Snarky Brides

New Rant - Family Temper Tantrums Over Guest List

Ok, now that I dealt with the topic of the BM with the baby who went MIA on being a friend for a year, I have a new topic I just need to rant about to get off my chest!

So, my fiance and I are trying to have a deliberately smaller wedding. Part of it is that we just want it more intimate, and part of it is the very tight budget we are on. So we can't afford to have the big kind of hoopla wedding that I think my large family expects. We are getting married in a location that is local to us, but out of town for the rest of family because it's much more affordable than the state our family lives in. My side of the family KNEW that I wasn't going to be inviting 2nd, 3rd, etc. cousins, but lo and behold, the guest list crept up and up.

Now I get a phone call from my grandma the other day, basically freaking out and screaming at me for not inviting "HER family" (meaning her sister's daughter's children---how are they even related to me-- 2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins? Whatever.). She even hung up the phone on me! It was a total temper tantrum. I tried to nicely explain to her that my fiance only got to invite his 1st cousins and that's it, and I'm already inviting so many of "HER" family members--that are really just distant relatives to me-- that it's not fair to him or his family (or to our budget!). She actually stated to me (TWICE) that she "doesn't care about his family" ...um, are you kidding me?!!  Isn't that the whole point of getting married and having a wedding?  She said the reason we have to invite these kids is that one is 16 yrs old and one is 20 yrs old and they "can't be left home alone." I'm sorry but what 16 and 20 year old can't be left home alone?! Something is really weird about that, and sounds like a big weird excuse to me.

Also, I should mention that none of these people are hosting or paying for our wedding, so I don't see where they come off telling US who we need to invite. Especially because it already seems so one-sided to try to please my family, and I am trying to make sure my fiance and his family are happy, too. So in the end, whatever, we sucked it up and invited all of them, and then yesterday I get this email from my grandma's sister's daughter, thanking me for inviting her children. And again echoing that the reason they wanted to invite the children is that they can't be left home alone (weird), but then, concluding the email by telling me the 20 year old probably can't come to the wedding and that the 16 year old can!! So, WTF, WHY CAN'T the 20 year old just watch the 16 year old if they are staying home?? The whole thing just sounds like a load of cr@P to me. I hate BS excuses and lies, and this whole thing just seemed like a BS excuse and lie to me. Just had to vent.

Re: New Rant - Family Temper Tantrums Over Guest List

  • You are absolutely right.  They love to lay on the guilt trips, and one of the biggest issues about getting married has been trying to cut the cord with them and to show them that I am going to be starting a new family of my own, and my loyalties lie first and foremost to my future husband.  It has been an interesting experience trying to "teach" them that... 

  • Thank you!
  • I dont know why you caved. I have had similar situations where "friends of the family" that have "known me for years" are not being invited and people do not get why. Multiple times this has been brought up and I maintain my stance that these are NOT my friends, I only see them once or twice a year and frankly, I don't even really like one of these people.. sooo no.. and it stays no..because I am not changing my mind. 
    Anniversary
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  • Ugh I know, I know, it was really terrible that I caved!! I guess it just wasn't worth my side of the family being all upset (especially the way my grandma acted, ugh, still annoyed), and after talking it over with my fiance, he was understanding and ok with it. He is wonderful. BUT--I did tell him that this was absolutely the last thing we are giving into them for--from here on out, it's our way or the highway. I have kept my cool up until this point but I will keep one "Bridezilla" card in my back pocket, and I am not afraid to use it!
  • "Sorry Grandma, we can only invite so many people. That's just the way things are going to have to be." And then during the crabgrassing, you go, "Ok, love you! Bye!" and hang up.

    If someone throws a fit like this and makes demands beyond the options you've got, that is just too damn bad. Their shitfits are not something you have to control or cater to.

    I learned this from my FSIL's situation. The more you talk to people about your wedding planning, the more they might think you want or care about their input. 

    It's too late to change it now, but in the future don't forget that you can say NO.

    My personal favorite way to say no to shit is this:

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    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • hahaha I will have to remember that and email it to her.
  • That's the best!!
  • We didn't even invite our aunts and uncles to our wedding because we wanted to keep it very, very small. My Grandma spent months trying to guilt trip me (why do they do this to us?!?) and I finally told her that I would invite my aunt, but Grandma would have to give up her spot on the guest list for her because we were only inviting x number of people. She stopped asking me to invite people after that.
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  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
     I totally get where you're coming from! We had a smaller wedding, and invited close relatives, only. (Immediate aunts/uncles, and first cousins, who are all adults), and NO children. We definitely had some guests who were annoyed that certain relatives weren't invited, (and for the most part, these relatives have never tried to ever contact us as adults), but apparently couldn't believe that they wouldn't be invited. 

     We stood our ground, and stuck with our guest list though, and it worked out perfectly. Not to mention, in the end everyone got over it!

     *J
  • Why did you cave? No, naughty!

    My grandma did this once or twice. She called me up and was like "Great Aunt Barb and Billy got their invitation and 2nd cousin clarice was upset because she's their kid and you should invite family units as a whole".

    And I was like "Cousin clarice is 43 years old; that she still lives with her parents doesn't make her a little kid that needs to be included, and none of the other 2nd cousins were invited either. Our guest list is X big and if we invite her, we have to invite these 16 other cousins. So no, tell Clarice I'm sorry, but we can't invite everyone".

    Hang up, grandma complains, little sis tells her to shut her trap, the end.
  • Oh god, so over guest list drama.  It's the worst, isn't it?  Your favorite word is "No" now.  

    During the next tantrum they wont find themselves so lucky.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • We haven't had any good tantrums yet. Well, except my future brother in law refusing to attend his own brothers wedding because his children are not invited. 

    It was real easy to say no on that one as his kids were about 65% of the reason we decided not to have kids. I would strangle my kids if they behaved as bad as his.


    JUST SAY NO ladies and gents!
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