Bridal Party/MOH question

naynay1985

I have a good friend who is basically like a sister. We met in high school and stayed close to this day. However, our relationship is more along the lines of sisters than that of best friends nowadays. While we were growing up we always said we would be each other's MOH no matter what was going on. My FI are starting to plan our wedding for 2017 (awhile out still) and we have talked about who we would like in the bridal party. I definitely want my friend to be in my wedding, but I have another friend who I am much closer with and have known even longer that I would like to be my MOH. When I told my first friend that we were starting to plan, she immediately asked if she was still my MOH. *Side note, she is getting married 6 months before me and I am her MOH*

I don't know if it would be appropriate to ask another person to be MOH despite the previous promise when we were younger but still have her as a BM. Or should I keep the promise from many years ago and have her as MOH even though I would prefer to have another person. My mom also suggested having no MOH, just 4 BMs that way no one gets hurt but I don't know how that will work either. Any ideas?

Viczaesar

lizzy0908 said:

I have a good friend who is basically like a sister. We met in high school and stayed close to this day. However, our relationship is more along the lines of sisters than that of best friends nowadays. While we were growing up we always said we would be each other's MOH no matter what was going on. My FI are starting to plan our wedding for 2017 (awhile out still) and we have talked about who we would like in the bridal party. I definitely want my friend to be in my wedding, but I have another friend who I am much closer with and have known even longer that I would like to be my MOH. When I told my first friend that we were starting to plan, she immediately asked if she was still my MOH. *Side note, she is getting married 6 months before me and I am her MOH*

I don't know if it would be appropriate to ask another person to be MOH despite the previous promise when we were younger but still have her as a BM. Or should I keep the promise from many years ago and have her as MOH even though I would prefer to have another person. My mom also suggested having no MOH, just 4 BMs that way no one gets hurt but I don't know how that will work either. Any ideas?

It's way, way, way too early to be picking your wedding party now since you're getting married in 2017!  You should not pick your WP until less than a year from your wedding, at the most.  In 2016 you can decide who is your closest friend.  You do not need to ask the person with whom you made childhood plans to have as your MOH if she's not your closest friend.  You can also have no MOH, or two MOHs.  The MOH doesn't have any more duties than  your bridesmaids; they're all ceremonial roles where you are honoring these people for being your nearest and dearest, and the MOH is the nearest and dearest of all.  Wedding party roles come with no duties or obligations aside from getting the dress (chosen with their budgets and comfort in mind) and showing up at the wedding.

naynay1985

I haven't asked anyone yet. My FI and I were just discussing it and I didn't know what would be appropriate. I have no plans on asking anyone for awhile! But, thanks for the advice

jacques27

1. Childhood pacts are not contractually binding, so pick whomever you want.
2. Don't pick for at least two more years.  Like, don't even bother pondering it right now.  Because in 2016, you very well may be writing a post here that goes "Two years ago I was really close to this one friend, but in the last six months my childhood friend and I have rekindled our friendship and have become closer to each other than we have been in years.  What do I do?"  or "Two years ago, I had two close friends, one from childhood and one friendship I developed later in life, but work and life has meant we haven't kept up as much and now I have a third friend who I met last year at work and has been such a wonderful friend.  What do I do?

In other words, relationships change and since the MOH and bridesmaids pretty much just need to buy a dress, stay sober, walk down an aisle, and stand next to you, there isn't any need to even be thinking of it this far out.

novella1186

The PPs pretty much have it covered. I will just add, if in two years (or in 2016) you're still completely torn, you may want to consider just having two MOHs. You have a lot of options, and a lot of time to decide, so don't stress too much just yet. 

southernbelle0915

I'm pretty sure I promised MOH to 2 different childhood friends growing up. Then things inevitably changed in the ensuing 15-20 years down the road. Shocker. And neither of them were my MOH.

You are 3 years away from your wedding!!! Your friend is being brash and immature for asking "am I MOH?" Ugh, I can't tell you how much that question or "so am I a bridesmaid?" grinds my gears... it's like "Ok chill out, Kelly Kapoor.."

Don't ask anyone until 2016 at the earliest. Reassess at that time. Just say, "oh wow! The wedding is so far off we aren't doing any planning right now. Wow, this is really delicious bean dip!"

Maggie0829

I would personally stop thinking about who you would like in your wedding party for at least the next year and a half.  Your wedding is at minimum a little more then 2 years out, but depending on when in 2017 you are getting married it could be closer to 3 years out.  So at this point there isn't much you should be doing besides just enjoy being engaged and enjoying the upcoming holidays.

cowgirl8238

All the PP's have this covered.  But I wanted to add that I didn't have a MOH because I had a really hard time "placing one of my friends ahead of the others" sort to speak by giving them that added distinction.  If any of them asked, I just said I loved you all so much that you all would have been Maids of Honor and that wouldn't have made any sense!  Then I would change the subject.  It worked wonders for me!

levioosa

PP's have this covered. 

I'll also add that I didn't care what my best friend made me.  In fact, this is the way she asked me:

"So....I don't want you to be offended, but you're my MOH, but I can't ask you to be it and not my sister....would you be upset if I had two MOHs?  Is that weird?"  

I told her I didn't care if she made me a guest, MOH or BM as long as I got to celebrate with her. People make this out to be a much bigger deal than it is.