"You have chosen to not receive Thank You Cards"

huskypuppy14

I registered at both Macys and Crate and Barrel, and they both have thank you managers. 

I only used it once or twice to double check my thank yous, but the Macys only gives names, and C&B has some names and addresses and some that say "purchaser information not provided". 

I think this has no baring on the Bride and Groom, it's not their fault that this company did that. I sent thank yous to everyone who gave us gifts, so no matter what the C&B website said, they still got their Thank you.

I might buy something small off my registry as a "guest" and see if I get that same response. If so, I think I'll send a strongly worded letter to C&B.

ETA: Yup it does say You have chosen to not receive Thank You Cards.

Not cool Crate and Barrel!

Butterflyz419

Considering how many people there are out there today who are very "green" and don't want a piece of paper that will immediately go in the recycle bin, I actually think there would be good reason some people would love the opportunity to "opt out" of the TY card.

I'm not registered at C&B, will be sending out TY cards to everyone but, seriously...this is not a big deal. 

huskypuppy14

Butterflyz419 said:

Considering how many people there are out there today who are very "green" and don't want a piece of paper that will immediately go in the recycle bin, I actually think there would be good reason some people would love the opportunity to "opt out" of the TY card.

I'm not registered at C&B, will be sending out TY cards to everyone but, seriously...this is not a big deal. 

But you don't understand, they are not opting out of a thank you note. They are only opting out of giving their address to Crate and Barrel. It's C&B that then said you have chosen not to receive a thank you note, when they did no such thing.

PennyBlossom2311

Holy cow everyone. I really don't think the bride and groom in OP's post meant to not send thank-you cards. I completely see how OP figured "hey they have my address, they don't need it again" but then C&B took that option and chose to say that the sender didn't want a thank-you card (which is very, very strange for C&B and should by no means make it alright to not send a thank-you) I think a letter to C&B is in order. But, I wouldn't be upset at the B&G unless you do not receive a thank-you after their wedding, as they may not even know this is being sent to people buying gifts. We were registered at C&B and if this is what my guests were seeing, I feel awful but I didn't know that was an option and still kept track of gifts received and sent cards once we got everything opened and organized. 

huskypuppy14

I sent a comment to C&B through their online commenting system. 

I said if I knew this is what my guests would be seeing when they opted out of giving their address, I wouldn't have registered with you. I also said I have friends they may change their mind about registering with you too.

gladyscf

PennyBlossom2311 said:

Holy cow everyone. I really don't think the bride and groom in OP's post meant to not send thank-you cards. I completely see how OP figured "hey they have my address, they don't need it again" but then C&B took that option and chose to say that the sender didn't want a thank-you card (which is very, very strange for C&B and should by no means make it alright to not send a thank-you) I think a letter to C&B is in order. But, I wouldn't be upset at the B&G unless you do not receive a thank-you after their wedding, as they may not even know this is being sent to people buying gifts. We were registered at C&B and if this is what my guests were seeing, I feel awful but I didn't know that was an option and still kept track of gifts received and sent cards once we got everything opened and organized. 

Exactly.

While I think it rude of C&B to think I automatically didn't want a thank you simply because I didn't want to share my address with them, I have no idea if the B & G will follow that rudeness.

We will find out about that later and I will update this thread.

I just found C&B 's side of it to be tacky. 

Butterflyz419

If you're purchasing something online from C&B, you've already "opted in" to giving them at least one address of yours. It's not exactly incognito.

Kahlyla

huskypuppy14 said:

I sent a comment to C&B through their online commenting system. 

I said if I knew this is what my guests would be seeing when they opted out of giving their address, I wouldn't have registered with you. I also said I have friends they may change their mind about registering with you too.

You should point them in the direction of this thread!

grumbledore

loveislouder said:

I hope they send you one! I think this is a great way to get addresses though.

Why would a couple need this as a way to get addresses? They should already have the addresses of everyone invited to the wedding.

grumbledore

scribe95 said:

I find it odd but why would you purposely hit the first option? I don't understand why you didn't say billing address and move on.

I would assume because OP does not have any interest in receiving a form thank you card from Crate & Barrel? I would have chosen Option 1 as well.

 

EDITED:  I'm glad it looks like this is not what they do.  But this is still stupid.

grumbledore

scribe95 said:

I just don't get how this is rude. I mean maybe the bride and groom just get a nice printout with addresses reminding them to send thank you's. 

What is wrong with that? But you said you didn't want a thank you and now are mad you might not get a thank you? And it's not the same as filling out your own thank you card at a shower. You clicked one thing either way. No one knows whether these are auto filled thank yous.

I'm not sure what is confusing about this and find it concerning that as an E board mod you don't get it. 1. The couple already has the OP's address, or could easily get it, since OP will, presumably, be a guest at their wedding. So at the very least, this is lazy and weird. 2. Worst case scenario, OP just dodge the bullet of receiving a weird, printed form thank you note from Crate & Barrel on behalf of the couple. Ew.

grumbledore

scribe95 said:

I guess it's also rude for someone to keep track of gifts at a shower - a list that is later used to send gift cards. I just think this is kind of over the top picky. 

Really? Keeping track of the gifts is not the same as asking each attendee for their address.

grumbledore

lyndausvi said:

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant. I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list. It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How would you feel if at a shower the bride went up to you and said "would you like me to send you an TY note?  If yes, please tell what address I should send the TY note?". It's tacky. Just because a 3rd party is doing the asking doesn't matter.

And lets face it, they are not getting your info to be nice.  I'm sure they are keeping the info for marketing purposes.

Now if they give you a list to make sure you received all the gifts, then that is fine.  They don't need your address to give you that information.  A simple Mrs Smith sent you "x" gift.    I do not like the disguise it as a TY note tool.

I agree 100% with this.

jnissa

You know, as an online commerce professional, I think that's weird wording but not necessarily a big etiquette thing. It's only a deal if the couple uses the automtaed thank you card scenario. Which in my experience most couples don't (we didn't -we used the list to cross reference our own list). But legally the company needs to say something when you opt out of a service. That's all that is.It probably doesn't in any way mean your couple is not sending a thank you card (though you never know). 

theartistformerlyknownas

I feel like this is just a failure of their verbiage, not necessarily etiquette. It's not like C&B is going to email them "this person doesn't want to be thanked!" it just means you won't show up in the manager that says "msstatic bought these towels on 9/26." 

I didn't register at C&B but I did Macy's and Williams Sonoma, which both have thank you managers. It shows info for some, but not all of the gift givers. There is no option for automatic thank you generation - just a check box to keep track of when you sent each person your own thank you note. I obviously still wrote thank you notes to everyone.

classyduck

I agree with what everyone has said that this is a poor, and over-managed design on Crate & Barrel's part. I also agree that it is indeed the couple's responsibility to send thank you notes, regardless of what a vendor or registry advises you to do.

However. If all you have to do is click an option, I find it a bit exasperating that you didn't just simply click the option that would be most helpful to the bride and groom. Yes, yes, I know you are trying to make a point about bad form to C&B, but, frankly, this method of feedback will likely never reach Crate & Barrel. It will just deprive the bride and groom of a bit of convenience.

I would have encouraged that you show more consideration to the bride and groom (click HERE, instead of THERE), and choose a more appropriate route for your very legitimate criticism of C&B.

insertusernamehere

martha1818 said:

chibiyui said:

I registered at Crate and Barrel. I didn't use the thank you manager, I just wrote thank you notes like normal. You don't get an option to opt out of the thank you manager as a registrant. I agree with scribe95. This isn't a big deal, unless the registrant chooses not to send a thank you card. I don't think it's a crime against etiquette for a company that offers a wedding registry service to also try to collect addresses for thank you cards. You don't have to participate, and as evidenced by me, it's perfectly possible to send thank yous without the list. It can however, make it easier to track down who gave a certain gift if they forget to include a card. I was unable to find out who bought a certain gift from Target, and as such they didn't receive a thank you card. If Target had a service like Crate and Barrel, I might have been able to.

How is that possible though? Seems strange they had absolutely no info?

Target is REALLY messed up. My future sister-in-law used Target, and gifts came with no packing slip, address, or anything. Literally items in a box...

insertusernamehere

I think the company lets people opt out because so many people these days are paranoid about their personal information being collected and stored somewhere. 

I don't think it's an etiquette issue, rather a technology issue that's badly worded.

flantastic

I just had to check that my registries said nothing about TY notes or a TY manager on the purchasing side of things. Macy's and Williams-Sonoma do not. Whew.

thisismynickname2

I also wouldn't hold the corporation's actions against the bride and groom. As a C&B registrant myself, I can see who bought the majority of our gifts. Some of the gifts don't have the info. One couple brought a boxed gift to the wedding and the card was detached at some point.  As we opened a giant box of wine glasses, I cross-checked C&B's list to see who bought them. Luckily, there was the name!

Also luckily, the shipping label was later discovered in the box at the bottom, where we also discovered the buyer's name.  

Just because some buyers chose not to disclose their information doesn't mean I'm not going to thank them once I open the box and see who it's from. 

classyduck

thisismynickname said:

I also wouldn't hold the corporation's actions against the bride and groom. 

Afterall... isn't the soul of etiquette to make others comfortable? I think choosing the option that was most convenient to bride and groom would have been the most polite action here. Then go blast C&B in a comment form somewhere

dolewhipper

Just to confirm with everyone, I registered with with C&B and under "Manage My Registry" I found the "Thank you Manager". This is something you OPT into. Here are the details:

What is Thank You Manager?

Our new Thank You Manager is a smart, easy tool to help you keep track of purchased registry gifts, gift-givers and the status of your thank-you notes. Before you even receive a purchased Crate and Barrel gift, Thank You Manager will let you know it's now yours…and whom to thank.

Yes, I would like to use Thank You Manager

Opting in to the Thank You Manager Program

By registering with Crate and Barrel, you are agreeing to the Terms and Conditions of our Wedding and Gift Registry program. We are pleased to offer our Registrants the convenience of our Thank You Manager program to organize gift details including gift-giver names and addresses (when applicable). By opting in to participate in the Thank You Manager program, you are agreeing to the Terms and Conditions of such program. If you elect to participate, we will ask the Purchaser for relevant information (name and mailing address) at the time they make a purchase from your registry. It is the decision of each Purchaser whether to provide this requested information. If provided, this Purchaser information will be available to you, as the official Registrant, at crateandbarrel.com in the "Manage My Registry" section of your registry. To view full Terms and Conditions of our Thank You Manager program, please click here.

Personally, I did not opt in.

theartistformerlyknownas

I guess I'm in the minority in thinking that Thank You Managers are actually encouraging GOOD etiquette, by being that subtle reminder that you do need to thank people for gifts. Is it laziness to rely on the TYM to give you someone's address when you should already have it? Maybe. But I don't see the harm done.

theartistformerlyknownas

martha1818 said:

lolo883 said:

I guess I'm in the minority in thinking that Thank You Managers are actually encouraging GOOD etiquette, by being that subtle reminder that you do need to thank people for gifts. Is it laziness to rely on the TYM to give you someone's address when you should already have it? Maybe. But I don't see the harm done.

I don't think it's necessarily "harm", but IMO the problem is the principle of it because guests are doing the work to ensure they get thanked. It's like buying yourself a birthday gift, kind of. If the guest buys a gift, their "job" ends there. They shouldn't have to fill something out to ensure they get thanked.

But the original wording didn't say "help make sure you get thanked!" It was just "make sure the recipient has the address at which you wish to be thanked." It's not work, it's confirmation.