Do you consider this "in bad taste"? If so, how to handle?

dollusions

My stepmother is 2 years older than I am so we always got along as good friends.  She married my dad 11 years ago and recently took him to Mexico where she is from, to visit family.  Before they left, she came to me and told me that she would like her wedding gift to us to be our wedding bands, because the gold in Mexico is extremely cheap right now and it's 18 karat.  I immediately told her yes and gave her our ring sizes.  She told me she was going to keep in touch with me via email so that she could email me photos of what was available and to pick something that we liked. 

The short of it is, they are returning from their trip in 3 days, and I haven't heard a word from her regarding the rings for our wedding.  I spoke to my dad once about 2 days after they landed but I had to text her cell phone first to see if everything was okay before he ventured to pick up the phone to call me.

Yesterday I emailed her and asked her if perhaps she did in fact email me about the rings and maybe I deleted it in my haste to wipe my inbox of spam.  Often when I don't know someone's email address I delete it.  She never answered me.

In my honest opinion, I think this is in VERY bad taste.  How do you promise someone something and then not only not deliver, but ignore the person and offer up no apology or reason why?!  Since she is married to my dad, I am in a horrible situation because I feel like I have nothing to say to either of them right now....how would you guys view this and handle it?

Maggie0829

I agree with you that if someone promises you something then they should follow through with their promise.  However, sometimes people disappoint us.

At this point I would just stop trying to contact her about these rings.  If she was going to get them for you like she had promised she would be contacting you.

When they come back from their trip just be polite and cordial.  Don't mention the rings because there really is no point.  Just be aware in the future about any promises that your step-mom may make.

southernbelle0915

I get that you're annoyed she hasn't emailed you. She should have.

But you don't know her side of the story yet. Maybe she bought them. Maybe she didn't like anything. Maybe this. Maybe that. The point is, you don't know and shouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet. They aren't even back from their trip. Wait until they get back, give her a few days to settle in and then check in.

vulpiepop

I agree with PPs. I would be annoyed too, but I'd wait and see if she offers up her side of the story after she comes home without mentioning the rings to her. Who knows? Maybe she wanted to surprise you or maybe the price of gold suddenly sky-rocketed and she could no longer afford to get you your rings or maybe she just couldn't find any in your sizes. 

Just be polite and let it go if you find that she didn't get you the rings.

dollusions

My fiancée and I are supposed to pick our own rings. That's a personal thing. The fact that she wanted to buy them for us as a gift was nice but even she realized that she would have to send us photos to see what styles we were interested in.  So the chances that she just picked them up to surprise us are basically non existent. 

 

What I don't get is why is she avoiding me? If she couldn't afford them she could have told me, we always got along very well.  She knows she's going to see me sooner or later - being her husband's daughter I can only shake my head. This is my first marriage and to make a promise that you have no intention keeping with no explanation is really horrible. I would never do that.

southernbelle0915

dollusions said:

My fiancée and I are supposed to pick our own rings. That's a personal thing. The fact that she wanted to buy them for us as a gift was nice but even she realized that she would have to send us photos to see what styles we were interested in.  So the chances that she just picked them up to surprise us are basically non existent. 

What I don't get is why is she avoiding me? If she couldn't afford them she could have told me, we always got along very well.  She knows she's going to see me sooner or later - being her husband's daughter I can only shake my head. This is my first marriage and to make a promise that you have no intention keeping with no explanation is really horrible. I would never do that.

You're jumping to a ton of conclusions here. Relax. They're on vacation in another country - wait til they get back and just talk to her. You have no idea what happened/didn't happen and/or why she's not in touch (service, an accident, lost phone, etc.etc.etc.).

If she didn't get the rings, it's probably better because then you can just tell her "Nevermind, we've found rings we love and we'd like to buy them ourselves."

Maggie0829

southernbelle0915 said:

dollusions said:

My fiancée and I are supposed to pick our own rings. That's a personal thing. The fact that she wanted to buy them for us as a gift was nice but even she realized that she would have to send us photos to see what styles we were interested in.  So the chances that she just picked them up to surprise us are basically non existent. 

What I don't get is why is she avoiding me? If she couldn't afford them she could have told me, we always got along very well.  She knows she's going to see me sooner or later - being her husband's daughter I can only shake my head. This is my first marriage and to make a promise that you have no intention keeping with no explanation is really horrible. I would never do that.

You're jumping to a ton of conclusions here. Relax. They're on vacation in another country - wait til they get back and just talk to her. You have no idea what happened/didn't happen and/or why she's not in touch (service, an accident, lost phone, etc.etc.etc.).

If she didn't get the rings, it's probably better because then you can just tell her "Nevermind, we've found rings we love and we'd like to buy them ourselves."

This.  Look I get that you are irritated but they are on vacation.  And this vacation does not center around your rings, it centers around them and them having a good time.  You never know what may have happened.  Maybe the things she found she knew you wouldn't like so she didn't even want to bother you with it.

Honestly, just go and look for rings with your FI.  Shit happens.  People don't always keep their promises.  Either get over it and move on, or let it fester and make you unhappy with your SM forever.