"Normal" wedding after a small legal ceremony / "PPD"

Liatris2010

If arrive at your wedding unmarried and leave married, it was a real wedding!!!!
If you arrive at your "wedding" married, it is not a wedding.

It's pretty fucking simple.

artbyallie

jerkyanne said:

The thing that really pisses me off about these PPDs is that the B&G got married at a courthouse because it benefits them, such as claiming each other as a spouse for insurance, ICU access, military pay, etc.

When it doesn't benefit them, however, they go back to saying, "Oh, he's my fiance. That wasn't the REAL wedding. We aren't REALLY married."

Well if you weren't "REALLY married", then why in the fucking fuck are you claiming him/her as your spouse in order to get insurance, military pay, ICU access, etc? The only way you get those things is by being REALLY married, so own up to your choice and act like a fucking adult. 

You want to be considered married in the eyes of the government but not by everybody else?

Well guess what, Princess Special Snowflakes - you can't have your cake and eat it too. To try to do so is selfish, immature, and stupid.

Every word of this. I've known quite a few awesome weddings put together in less than 3 months for one of those reasons. (one in a month and a half. God bless her) none were super extravagant but they were weddings, and they were touching and nice. My FMiL and FFiL were JOP, yep still married. And they have nothing but fond memories of getting married. The points in the end is that you are gaining a spouse. That should be most important. Every thing else is just a bonus.

Exactly. My SIL planned her wedding in a month. One. Month. It was outdoors at a lake, and there were attendants, a dress, a cake, and so on. Not that any of those things are actually required for a 'real' wedding, mind you. But she wanted them and she had them. At her wedding. WHEN SHE GOT MARRIED.

lovesclimbing

jerkyanne said:

The thing that really pisses me off about these PPDs is that the B&G got married at a courthouse because it benefits them, such as claiming each other as a spouse for insurance, ICU access, military pay, etc.

When it doesn't benefit them, however, they go back to saying, "Oh, he's my fiance. That wasn't the REAL wedding. We aren't REALLY married."

Well if you weren't "REALLY married", then why in the fucking fuck are you claiming him/her as your spouse in order to get insurance, military pay, ICU access, etc? The only way you get those things is by being REALLY married, so own up to your choice and act like a fucking adult. 

You want to be considered married in the eyes of the government but not by everybody else?

Well guess what, Princess Special Snowflakes - you can't have your cake and eat it too. To try to do so is selfish, immature, and stupid.

Every word of this. I've known quite a few awesome weddings put together in less than 3 months for one of those reasons. (one in a month and a half. God bless her) none were super extravagant but they were weddings, and they were touching and nice. My FMiL and FFiL were JOP, yep still married. And they have nothing but fond memories of getting married. The points in the end is that you are gaining a spouse. That should be most important. Every thing else is just a bonus.

I have a military wife friend who got married about three weeks after the engagement.  They had a lovely wedding complete with a long white gown for her, beautiful professional photographs, a wedding party, and a decent sized group of family and friends - at least 40-50.

charlotte989875

southernbelle0915

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness reality of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had chose to have a legal wedding, but we didn't tell lied by omission to our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding Pretty Princess Day where we play dress up and pretend to get married when we already are. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

FTFY

To the bolded: Because you're married. Lots of people don't have the right to "just sign papers". And some people who CHOOSE (as you did) to get married at JOP consider it a "real" wedding. So saying it's not is offensive to both of these groups and people who support them, yes. 

Also, does your priest know that you're married? Or are you lying by omission to him too? 

charlotte989875

southernbelle0915

Knottie66377266 said:

He does. He also understands the difference between a legal contract and a spiritual wedding, and that while we signed a legal document, our wedding is what will take place in the church.

You don't have to agree and can call me, and that's fine. Calling people princesses and suggesting the only reason to have a church ceremony in this case is to play dress-up is also rude.

I didn't call you a princess - I called a fake wedding (one where you aren't getting married) a "Pretty Princess Day". And technically you are playing dress up because you aren't a bride - you're a wife. It's not "rude", it's a fact. 

Also, why did you "have" to get married anyway?

ShesSoCold

Knottie66377266 said: He does. He also understands the difference between a legal contract and a spiritual wedding, and that while we signed a legal document, our wedding is what will take place in the church.

You don't have to agree and can call me, and that's fine. Calling people princesses and suggesting the only reason to have a church ceremony in this case is to play dress-up is also rude.
Why, exactly did you "have" to get married before you play dress up?

manateehugger

Honestly, I'm a military wife and a Christian. It infuriates me when people use either of these excuses for PPDs. God is omnipotent and omnipresent in every marriage that He is asked to enter - whether it occurred in a church or a courthouse.

If you accept benefits you get only by being a military spouse, but declare yourself to be not married, you are commuting fraud.

JCbride2015

Knottie66377266 said:

He does. He also understands the difference between a legal contract and a spiritual wedding, and that while we signed a legal document, our wedding is what will take place in the church.

You don't have to agree and can call me, and that's fine. Calling people princesses and suggesting the only reason to have a church ceremony in this case is to play dress-up is also rude.

Newsflash: you are not special, you do not have some kind of magical pass where etiquette does not apply to you.  And you are already married.  Mazel tov!

ShesSoCold

@manateehugger I'm just going to love everything you ever say because of your sig pic.

CMGragain

Knottie66377266 said:

He does. He also understands the difference between a legal contract and a spiritual wedding, and that while we signed a legal document, our wedding is what will take place in the church.

You don't have to agree and can call me, and that's fine. Calling people princesses and suggesting the only reason to have a church ceremony in this case is to play dress-up is also rude.

God is in the courthouse, too.  He was present at your wedding there.  He knows you are married.  He knows that you are having a PPD.  He knows that you are deceiving your friends and family , too.
Disgusting!  How dare you use religion as an excuse to parade around in your white gown and pretend you are having a wedding!

manateehugger

ShesSoCold said:

@manateehugger I'm just going to love everything you ever say because of your sig pic.

My love of manatees was enabled by you!!! I should start sending you daily manatee memes.

ShesSoCold

manateehugger said:

@manateehugger I'm just going to love everything you ever say because of your sig pic.

My love of manatees was enabled by you!!! I should start sending you daily manatee memes.

That is exactly what you should do.

manateehugger

ShesSoCold said:

manateehugger said:

ShesSoCold said:

@manateehugger I'm just going to love everything you ever say because of your sig pic.

My love of manatees was enabled by you!!! I should start sending you daily manatee memes.

That is exactly what you should do.

You realize I will be forever disappointed in you if you don't get a pic with manatees when you go on vacay, right?

ShesSoCold

manateehugger said:

manateehugger said:

@manateehugger I'm just going to love everything you ever say because of your sig pic.

My love of manatees was enabled by you!!! I should start sending you daily manatee memes.

That is exactly what you should do.

You realize I will be forever disappointed in you if you don't get a pic with manatees when you go on vacay, right? 

STUCK IN THE BOX AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh don;t worry. I will be forever disappointed in myself. I'm not above molesting wildlife in order to get a rad picture.

antibride2013

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

What you are doing is absolutely disgusting and I hope your family finds out, especially because if I read it right on another thread, your family is paying for this lie?! You should be ashamed of yourself. If you were my child and did this I would disown you so fast! And if you are so religious, how can you validate lying to your loved ones? Isn't "thou shall not lie" one of the Ten Commandments? Shame on you knottienumbers. Shame on you.

JCbride2015

antibride2013 said:

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

What you are doing is absolutely disgusting and I hope your family finds out, especially because if I read it right on another thread, your family is paying for this lie?! You should be ashamed of yourself. If you were my child and did this I would disown you so fast! And if you are so religious, how can you validate lying to your loved ones? Isn't "thou shall not lie" one of the Ten Commandments? Shame on you knottienumbers. Shame on you.

You are letting your family PAY for your PPD?  And deceiving them into thinking they are paying for a WEDDING?

Shame.  Shame on you.  This is one of the most deplorable things I've ever read on TK.

ShesSoCold

JCbride2015 said:

antibride2013 said:

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

What you are doing is absolutely disgusting and I hope your family finds out, especially because if I read it right on another thread, your family is paying for this lie?! You should be ashamed of yourself. If you were my child and did this I would disown you so fast! And if you are so religious, how can you validate lying to your loved ones? Isn't "thou shall not lie" one of the Ten Commandments? Shame on you knottienumbers. Shame on you.

You are letting your family PAY for your PPD?  And deceiving them into thinking they are paying for a WEDDING?

Shame.  Shame on you.  This is one of the most deplorable things I've ever read on TK.

THIS. I'm not one to be affected personally by stuff that happens here, but this is truly disgusting. 

sarawifenow

JCbride2015 said:

antibride2013 said:

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

What you are doing is absolutely disgusting and I hope your family finds out, especially because if I read it right on another thread, your family is paying for this lie?! You should be ashamed of yourself. If you were my child and did this I would disown you so fast! And if you are so religious, how can you validate lying to your loved ones? Isn't "thou shall not lie" one of the Ten Commandments? Shame on you knottienumbers. Shame on you.

So much this. You are letting your family PAY for your PPD?  And deceiving them into thinking they are paying for a WEDDING?

Shame.  Shame on you.  This is one of the most deplorable things I've ever read on TK.

I cannot believe you are having your family shell out money to pay for your PPD  because your real WEDDING was not good enough for your and your are LYING about it!

 

ETF: Formatting

MobKaz

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?


You don't, by any chance, have a sister in Colorado, do you?

southernbelle0915

antibride2013 said:

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?

What you are doing is absolutely disgusting and I hope your family finds out, especially because if I read it right on another thread, your family is paying for this lie?! You should be ashamed of yourself. If you were my child and did this I would disown you so fast! And if you are so religious, how can you validate lying to your loved ones? Isn't "thou shall not lie" one of the Ten Commandments? Shame on you knottienumbers. Shame on you.

@Knottie66277266 - if your family is paying for this, that's fucked up.

If you're so religious and firm in those beliefs, why do you feel the need to lie to your family? Surely they'd understand. Or are you just bilking them for every last penny you can squeeze out of them. 

If I knew you personally, I would tell your parents. I hope they find out.

JCbride2015

MobKaz said:

Knottie66377266 said:

Wow, I have to say I'm disappointed in the nastiness of some of the responses here. I've really appreciate much of the advice Knotties have given, however, I'm likely to avoid this place in the future.

I appreciated OP's comments. My FI and I had to have a legal union, but we didn't tell our family, and we don't look at this as our "wedding date" because to us the wedding in the church, in the presence of God and our families, is our wedding. We refer to each other as "fiancee" and will until our wedding. I don't understand why signing the legal paper, when we truly believe a wedding takes place during at the church, is offensive?


You don't, by any chance, have a sister in Colorado, do you?

Since they each apparently live in their own perception of reality, they would never know.

MyNameIsNot

You're either married or you aren't.  Marriage is like pregnancy that way. 

Someone who would lie to their family about marriage for money is about as low as it gets.  Christian or not, that's disgusting.  Lying and greed are not Christian values.

princessofgenovia

My parents got married at the courthouse with just me in attendance. Then we went to a sports bar and met up with my grandparents. Mom wore jeans and Montley Crue t-shirt, dad also was in jeans but sported a Kiss shirt. I wore a Harley t-shirt and jeans as well, I was about 6. They didn't realize they'd need a witness, so they grabbed someone from the hall to be their witness since I was clearly too young.

I'm not sure there's an amount of money you could pay them to have them re-do it. 

sarawifenow

princessofgenovia said:

My parents got married at the courthouse with just me in attendance. Then we went to a sports bar and met up with my grandparents. Mom wore jeans and Montley Crue t-shirt, dad also was in jeans but sported a Kiss shirt. I wore a Harley t-shirt and jeans as well, I was about 6. They didn't realize they'd need a witness, so they grabbed someone from the hall to be their witness since I was clearly too young.

I'm not sure there's an amount of money you could pay them to have them re-do it. 

Pretty sure this is the most kick ass thing I have read on the internet in awhile.

princessofgenovia

SaraBrideSoon said:

princessofgenovia said:

My parents got married at the courthouse with just me in attendance. Then we went to a sports bar and met up with my grandparents. Mom wore jeans and Montley Crue t-shirt, dad also was in jeans but sported a Kiss shirt. I wore a Harley t-shirt and jeans as well, I was about 6. They didn't realize they'd need a witness, so they grabbed someone from the hall to be their witness since I was clearly too young.

I'm not sure there's an amount of money you could pay them to have them re-do it. 

Pretty sure this is the most kick ass thing I have read on the internet in awhile.

It was pretty awesome. And I love looking at the wedding photos. Plus we got to have wings afterwards. I mean...that's pretty fantastic.

sophhabobopha

SmileDamnit

Wow. I haven't been on the etiquette board in awhile - so glad to see it's pretty much 'same shit, different day'. Way to stay consistent, snowflakes!

Oh…and BINGO, anyone?

Jells2dot0

I like how people forget that it's possible to have the church recognize an existing marriage (convalidation, for example) without having an all-out "wedding" and big party. If it really was just about having a spiritual ceremony, people would just privately arrange it with the church and maybe have a few VIPs witness it. It's almost always about the PPD. Always.