New setting for heirloom ring

chloe97

My bf inherited a diamond ring that belong to his great-grandmother from his grandmother who passed away recently. He would like to reset the diamond into a new setting (that I pick out). I worry that his mother and her sisters will have a strong opinion about this and feel like because it's their grandmother's ring that they should have some sort have a say in what the new ring would look like or feel like or feel like the diamond should stay in it's current setting. I worry that this will come up constantly and for the rest of their lives. They were all very close to their Grandmother. I should note also that he has not told anyone about this plan b/c his mom and her sisters and loudmouths and he wants to keep from asking too many questions about our impending engagement before it happens.

Does anyone have any experience with this issue. Does it cause family drama? My boyfriend could afford to buy a new diamond for me, but we'd rather save that money for a nicer honeymoon. Is it worth it or should I suggest that we keep the ring as it and I can wear it on my ring finger for special occasions and loan out to his sister and female cousins? 

bethsmiles

Personally, I feel that since the ring was left to him it's his and no one else get's a say in what he does with it. I'm sure they were given possessions of hers and they can do whatever they want with those objects.

There's no way for anyone here to know if it will cause family drama (every family is different) but I wouldn't worry about it.

LabLove86

I was thinking the same thing that @bethsmiles said - if it was left to him then the others really have no right to complain about what he does with it. It isn't like he would be throwing the thing down a drain pipe never to be seen again.

FWIW - when my mom passed my sister and I agreed we both wanted part of her ring. My sister got her setting and the setting cradle. I got the diamond and had it reset into a setting I picked out. Although this was just my sister and I to consider.

But the ring was still left to your FI. He can do as he wishes with it, it is technically his now.

kaitlynmichelle

If it was left to him, he can do whatever he wants with it. We reset a diamond from FMIL's ring and no one else knows. We didn't want anyone to comment on it so we kept it quiet.

phira

Knottie02344586 said:

My bf inherited a diamond ring that belong to his great-grandmother from his grandmother who passed away recently. He would like to reset the diamond into a new setting (that I pick out). I worry that his mother and her sisters will have a strong opinion about this and feel like because it's their grandmother's ring that they should have some sort have a say in what the new ring would look like or feel like or feel like the diamond should stay in it's current setting. I worry that this will come up constantly and for the rest of their lives. They were all very close to their Grandmother. I should note also that he has not told anyone about this plan b/c his mom and her sisters and loudmouths and he wants to keep from asking too many questions about our impending engagement before it happens.

Does anyone have any experience with this issue. Does it cause family drama? My boyfriend could afford to buy a new diamond for me, but we'd rather save that money for a nicer honeymoon. Is it worth it or should I suggest that we keep the ring as it and I can wear it on my ring finger for special occasions and loan out to his sister and female cousins? 

So, I noticed a few things about your post (which I bolded) that I think are complicating the situation.

You seem very concerned about how his female relatives will react, but you don't mention whether or not he's concerned, too. Additionally, referring to some of your future in-laws as loudmouths kind of indicates to me that you might not have the best relationship with them.

Basically, I wonder if you're reading way too much into the situation (and he's not worried because there's nothing to worry about), or if you have a mediocre relationship with his family and he's oblivious to the very real possibility that this decision will cause strife.

However: If he inherited this ring, then it's his decision to do with it whatever he wants. It doesn't matter if he could afford a new stone; maybe he wants to save that money for something else, or maybe it would mean a lot more to both of you to have his great-grandmother's stone in your engagement ring. So even if you're worried about your in-laws ... you're not doing anything wrong.

speakeasy14

I agree with what everyone else has said.  It seems as though your boyfriend has already made this decision, and it is his heirloom and he can do with it whatever he would like.  If you are truly uncomfortable with the idea, then you need to talk to your boyfriend and make sure you're both on the same page.

I have to ask though, what is wrong with the original setting?  If it doesn't fit you, any ring can easily be re-sized (larger or smaller). If it is rusting, falling apart, or something like that then I think his family would completely understand you keeping the stone and getting a new setting. 

cu97tiger

My grandmother gave me her diamond ring when I was 16. She passed away when I was 32, and my now-DH used the diamond from that ring to make my engagement ring. While my father and my sister were both VERY close to my grandmother, neither of them has said so much as a peep about me having the diamond re-set.

1) I think you're creating worry where there doesn't need to be any

2) Your BF is an adult. If the ring is his, then he gets to decide what to do with it. 

3) If he takes the diamond out, he can keep the setting intact. Down the road, it might be nice to put a different stone in it so that it can still be worn (that's my plan with my grandmother's setting).

badbnagdway

It's common to re-set heirloom diamonds. It keeps the heirloom but lets the bride have something that reflects her style. You know them better than me, but I'm not sure why folks would be upset by this. I mean, don't like, chuck out the old setting or anything. 

chloe97

Ok, this is all very helpful! I haven't seen the ring (and neither has he), but I may suggest that he show it to me in case I fall in love with it as is and decide not to have the diamond reset. Vintage is not typically my style, but I believe that this is a 1920's vintage ring, which is all the rage right now. 

My bf is very impervious to underlying tensions in family drama. He was the "favorite" of his grandparents, which is why he was left the ring. I just worry that there could be bitterness from the females (they have openly expressed bitterness before about his favorite status). I guess I just need reassurance that we aren't doing anything wrong before we move forward with his plan.  

eilis1228

Knottie02344586 said:

Ok, this is all very helpful! I haven't seen the ring (and neither has he), but I may suggest that he show it to me in case I fall in love with it as is and decide not to have the diamond reset. Vintage is not typically my style, but I believe that this is a 1920's vintage ring, which is all the rage right now. 

My bf is very impervious to underlying tensions in family drama. He was the "favorite" of his grandparents, which is why he was left the ring. I just worry that there could be bitterness from the females (they have openly expressed bitterness before about his favorite status). I guess I just need reassurance that we aren't doing anything wrong before we move forward with his plan.  

Honestly, if they're THAT upset about the ring being his/changed/whatever, you could always give one of them the setting after you reset the center stone. However, since the ring is 100% his, he can do with it what he wants, and they'll have to deal with it. His grandmother left the ring to him, and unless that will states that it should be kept as is, I'm sure she would not have cared if he reset the stone. Like other PPs have said, it's very common to use an heirloom diamond in a new setting. If you like the ring as it is, awesome! If not, it's no big deal to have it reset in something more to your liking. You are wearing this ring for the rest of your life, so you should definitely have a say in the ring you get.