Very small intimate wedding...how?

lorteaser

Hello all...ok this is my dilemma.  Unfortunately like many my fi and I are unable to have a big lavish wedding like many people can, which is fine I wish I could afford a huge wedding,  so we have settled for a very small intimate wedding which is a total of 20 which includes us if I'm not mistaken.  He keeps saying courthouse but I have never been married and would at least like to do something because I do want a wedding dress.  However I am having a really difficult time thinking of how to pull this off.  I am so use to seeing big weddings and all the decorations that I can't even imagine what a small wedding would be like.  I was thinking of a small beach wedding (St Pete/Clearwater) and then maybe dinner at a nice restaurant of which my fi and I would pay for.  has anyone heard of that?  I feel with this idea it might look like this odd group of people in wedding attire just came in to eat at a restaurant.  I don't have to have all the bells and whistles but at least want it to feel like a wedding.  Then I look at doing something like a wedding reception and feel like it's just too much for so little people.  I'm confused!!!!  Has anyone had or attended such a small wedding?  Any ideas??  I would also like to have my nieces and nephew as bridesmaids and groomsmen but it's not a must was just an idea...their ages range from 14 to 3 (total of 6 - 3 boys and 3 girls).  I was all gun-ho for a destination wedding but the only true thing holding me back is my mom.  She has a fear of flying and even though she would do it for me I would not want to put her in that predicament cause I want her present...especially mentally lol!! 

vulpiepop

Most of the weddings I've attended have been small, intimate weddings and FI and I are having a small wedding as well. It's not weird at all! As long as it's hosted properly (everyone has food and seats, etc) then it's fine. It maybe would feel a little over the top if you did things like having a 10-tier cake or an orchestra play your song, but what you've described sounds wonderful! Just make sure to book a room with your restaurant or make your reservations ahead of time so that everyone has a seat and aren't scattered all over.

southernbelle0915

lorteaser@yahoo.com said:

Hello all...ok this is my dilemma.  Unfortunately like many my fi and I are unable to have a big lavish wedding like many people can, which is fine I wish I could afford a huge wedding,  so we have settled for a very small intimate wedding which is a total of 20 which includes us if I'm not mistaken.  He keeps saying courthouse but I have never been married and would at least like to do something because I do want a wedding dress.  However I am having a really difficult time thinking of how to pull this off.  I am so use to seeing big weddings and all the decorations that I can't even imagine what a small wedding would be like.  I was thinking of a small beach wedding (St Pete/Clearwater) and then maybe dinner at a nice restaurant of which my fi and I would pay for.  has anyone heard of that?  I feel with this idea it might look like this odd group of people in wedding attire just came in to eat at a restaurant.  I don't have to have all the bells and whistles but at least want it to feel like a wedding.  Then I look at doing something like a wedding reception and feel like it's just too much for so little people.  I'm confused!!!!  Has anyone had or attended such a small wedding?  Any ideas??  I would also like to have my nieces and nephew as bridesmaids and groomsmen but it's not a must was just an idea...their ages range from 14 to 3 (total of 6 - 3 boys and 3 girls).  I was all gun-ho for a destination wedding but the only true thing holding me back is my mom.  She has a fear of flying and even though she would do it for me I would not want to put her in that predicament cause I want her present...especially mentally lol!! 

************sitb************** A small beach ceremony and dinner reception sounds great! For a group this size, call around to local restaurants and see if they have private dining options. Try to find a private room. That'll make things like toasts a lot more intimate. Lots of people do this - not just because of budget but because they want a small wedding. And if you want your nieces and nephews in the WP, go for it.

CMGragain

A wedding has two parts:  the ceremony and the reception.

The ceremony can be performed anywhere.  A beach is fine.  One rule is that there must be enough seats for all of your guests.  It is rude to expect your guests to stand through the ceremony.

The reception is when you greet your guests, thank them for coming, and offer them food and drink.  A restaurant does this nicely.  I agree with others about finding a place that has a private room.  You can also negotiate a limited menu for your guests to choose from that won't break the bank.  It is absolutely required that you have a reception to thank your guests, but it doesn't need to be expensive or elaborate.

Your plans sound very nice.  My sister was married in a city park shelter with a picnic reception.  One of the best weddings I ever saw.

jenna8984

That's what I did! Restaurant with a private function room for 25 people. I set up the centerpieces, and had a card box, and some pictures of my parent's/ grandparent's weddings displayed. Had a small cake displayed.

 I wore an amazing gown, we took photos on the covered bridges in front of the restaurant (New England). We had 2 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen and got pictures with them as well. We got married out on the patio of the restaurant by our old roommate/ friend. Then we went to the function room and had appetizers, drinks, and full plated dinner (all paid by us). 

It was 23 people and we socialized and talked for about 2 hours then went home. We actually meant to have music playing in the background but we forgot to bring the ipod speakers and it was not a big deal, everyone still talked and had a fun time. Good luck!!

JoanE2012

OP - Please consider changing your user name from your email address to something non-identifiable..  Internet safety and all.

plainjane0415

This is the plan that my FI and I are doing.  We are getting married at the beach, and there will be 12 of us (including me and FI) and we are going out to dinner at a nice restaurant after the ceremony.  We will also be having a celebration of marriage party when we return home.  I know those aren't that popular around here, but it's going to be a very casual party, with no wedding traditions, as we will have already done those at our wedding at the beach.  I think a small intimate wedding is ideal, to be honest with you.  So far I have had minimal stress from it, and I know it will be so much more special because we will be with our nearest and dearest.  It has also been a cheaper option for us personally, but I know that destination weddings or small intimate weddings aren't always "cheaper" Anyway, good luck planning, and congratulations!

southernbelle0915

plainjane0415 said:

This is the plan that my FI and I are doing.  We are getting married at the beach, and there will be 12 of us (including me and FI) and we are going out to dinner at a nice restaurant after the ceremony.  We will also be having a celebration of marriage party when we return home.  I know those aren't that popular around here, but it's going to be a very casual party, with no wedding traditions, as we will have already done those at our wedding at the beach.  I think a small intimate wedding is ideal, to be honest with you.  So far I have had minimal stress from it, and I know it will be so much more special because we will be with our nearest and dearest.  It has also been a cheaper option for us personally, but I know that destination weddings or small intimate weddings aren't always "cheaper" Anyway, good luck planning, and congratulations!

I have zero issue with "celebration of marriage" parties. Actually, I think they're awesome. And yours sounds really cool.

What most people around here do NOT like is when people get married and then throw a "wedding" - like they pretend the event is a wedding when they're already married. THAT, I totally side-eye. 

plainjane0415

Thanks @southernbelle0915.  Also, I wanted to mention too to the OP, one thing that my wedding planner told me (we do have one where we are getting married, because it's pretty far from where we live) the best way to save $$$ is to just make reservations at a nice restaurant post ceremony.  She said that once you throw the word "catering" into anything, it raises the price significantly.  We are getting married at a resort that has a fancy restaurant on site, so we will just be making reservations for that post ceremony.  Hope this helps a little!

jenna8984

@plainjane0415 Yes I agree with pricing and wording! In order to book the private room at the restaurant we used, you had you order off the banquet menu or the wedding menu. It was the exact same food, but the wedding menu costed 30% more per plate just because they threw in champagne toasts and a one year anniversary dinner. I was like hell to the no- and I had them charge me as banquet.

lorteaser

Thank you all...it's exactly what I wanted to do but just wasn't sure how it would come out since the weddings I'm used to are all about fancy decor, big cakes, cocktail hour, first dance, garter toss etc!!  I just want to celebrate with my family, have dinner and be done.  

With regards to the e-mail address I didn't even realize it did that but thanks I will change it.  

Again thank you thank you thank you!

atlastmrsg

That plan actually sounds really nice--low drama and low stress!  Find a place with a pretty view--a beach, a place with a trellis or pretty archway.  Have a brief ceremony, then dinner somewhere nice would be perfect!  I'd select a spot with a private room that you can reserve/rent.  That way, you and your group can have a more private celebration than a big table in the middle of a restaurant.  You could drop off centerpieces ahead of time if you'd like them.  The restaurant could create a special dessert for you, or you could meet with them ahead of time and see if you could have a baker make a pretty little cake, and with an appropriate cutting fee, they could serve it.  

Something you may want to think about is alcohol.  Would you also have the budget to pay for your dinner guests to have drinks with their dinner?  That will prevent anything awkward at the end of the evening if guests order drinks and you weren't anticipating the cost.

CMGragain

As a budget compromise, you could offer house wine or beer.

amelisha

Many, many restaurants have private rooms and limited group menus, and they're an easy way to organize a small reception while letting you have a good idea of the total cost in advance.

I book a lot of lunch/dinner meetings in my job, and typically we pick a tier for the group menu (3 courses for $50, 5 courses for $75, whatever) which will then allow a few selections for each course for the guests to make the day of, then we choose wine ahead of time (I get the list and select a red and white within our budget to be offered by the waiter, who will open bottles as required) and I place restrictions on other alcohol if necessary (like "no aperitifs/digestifs/scotch/etc over $12/glass", "no martinis"). This is good if you'd like to offer just beer/wine/soft drinks, for example, and waiters are usually very gracious about it and will phrase it well ("Would you care for a glass of wine or beer, or would you prefer a soft drink?" "My apologies, we are serving wine, beer, and soft drinks tonight, would you care for a glass of Malbec or Pinot Grigio?")

Private rooms sometimes require that you spend a certain amount but don't usually have a rental fee, so as long as the minimum is reasonable when you break it down per person, they're a great choice for parties.

We're having our wedding in Vegas with about 20 guests so this is exactly what we're going to do. I'm excited about it because it means I get to offer a lot more choice and it's so easy.

[Deleted User]

I'll give you two small weddings that I'm familiary with the first is actually my BIL ex wife. They are good terms so he & my sister sister were invited. They had a church ceremony (probably only 20 people there) and then took everyone out to dinner at a nice resturant for dinner.

The second one is there is a very nice Italian resturant in the area that has a beautiful banquet room (but not too big of a room) where there ceremony was held & then the room quickly converted by the staff for the reception.

If you can want to do a beach side ceremony, that would be beautiful & then maybe find a local resturant that has a private room/party room where your could host your guests. That way you can have some privacy during your celebration.

Ashes_3

My sister had her wedding in downtown Cincinnati, then we all walked to the restaurant a couple blocks away at Fountain Square and had dinner, drinks and cake in their private room. She had 31 people including her and her husband. All guest's were perfectly hosted.

blabla89

My FSIL had a small beach ceremony and restaurant reception and it was lovely. Did people who saw us think we were overdressed? Probably - but none of us cared, we all had a great time.

Maybe you could find a restaurant with a private dining room that will let you also have the ceremony there.

weddingcactus

A small intimate wedding can be really really lovely. Getting married on the beach followed by a dinner at a restaurant sounds really lovely. I went to a very small wedding in San Francisco followed by dinner at a restaurant and then drinks and dessert at the couple's wedding hotel suite. It was really fun and I certainly did not feel strange eating in a restaurant dressed up for a wedding. My friend was in a lovely (but simple) wedding gown and she looked gorgeous. As mentioned, make reservations or see if you can get a private room (though it's not necessary) at the restaurant. 

Fairyjen1

   There will only be 18 at my wedding including us. All we are having is the ceremony, lunch and cake cutting. No other wedding traditions. Mine was an all inclusive package at the Disneyland resort, so not necessarily budget, but we are having a lunch time wedding so we can cut alcohol cost and only offer beer, wine and soda (no hard liquor). We also didn't opt into any of the extra decor, so our wedding won't be decoration heavy and our cake is only a two tier (included in the package). I'm not even getting real flowers for the bridesmaids. I spent $8.15  for 2 long stem fake rosebuds. My bouquet is included in the package.

Basically our wedding will be a lunch party with some vows said. If we were doing it local I'd probably do the courthouse then lunch at a restaurant and call it good. You can still wear a dress regardless of what you do.

Knottie45547263

We had 42 guests, but had our ceremony in a historic chapel. We had all the bells and whistles of a larger wedding, but on a smaller scale. No one will think its weird - it's your wedding. We opted for a semi-formal intimate wedding because we only wanted to celebrate with our nearest and dearest. 

In terms of a wedding party - we only had a MOH and a FG. DH couldn't pick between his two best friends so he opted to have a BM. 

Reception was a restaurant reception. We created a menu from their selections - salad, side, entree, and dessert (we paid $90PP) with an open bar. They allowed our baker and florist to come in early and set up. We opted to upgrade our linens and they put everything out for us. We had a cake table and a card/gift table. The room was large enough for a 3-piece band. The band allowed us to have a first dance, a father/daughter dance as well as created a nice ambiance before, during, and after dinner. We did have a minimum food/beverage room charge so keep that in mind. 

LDay2014

We just did this last week and it was amazing! Married in our backyard and then out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Everyone loved that they could pick whatever they wanted for dinner and how intimate the whole thing was. We had 26 people.

rox2112

This is exactly what we're doing. We've both been married before and have had the big wedding. We wanted something more intimate and of course budget friendly. We're doing a destination wedding in NC and having our reception at a local restaurant. It's a fabulous idea! Congrats!

tammym1001

We only had 35 people at our wedding, but we still had it a country club with all the traditional wedding fixin's. I attended the wedding of a friend who had about 50 people, they got married at a park, and then we went to a restaurant with a private room for dinner after. It's my favorite wedding I've been to after mine.

JennyColada

We had 7 people at our wedding and this is what we did!

We got married in a lovely garden then took a trolley down the street to an awesome restaurant. Ideally enjoyed wearing my wedding dress there because I got all sorts of positive attention from the other patrons (AW mode: activated!). Our family loved it and we had an amazing time. It was perfect!

plainjane0415

JennyColada said:

We had 7 people at our wedding and this is what we did! We got married in a lovely garden then took a trolley down the street to an awesome restaurant. Ideally enjoyed wearing my wedding dress there because I got all sorts of positive attention from the other patrons (AW mode: activated!). Our family loved it and we had an amazing time. It was perfect!

Sorry, completely out in left field, but what does AW mean?

wandajune6

plainjane0415 said:

JennyColada said:

We had 7 people at our wedding and this is what we did! We got married in a lovely garden then took a trolley down the street to an awesome restaurant. Ideally enjoyed wearing my wedding dress there because I got all sorts of positive attention from the other patrons (AW mode: activated!). Our family loved it and we had an amazing time. It was perfect!

Sorry, completely out in left field, but what does AW mean?

AW: Attention Whore

plainjane0415

Oh!  Ha! I had no idea.