program wording

classyduck

Our wedding coordinator suggested an alternative to receiving lines that we really like -- as we are exiting the chapel, we will "dismiss" each row. That is, as they exit the pews we will have a chance then to greet them and thank them for coming to the wedding. This way while they are waiting to be greeted by us, they may sit comfortably in the pews, enjoy the music, and chat amongst themselves. Our wedding coordinator says this often works well, and we would be surprised and how quickly it would go (we also only will have probably about 75 guests)

So I wanted to include a note in our program about this so people know what to expect, but I'm really at a loss of how to word it. I don't like the word "dismiss", but I don't know how else to convey to people that we'd like them to wait so we can have a chance to greet them as a new couple and thank them for being there.

The bride and groom will greet guests as they exit their seats

 

Just isn't very clear. I want it to stay succinct as well, but not too bossy. A knottie in another thread suggested:

Please remain seated as the new Mr. & Mrs. Newlywed would like to greet you immediately following the ceremony

This seems a little better to me, but I'm still not sure guests will "get it."

Any suggestions?

cafarrie

 I did this and it went fabulously.  We didn't write anything in the program or announce anything about doing this though.  Our parents were seated in the front rows and knew what we would do so they didn't leave right away.  As soon as we were down the aisle, we circled up a side one back to the front, hugged our parents and they walked down.  We did the same for everyone else!

*disclaimer* I've never been to a wedding where ushers didn't dismiss the rows all the way to the back so we figured we would do it instead and then we'd get to see everyone without a receiving line or tables visits (which I abhor).  

Typically, the ladies on here do not love this idea - the main complaint being that they don't want to stand there for 10-15 minutes waiting to be dismissed.  I personally have no problem with this, but like I said every wedding i've ever been to had dismissed aisles this way, just with ushers. 

classyduck

Well, I don't have any ushers, I had one, but he had to back out due to some personal difficulties.

I've heard a couple other brides mention that they walked all the way down the aisle and then circle back around or something. I guess my confusion is, why go down and circle around? Why not just turn around after being presented as the new married couple, and walk directly to the first row and start greeting people right then and there?

Thanks for your feedback!

EDIT: We also have a super small wedding party -- just three people. But, I suppose I could ask them to double as ushers? Is this ever done? And sorry to sound obtuse here -- but how do the ushers queue guests that they will dismiss them? Do they just stand with authoritative smiles on their face at the beginning of each rows and gesture when it is their turn to get up? My officiant will probably have a few ideas at the rehearsal as well.

CMGragain

classyduck said:

Our wedding coordinator suggested an alternative to receiving lines that we really like -- as we are exiting the chapel, we will "dismiss" each row. That is, as they exit the pews we will have a chance then to greet them and thank them for coming to the wedding. This way while they are waiting to be greeted by us, they may sit comfortably in the pews, enjoy the music, and chat amongst themselves. Our wedding coordinator says this often works well, and we would be surprised and how quickly it would go (we also only will have probably about 75 guests)

So I wanted to include a note in our program about this so people know what to expect, but I'm really at a loss of how to word it. I don't like the word "dismiss", but I don't know how else to convey to people that we'd like them to wait so we can have a chance to greet them as a new couple and thank them for being there.

The bride and groom will greet guests as they exit their seats

 

Just isn't very clear. I want it to stay succinct as well, but not too bossy. A knottie in another thread suggested:

Please remain seated as the new Mr. & Mrs. Newlywed would like to greet you immediately following the ceremony

This seems a little better to me, but I'm still not sure guests will "get it."

Any suggestions?

Why not just have a reception line?  There will be more room for people to move about.  Let the ushers dismiss the guests from their pews by row.  You will be in the narthex or outer area, greeting your guests.

classyduck

CMGragain said:

Why not just have a reception line?  There will be more room for people to move about.  Let the ushers dismiss the guests from their pews by row.  You will be in the narthex or outer area, greeting your guests.

Thank you. I believe receiving lines can feel cumbersome and hurried. Perhaps this will also feel somewhat hurried, but I am betting less so. Also, the annoyance of standing around and waiting in line is lessened by being comfortably seated with familiar company, and the postlude music.

I don't want the request to remain seated to be a mandate, of course. If guests need to exit to be comfortable, then they should, by all means. I guess that is part of the trickiness here.

Also, as I said above, I don't have ushers. In the end, what is the advantage of an usher over us greeting people, if either method will be releasing rows at the same pace anyway?

classyduck

This is the wording that is my favorite so far:

Following the ceremony, please remain at your seat and the bride and groom will return to greet you each individually.

I found several other threads on the internet asking this same question, so I hope some couples find these suggestions useful!

I'm also starting to get why exiting completely before coming back to greet is important -- logistically, it seems impractical, but, it has a sense of finality. Guests want to see the couple walk past them, it makes the wedding feel "finished," I think.

theartistformerlyknownas

Generally the officiant makes this announcement - many people don't read the programs.

Jen4948

classyduck said:Thank you. I believe receiving lines can feel cumbersome and hurried. Perhaps this will also feel somewhat hurried, but I am betting less so. Also, the annoyance of standing around and waiting in line is lessened by being comfortably seated with familiar company, and the postlude music.

I don't want the request to remain seated to be a mandate, of course. If guests need to exit to be comfortable, then they should, by all means. I guess that is part of the trickiness here.

Also, as I said above, I don't have ushers. In the end, what is the advantage of an usher over us greeting people, if either method will be releasing rows at the same pace anyway?

Well, I have to agree that as a guest I don't like the idea of being "dismissed" or "released."  I'm an adult, not a schoolkid, and that's what this would make me feel like.

I wouldn't put this in a program though.  As the PP says, it's often announced by the officiant, who could say something like, "In order to allow everyone to make an orderly exit, we ask that each row leave one after the other, and that everyone wait for their row to leave."

CMGragain

We did a reception line at the back of the church in the narthex at daughter's wedding.  She had 130 guests.  It was very quick.  It was also helpful to me, as the official hostess, because I only knew a few of the guests personally.

huskypuppy14

Jen4948 said:

classyduck said:Thank you. I believe receiving lines can feel cumbersome and hurried. Perhaps this will also feel somewhat hurried, but I am betting less so. Also, the annoyance of standing around and waiting in line is lessened by being comfortably seated with familiar company, and the postlude music.

I don't want the request to remain seated to be a mandate, of course. If guests need to exit to be comfortable, then they should, by all means. I guess that is part of the trickiness here.

Also, as I said above, I don't have ushers. In the end, what is the advantage of an usher over us greeting people, if either method will be releasing rows at the same pace anyway?

Well, I have to agree that as a guest I don't like the idea of being "dismissed" or "released."  I'm an adult, not a schoolkid, and that's what this would make me feel like.

I wouldn't put this in a program though.  As the PP says, it's often announced by the officiant, who could say something like, "In order to allow everyone to make an orderly exit, we ask that each row leave one after the other, and that everyone wait for their row to leave."

I've been to many weddings and I've never experienced the officiant saying this. I think it's understood that the bride and groom exit, then the bridal party and then the parents and each row follow. I've never seen people leave before the B&G so I think you are over thinking this.

ETA: I've also never seen ushers release the rows.

Jen4948

huskypuppy14 said:

Jen4948 said:

classyduck said:Thank you. I believe receiving lines can feel cumbersome and hurried. Perhaps this will also feel somewhat hurried, but I am betting less so. Also, the annoyance of standing around and waiting in line is lessened by being comfortably seated with familiar company, and the postlude music.

I don't want the request to remain seated to be a mandate, of course. If guests need to exit to be comfortable, then they should, by all means. I guess that is part of the trickiness here.

Also, as I said above, I don't have ushers. In the end, what is the advantage of an usher over us greeting people, if either method will be releasing rows at the same pace anyway?

Well, I have to agree that as a guest I don't like the idea of being "dismissed" or "released."  I'm an adult, not a schoolkid, and that's what this would make me feel like.

I wouldn't put this in a program though.  As the PP says, it's often announced by the officiant, who could say something like, "In order to allow everyone to make an orderly exit, we ask that each row leave one after the other, and that everyone wait for their row to leave."

I've been to many weddings and I've never experienced the officiant saying this. I think it's understood that the bride and groom exit, then the bridal party and then the parents and each row follow. I've never seen people leave before the B&G so I think you are over thinking this.

ETA: I've also never seen ushers release the rows.

The issue seems to be that people jam the aisles after the principals leave-not anything that happens before.  So I disagree that I am "overthinking" it. As a guest, I don't appreciate being "dismissed." 

It should be "understood", but apparently isn't, that after they leave, guests should leave row by row, starting with the the row closest to the exit without being formally "dismissed," which is or should be common sense, but apparently it's not "understood" if the OP has to ask about it.

huskypuppy14

@jen4948 the overthinking comment wasn't for you but for the OP. 

I said at all the weddings I've attended people leave row by row, and the officiant never say anything, so it apparently is understood in my circle. And usually it's starting from the front not the back, which is exactly what the OP wants to do.

People will notice that the B&G didn't walk down the aisle and are greeting all guests. 

Clearly, things are different in different parts of the country, or different circles. 

Jen4948

huskypuppy14 said:

@jen4948 the overthinking comment wasn't for you but for the OP. 

I said at all the weddings I've attended people leave row by row, and the officiant never say anything, so it apparently is understood in my circle. And usually it's starting from the front not the back, which is exactly what the OP wants to do.

People will notice that the B&G didn't walk down the aisle and are greeting all guests. 

Clearly, things are different in different parts of the country, or different circles. 

Ok, thanks.

It's been my experience that it just starts with whoever is closest to the exit-after the principals have left.

theartistformerlyknownas

Jen4948 said:

huskypuppy14 said:

@jen4948 the overthinking comment wasn't for you but for the OP. 

I said at all the weddings I've attended people leave row by row, and the officiant never say anything, so it apparently is understood in my circle. And usually it's starting from the front not the back, which is exactly what the OP wants to do.

People will notice that the B&G didn't walk down the aisle and are greeting all guests. 

Clearly, things are different in different parts of the country, or different circles. 

Ok, thanks.

It's been my experience that it just starts with whoever is closest to the exit-after the principals have left.

At the wedding I attended on Saturday, nothing was announced and nobody was dismissed. As a result, we're all still sitting in the pews.

Seriously, we all just filed out and formed a line to greet the B&G. Everyone kind of looked up and down the aisle like "who's starting this thing?" I was in the last row so I went ahead and filed out and the other rows followed suit. Nobody died in a stampede. It's not rocket science.

Jen4948

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

huskypuppy14 said:

@jen4948 the overthinking comment wasn't for you but for the OP. 

I said at all the weddings I've attended people leave row by row, and the officiant never say anything, so it apparently is understood in my circle. And usually it's starting from the front not the back, which is exactly what the OP wants to do.

People will notice that the B&G didn't walk down the aisle and are greeting all guests. 

Clearly, things are different in different parts of the country, or different circles. 

Ok, thanks.

It's been my experience that it just starts with whoever is closest to the exit-after the principals have left.

At the wedding I attended on Saturday, nothing was announced and nobody was dismissed. As a result, we're all still sitting in the pews.

Seriously, we all just filed out and formed a line to greet the B&G. Everyone kind of looked up and down the aisle like "who's starting this thing?" I was in the last row so I went ahead and filed out and the other rows followed suit. Nobody died in a stampede. It's not rocket science.

It shouldn't be rocket science.  But not everyone has the same experience.  At the synagogue my family belongs to, people crowd the aisles greeting each other and it gets jammed.  Saw that last week on Rosh Hashanah.

Also, some people just don't appreciate being told to wait to leave.  And if everyone "understands" to wait until the row before one's own has totally cleared out, "dismissing" rows shouldn't be necessary.

classyduck

I just wanted to thank everyone for their perspectives and feedback. FI and I went back and forth on this. I'll be honest, my preference was for a receiving line. But my FI just HATED it (something traumatic must have happened to him in a receiving line or something). Part of the reason we settled on this was because he found it more palatable.

One thing I did find interesting is how disparate the experiences of responders to this thread were with regard to exiting the ceremony space. I can tell you I have never seen ushers dismiss rows, and I don't have any particular recollection of how pews/seats were emptied after a wedding. I think it has really varied depending on the wedding. Hence my desire for forewarning. I'm considering the idea of an announcement, but I almost think that would be more "bossy" than a note in the program ... and if people get up to early, well, it really isn't the end of the world. I guess I'll think of this as a "suggestion". If they don't want to wait to be greeted, no worries, we're all happy wedding guests here, get up and go about your merry way.

So, ultimately, we are going forward with what I'm calling the "seated receiving line". It's the same principle as a receiving line... but instead of waiting in a line, you are waiting in your seats. So yes, we will greet guests as they exit their rows -- for those who choose to wait to be greeted.

The reservations about this method expressed in this thread have been noted, and thank you all for sharing your insightful perspectives! I'll think about it in the weeks before the wedding here, and see if there is a way to mitigate the negatives.