No Wedding Planning Motivation

MommyKristin88

Once I got engaged I was gung ho about planning. It almost became an obsession for about 3 months. Then I lost all motivation as I realized the wedding we wanted may not be a reality (for instance, I had no idea photographers cost so much, so that it a huge chunk of our already small budget). My wedding is tentatively planned for March 14, 2015, but I'm scared to book things. I fear we will choose the wrong venue (since we have to go with cheaper options with no personal references to help us), or we'll pick a photographer that gives us awful pictures. So, my wedding is 5 months away, and I have nothing done. No venue, no caterer, no photographer, dress, nothing! I'm feeling overwhelmed, yet scared I'm going to choose a bad venue, so I can't commit to anything. Geez, committing to my fiance was easier than this.

Ugh I need a fire lit under me, or March is going to come and go, and there won't be a wedding.

holyguacamole79

Have you communicated this date to anyone formally?  If not, scrap the date and start fresh.  Are you looking for a wedding in the spring for sure?  March isn't that far away, but should still be relatively quiet for weddings.

Do you have a budget set yet? 

climbingsingle

I agree with scrapping the date. I mean, it's possible. But if you have nothing booked yet, why not just push it back. That way you save more money, and find a venue you really love. 

MommyKristin88

sarahbear31 said:

Have you communicated this date to anyone formally?  If not, scrap the date and start fresh.  Are you looking for a wedding in the spring for sure?  March isn't that far away, but should still be relatively quiet for weddings.

Do you have a budget set yet? 

Nope, no one knows the date yet. The original date was November 15. Everyone knew that, but we postponed it until March, and haven't disclosed the new date yet. We picked March because venue prices seem to go up in April.

The budget is $6,500, but with 100 guests that's not going very far.

pinkcow13

 If you want a bigger wedding, as PP's stated, it may be a good idea to push the date. I am not sure where you are located, but if you are in a bigger city, most venues and vendors may be booked by now. This will also help you save more money for the wedding.

You can also consider having a smaller, less formal affair. You can go to the courthouse, and then have a lovely dinner or lunch afterwards with your family and friends. If you want something a bit bigger, you can have it at a local beach, or a family members backyard or home. If all this planning is truly stressful, you can elope with your FI (think about how your families will feel before going down this route), and have it be a very private intimate affair. 

Wedding planning is daunting, so I think it would be a good idea to speak with your FI and re-evaluate what it is that you want. I know that there was a poster here who completely ditched her big wedding idea (as in contacted vendors, and got deposits back), and they decided to go for a smaller affair, because they realized that in the end they did not want the "big"wedding. 

MommyKristin88

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I agree with scrapping the date. I mean, it's possible. But if you have nothing booked yet, why not just push it back. That way you save more money, and find a venue you really love. 

Unfortunately, the budget probably won't change at a later date. We probably won't be able to go beyond that budget by more than about $500. I would definitely have more time to search though.

climbingsingle

MommyKristin88 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Have you communicated this date to anyone formally?  If not, scrap the date and start fresh.  Are you looking for a wedding in the spring for sure?  March isn't that far away, but should still be relatively quiet for weddings.

Do you have a budget set yet? 

Nope, no one knows the date yet. The original date was November 15. Everyone knew that, but we postponed it until March, and haven't disclosed the new date yet. We picked March because venue prices seem to go up in April.

The budget is $6,500, but with 100 guests that's not going very far.

You could have a cocktail reception. Or a brunch reception on a Sunday morning. maybe look into those options? 

Do you know any photographers at all? That's how I found mine and I got a great deal. 

pinkcow13

ClimbingBrideNY said:

MommyKristin88 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Have you communicated this date to anyone formally?  If not, scrap the date and start fresh.  Are you looking for a wedding in the spring for sure?  March isn't that far away, but should still be relatively quiet for weddings.

Do you have a budget set yet? 

Nope, no one knows the date yet. The original date was November 15. Everyone knew that, but we postponed it until March, and haven't disclosed the new date yet. We picked March because venue prices seem to go up in April.

The budget is $6,500, but with 100 guests that's not going very far.

You could have a cocktail reception. Or a brunch reception on a Sunday morning. maybe look into those options? 

Do you know any photographers at all? That's how I found mine and I got a great deal. 

Hmm then I agree that maybe a cocktail reception or brunch reception would be good options.

You can cut back on other things too: flowers, favors, fancy cake, etc. Ask your friends about photographers. I asked my coworkers if they knew any, and one coworker recommended a friend, another one offered to shoot E pics for us (he does photography as a hobby).  FI's cousin knows a DJ who she recommends to everyone, and as a result he provides a discount . You never know who may know who, etc.

MommyKristin88

Thank you guys.

I think a cocktail reception would be the better option. We have been looking at dinner buffets with an open bar, and it's just not working.

@pinkcow13 I'd rather elope. I think that's part of the reason why I'm so over this whole process. My FI wants a wedding though. He says we only get one, so we might as well make it what we want. I think this is becoming an expensive unnecessary party, but I'm trying to compromise.

climbingsingle

You can definitely cut out flowers. We didn't use them at all. And maybe just serve beer and wine? 

holyguacamole79

Whereabouts are you? Your local board could have more ideas for budget friendly solutions. You could always do a Friday or Sunday wedding to save $

MommyKristin88

ClimbingBrideNY said:

You can definitely cut out flowers. We didn't use them at all. And maybe just serve beer and wine? 

I will definitely look into that @climbingbrideNY Being able to supply our own beer and wine would be less than a full open bar!

sarahbear31 said:

Whereabouts are you? Your local board could have more ideas for budget friendly solutions. You could always do a Friday or Sunday wedding to save $

Thanks. My local board is pretty dead, but I'll post and ask. I'm not opposed to a Friday or Sunday wedding. Good idea!

amelisha

I don't know if this is going to come off like a totally stupid comment, but remember that you don't HAVE to have a lot of things. You need a ceremony and you need some refreshments afterward, but that can be as simple as a backyard BBQ or cake and punch in the middle of the afternoon. You don't have to have a cake or favours or a designer dress or bridesmaids or dancing or a plated meal or alcohol if you can't afford it. There are lots of beautiful events that don't involve a catering hall or country club, that don't have dinner and dancing...and that's okay! Something like an 11AM ceremony followed by a brunch buffet is great too. You don't have to compete with what you see in movies/from your friends/even here. Just host your guests graciously in whatever style you can comfortably afford, even it's brunch or a later (after dinnertime) evening ceremony with appetizers only, Make sure everyone is fed well if it's over a meal time, obviously, but a fancy plated dinner is not the only way to have a wedding.

The other option is cutting the guest list and doing something more upscale for immediate family/best friends only (or doing that as a destination wedding.) 

You don't NEED all this stuff to have a beautiful wedding. Honestly.

Sugargirl1019

A 1pm ceremony on a Sunday in someone's backyard or a location that rents for inexpensive sounds like a compromise, followed by a small meet and mingle cocktail reception with finger foods and drinks (you don't HAVE to have alcohol! It can be dry!).

I would focus on your dress, see if you can get it in time for the date, and go from there. I'd do dress, ceremony and reception venue and minister pretty close together. The rest will work itself out - flowers maybe? IPod or Pandora for music? And catering from a local restaurant or even a family member volunteering to make a bajillion little sandwiches.

I totally see you in a short or tea length dress.. Just based on everything I've heard. I hope you can get things moving if you want to keep your March date .

Oh, invitations can be very simple and sent out in February. Don't worry about those

hellosweetie1015

Okay, OP, I'm'a lay my wedding planning (so far) for you. Your number sounds huge to me. It's double my budget. I say this only to set the scene for my squishy, still-nascent, and slightly scrambled planning.

Our venue is the #1 most important thing to me. Our food is the #1 most important thing to FI. That's where the vast majority of our money is going. Our guest list is 30 people (give or take), allowing every single adult a plus-one, so we are trying to budget up to $1200 for food so we know we'll have enough of what FI calls "that good good". Our venue is up in the air but it's likely to be about $1500 all told. So that's about $2700 gone into our two #1 most important things.

Of course, that leaves $750 (if I'm being very, very generous) for ev-uh-ry-thing else.

Invitations: $35 including envelopes and postage. (This includes an invite for every.single.person. because it's the easiest way for me to keep track.)

My dress: $100 (probably less, I expect to be REALLY thrifty here)

FI's clothes: $100 (I dunno what he's gonna do but I'm giving him the same number simply for ease of budgeting)

Minister: Unknown, budgeting $200, but can go over some depending on wiggle room from other areas

Photography: Working on getting a quote from a friend of mine; he's not a professional BUT he's very good. If it's too high, I'll see about "crowdsourcing" our pictures, maybe with a scavenger hunt of sorts?

Decorations for the (reception) venue: $30-$40 max.

Accommodations for FI and I: $150 MAX (again, probably considerably less - I'm okay with the Budget Inn ten miles away if that has to happen)

Things we're not really budgeting for but will work on if there's a surplus:

Alcohol

Favors

Decorations for the ceremony venue (if they end up being different venues, which is kind of up in the air)

Shoes (I have a love of heels myself, plus two sisters. New heels for one day are not a necessity to me)

Programs (to include the scavenger hunt if we don't get an affordable quote from Photographer Friend; if we do, these move to the "don't give a hoot" list)

Things we don't really give a hoot about:

Flowers

STDs (the mailed kind.... XD )

Anything else I haven't mentioned.

We would LIKE to provide accommodations for everyone, but I do not see that working as we stand now. I feel like shit about that because we're asking a significant number of people (all of whom are significant to us) to come to this place that is fairly OOT and then not providing them a place to stay. And no matter where we go, it's going to be OOT for someone. I have just a (not so) wee bit of stress about this, but I cannot change the numbers.

I don't think there's a need for a rehearsal (or a rehearsal dinner), although recently FMIL gave FI the line about it being "traditionally their responsibility". I made it clear to him that if she wants to have one I'd be down, but she should not feel obligated because it's not their responsibility and I don't care if we have one or not personally. 

Our rings and bridal party/parent gifts are not included in that. 

I don't expect to have a honeymoon right after we get married. I don't see it in the budget, I don't see it in the off time, I just don't see it happening. 

DISCLAIMER: This is just to show you that your budget is doable unless you're in a significantly higher COL area. You just gotta get creative, figure out what you want most (read: what you're willing to be spendy on), and bargain-hunt a little. Timewise, if you can do it, GO FOR IT! GET YOUR BUTT GOING! If you don't think the time is enough to get what you want, then put it off, especially since more time is never really a bad thing because it gives you that much more freedom.