Our wedding is less than a month away (squee!) Being in my hometown a plane ride away from his family, this is a DW for a lot of our guests. While we both are very happy to have it there and this location was actually the first place FI suggested, we are aware that it's a big time commitment and expense for his family. That said, we've been doing everything in our power to make the trip go as smoothly for our VIPs as possible: booked a room block with a good rate a year in advance ( also with a free breakfast and with an awesome yummy diner next door that is much less pricey than the hotel restaurant), cleared the date with them all last summer, bought the dresses for his nieces (the FGs) and once they were fitted had them sent out here so they could have them cleaned, pressed, and waiting for them at the hotel. We are doing a shuttle service for all of our guests between the hotel, church, and reception.
So last night, FMIL (who is absolutely wonderful and I love her) emails me saying that FI's brother and sis-in-law are looking for a babysitter ("preferably older", so maybe college or senior in high school?) for Friday night and for Saturday night when they're ready to leave the reception. Our reception follows the ceremony and goes until 10pm, so the girls who are five and seven might want to go back to the hotel early. And I guess they want to go out by themselves after the rehearsal dinner too. So FMIL wants to know if my family or I might have anyone in mind to recommend.
I haven't lived in this town since I was of babysitting age myself, and anyone I'd recommend personally are my cousins in college who all be at the wedding, so I asked my mom, who teaches at a girls' high school. She said at this point, anyone she'd recommend will be going on college visits that weekend, or graduated and away at college. We both agreed that this is something that it would be nice to help with if we could, but we're under no obligation if we really can't. If we had known that they were planning this a few months back, we might have been able to be more helpful. Neither of us is comfortable with tracking down a friend of a friend whom someone else recommended--what if it goes wrong? Would we be liable?
What's strange is that I've been in contact with FSIL about the flower girl dresses regularly, and she hasn't mentioned anything about this. I think it's coming from FMIL moreso because she's afraid that if they can't find someone for the girls, she'll get stuck watching them for those nights. She's made some hints about feeling like she's been taken advantage of re: free babysitting before. From the tone of the email, I don't think she's expecting us to be responsible for it, but I know she has a stake in the outcome.
When I mentioned this email to FI and that my mom and I just weren't sure if we could come up with someone this fast, FI said, "Psh! It's still a month away! We can figure it out!" I was silent on the phone and he immediately backpedaled. (Backstory to all this: I'm out here with my family getting medical treatments and follow-up appointments done at a hospital that had more availability and more experience treating my conditions. I will be here until the wedding. I just finished chemo about two months ago for one kind of cancer, and just finished up last week with getting another kind of cancer treated here at my parents' house. This in addition to school stuff and wedding planning. FI knows this better than anybody, and so does his family. So I was a bit less than pleased at his initial response.) But then, after we agreed that it was not our responsibility to worry about and started talking about finalizing cupcake flavors, etc., he suddenly pauses and says, "So...is your mom really sure she can't find anyone from her school to babysit? Are you sure you guys don't know anybody?"
Since we're having an evening reception, should I have taken on the responsibility to book childcare for them? In retrospect, should we have been more considerate of their bedtime (7:30ish) when asking them to be FGs and choosing an evening reception? (It's on a Saturday, btw.) Is this an obligation for hosting OOT guests with children? Or, is it moreso just a nice gesture if it's possible? I'm in the second camp, but I feel like FI still has one toe in the first...
UPDATE: So Friday's taken care of, and they're just going to stay for the whole reception now. FSIL actually asked if it would be ok if they stayed since they've been to receptions before and enjoyed them. Ummm...of course, they're our flower girls and FI's nieces so obviously they're invited to the whole reception!! The invitation listed all of them by name, too, so I'm not sure why they were thinking the girls might not be welcome. Anyway. Thanks for your feedback, everyone! So glad my future nieces will be there to get down on the dance floor with us.