Wedding Party

Wedding Thank You Etiquette Question

My husband and I were married two weeks ago.

Long story short, I did not have a bridal shower  (at my own request), and at my rehearsal dinner I gave my bridesmaids a diamond infinity necklace purchased from a jeweler and a poem printed on nice paper thanking them for being a part of our wedding, on top of several other small gifts I have given them along the way (one at my engagement party, one after attending a bridal show, and one the day we went dress shopping.)  I feel as though I have thanked them graciously for fulfilling their duties as BM's. Three of them went on to purchase us wedding gifts, to which I will be sending another hand-written thank you card, but for the two that did not, should I be sending them another thank you as well?

Believe me when I say that I am not so petty as to ruin friendships over two people who were in my wedding not giving a gift/card/note ( I know times are tough for some people), and I know for the one or two people who were in attendance that did not bring gifts that I should still thank them for the gift of their presence, but I feel as though I have already thanked those BM's for everything they did do to be part of my wedding.

What actually is the etiquette here?

Re: Wedding Thank You Etiquette Question

  • Shanny48 said:
    My husband and I were married two weeks ago.

    Long story short, I did not have a bridal shower  (at my own request), and at my rehearsal dinner I gave my bridesmaids a diamond infinity necklace purchased from a jeweler and a poem printed on nice paper thanking them for being a part of our wedding, on top of several other small gifts I have given them along the way (one at my engagement party, one after attending a bridal show, and one the day we went dress shopping.)  I feel as though I have thanked them graciously for fulfilling their duties as BM's. Three of them went on to purchase us wedding gifts, to which I will be sending another hand-written thank you card, but for the two that did not, should I be sending them another thank you as well?

    Believe me when I say that I am not so petty as to ruin friendships over two people who were in my wedding not giving a gift/card/note ( I know times are tough for some people), and I know for the one or two people who were in attendance that did not bring gifts that I should still thank them for the gift of their presence, but I feel as though I have already thanked those BM's for everything they did do to be part of my wedding.

    What actually is the etiquette here?
    You should write thank you notes for wedding gifts. You do not need to write thank you notes for people just attending your wedding. So, you do not need to write thank you notes to the BMs who did not give you a wedding gift. They still might - and if they do, you need to write a thank you note. You already thanked them for their role as BM with the necklace and that is sufficient from that perspective.

    It sounds like you feel bitter that you've given them gifts and then they did not reciprocate with a wedding gift. Try to let this go. 
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    MairePoppyholyguacamole79novella1186
  • I think you are mistaking my paranoia of under-thanking people for bitterness. I gave them multiple gifts because I understand the burden that being a BM entails, and I am genuinely grateful for everything they did for me. The reason I am asking is because I did not want to make people feel as though I am writing them "thanks for nothing" notes which is a slap in the face, nor did I want anyone to have hurt feelings over not getting the same notes that the rest of the bridal party/guests did... if that makes sense. 

    Thanks for your input!
  • Don't send thank yous to those who didn't send gifts. You already thanked them - overzealously in my opinion - for being a bridesmaid and that entails going to your wedding. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Shanny48, you're first instincts are correct. Those TYs could be perceived as a "thanks for nothing' note. You thanked them with attendants gifts, plus some. Also, some guests prefer to send gifts after the wedding.
                
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