Vow Renewals

Why are YOU renewing your vows?

Anybody out there? :)

Why have you chosen to renew your vows?  How long have you been married? (Or how long will you have been married when you renew?)

Our purpose is to celebrate 10 years of marriage. I more prefer the term "reaffirmation ceremony" but obviously vow renewal is more commonly used. I feel that there's something to be said for the idea of wanting to reaffirm your commitment even knowing things that you didn't know or truly understand on your wedding day. Planning our ceremony has made me very reflective and newly motivated which is a very good thing.

For us, the typical stresses of parenting, supporting each other through career changes, loss, and the journey of my husband donating a kidney to his mom have been challenging but have brought us closer than ever before. We've had many happy times and that's one aspect to celebrate. But, also it's the concept of reminding yourself of your promises with the wisdom that marriage has give you. Basically saying "So, it turns out this is REALLY hard. But I would still choose you again and I am committed to our marriage and happily look forward to the upcoming years with you with no hesitations."

All of that said, I know that everyone has their own reason(s). An article on TK lists the most common: Celebrating an anniversary, "formalizing" an elopement or marking the end of a difficult time.  

What's yours?   

Re: Why are YOU renewing your vows?

  • Oh no! I agree with you. I was truly just quoting the article. I personally value the significance of a private ceremony with just the couple. Our vow renewal will be just the two of us (our wedding had 9 guests but I was willing to do that alone as well.) As for the article, I see how the wording (implying that an elopement isn't formal) is disappointing and I am sorry. I see why it was mentioned though-many couples certainly are perfectly happy with their elopements but then also celebrate (or in some cases compromise) later by sharing some sort of ceremony with family and friends. I simply wanted to start a conversation and take it away from just me and my reasons... @Jells2dot0 BTW in case anyone wants to see what I am referring to... http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx
  • Oh no! I agree with you. I was truly just quoting the article. I personally value the significance of a private ceremony with just the couple. Our vow renewal will be just the two of us (our wedding had 9 guests but I was willing to do that alone as well.) As for the article, I see how the wording (implying that an elopement isn't formal) is disappointing and I am sorry. I see why it was mentioned though-many couples certainly are perfectly happy with their elopements but then also celebrate (or in some cases compromise) later by sharing some sort of ceremony with family and friends. I simply wanted to start a conversation and take it away from just me and my reasons... @Jells2dot0 BTW in case anyone wants to see what I am referring to... http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx
    I know it did not come from you :) I was hoping to stimulate all sides of the conversation!

     







    charcoalandblush
  • Okay! I felt bad! Yes, your point is definitely a good one to make.
  • We're planning on renewing our vows during our 7 year anniversary. 7 is the number of perfection, and is very important to us in out relationship. We had a small ceremony at my church with a few family and friends, and while it was wonderful, my husband and I want to have a big party to celebrate. Both of our families are looking forward to a big "wedding" and this time want to help us out financially.
    destinationtake2Knottie1427836692
  • LadyA1988 said:
    We're planning on renewing our vows during our 7 year anniversary. 7 is the number of perfection, and is very important to us in out relationship. We had a small ceremony at my church with a few family and friends, and while it was wonderful, my husband and I want to have a big party to celebrate. Both of our families are looking forward to a big "wedding" and this time want to help us out financially.
    It is not a wedding, not even in  quotation marks.  This is for all the wrong reasons.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OliveOilsMom
  • We are renewing our vows to celebrate.  And we want to invite all our family and friends as a thank you to them for the past 10 years of support and love.  Marriage is hard and we've had our fair share of struggles, but we've come through them together!  We want to recognize that!  I think its important for us to recognize the accomplishment.  In addition to thanking everyone for the support, we also want to celebrate with them and have their support for the next ten years.  I'm so excited!  I know some etiquette says to keep it small, but we are doing it a little larger.  We basically want a big party for all our friends to enjoy!
    deannabob77
  • My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years in Nov. We got married in Las Vegas with very limited family and friends. My family and I are religious and I regret not having a church wedding. I know to most that sounds silly, but it is very important to me. At the time that we got married, we had a not so good relationship with my family and felt that this was the way to go because we knew we wanted to be married. Now that time has passed and all is well in the family, I would love to have our church ceremony and reception. I also don't know what the etiquette is for this. I would love to have a full blown wedding, since we really only got the ceremony the first time. Is it appropriate to have a full on wedding even in our circumstance?
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years in Nov. We got married in Las Vegas with very limited family and friends. My family and I are religious and I regret not having a church wedding. I know to most that sounds silly, but it is very important to me. At the time that we got married, we had a not so good relationship with my family and felt that this was the way to go because we knew we wanted to be married. Now that time has passed and all is well in the family, I would love to have our church ceremony and reception. I also don't know what the etiquette is for this. I would love to have a full blown wedding, since we really only got the ceremony the first time. Is it appropriate to have a full on wedding even in our circumstance?
    Depending on your religious affiliation, you may not be allowed to have a "full on" wedding. In the Catholic church, their concern would be that you receive the Sacrament of Marriage. More often than not, they would not be agreeable to a ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance of a "full on" wedding. If you are truly that religious and regret not marrying within your faith initially, I would think receiving the blessing of your church would supercede the need for a wedding party or other "show".
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator 5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod

    @MobKaz is correct. You may not be able to have a full-up ceremony. It's not looked upon kindly by the church in these situations. In the Catholic world, it would be considered a Convalidation. Convalidations are usually private (or very small audience) ceremonies following a mass. It's my understanding that you have to apply for one as well. Other religions may have the same process.

    Re-dos are also looked poorly upon, regardless of the reason. What happens if things don't go as planned during the re-do? Will you want to re-do everything again for your 15th or 20th anniversary?

    So, if it's really all about your faith and having a blessing is that important to you, then putting aside the big to-do will be worth having your marriage blessed in the church. I recommend having the small blessing followed by a very nice party.

     







    MobKaz
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 2015
    My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years in Nov. We got married in Las Vegas with very limited family and friends. My family and I are religious and I regret not having a church wedding. I know to most that sounds silly, but it is very important to me. At the time that we got married, we had a not so good relationship with my family and felt that this was the way to go because we knew we wanted to be married. Now that time has passed and all is well in the family, I would love to have our church ceremony and reception. I also don't know what the etiquette is for this. I would love to have a full blown wedding, since we really only got the ceremony the first time. Is it appropriate to have a full on wedding even in our circumstance?
    I am sorry, but you cannot have a wedding when you are already married.  Legally impossible.  What you can have is a great vow renewal ceremony.  The etiquette is a bit different.  No big, white wedding dress, but a formal gown is fine.  No wedding attendants because it is not a wedding.  No wedding traditions, like first dance, bouquet tossing, showers or bachelorette parties.  Gifts are not expected at a vow renewal, so no registries.
    What you can have is a beautiful church service where your friends and relatives witness the two of you repeating (reaffirming) your vows with a minister.  This does not apply to Catholics, who need to consult with a priest before planning anything.
    You can follow the ceremony with a beautiful reception that includes drinks, dinner, dancing, toasts (not, "To the bride and groom").  You can have just as big a celebration as you wish.  Here is an excellent website about planning your vow renewal.

    http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

    Having a do-over wedding is often called a PPD (Pretty Princess Day) here on the Knot, and it is not usually well liked.  Have a lovely vow renewal, instead...and congratulations on your first ten years of marriage!

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  • We have chosen to reaffirm because our life together has been hellacious circumstance after hellacious circumstance. There were days when we didn't know if we were going to make it; times when friends and even family were saying "Well if I were y'all, I'd quit." We married very young and didn't really have anyone's blessings or confidence in us. Over the years together, our families have grown to respect our marriage and us for not giving up on each other, even in the really, really bad times. 

    We eloped after Hurricane Katrina, before he left for the military. We were so scared, he didn't even give me a proper kiss (when he was told he could kiss me, he gave me a peck on the cheek and was shaking like a leaf!) We have grown to have three children and in the last year managed to become stable and set in our lives. So we are planning our first vacation (we're calling it a "Familymoon") to Disney World and we are having a small reaffirmation ceremony while out there with the kids. Our oldest wants to "officiate" for us (a big deal to him) and we're going to have cake and then go have FUN! We invited my parents and siblings and his parents and siblings, but we told them it's happening whether they go or not. 

    It'll be for our 12 year anniversary. Not for any specific reason other than that's the best timing for us. We'd have done it this year for our 10 year, but my husband is overseas and our third child isn't even 6 months old yet. 
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