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A Note to Those Who Want to Get Married Now and a Vow Renewal Later... #2

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Re: A Note to Those Who Want to Get Married Now and a Vow Renewal Later... #2

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    American bulldog. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    ShesSoCold said:
    American bulldog. 
    Thought so. Ours is a bit on the small size for the breed. We rescued him when he was right about year old and he was about 20 pounds underweight. We don't know if it was just genetic but presume his growth was stunted due to early malnutrition. Sometimes it's hard for me to tell with other AB's because they look a little different when normal size! They're the best ever. :-)
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  • tortor09tortor09 member
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    Lol. They were the platform heels you see in majority of the stores. They are very popular.. But not the most comfortable thing to wear. I call them stripper heels. I wore similar shoes at the courthouse.
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    mrs4everhart said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    American bulldog. 
    Thought so. Ours is a bit on the small size for the breed. We rescued him when he was right about year old and he was about 20 pounds underweight. We don't know if it was just genetic but presume his growth was stunted due to early malnutrition. Sometimes it's hard for me to tell with other AB's because they look a little different when normal size! They're the best ever. :-)
    Yeah they're pretty great. Edna is my soulmate. If I remember correctly, there's two sub-breeds - Johnson and Scott. Johnsons are bigger and more mastiff-ey and the Scotts are a little smaller and have longer snouts - almost like a big pit. You might have a Scott. But thank God you guys found each other! Poorly treated dogs break my heart. Edna was abused and neglected but we got her young enough that we were able to undo most of the damage. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    ShesSoCold said:
    mrs4everhart said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    American bulldog. 
    Thought so. Ours is a bit on the small size for the breed. We rescued him when he was right about year old and he was about 20 pounds underweight. We don't know if it was just genetic but presume his growth was stunted due to early malnutrition. Sometimes it's hard for me to tell with other AB's because they look a little different when normal size! They're the best ever. :-)
    Yeah they're pretty great. Edna is my soulmate. If I remember correctly, there's two sub-breeds - Johnson and Scott. Johnsons are bigger and more mastiff-ey and the Scotts are a little smaller and have longer snouts - almost like a big pit. You might have a Scott. But thank God you guys found each other! Poorly treated dogs break my heart. Edna was abused and neglected but we got her young enough that we were able to undo most of the damage. 
    He might just be a Scott. People mistake him for a pit all the time. Not sure if that's his appearance or their ignorance. There's a breed ban on pits where we live so we're pretty vocal about his breed when he unfairly gets the stink eye in public. I'd probably be vocal either way when he gets the stink eye for no reason though, it's like a stranger mean mugging my kid!

    I know what you're saying about yours being your soulmate. We've had dogs before MonkeyPants that I loved with all my heart, but there's something really special about MP. Sometimes I refer to him as my best friend and DH kind of looks at me like I'm nuts. But I know he knows what I mean, and I know he feels the same. 

    OP, I'm sorry for the threadjack. I just can't help myself in the face of really cute bulldogs. And I'll quit being a ball buster - as long as the "stripper shoes" weren't made of lucite, I'm sure they were lovely. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    OP, posts like these just tend to come off like you're superior or something. You were here before, left, and came back years later to make an announcement to say, "Look what I did despite what the meanies on this site said." That, and not your vow renewal, is what I find peculiar.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
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    I am having a vow renewal with a ceremony , everybody knows we are already married. Also I am wearing a wedding  dress we are going to do it just like a wedding. I am going to get back lash I do not care . I know how people on theses boards feel about this I am ok with that . 
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    lolo883 said:
    I am having a vow renewal with a ceremony , everybody knows we are already married. Also I am wearing a wedding  dress we are going to do it just like a wedding. I am going to get back lash I do not care . I know how people on theses boards feel about this I am ok with that . 
    You do realize "people on these boards" are real life people, right? The feelings here are shared by other real life people. Hell, some of us could be your friends and family and you wouldn't know. So realize when you say you don't care that we find it offensive, you don't care that your friends and family find it offensive.
    So much this.
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
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    edited October 2014
    rainbows0215 said:
    I am having a vow renewal with a ceremony , everybody knows we are already married. Also I am wearing a wedding  dress we are going to do it just like a wedding. I am going to get back lash I do not care . I know how people on theses boards feel about this I am ok with that . 
    How thrilling for you. 

    Imagine how justified you're going to feel when you find out that people thought your pretend wedding was tacky as fuck and said it behind your back rather than to your face.


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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    rainbows0215 said:
    I am having a vow renewal with a ceremony , everybody knows we are already married. Also I am wearing a wedding  dress we are going to do it just like a wedding. I am going to get back lash I do not care . I know how people on theses boards feel about this I am ok with that . 
    This sounds like a PPD, not a vow renewal. There's a big difference.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    edited October 2014
    rainbows0215 said: I am having a vow renewal with a ceremony , everybody knows we are already married. Also I am wearing a wedding  dress we are going to do it just like a wedding. I am going to get back lash I do not care . I know how people on theses boards feel about this I am ok with that .  ................................................................................................ You should check out the vow renewal forum. I think you'll find that your idea of what a vow renewal is does not jive with those that are also planning renewals. There is one poster who is planning a renewal after 50 years of marriage. Now THAT is something to celebrate!

     







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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    tortor09 said:
    Hi guys! It has been over 2 years since I have been on the forums, but I first posted in early 2012 asking for advice on a vow renewal. It is a very unsupported topic here on this forum and I remember the backlash and rude comments I had received. I am writing to help support you in your research in hopes of letting you know there are instances where it is 'OKAY' and absolutely 'NOT OKAY' to have a vow renewal. Here is my original post on this topic after we got married: [ http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/3757088#Comment_3757088 ]

    Here is my story in a nutshell...

    I met DH on a double blind date while he was on holiday leave from the Army in December of 2011. We knew it was special from the first time we laid eyes on each other. He went back to his base - 10 hours away. I went back to college. We were constantly texting and skyping each other since the night of our date. Finally, 3 months later I went to visit him. We had lots of fun and on one of my last nights there, he asked me if he could marry me someday. I responded with "Yes, someday!".[He told me later that he was simply just feeling me out. He didn't really expect for me to say YES!] 

    Later that night, I mentioned that we should just go to the courthouse and elope. We considered it, but there were no courthouses open at 2 am (LOL!). I left a few days later and we continued our talks about getting married... at the courthouse! I brought it up to my mom, who then told me she supported me (which surprised me!). I told my grandparents, they were ecstatic for my upcoming plans but wished that I would do a vow renewal or have a reception. I told them I would consider it. My father and my sister were not as supportive as the rest of my family at the time, however they had not met DH yet at that time.

    Many talks and breakdowns later, we decided to get married the next time he came home so that our immediate family would be present. We also decided that we would have a vow renewal after he got home from his deployment. So after 6 months of knowing each other, we got married at the courthouse in May 2012. I went to his base for the summer and then I had to come back to our home state to start nursing school. 

    It was a long 2 years. Nursing school, a long distance marriage, and a deployment.. it didn't faze us but it certainly wasn't easy. I think the hardest thing was that we spent our first anniversary apart - I was in the USA and he was in Afghanistan. I think we had been with each other physically in the same place for no more than 4 months during those 2 years. It was definitely worth it and we learned A LOT about each other! My family grew to love him and supported us both 150% including those who originally thought it was a terrible idea. Anyhow, there was a point where I actually thought it wasn't even worth having a vow renewal or even a reception. We felt married enough and we didn't really need to reaffirm it despite going through a lot during our first years of marriage. I expressed these concerns to my mother and my mother-in-law. They responded with sadness but said 'Okay'. 

    Christmas 2013 came around and my mother and grandmother sat me down and asked if I could reconsider my plans and do a 'get-together' instead for our families. I didn't need to get my vows renewed but they wanted me to have the experience of having a reception. I said I would consider it. In April 2014, I finally agreed that I would have a CELEBRATION in honor of our marriage, my graduation, and to welcome home my husband from Afghanistan - however the main focus of this event was our marriage. I spent the following 3-4 weeks planning an event that was to take place on May 17th, 2014. 

    Someone should have slapped me when I even thought about planning essentially a reception in 4 weeks... [Hahaha].

    Anyhow, we did it. I made my own invitations, reserved a venue, sent them out within a week of deciding to do this. My motto during planning was KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. I didn't want anything too extravagant or expensive. My family convinced me to get  DJ and a photographer and I was thankful they did. It turned out to be beautiful and I received so many compliments on the decor (again I kept it very simple!). I had globe string lights hung from the ceilings I had purchased from Big Lots ($13 per string and I only used 5). Instead of long tables, I used 30 round tables that were provided by the venue (Which cost $700 for venue/tables/chairs). There was paper tablecloth cover each table ($100) with wood slices (free, thanks to my dad!). On each wood slice there was a mason jar (free!) with such beautiful flowers I had hand picked from a local floral/greenhouse shop (~$50). Each mason jar had some lace and light teal ribbon running through it with some peach and clear gem stones on the bottom. I also sprinkled some faux peach and white diamonds on each wood slice. It really came together. For food, we actually catered Fazoli's Twice Baked Lasagna and Alfredo along with their delicious breadsticks. We also ordered some subs from a local ma and pop sub shop. Finally we had some salad and the dressing was from Olive Garden. The subs and breadsticks disappeared immediately! They were so good and everyone raved about our food. For drinks we had 4 wine options (1 dry red, 1 sweet red, 1 dry white, and 1 sweet white) and beer on tap. Liquor was not allowed at our venue so we did not have any.

    I wore a very light peach colored tapered dress with light peach stripper heels (ow!) which I alternated with some adorable cowgirl boots throughout the night. He wore nice jeans, Doc Marten boots, a white button down with a light teal undershirt. I believe we spent about $150 for both of our outfits. 

    We had no 'wedding party' or any 'bachelor/bachelorette' parties like you normally would simply because we had no desire to do so and we were married. We had no bridal shower, but people brought gifts and money even though we had asked them that it was not necessary. 

    It was so much fun and I absolutely don't regret it. We simply called it Our Celebration and I would be happy to share photos (as soon as I get them) and our invitation for those who were curious about how we went about it tastefully. 

    So again, for those who are considering a vow renewal, celebration, or a reception later on in their marriage.. DO NOT feel bad about your ideas. Some people might talk you down from it.. especially those who don't know you or your situation or have never met you! My entire family gave me a lot of support and encouraged it even.. so let your family and friends help you decide whether you should go through it or not. If they react negatively, then there is probably a good reason why they are reacting that way. If they are reacting positively, then by all means do it! I wish all of you the best of luck. 
    Ugh, this shit is just the worst. Congratulations on having the greatest day ever, A+ for you. 

    "Like, people totally don't even know you or your situation, girlfriend! Do whateva you want, good ole TorTor will support ya!"

    Is it too early to start drinking?
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    esstee33 said:
    @KatieinBkln - It's 5pm in the Canary Islands. Have at it! 

    This URL is going to change my life. THANK YOU!
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
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    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    rainbows0215 said:
    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
    Naturally they're not going to tell you to your face if they find it AW-ish.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    rainbows0215 said:
    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
    Right, because no one ever says "Oh... that's great!" out loud and "Who the fuck do they think they are?" in their head or to other people once you're not around. Your family and friends are the people most likely to lie to you about whether they think you're being ridiculous in order to spare your feelings.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    rainbows0215 said:
    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
    No one is going to tell you to your face that think what you're doing is silly/stupid/a bad idea. 
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    flantastic said:
    rainbows0215 said:
    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
    Right, because no one ever says "Oh... that's great!" out loud and "Who the fuck do they think they are?" in their head or to other people once you're not around. Your family and friends are the people most likely to lie to you about whether they think you're being ridiculous in order to spare your feelings.
    I'm doing this right now with a friend's wedding. It's a shitshow, and you bet I'm quietly judging her.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    flantastic said:
    rainbows0215 said:
    Just so you all know everybody invited knows we are married and can not wait to celebrate with us. There are no lies
    Right, because no one ever says "Oh... that's great!" out loud and "Who the fuck do they think they are?" in their head or to other people once you're not around. Your family and friends are the people most likely to lie to you about whether they think you're being ridiculous in order to spare your feelings.
    This. 

    OP have you ever said something to someone to be polite/not hurt their feelings but you didn't really think whatever it was you said? If you say no to this, I don't believe you. Everyone does that. And they especially do it to people they don't want to hurt. 

    Internet strangers have no problem telling you what's on their mind. And we are all real people who are guests at weddings (I've gone to 8 this year with 2 more to go). Even at the weddings where I have been outright personally offended, I've held my tongue to the couple while silently cursing them and then ranting here or with my H. 
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    The whole concept of judgement is just strange to me I guess. Whenever I read or participate in these types of threads I'm always left with the same feeling. The feeling of: Who really gives a shit?

    I can't imagine going through life trying to filter my plans through a prism of "what will others think?"

    It's human nature to judge. Ok, fine. But I can't imagine taking other people's two cents with such seriousness that I'm going to change my plans so as to not be judged. What a waste of time and effort. Judge away. Talk shit behind my back. I'd respect the person more if they talked shit to my face of course. But I still wouldn't do or not do something that was important to me because someone else might think poorly of it.

    At the end of the day I only have myself to answer to. And I'd never want to regret not doing something because I was afraid of other people's opinions.

    Too much value seems to be placed on other folk's side eye.
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    mrs4everhart said:
    The whole concept of judgement is just strange to me I guess. Whenever I read or participate in these types of threads I'm always left with the same feeling. The feeling of: Who really gives a shit? I can't imagine going through life trying to filter my plans through a prism of "what will others think?" It's human nature to judge. Ok, fine. But I can't imagine taking other people's two cents with such seriousness that I'm going to change my plans so as to not be judged. What a waste of time and effort. Judge away. Talk shit behind my back. I'd respect the person more if they talked shit to my face of course. But I still wouldn't do or not do something that was important to me because someone else might think poorly of it. At the end of the day I only have myself to answer to. And I'd never want to regret not doing something because I was afraid of other people's opinions. Too much value seems to be placed on other folk's side eye.
    Listen, we all know that you're 100% OK with lying to your friends and relatives. WE GET IT. Personally, I'd never do something so shitty. But that's me. You do you. 

    However, if a friend or family member lies to me, I'm well within my right to be upset and hurt and angry. 
    I have never and still don't agree with the whole "lying" thing. I don't feel we lied about anything to anyone. I never will. We followed our gut, had an amazing wedding and have no regrets. Given the circumstances we would do it all over again the exact same way. And exactly as I had predicted in my mind beforehand - the subject of our marriage license never came up in conversation. Shocker!! Apparently is wasn't the big thrill some would have had me believe it was going to be. No one cared, no one asked, it was never a topic of conversation.

    Despite all that, my feelings about the whole issue of trying to avoid being the victim of other people's judgement remains the same. And carries over to everything in our lives. 

    The dire warning: People will judge you if you do X, Y or Z just seems comical to me. Who fucking cares if other people judge you? I don't expect that others have the exact same mindset as me. But worrying about the judgement of others is a terrible way to have to go through life, while planning a wedding or anything else. And it should never be used as a "warning" - I assume we're all adults here? 

    Maybe the judgy ones should knock off being so judgmental. There's a novel approach.
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  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2014
    The only other thing I have to ask is why do people who do not agree go to vow renewals, just do not  if you can not agree with what we are doing. Also you will save us money per head if you decide to be truthful to yourself and others.
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  • beetherybeethery member
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    butterscotchjbeans said:
    mrs4everhart said:
    The whole concept of judgement is just strange to me I guess. Whenever I read or participate in these types of threads I'm always left with the same feeling. The feeling of: Who really gives a shit? I can't imagine going through life trying to filter my plans through a prism of "what will others think?" It's human nature to judge. Ok, fine. But I can't imagine taking other people's two cents with such seriousness that I'm going to change my plans so as to not be judged. What a waste of time and effort. Judge away. Talk shit behind my back. I'd respect the person more if they talked shit to my face of course. But I still wouldn't do or not do something that was important to me because someone else might think poorly of it. At the end of the day I only have myself to answer to. And I'd never want to regret not doing something because I was afraid of other people's opinions. Too much value seems to be placed on other folk's side eye.
    I agree
    This is funny coming from you.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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