Invitation wording with complicated parental relationships....

summerleigh113

So I was unaware how frustrating wording invitations would be, but I should have known. Anyway, my fiancé's father is passed but we are still acknowledging him on the invitation. This however has his mother convinced that I need to acknowledge my parents as well. The problem being that my mother isn't assisting in anyway mostly because she's half way across the country but also because she hasn't been a prominent part of my life for 15 years. Now for my father its more complicated as he was never part of my life and isn't even invited to the wedding. I spoke to his parents (whom are giving me away) and while my grandmother didn't demand he was acknowledged she just repeated my MIL2B in the sense that I don't want to look like an orphan and I cant acknowledge one  parent and not the other. I've decided that since I'm obviously biased in this situation that I would ask for outside opinion.

CMGragain

summerleigh113 said:

So I was unaware how frustrating wording invitations would be, but I should have known. Anyway, my fiancé's father is passed but we are still acknowledging him on the invitation. This however has his mother convinced that I need to acknowledge my parents as well. The problem being that my mother isn't assisting in anyway mostly because she's half way across the country but also because she hasn't been a prominent part of my life for 15 years. Now for my father its more complicated as he was never part of my life and isn't even invited to the wedding. I spoke to his parents (whom are giving me away) and while my grandmother didn't demand he was acknowledged she just repeated my MIL2B in the sense that I don't want to look like an orphan and I cant acknowledge one  parent and not the other. I've decided that since I'm obviously biased in this situation that I would ask for outside opinion.

You are not going to be happy with my response.

The wedding invitation is a simple, formal note from the hosts to the guests.  It is not an honor to be on the invitation.  It does not acknowledge anyone to have their name on the invitation.  It does not include anyone to be on the invitation.
You gave us a lot of information, but you didn't include the important thing - WHO IS HOSTING YOUR WEDDING?

If you and your FI are hosting your own wedding, the correct wording would be this:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date of month
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

Reception to follow.  (if the reception will be in the same building as the ceremony.)

There is another option that might please Grandma:  It isn't traditional, but it has become popular, especially with complicated families.

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
Day, date of month (etc.)

If you are having a church wedding, "The honour of your presence is requested".

The wedding invitation is NOT the place to list relatives.  It is not a family tree.  You can list all the relatives, including your FI's late father, on the wedding program.  This is the place to honor them.  Deceased persons cannot be on a wedding invitation,  Taboo.

I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but it is proper etiquette.  The only people who are honored by a wedding invitation are the people who receive one.  It is an honor to be invited!

sarahjane222

Totally agree with PP. The people's names on the invite are the people getting married and the ones that are hosting the wedding (ie. paying for it). You can find other ways to honor your parents if you wish, but it doesn't make sense to do so on the invitations. 

Jen4948

sarahjane222 said:

Totally agree with PP. The people's names on the invite are the people getting married and the ones that are hosting the wedding (ie. paying for it). You can find other ways to honor your parents if you wish, but it doesn't make sense to do so on the invitations. 

Paying =/= hosting. If one contributes financially but doesn't otherwise act as a "point person" then s/he shouldn't be listed as a host.

Otherwise I agree with you.

summerleigh113

Thank you all. my FI's mother and stepfather are hosting but his father left him money for the wedding and he wants to acknowledge him as if he were still here so that his why he is also on the invite. i know its "taboo" but it's one of the only things he's asked for.

southernbelle0915

summerleigh113 said:

Thank you all. my FI's mother and stepfather are hosting but his father left him money for the wedding and he wants to acknowledge him as if he were still here so that his why he is also on the invite. i know its "taboo" but it's one of the only things he's asked for.

********SITB********* Your late FFIL's last dying wish was to have his name printed on FI's wedding invitations? I find that very odd. It sounds to me like y'all are the ones who want to include him. Personally, I'd use "Together with their families...."

summerleigh113

yeah no his father didn't ask to be on the invitation. its the only thing my fiancé has asked for since his father left money to be used for the wedding.

CMGragain

summerleigh113 said:

Thank you all. my FI's mother and stepfather are hosting but his father left him money for the wedding and he wants to acknowledge him as if he were still here so that his why he is also on the invite. i know its "taboo" but it's one of the only things he's asked for.

This is the proper wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John FI Stepfather
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her son
Groom's Full Name
to
Miss (Ms.) Bride's Full Name
Day., date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

The invitation is from the hosts.  Deceased persons cannot host.  The invitation is not an explanation of who gave money for your wedding.  Putting your FI's late father on the INIVITATION is a terrible faux pas, and people will notice.  It is perfectly proper to put a short memorial dedication to him in your wedding program, where other family members are listed.
Remember, IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE ON AN INVITATION!  It does not acknowledge anyone!

southernbelle0915

summerleigh113 said:

yeah no his father didn't ask to be on the invitation. its the only thing my fiancé has asked for since his father left money to be used for the wedding.

Money =/= hosting. The invitation is to tell guests "here are the people you can expect to greet you, to whom you should direct questions, etc." It would be extremely garish to name a deceased individual.

List him in your program and give him a special note there. Not a memorial - a special note. If your FI wants to do something else, I would suggest having him wear/carry something that belonged to his dad - maybe cufflinks, a pocket square, a momento, whatever.