We need help by 6pm tonight! The awkward money talk

Knottie52950989

My fiancee and I are having dinner at 6pm tonight with his parents and my parents and we are having the finance talk for the wedding budget. We do not not know how to go about starting the conversation about the money. HELP how did everyone else start this process!! suggestions needed, no drama in the family wanted, a beautiful wedding is a must!

beethery

Don't start it. Let THEM start it. That's all you need.

Also, don't plan anything you couldn't afford to pay for yourself. Don't expect money offers. Don't count that money until it's in your hand.

[Deleted User]

Oh! This is super-easy! You discuss your budget for the wedding. The one you and your FI are building. And then you stop, because you can't ask them for money. If they offer? Great! Thank them and let them know you'll work out the details with them privately later (because it's none of one parent couple's business how much the other contributes). If they don't offer, then you plan the wedding you can afford.

lyndausvi

we never had the talk in that way.    When we got engaged my parents offered to throw us the reception.    As in TOGETHER  with us, they planned and paid for the reception.    I do not know the final budget.  I have an idea, but the the final numbers.

MIL told us when we got engaged she is not contributing.  We did even ask.    NBD, she was stilled allowed to invite who she wanted.    She is reasonable, so the numbers were not  ridiculous.

NYCMercedes

Knottie52950989 said:

My fiancee and I are having dinner at 6pm tonight with his parents and my parents and we are having the finance talk for the wedding budget. We do not not know how to go about starting the conversation about the money. HELP how did everyone else start this process!! suggestions needed, no drama in the family wanted, a beautiful wedding is a must!

pinkrevenge said:

Oh! This is super-easy! You discuss your budget for the wedding. The one you and your FI are building. And then you stop, because you can't ask them for money. If they offer? Great! Thank them and let them know you'll work out the details with them privately later (because it's none of one parent couple's business how much the other contributes). If they don't offer, then you plan the wedding you can afford.

What @pinkrevenge said. 

ShesSoCold

Agree with PPs. Keep your mouths shut and plan the wedding the two of you can afford. If parents offer, thank them and don't spend it until it's in hand.

lyndausvi

pinkrevenge said:

Oh! This is super-easy! You discuss your budget for the wedding. The one you and your FI are building. And then you stop, because you can't ask them for money. If they offer? Great! Thank them and let them know you'll work out the details with them privately later (because it's none of one parent couple's business how much the other contributes). If they don't offer, then you plan the wedding you can afford.

this a million times.  

There is no good way to have this discussion as a group.  One side might have more money, one side might just plainly want to spend more than the other.  Please do not put them on the spot and/or bullied into contributing more then can afford because they feel they have to look good in front of the other set. 

[Deleted User]

If they offer to help don't count on it until it is either in your hands or they put money as a deposit/pay for whatever. My mother offered us money when we announced our engagement. We're now 6 months into planning and we haven't received a dime and I don't feel comfortable about ever mentioning it to her.

sarahufl

We got engaged while at home visiting my parents. The next day they said they wanted to give us $X to spend for the wedding. We said thank you, that we were incredibly grateful for whatever they wanted to give us.

We ended up going over that amount but H and I kicked in the rest. My parents never even asked how much we spent.

In order to make things easier, I looked at the amount they offered and gave them bills to pay while carefully making sure I stayed in the allotted amount. So they paid for specific things (photographer, bartenders, etc.).

JCbride2015

You don't.  If your parents want to help with the wedding budget, they will bring it up.  Then you just act very, very thankful!

dragonavicious

My fiance and I worked out two budgets. One was a small wedding that we could afford if we had to completely pay on our own and the other one is if we had contribution. We were lucky and got help. 

I would just have a discussion about your wedding, generally speaking. Talk about what colors you guys were thinking. Ask some general opinions or about nice weddings they have attended. Don't bring up money but that way you can get them involved but not make it awkward. Definitely never mention the money, not even your budget right now. Just get them excited about the wedding and see without asking or making it weird, if they want to contribute or not. 

If they don't, then that's fine, just go with your first plan.