on after the ceremony was over. Everybody pulled together to help them celebrate their wedding and nobody minded putting in a little work for the day.  I personally am trying to make it so that nobody has to put work into my wedding and we can all just enjoy our day together, but I know that if push comes to shove, my family wouldn't mind at all contributing to the cooking, set-up, tear-down or whatever was needed. You just have to make that kind of decision based on what you feel is appropriate and how your two families will feel about it.

CMGragain

I am sorry, Knottie 74412830, but there are etiquette rules about weddings, and one of the big ones is that the hosts of the wedding provide the refreshments at the reception (food and drink).  Potlucks are fine for family picnics, but they are rude for a wedding. 
We don't make up these rules.  You can read them in any standard etiquette wedding guide.

CMGragain

emmiejayne said:

FOR THE OP: Have your wedding the way you want it.  Etiquette is irrelevant.  Think instead about common courtesy, family and friends, and what's appropriate for them!  Asking anonymous brides on the internet just makes you feel shitty (unless you've got rhino skin, like me).  Ask the people who mean the most to you! They'll give you the best insight on what they think is appropriate or not.

Honesty is the best policy regarding courtesy and politeness, so if your family/friends shoot down an idea, don't take it as criticism.  Take it as a "it's not perfect, tweak it a bit", and BOOM, fabulousness shall appear.

I keep saying good luck; it's more that you survive the bitchy "your wedding is tacky/not good enough" BS, than your wedding.  *hugs* all round.

Oh, please!  This is ridiculous.

southernbelle0915

Knottie74412830 said:

I have to disagree with the posts that say you should not ask any guests to provide anything for the wedding. I helped my (at the time) boyfriend's sister plan her wedding and she had a pretty similar budget. The dress she picked out was about $200 over budget, so I paid the difference as my family's wedding gift to her. She rented a small cabin near a lake for the day and held the ceremony on the front lawn. The reception was inside which included a buffet style pot-luck. The two families all brought food to share. I even went in to help finish cooking with my bridesmaid dress on after the ceremony was over. Everybody pulled together to help them celebrate their wedding and nobody minded putting in a little work for the day.  I personally am trying to make it so that nobody has to put work into my wedding and we can all just enjoy our day together, but I know that if push comes to shove, my family wouldn't mind at all contributing to the cooking, set-up, tear-down or whatever was needed. You just have to make that kind of decision based on what you feel is appropriate and how your two families will feel about it.

No.

Knottie34559892

Girl, find a backyard of someone you know and decorate there. Also have your ceremony and reception at the same place.

Backyards are comfortable and some can be a beautiful venue depending on how you decorate.