Budget Weddings

Registry...yes or no?

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Re: Registry...yes or no?

  • Try to explain to your fiance that a registry is not a demand list. Its a helpful tool to let your guests know what you need. Trying to choose the perfect gift is hard enough, its worse if there are lots of other guests and you run the risk of getting lots of duplicates. Plus, in your situation it would be best if you got gifts that would be easy to pack and don't need the hassle of doing returns. Furthermore, your guests don't have to buy from it. They may look at it to get ideas, but there is no obligation. Like I said, its a tool for those who don't know you that well or for those who want to get the perfect gift as it let's them know what you need and like even if they don't pick from the list.

    Besides, by not registering you run the risk of getting things you don't need, want, and will soon have to move to your new place.

    Although money is my preferred gift, weddings are still very rooted in tradition. Older and/or conservative gifts may think money is an insulting idea. If you do want to money most though you have an out in that you are moving. Explain that moving is stressful so cash gifts are preferred.

    You may also choose to do a honeymoon registry since they are more polite than outright asking for cash. Plus they allow people to pick something special for you that you won't have to move either.

    It sounds like your on the right track, hopefully your fiance will change his mind. Best of luck!
    runsonveggies
  • Try to explain to your fiance that a registry is not a demand list. Its a helpful tool to let your guests know what you need. Trying to choose the perfect gift is hard enough, its worse if there are lots of other guests and you run the risk of getting lots of duplicates. Plus, in your situation it would be best if you got gifts that would be easy to pack and don't need the hassle of doing returns. Furthermore, your guests don't have to buy from it. They may look at it to get ideas, but there is no obligation. Like I said, its a tool for those who don't know you that well or for those who want to get the perfect gift as it let's them know what you need and like even if they don't pick from the list.

    Besides, by not registering you run the risk of getting things you don't need, want, and will soon have to move to your new place.

    Although money is my preferred gift, weddings are still very rooted in tradition. Older and/or conservative gifts may think money is an insulting idea. If you do want to money most though you have an out in that you are moving. Explain that moving is stressful so cash gifts are preferred.

    You may also choose to do a honeymoon registry since they are more polite than outright asking for cash. Plus they allow people to pick something special for you that you won't have to move either.

    It sounds like your on the right track, hopefully your fiance will change his mind. Best of luck!
    No. No they aren't.  And no.  No they don't.  Just don't register.  People will either get you something nice that they picked out or give you cash.  
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited October 2014
    Try to explain to your fiance that a registry is not a demand list. Its a helpful tool to let your guests know what you need. Trying to choose the perfect gift is hard enough, its worse if there are lots of other guests and you run the risk of getting lots of duplicates. Plus, in your situation it would be best if you got gifts that would be easy to pack and don't need the hassle of doing returns. Furthermore, your guests don't have to buy from it. They may look at it to get ideas, but there is no obligation. Like I said, its a tool for those who don't know you that well or for those who want to get the perfect gift as it let's them know what you need and like even if they don't pick from the list.

    Besides, by not registering you run the risk of getting things you don't need, want, and will soon have to move to your new place.

    Although money is my preferred gift, weddings are still very rooted in tradition. Older and/or conservative gifts may think money is an insulting idea. If you do want to money most though you have an out in that you are moving. Explain that moving is stressful so cash gifts are preferred.

    You may also choose to do a honeymoon registry since they are more polite than outright asking for cash. Plus they allow people to pick something special for you that you won't have to move either.


    It sounds like your on the right track, hopefully your fiance will change his mind. Best of luck!
    Oh, man. I got so excited by the beginning of your post because you were making sense, but then the bolded happened. NO. If people asked if you're registered and you'd prefer cash, you can say "We're not registered anywhere, as we're saving up for X." IF PEOPLE ASK. You don't go around telling people you prefer cash. They're not idiots. Who doesn't like cash??? 

    And please read the MANY threads all over these forums about honeymoon registries. Gross. No. They're not even remotely polite. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out.
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    edited October 2014
    Things that are not polite: Asking for cash generically. Asking for cash with a poem. Asking for cash veiled as asking for something specific which you otherwise failed to budget for but don't actually need. Asking for cash for something you otherwise failed to budget for but do actually need. Asking for gifts and then returning them for cash to pay for things you otherwise failed to budget for. Farting in public.

    Friends of H's just got married and had a Honeyfund plus asked for gift cards to Home Depot to remodel their house. I was offended, yet we still just gave them a $100 gift card to Home Depot because we already had one lying around from CC reward points. I didn't tell them I was offended. If they hadn't asked for GCs, they would have gotten a $150 check.

    What the fuck are (general) you doing planning an expensive wedding and then claiming you can't afford a honeymoon? If you only have money for one and the honeymoon is the priority, have a courthouse wedding and a fancy honeymoon. If you only have money for one and the wedding is the priority, have a fancy wedding and skip the honeymoon or go to a Motel 6 a few towns over. YOUR FAILURE TO BUDGET APPROPRIATELY FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT/NEED SHOULD NOT DICTATE THE WAY IN WHICH I CHOOSE TO EXPRESS MY CONGRATULATIONS VIA GIFTS.

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    beetheryJCbride2015esstee33
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    LOL @ honeymoon registries being more polite. 

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    JCbride2015theartistformerlyknownasesstee33
  • edited October 2014
    It seems part of my previous comment has put some people off. I'd like to apologize to the OP for it. And if I made anyone who read it LOLed well then I guess that's good...? I mean, laughing is good.

    I have not read any threads on the topic of honeymoon registries. To me, they seem like a good idea. Not one I'll be using myself, but a good idea. Some people really dislike giving cash. For me, a wedding is the only time I would ever consider giving someone cash because I know how much I'd like some and I can give a wrapped present at the shower. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't like to give cash. To me a honeymoon registry seems more in between. Its giving an experience. Its not quite a physical wrapped gift, but some people may find it more thoughtful than cash. Sometimes cash can come off as "I didn't really know what to get you." I thought a honeymoon registry wouldn't be a bad idea for a couple who has to move and can't agree about whether or no to register.

    As I see it, a honeymoon registry isn't all that different from a store registry. Its a useful tool for your guests that they are not obligated to use. I think its a good idea to give people options because no one likes to be dictated to and everyone has different tastes. Options that, again, they don't have to use. Heck, no one actually has to get you anything. For the record, I don't think you should set one up just because you can't pay for your honeymoon. If people want to offer you support or give something towards you it you wouldn't otherwise have, great. But you need to be able to pay for your honeymoon regardless.

    Cash gifts are wonderful, but unless people ask about what you'd like, its hard to say you want it politely in my mind.

    Everything I've said has been in my opinion (which people obviously don't agree with). I apologize that my previous post made it sound otherwise. Whether or not something is polite is more fact than opinion. I was wrong. I still think what I said in this post is true, but I'm also very new at this and I can see other posters are already married (congrats, btw). To be perfectly honest, I'm not all that experienced with forums either. I've been lurking for a couple of months, but I've never made a post on any forum before or even commented on a youtube video. Clearly, that wasn't long enough. I'm really sorry for my mistake and if I rubbed anyone the wrong way. Anyway lessons learned. And again, I'm really sorry that what I said in my other comment bugged people.

    EDIT: And if honeymoon registries really offend people, they probably should not be used.
  • It seems part of my previous comment has put some people off. I'd like to apologize to the OP for it. And if I made anyone who read it LOLed well then I guess that's good...? I mean, laughing is good.

    I have not read any threads on the topic of honeymoon registries. To me, they seem like a good idea. Not one I'll be using myself, but a good idea. Some people really dislike giving cash. For me, a wedding is the only time I would ever consider giving someone cash because I know how much I'd like some and I can give a wrapped present at the shower. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't like to give cash. To me a honeymoon registry seems more in between. Its giving an experience. Its not quite a physical wrapped gift, but some people may find it more thoughtful than cash. Sometimes cash can come off as "I didn't really know what to get you." I thought a honeymoon registry wouldn't be a bad idea for a couple who has to move and can't agree about whether or no to register.

    As I see it, a honeymoon registry isn't all that different from a store registry. Its a useful tool for your guests that they are not obligated to use. I think its a good idea to give people options because no one likes to be dictated to and everyone has different tastes. Options that, again, they don't have to use. Heck, no one actually has to get you anything. For the record, I don't think you should set one up just because you can't pay for your honeymoon. If people want to offer you support or give something towards you it you wouldn't otherwise have, great. But you need to be able to pay for your honeymoon regardless.

    Cash gifts are wonderful, but unless people ask about what you'd like, its hard to say you want it politely in my mind.

    Everything I've said has been in my opinion (which people obviously don't agree with). I apologize that my previous post made it sound otherwise. Whether or not something is polite is more fact than opinion. I was wrong. I still think what I said in this post is true, but I'm also very new at this and I can see other posters are already married (congrats, btw). To be perfectly honest, I'm not all that experienced with forums either. I've been lurking for a couple of months, but I've never made a post on any forum before or even commented on a youtube video. Clearly, that wasn't long enough. I'm really sorry for my mistake and if I rubbed anyone the wrong way. Anyway lessons learned. And again, I'm really sorry that what I said in my other comment bugged people.

    EDIT: And if honeymoon registries really offend people, they probably should not be used.
    I think you may just not realize how much of a lie honeymoon registries are.  They aren't actually "giving an experience".  They claim to be giving an experience but in all actuality are just giving cash (and less than you paid).  If you pay $100 to a honeymoon registry for a specific experience, then the couple gets $93, after the registry takes their share, in the form of a check to use for whatever experience they want.  That $93 (don't forget you paid $100) is not for an experience.  You might as well just give them a $100 check.  

    Second point.  Yes, you are right that there is no way to politely ask for cash.  Honeymoon registries are the exact same thing as asking for cash, thus not polite.  A lot of people get cash for their weddings without asking for it.  Everyone knows that cash is a perfectly appropriate wedding gift without a bride or groom telling them "Hey give me money."  

    To your edit.  Yes, they should not be used, but people are taken in by the lie.  Just like cash bars should not be used.  Just like I should probably not have had to pay for my own dinner at the rehearsal dinner of the last wedding I went to.  People will tell themselves it's okay and no one is offended for this reason or that reason, but the fact is I'm not going to walk up to you and say "Hey I totally think it's rude that you made me pay for my own wedding/had a honeymoon registry/asked for cash/made me pay for my own drinks at the reception/etc."  And I'm not going to stop talking to someone over it, so they'll never know.
    JCbride2015theartistformerlyknownasesstee33
  • We are not having a shower or registering either as we are both older and have been living together for a while now so we pretty well have everything that we need really (well, I would like a wok, but, crap, Christmas is around the corner)
    Anywho, we had talked about (we are having a rustic theme) putting a cutesy looking moonshine jug on a table that had a hand printed sign on it that said honeymoon fund (we had seen this on pinterest) and if people put money in there great, if not, great.  Its not the center of the table or anything, just kind of blending into the decor of the room so its not like we will be standing on the stage pointing it out with a spotlight and an announcement or anything, it just kind of fits with our decor.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
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    edited November 2014
    We are not having a shower or registering either as we are both older and have been living together for a while now so we pretty well have everything that we need really (well, I would like a wok, but, crap, Christmas is around the corner)
    Anywho, we had talked about (we are having a rustic theme) putting a cutesy looking moonshine jug on a table that had a hand printed sign on it that said honeymoon fund (we had seen this on pinterest) and if people put money in there great, if not, great.  Its not the center of the table or anything, just kind of blending into the decor of the room so its not like we will be standing on the stage pointing it out with a spotlight and an announcement or anything, it just kind of fits with our decor.

    Bad idea. What's the hand painted sign going to say? Give us money? Never expect, let alone ask, your guests to open their wallets when you are entertaining them. Only acceptable place for a honeymoon jug is on your nightstand, as I'm expecting you don't entertain in the bedroom.
  • sleepymelissleepymelis
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    edited November 2014
    I really don't understand all the hostility towards Honeyfund.  A friend of mine used it and I thought it was brilliant.  No one I spoke to was offended at all.  And frankly - I would far prefer to give someone money towards something they'll enjoy (whether or not it was actually the dinner I "gave" them!), than another set of plates they'll have to find space for.  
    LittleWohlscheidrunsonveggies
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    We are not having a shower or registering either as we are both older and have been living together for a while now so we pretty well have everything that we need really (well, I would like a wok, but, crap, Christmas is around the corner)
    Anywho, we had talked about (we are having a rustic theme) putting a cutesy looking moonshine jug on a table that had a hand printed sign on it that said honeymoon fund (we had seen this on pinterest) and if people put money in there great, if not, great.  Its not the center of the table or anything, just kind of blending into the decor of the room so its not like we will be standing on the stage pointing it out with a spotlight and an announcement or anything, it just kind of fits with our decor.
    Oh god, awful idea.  Asking for money is incredibly rude.  Using a jar to do it compounds the rudeness.  Please, please just don't do that to your guests.  If they want to give you cash they will bring you a card with a check or cash in it.  They will have already decided whether or not to do this before your wedding happens.  You begging for money at your wedding is just sad and offensive.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    mherder79 said:
    I really don't understand all the hostility towards Honeyfund.  A friend of mine used it and I thought it was brilliant.  No one I spoke to was offended at all.  And frankly - I would far prefer to give someone money towards something they'll enjoy (whether or not it was actually the dinner I "gave" them!), than another set of plates they'll have to find space for.  

    It is their wedding, and they're paying a ton of money for you to have a nice evening.  What is your problem?
    So give them a card full of moolah.  But asking for money - which is what a Honeymoon registry does - is rude.  Giving money = not rude.  Asking for money = rude.  If you don't think they want plates, don't give them plates.  We're not talking about rocket science here.  And wtf does how much money they're spending have to do with anything?



    MGP
  • You know that saying "A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part?" Same thing here. A failure to plan/budget on a couple's part does not constitute a reason I should subsidize their fancy vacation. 

    Honeymoons should be a line item on a wedding budget. If a couple fails to save for that or chooses to spend their wedding budget in other areas and don't have enough left for a honeymoon, well, that's unfortunate but honeymoons aren't rights. I know plenty of couples who, for a variety of reasons, not all financial, weren't able to have a full blown week long exotic honeymoon and were quite happy with the simple weekend getaway mini-moon they were able to have.
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  • MGPMGP
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
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    edited November 2014
    Viczaesar said:
    mherder79 said:
    I really don't understand all the hostility towards Honeyfund.  A friend of mine used it and I thought it was brilliant.  No one I spoke to was offended at all.  And frankly - I would far prefer to give someone money towards something they'll enjoy (whether or not it was actually the dinner I "gave" them!), than another set of plates they'll have to find space for.  

    It is their wedding, and they're paying a ton of money for you to have a nice evening.  What is your problem?
    So give them a card full of moolah.  But asking for money - which is what a Honeymoon registry does - is rude.  Giving money = not rude.  Asking for money = rude.  If you don't think they want plates, don't give them plates.  We're not talking about rocket science here.  And wtf does how much money they're spending have to do with anything?
    Here is my problem - when I "give" someone a gift I expect the gift to stay consistent.  Toaster = toaster.  $100 cash = $100 cash.  There have been countless threads posted about couples doing a honeymoon registry and either not utilizing the funds for the designated gift or even skipping the trip and pocketing the money (in fact I have "friends" I no longer speak to that did this to me).  So $100 for a beach dinner converted into $93 that paid their cell phone bill (don't forget those fees) IS NOT OKAY.  My gift = my strings.  Sorry not sorry.

    And for the couples that actually go on the trip and use the money in earnest - it's still tacky, gross, and rude to ask others to pay for an unnecessary trip for you.  Getting married does not give you that special entitlement.
  • Only you know your family & friends and what will make them uncomfortable... We aren't doing either. If anyone wants to give, they can, if they want to gift, they can. 

    Don't worry about what everyone else things- do you!
    LittleWohlscheid
  • You will never please everyone no matter WHAT you register OR DON'T register for. A seemingly good, rational, responsible idea is sure is piss someone off.  Especially when you ask brides on these forums. It's all about what you want.  You and your future husband are in a unique position and your family/friends who love you will understand.  And if they don't...they'll get over it.
  • fwtx5815fwtx5815 cowboys nation
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    You will never please everyone no matter WHAT you register OR DON'T register for. A seemingly good, rational, responsible idea is sure is piss someone off.  Especially when you ask brides on these forums. It's all about what you want.  You and your future husband are in a unique position and your family/friends who love you will understand.  And if they don't...they'll get over it.

    No

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
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    You will never please everyone no matter WHAT you register OR DON'T register for. A seemingly good, rational, responsible idea is sure is piss someone off.  Especially when you ask brides on these forums. It's all about what you want.  You and your future husband are in a unique position and your family/friends who love you will understand.  And if they don't...they'll get over it.

    Ain't nothing unique with this B&G. Anyway, why act a certain way when you have a 100% chance of offending at least one of your guests?
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
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    You will never please everyone no matter WHAT you register OR DON'T register for. A seemingly good, rational, responsible idea is sure is piss someone off.  Especially when you ask brides on these forums. It's all about what you want.  You and your future husband are in a unique position and your family/friends who love you will understand.  And if they don't...they'll get over it.
    Thank you for digging up a thread from November to add absolutely nothing of value.

    And in my experience, colossal fuck ups are not "gotten over" they are drug out at every family gathering when the offending person is not within earshot. Sometimes when they are.

    If this doesn't happen in your family, congrats, it's you they talk about.
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