No longer need advice.

mrsr101214

misshart00 said:

Andplusalso, several people told you that no, you don't have to get her a corsage. So I don't understand your freak out.

Nothing to do with you. It's that people don't read the posts and keep ignorantly posting.

mrsr101214

misshart00 said:

Then don't give her one. I don't understand why you came here and asked anything if you had already made up your mind.

To see if there was any compelling reason against my opinion. I've never posted her, and should've kept it that way (for the most part). I do thank those who gave me good advice.

mrsr101214

perdonami said:

cbroyland said:

That's actually not true. I was trying to give background. I have been more than nice to her-took her (and treated her) to her prewedding mani and pedi and also did all of their music for their ceremony and reception. I have invited her to dinner and been nothing to pleasant with with her-inviting her out for an afternoon when she was around recently. I realize that while we don't see her very often-she is going to be a part of our lives, so I have made the effort. She is a nice person, but I feel it's awkward to get her a corsage as we barely know her.

Okay, in all honesty with how kind you have been to her, she may now be expecting one. I understand you may have good intentions, but you can't dispense kindness only when you want too. Not giving her a corsage at this point may be confusing and hurt her feelings. 

You also keep going back and forth from saying your FI is the one who doesn't want her to havea corsage and than saying that you feel too awkward giving her one. Again, I ask if there is something else going on here besides just not knowing her as well as you would like too?

Good point. She's from a very small town in a different country, so she is unaccustomed to our traditions-so I don't think she will be expecting one. When I say "I" I mean "we". Thank you.

jerkyanne

cbroyland said:

misshart00 said:

Then don't give her one. I don't understand why you came here and asked anything if you had already made up your mind.

To see if there was any compelling reason against my opinion. I've never posted her, and should've kept it that way (for the most part). I do thank those who gave me good advice.

Every one gave you good advice. You just happened to like some of it more than others.

mrsr101214

jerkyanne said:

cbroyland said:

misshart00 said:

Then don't give her one. I don't understand why you came here and asked anything if you had already made up your mind.

To see if there was any compelling reason against my opinion. I've never posted her, and should've kept it that way (for the most part). I do thank those who gave me good advice.

Every one gave you good advice. You just happened to like some of it more than others.

I respectfully disagree, as some people appeared to be commenting in an effort to antagonize me. But thanks doll!

misshart00

So why don't you get corsages for the other important people in your life?

iloveotters2014

cbroyland said:

That's actually not true. I was trying to give background. I have been more than nice to her-took her (and treated her) to her prewedding mani and pedi and also did all of their music for their ceremony and reception. I have invited her to dinner and been nothing to pleasant with with her-inviting her out for an afternoon when she was around recently. I realize that while we don't see her very often-she is going to be a part of our lives, so I have made the effort. She is a nice person, but I feel it's awkward to get her a corsage as we barely know her.

I feel like wearing some flowers at your wedding is less awkward to do for someone you barely know than buying them a mani-pedi and doing all the music for their wedding.

You can do what you want obviously, but I dont think it's a big deal to give your FIL's wife some flowers to wear.

mrsr101214

So I can have 20 people with corsages? No thanks. That seems beyond silly.

iloveotters2014

cbroyland said:

So I can have 20 people with corsages? No thanks. That seems beyond silly.

meh maybe it's just me, I had a ton of left over flowers from my costco flower package so we had many family members with corsages and hand ties.

They are just flowers after all....

photokitty

Two bat signals by the same OP in mere minutes...that has to be a new TK record!

crackktheskyy

cbroyland said:

Holy mother fucking shit! Let's keep twisting my words! Fuck this string, fuck this question, and fuck this forum!

The desire to stop into two threads created by the same user with titles indicating that advice is no longer needed is insatiable.

holyguacamole79

I was actually surprised it took this long.

jellybeann

iloveotters2014 said:

cbroyland said:

So I can have 20 people with corsages? No thanks. That seems beyond silly.

meh maybe it's just me, I had a ton of left over flowers from my costco flower package so we had many family members with corsages and hand ties.

They are just flowers after all....


We are having corsages for our moms as well as for readers, gift-bearers, and anyone else close to the family (godmothers, my half sister, my brother's gf). There will be like 10 women with them. I think it's nbd, just a nice gesture.

holyguacamole79

jellybeann - same here.  If memory serves me, our list of corsages was our readers (one of which was my Godmother) and DH's Godmother.  Our mothers carried a nosegay (small bouquet)  each.  Looking back, I wish we had also given corsages to DH's SILs (he is one of three sons, and we are close to the brothers' wife / girlfriend).  Neither of us have any grandparents still living. 

perdonami

And FWIW, wedding planners are probably not the best source for etiquette advice. Folks working in the wedding industry tend to have their own agendas.

Also, there are really no rules on who you can give flowers too. I think you should seriously consider providing flowers to all the important women in your family. Particularly, FI's aunt and godmother. 

Take care and happy planning. 

southernbelle0915

cbroyland said:

I don't care about the cost of it. She just came into our lives recently, and this has nothing to do with slighting her or proving a point. She wasn't going to get one when she was just his escort, but now that they're married, it just dawned on me that maybe I should explore the option. My fiancé isn't really keen on the idea-and we have people that we're closer to who aren't getting corsages-we feel that the corsages are for the mothers (Godmother in his case) and grandmother (aka people who play significant roles in our lives) do we feel it is awkward to give one to her.

cbroyland said:

Because they are for people who are important to us. Moms & grandmas. She doesn't play a role in our lives. She married his dad (a month and a half ago). How can we give a corsage to a woman we basically just met, and then not give other people in our lives (who had played pivotal roles) corsages. In our opinion, corsages are for moms and grandmas (and Godmother in his case as his mom has passed). She is neither. So she's not getting one. Spoke to my wedding planner and was told just to give to my mom, his grandma, and his Godmother. Thanks for all the input though.

Contradict much? Its $15-20 and you won't be burning a bridge. Seriously. Get her a fucking corsage and be done with it.

banana468

So your FSMIL is going to see this as will your FIL and your answer is ,"Because you're not close enough to have done enough for us? "???

Let's hope that they are big enough to not be offended by your deliberate slight.

Viczaesar

This needs to go on the bingo cards somewhere - how to word it?  Identical threads started by SS an hour and a half apart, and both deleted shortly after posting?  There's got to be a better shorthand.

Nymeru

I think it hurts nothing for you to give her the corsage.  It's a nice gesture on your part, and a step in establishing that you respect the new relationship she has with you.  She might not expect it, considering that she's from a different country, but she will surely appreciate it.

Liatris2010

Viczaesar said:

This needs to go on the bingo cards somewhere - how to word it?  Identical threads started by SS an hour and a half apart, and both deleted shortly after posting?  There's got to be a better shorthand.

Double Dirty Delete? DDD, that should fit nicely in a bingo square.

jacques27

cbroyland said:

Because they are for people who are important to us. Moms & grandmas. She doesn't play a role in our lives. She married his dad (a month and a half ago). How can we give a corsage to a woman we basically just met, and then not give other people in our lives (who had played pivotal roles) corsages. In our opinion, corsages are for moms and grandmas (and Godmother in his case as his mom has passed). She is neither. So she's not getting one. Spoke to my wedding planner and was told just to give to my mom, his grandma, and his Godmother. Thanks for all the input though.

It's a flower.  You're not taking a blood oath.  You're not giving her a kidney.  You're not making a declaration of undying love with just one flower.  No one who is not wearing the corsage is going to actually take notice of that corsage or give a flying fig about it.  They should all be too busy drinking, eating, and dancing to notice or speculate about how this woman must be so important to you because you bought her a corsage.  So make the woman feel like she married in to a great family and buy her a freakin' flower. 

Would you like to be excluded from being recognized by your new family just because people haven't known you that long and up until you actually get married you were just your FI's "escort"?  I'm guessing you wouldn't.  Treat others how you would like to be treated. 

Viczaesar

Liatris2010 said:

Viczaesar said:

This needs to go on the bingo cards somewhere - how to word it?  Identical threads started by SS an hour and a half apart, and both deleted shortly after posting?  There's got to be a better shorthand.

Double Dirty Delete? DDD, that should fit nicely in a bingo square.

So mote it be.

lurkergirl

Oh FFS, OP, are you going to experience spontaneous combustion if you give the lady a damn flower?  Does getting one more flower just utterly break your budget? 

I am having exactly 20 bouts and corsages, and it's not a huge wedding.  But between the wedding party, parents, and grandparents, that's just the way the cookie crumbled.  Get over yourself!

rajahmd

We avoided the whole issues by not having any flowers at all. Score 1 for allergies.

Maggie0829

Wow, who knew there could be so much intensity about a corsage.  It is a corsage, not a million dollars.

FWIW I would get her one because she is your FI step-mother and new wife to your FFIL.  This person, who you may not feel close with now, will be in your life for a long time to come, so to me it just makes sense to get her a corsage.

But I would suggest asking each person who you are wanting to give flowers to what kind of flowers they want.  Some love pin on corsages, others love corsages that go around their wrist. Others would rather have a small nosegay or something they can pin onto their clutch.  So if you are going to spend money on flowers for people you may as well make sure that you get them something that they will prefer.

saacjw

From my own experience- My dad's wife is kinda, well, a psycho. I don't like her that much, she pretty much ignores my existence, she doesn't even come have dinner with us when my H and I are in town and meet my dad. She got a corsage, because it's just the nice thing to do and why create drama? 

misshart00

Thinking about it, I don't even remember who got corsages at our wedding.

ashley8918

I'll just leave this here.

sarawifenow

I came for the DD. OP, because of the double DD, here are double the puppies! And I am tired this morning, so these little guys reflect my mood.

 

mimivac

mrsr101214 said:

That's actually not true. I was trying to give background. I have been more than nice to her-took her (and treated her) to her prewedding mani and pedi and also did all of their music for their ceremony and reception. I have invited her to dinner and been nothing to pleasant with with her-inviting her out for an afternoon when she was around recently. I realize that while we don't see her very often-she is going to be a part of our lives, so I have made the effort. She is a nice person, but I feel it's awkward to get her a corsage as we barely know her.

Since you've already made an effort to get to know her and include her in those activities, I would go ahead with the corsage. It's a nice thing to do and I don't think it will be awkward.