No shower or bacherlorette party.

bback4

So I'm new here. I need a place I can talk because well my bridal party sucks and I have no one left to vent my frustrations to. So part of this is about showers and bachelorette party but the rest is my frustrations. I feel like everyone has bailed on me. I know people have busy lives and I have gotten zero help with my total diy wedding except from my mom and mil. Because people offer and then when I need something they bail. I needed a paper cutter for wedding invites. So I asked my BM who has one for scrap booking. Yeah a month later I had to buy one myself because she just kept ignoring me. I was supposed to have a bachelorette party this weekend. Actually we had planned a trip to a local amusement park because we have underage maids. Then EVERYONE backed out 2 weeks ago. Now they just keep saying oh we can do something whenever you want! I don't feel like I'm supposed to plan this myself and I've already tried and it failed and I tried again and that failed. Because we make a plan and then they say "oh I can't now" so this is me giving up on that idea.

I asked them last night if they would like to plan a bridal shower. I know I shouldn't just ask like that but well I did. I have 7 weeks until my wedding. I said I'd help pay for stuff all that but no the response I got was "I can't because of work" and I can't because my life is to hectic. These are the same girls that keep telling me if I ever need anything to let them know. WHY? Everytime I ask or need something they tell me they can't. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 kids under the age of 4. I've planned and done every detail myself. 1 because I'm that person that needs to plan and account for everything and 2 because people justs keep saying oh I can help but actually I really won't. My own grandma said if I need anytthing just ask but that she's super busy right now so might not be able to. Just why offer of your going to say something like that. I know I'm just ranting now and im sorry if I come across and whiney or shallow or something like that. I don't want the gifts or really the attention but I wanted sometthing to celebrate me for once. That does sound petty, sorry. I just only plan on getting married once I wanted the experience of these things.

This frustration all really stems from the fact that my moh, who's been my best friend since elementary school backed out of my wedding 3 months before the wedding. That really hurt. I didn't even get an I'm sorry and I haven't heard a word from her since.

So now question. Is it wrong of me to still want a shower? Or something like that. I'm not having the bachelorette party. My mil wanted to help is it wrong to ask her to do it. If i don't get one I'll live but I was just looking forward to it I guess.

southernbelle0915

bback4 said:

So I'm new here. I need a place I can talk because well my bridal party sucks and I have no one left to vent my frustrations to. So part of this is about showers and bachelorette party but the rest is my frustrations. I feel like everyone has bailed on me. I know people have busy lives and I have gotten zero help with my total diy wedding except from my mom and mil. Because people offer and then when I need something they bail. I needed a paper cutter for wedding invites. So I asked my BM who has one for scrap booking. Yeah a month later I had to buy one myself because she just kept ignoring me. I was supposed to have a bachelorette party this weekend. Actually we had planned a trip to a local amusement park because we have underage maids. Then EVERYONE backed out 2 weeks ago. Now they just keep saying oh we can do something whenever you want! I don't feel like I'm supposed to plan this myself and I've already tried and it failed and I tried again and that failed. Because we make a plan and then they say "oh I can't now" so this is me giving up on that idea. 

 I asked them last night if they would like to plan a bridal shower. I know I shouldn't just ask like that but well I did. I have 7 weeks until my wedding. I said I'd help pay for stuff all that but no the response I got was "I can't because of work" and I can't because my life is to hectic. These are the same girls that keep telling me if I ever need anything to let them know. WHY? Everytime I ask or need something they tell me they can't. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 kids under the age of 4. I've planned and done every detail myself. 1 because I'm that person that needs to plan and account for everything and 2 because people justs keep saying oh I can help but actually I really won't. My own grandma said if I need anytthing just ask but that she's super busy right now so might not be able to. Just why offer of your going to say something like that. I know I'm just ranting now and im sorry if I come across and whiney or shallow or something like that. I don't want the gifts or really the attention but I wanted sometthing to celebrate me for once. That does sound petty, sorry. I just only plan on getting married once I wanted the experience of these things. 

 This frustration all really stems from the fact that my moh, who's been my best friend since elementary school backed out of my wedding 3 months before the wedding. That really hurt. I didn't even get an I'm sorry and I haven't heard a word from her since. 

 So now question. Is it wrong of me to still want a shower? Or something like that. I'm not having the bachelorette party. My mil wanted to help is it wrong to ask her to do it. If i don't get one I'll live but I was just looking forward to it I guess.

Your BMs and MOH have the following responsibilities: to buy the dress you choose (in their budget that you asked for before choosing said dress) and to show up on time and in good spirits the day of. They are your guests of honor. 

They are not responsible for moral support, DIY, party planning, meetings, sounding board for all things wedding, etc. Despite the wedding industry telling brides that BMs/MOHs are brideslaves and party planning machines to be at the bride's beck and call throughout planning is completely unfair and not grounded in reality.

That said, you shouldn't have asked them to throw you a shower. Especially not 7 weeks before the wedding. Showers and bachelorettes aren't "rights". Not everyone has one or either and it's not a big deal. In 7 weeks you'll be married and that's the only thing that matters.

lurkergirl

I'm sorry your friend backed out.  That sucks, and I would probably feel disappointed if that happened to me.

Unfortunately, "DIY" means "do it yourself" not "make your brideslaves help you."  The general tone of your post and the way you describe asking about these parties makes me think you're being a bit of an overbearing bride.  Perhaps your friends have chosen to distance themselves so they don't have to deal with it.  Their only responsibilities are exactly what southernbelle described above. 

Your FI should really be the one helping you do these things since it's your (plural) wedding.

CMGragain

bback4 said:

So I'm new here. I need a place I can talk because well my bridal party sucks and I have no one left to vent my frustrations to. So part of this is about showers and bachelorette party but the rest is my frustrations. I feel like everyone has bailed on me. I know people have busy lives and I have gotten zero help with my total diy wedding except from my mom and mil. Because people offer and then when I need something they bail. I needed a paper cutter for wedding invites. So I asked my BM who has one for scrap booking. Yeah a month later I had to buy one myself because she just kept ignoring me. I was supposed to have a bachelorette party this weekend. Actually we had planned a trip to a local amusement park because we have underage maids. Then EVERYONE backed out 2 weeks ago. Now they just keep saying oh we can do something whenever you want! I don't feel like I'm supposed to plan this myself and I've already tried and it failed and I tried again and that failed. Because we make a plan and then they say "oh I can't now" so this is me giving up on that idea. I asked them last night if they would like to plan a bridal shower. I know I shouldn't just ask like that but well I did. I have 7 weeks until my wedding. I said I'd help pay for stuff all that but no the response I got was "I can't because of work" and I can't because my life is to hectic. These are the same girls that keep telling me if I ever need anything to let them know. WHY? Everytime I ask or need something they tell me they can't. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 kids under the age of 4. I've planned and done every detail myself. 1 because I'm that person that needs to plan and account for everything and 2 because people justs keep saying oh I can help but actually I really won't. My own grandma said if I need anytthing just ask but that she's super busy right now so might not be able to. Just why offer of your going to say something like that. I know I'm just ranting now and im sorry if I come across and whiney or shallow or something like that. I don't want the gifts or really the attention but I wanted sometthing to celebrate me for once. That does sound petty, sorry. I just only plan on getting married once I wanted the experience of these things. This frustration all really stems from the fact that my moh, who's been my best friend since elementary school backed out of my wedding 3 months before the wedding. That really hurt. I didn't even get an I'm sorry and I haven't heard a word from her since. So now question. Is it wrong of me to still want a shower? Or something like that. I'm not having the bachelorette party. My mil wanted to help is it wrong to ask her to do it. If i don't get one I'll live but I was just looking forward to it I guess.

My daughter didn't have a shower.  Lots of brides don't.  It's your wedding, and it is your job to plan it with the help of your FI.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and look forward to your wedding where you will be marrying the love of your life.

bback4

I know you are all right. I feel the same way no don't expect anything from them. I really dont. I knew I'd be doing everything myself it's more frustrating that they OFFER to help and say things like "oh whatever you need just let me know" or "I'll help with whatever" then when I try to ask for hel they back out. And by ask for help I mean all I've asked them is for opinions on things or ideas. I haven't actually asked them to do anything. They just offer and then avoid me. It's just like the bachelorette party. They said yeah let's plan something. Let's do this lets do that. And then when it came time for the actual party they all backed out.

I would never ask them to do all the work on any of this. It's just super frustrating to have people tell you one thing and then mean another. Same way with the shower. I know I shouldn't have asked but other family members were wanting to know if they were going to do it for me. So I asked them and my cousin even had the never to say she never had a bridal shower because she didn't remember it. Which is a total lie because we had one for her like 3 weeks before her wedding and everyone threw a fit because her moh didn't plan one for her.

I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm just pissed off with a lot of things that have gone on with this wedding planning. So many other things have gone wrong and I'm just frustrated and honestly ready to be done and married. That's the only thing I'm still excited about!

MollyandD

I did most of my wedding stuff on my own. Except when people OFFERED to help. So, I totally understand and would have been very hurt if someone offered something and then backed out. That's not the same as expecting things. 

With that said, it does sound like you expect quite a bit, offered or not. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but it really sounds like you expect them to be as involved as the tv shows lead you to believe that they should be. That's not really how it works. 

NYCMercedes

Being a SAHM to two little ones means you give and give and then give some more. The day is never about you. No wonder you're frustrated in general and with your friends. No wonder you want to be held up by others. Unfortunately, it's not up to your WP to hold you up. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your Mom and FMIL. Treasure and enjoy those relationships and relax about the others. Have a margarita, relax, and glory in the fact that soon you'll be a misses.

mrsk616

we arent having a shower due to the fact my fiancee rather get what we need on our own (we have already been getting stuff for when we move in together, so no shower necessary) i understand the frustration your having but usually that is put on by a family member. treasure the relationship with your mom and fmil and take their help. as long as the bp shows your good. take a deep breath have a drink and kick back