A Note to Those Who Want to Get Married Now and a Vow Renewal Later... #2

manateehugger

Things I got out of this thread:

1. OP did what ever other entitled military couple does, but at least wasn't a total ass about it. 

2. I can have sex with 40 other people, not tell H, and it's not really lying because hasn't asked if I slept with 40 other people. 

3. Most importantly and shockingly, Urban Dictionary is not written by renowned academics and apparently should not be taken as 100% truth.

southernbelle0915

lolo883 said:

rainbows0215 said:

It is in the thread.

That was about someone else.

Tank you for reply. Please improve personal quality.

AddieCake

I can't believe I read this whole thread b/c I'm so over the constant arguing with Mrs. E, but I, too, am wondering why Rainbows continues to post when she said she was done. Also, Rainbows, you arguing the whole sexual whore vs. attention whore and urban dictionary thing made you look crazy pants. I judge you more for that than your vow renewal.

MairePoppy

@rainbows0215 - No one thinks you were banned. Warnings are not issued publicly for all to see. Warnings are sent by PM. Only you know if you receive a warning.

 Every comment in this thread is not about you specifically.

rainbows0215 said:

Before you speak I did not get banned.

rainbows0215 said:

It is in the thread.

ETA please note, there are two ways to direct comments to a specific poster. You can quote her and respond. You can put @ in front of her screen name. The later method with send notification directly to her in box so she can read the comment.

BlueBirdMB

I didn't read all this, but I wanted to comment to OP.  Nobody I've seen here would have an issue with what you did.  

My parents did exactly what you did.  They were married privately with only my mother's parents and sister in attendance in their living room.  2 months later my grandmother threw them a party at her house for about 50 people.  No wedding dress, ceremony, or wedding traditions, just a party.  I've seen pictures of both and it was lovely.  

snarkymaid

rainbows0215 said:

Before you speak I did not get banned

Oh right, because this is all about you. I forgot. My bad. 

[Deleted User]

I'm coming in just to tell you all that I'm very disappointed that no one posted this: 

mrsdweaver

@tortor09 although everyone on here seems to disagree with how you came on here, I have been affected by the posts on TK too about wanting a vow renewal or celebration of my marriage only after one year. I honestly appreciate your post and while I had no intentions of bridal showers, etc. I wanted to renew to add the religious aspect to our marriage, as well as the traditional unity candle symbolization (although I am not sure that we'll use the candle, but a newer more fun unity celebration). I was beginning to hide my marriage (simply because my cousin did this past summer to have her big wedding) but I realized--thanks to some FRIENDLY posters on here--that I didn't need to hide from my loved ones to have a celebration. So I am not anymore and upon telling them of our marriage, they were sad that they didn't get to see it. So, I mentioned our plans to renew our vows spiritually and they seem excited that they'll be able to participate. I guess what I'm saying is, while you and other positive posters have helped me see the bright side and the meaning of it all, there are still some negative posters who have made me reconsider even a celebration. My wonderful hubby and I are going forth with a celebration where I will wear a gown (because while I do not regret the privacy of our wedding, I do regret not wearing a fancy dress and taking pics--we literally have no pics of that day). Thank you and I'm glad your celebration turned out just amazing!

artbyallie

@mrsdweaver, I'm pretty sure whatever god(s) you believe in was/were present when you got married. I don't say this to be mean, but it is certainly part of my faith that God is omnipresent and omniscient and I am given to understand that that is the case with most of the world's religious teachings. And if a religious wedding is/was truly important to you I just don't understand why you would not do that in the first place.

mrsdweaver

@artbyallie Lol my God was present as I do believe He is omniscient and omnipresent, but I wanted to incorporate major prayer, etc into it. I wanted to incorporate family tradition as well. And in no way am I trying trying to have a "do-over" but I am wanting to incorporate my family and a more in depth religious aspect to our marriage. Of course this could be done in our home--alone, but I want to celebrate making through an extremely rocky first year of marriage (where we skipped pre-marital counseling). Our pastor married us so there was prayer and it was in our church, but my parents and family have tradition that they want us to undergo. It was all rushed (including the ceremony because our Pastor really squeezed us in) and like I said before, I don't regret it but I want pictures and other things I didn't have (not just a dress and guests). My parents weren't even present and I know I have to live with that decision, but I don't see why I can't celebrate my anniversary, while filling in some gaps that needed to be addressed in our relationship/wedding without having to wait 10-20 years--my husband and family agrees.I'm not sure if I answered your question, but I hope I did!

beethery

mrsdweaver said:

@artbyallie Lol my God was present as I do believe He is omniscient and omnipresent, but I wanted to incorporate major prayer, etc into it. I wanted to incorporate family tradition as well. And in no way am I trying trying to have a "do-over" but I am wanting to incorporate my family and a more in depth religious aspect to our marriage. Of course this could be done in our home--alone, but I want to celebrate making through an extremely rocky first year of marriage (where we skipped pre-marital counseling). Our pastor married us so there was prayer and it was in our church, but my parents and family have tradition that they want us to undergo. It was all rushed (including the ceremony because our Pastor really squeezed us in) and like I said before, I don't regret it but I want pictures and other things I didn't have (not just a dress and guests). My parents weren't even present and I know I have to live with that decision, but I don't see why I can't celebrate my anniversary, while filling in some gaps that needed to be addressed in our relationship/wedding without having to wait 10-20 years--my husband and family agrees.I'm not sure if I answered your question, but I hope I did!

Then you should have done all that for your actual wedding. BYE.

mrsdweaver

@beethery Because I am an adult both physically AND MENTALLY, I will simply acknowledge the fact that you SHOULD HAVE kept your comment to yourself. Now, BYE.

beethery

mrsdweaver said:

@beethery Because I am an adult both physically AND MENTALLY, I will simply acknowledge the fact that you SHOULD HAVE kept your comment to yourself. Now, BYE.

Good try. Go plan your re-do that you could not possibly have figured out the first time. Can't plan a damn party like an adult. Well howdy-fuckin-do, you sure told me!

You don't like input on your bullshit? Keep your sob stories about inconvenience to yourself. Nobody cares.

mrsdweaver

If you were the original to say bye, why are you still commenting? And HELLO I said a CELEBRATION. If you were minding your own business, you might not have missed that detail. It's not a re-do as it will NOT incorporate the typical things of a wedding--not that it's any of YOUR business. Also, my posts ALWAYS mention the people I am speaking to, so keep in mind that the first two posts were NOT directed to you. No one cares? Obviously you cared enough to reply. So thank you for caring.

beethery

mrsdweaver said:

If you were the original to say bye, why are you still commenting? And HELLO I said a CELEBRATION. If you were minding your own business, you might not have missed that detail. It's not a re-do as it will NOT incorporate the typical things of a wedding--not that it's any of YOUR business. Also, my posts ALWAYS mention the people I am speaking to, so keep in mind that the first two posts were NOT directed to you. No one cares? Obviously you cared enough to reply. So thank you for caring.

You posted about it, opening it up for input. Mosey on.

NYCMercedes

mrsdweaver said:

If you were the original to say bye, why are you still commenting? And HELLO I said a CELEBRATION. If you were minding your own business, you might not have missed that detail. It's not a re-do as it will NOT incorporate the typical things of a wedding--not that it's any of YOUR business. Also, my posts ALWAYS mention the people I am speaking to, so keep in mind that the first two posts were NOT directed to you. No one cares? Obviously you cared enough to reply. So thank you for caring.

You're talking to the freakin interenet: you're talking to the world.

chibiyui

mrs4everhart

mrsdweaver said:

@artbyallie Lol my God was present as I do believe He is omniscient and omnipresent, but I wanted to incorporate major prayer, etc into it. I wanted to incorporate family tradition as well. And in no way am I trying trying to have a "do-over" but I am wanting to incorporate my family and a more in depth religious aspect to our marriage. Of course this could be done in our home--alone, but I want to celebrate making through an extremely rocky first year of marriage (where we skipped pre-marital counseling). Our pastor married us so there was prayer and it was in our church, but my parents and family have tradition that they want us to undergo. It was all rushed (including the ceremony because our Pastor really squeezed us in) and like I said before, I don't regret it but I want pictures and other things I didn't have (not just a dress and guests). My parents weren't even present and I know I have to live with that decision, but I don't see why I can't celebrate my anniversary, while filling in some gaps that needed to be addressed in our relationship/wedding without having to wait 10-20 years--my husband and family agrees.I'm not sure if I answered your question, but I hope I did!

You do get to celebrate your anniversary however you see fit. You get to partake in whatever ritual or ceremony trips your trigger. You get to invite whomever you'd like to join you. They get to decide to go or not. You get to wear whatever you want on your anniversary, and the other 364 days of the year. Why? Because you're paying for it!! But here's the deal - once you invite others and they agree to join you you must host them. As long as you're set there, what you like to get up to on your anniversary is your business. 

artbyallie

No, @mrsdweaver, you actually didn't answer why you wouldn't just include everything you wanted in your actual wedding. Though I have yet to hear a good reason for doing so in any case. I know I've mentioned multiple times, and probably in this thread, but weddings can be planned in a very short time while still including a fancy dress, photographer, etc.

redoryx

mrsdweaver said:

If you were the original to say bye, why are you still commenting? And HELLO I said a CELEBRATION. If you were minding your own business, you might not have missed that detail. It's not a re-do as it will NOT incorporate the typical things of a wedding--not that it's any of YOUR business. Also, my posts ALWAYS mention the people I am speaking to, so keep in mind that the first two posts were NOT directed to you. No one cares? Obviously you cared enough to reply. So thank you for caring.

Upthread you mentioned 1) wearing a gown 2) having a unity ceremony 3) "filling in the gaps" you missed the first time around 4) incorporating family tradition and 5) adding more religious depth

Sounds like a re-do. If everyone knows you're already married it's not like you're lying, but you will get some side-eyes from people but seriously, if you're gonna have a PPD at least fucking own the PPD.

ohannabelle

artbyallie said:

No, @mrsdweaver, you actually didn't answer why you wouldn't just include everything you wanted in your actual wedding. Though I have yet to hear a good reason for doing so in any case. I know I've mentioned multiple times, and probably in this thread, but weddings can be planned in a very short time while still including a fancy dress, photographer, etc.

Nobody ever gives an honest answer about do-overs. 

They never will. Because an honest answer would go something like this:

"I got married quickly because I wanted/needed something. (Typically a financial something.) I wanted insurance, I wanted housing benefits, I wanted a work permit, I wanted it now, and I wanted it the easiest and most convenient way possible. I didn't want to wait and work and make a huge effort, or struggle financially. I didn't exercise adult foresight, patience, or effort.

I made this decision without considering how my family would feel, or without regard or respect for any religious feelings I may profess to have, or how I might feel later, and only considered my own instant gratification.

Now, after watching too many wedding channel shows and lingering sadly over Pinterest Wedding boards, and envying my friend's glamorous wedding pictures, I regret my decision.

I want the white dress and big party and flowers and candles. I want to be the star for a day, because I realize I missed out on that experience.

So I'm doing it, and claiming that it's really all about renewing my promises, (as if they had an expiration date, or couldn't be said privately between two people) or because my family missed out, (even though I had zero consideration for them when I actually married) or because it's suddenly very important to me to have a God-approved walk down the aisle of a church, (even though I didn't care that damned much when I wanted benefits, and could still have a blessing without a poofy dress.)

But the truth is, I really want to be The Bride in The Big White Dress, and I feel shallow admitting that like an adult. I could have a beautiful anniversary party and wear a lovely gown and own my previous decision with complete integrity, but that's not what it's about. It's about playing dress up make pretend wedding. I may lie to my friends and family, or just lie to myself, and that's what I'm doing. Because given the choice between 100% straight up integrity or pretend wedding reenactment, I'll take the show starring me in a wedding dress."

And there's the honest answer we'll never see.

theartistformerlyknownas

@ohannabelle

climbingsingle

ohannabelle said:

artbyallie said:

No, @mrsdweaver, you actually didn't answer why you wouldn't just include everything you wanted in your actual wedding. Though I have yet to hear a good reason for doing so in any case. I know I've mentioned multiple times, and probably in this thread, but weddings can be planned in a very short time while still including a fancy dress, photographer, etc.

Nobody ever gives an honest answer about do-overs. 

They never will. Because an honest answer would go something like this:

"I got married quickly because I wanted/needed something. (Typically a financial something.) I wanted insurance, I wanted housing benefits, I wanted a work permit, I wanted it now, and I wanted it the easiest and most convenient way possible. I didn't want to wait and work and make a huge effort, or struggle financially. I didn't exercise adult foresight, patience, or effort.

I made this decision without considering how my family would feel, or without regard or respect for any religious feelings I may profess to have, or how I might feel later, and only considered my own instant gratification.

Now, after watching too many wedding channel shows and lingering sadly over Pinterest Wedding boards, and envying my friend's glamorous wedding pictures, I regret my decision.

I want the white dress and big party and flowers and candles. I want to be the star for a day, because I realize I missed out on that experience.

So I'm doing it, and claiming that it's really all about renewing my promises, (as if they had an expiration date, or couldn't be said privately between two people) or because my family missed out, (even though I had zero consideration for them when I actually married) or because it's suddenly very important to me to have a God-approved walk down the aisle of a church, (even though I didn't care that damned much when I wanted benefits, and could still have a blessing without a poofy dress.)

But the truth is, I really want to be The Bride in The Big White Dress, and I feel shallow admitting that like an adult. I could have a beautiful anniversary party and wear a lovely gown and own my previous decision with complete integrity, but that's not what it's about. It's about playing dress up make pretend wedding. I may lie to my friends and family, or just lie to myself, and that's what I'm doing. Because given the choice between 100% straight up integrity or pretend wedding reenactment, I'll take the show starring me in a wedding dress."

And there's the honest answer we'll never see.

slothiegal

That was fucking beautiful, @ohannabelle.

MairePoppy

rainbows0215 said:

@MairePoppy Before you speak I did not get banned

Obviously.

MrsMack10612

redoryx said:

Here's what I don't get about the PPD: what date do you consider your anniversary? The one the state considers or the day of the big party? I suppose it would have to be the day of the big party, right? 'Cause otherwise people would be confused about why you are celebrating the legal one when they always thought it was this other date months later when they saw you exchange vows and all that shit.

So, okay, let's say you have a PPD and then you have kids. And then decades go by and something happens, you die or are put in a nursing home or something, and your kids and possibly grandkids are going through cleaning out your house and come across your papers. You know, those important legal ones. And suddenly they're all confused because all this time they thought their parents' anniversary was Y but this document shows it as X. Are all of those with a PPD really comfortable with the idea of lying to your possible future children?

I do so love reading the re-hashing of the PPD and the rationalizations behind it.

But I had to comment that this actually happened in my family.  When both my grandparents had passed and they were cleaning out their house, my great-grandfather's journals were found.  Well lo & behold, grandma was pregnant and they adjusted their public wedding date to suitably fit the timeline of birth.

No one knew while they were alive, but it certainly explained why my grandmother was so insistent there be no fuss for their "50th" wedding anniversary.  It has also made for some fun "scandal" in the family.

Cookie Pusher

ohannabelle said:

artbyallie said:

No, @mrsdweaver, you actually didn't answer why you wouldn't just include everything you wanted in your actual wedding. Though I have yet to hear a good reason for doing so in any case. I know I've mentioned multiple times, and probably in this thread, but weddings can be planned in a very short time while still including a fancy dress, photographer, etc.

Nobody ever gives an honest answer about do-overs. 

They never will. Because an honest answer would go something like this:

"I got married quickly because I wanted/needed something. (Typically a financial something.) I wanted insurance, I wanted housing benefits, I wanted a work permit, I wanted it now, and I wanted it the easiest and most convenient way possible. I didn't want to wait and work and make a huge effort, or struggle financially. I didn't exercise adult foresight, patience, or effort.

I made this decision without considering how my family would feel, or without regard or respect for any religious feelings I may profess to have, or how I might feel later, and only considered my own instant gratification.

Now, after watching too many wedding channel shows and lingering sadly over Pinterest Wedding boards, and envying my friend's glamorous wedding pictures, I regret my decision.

I want the white dress and big party and flowers and candles. I want to be the star for a day, because I realize I missed out on that experience.

So I'm doing it, and claiming that it's really all about renewing my promises, (as if they had an expiration date, or couldn't be said privately between two people) or because my family missed out, (even though I had zero consideration for them when I actually married) or because it's suddenly very important to me to have a God-approved walk down the aisle of a church, (even though I didn't care that damned much when I wanted benefits, and could still have a blessing without a poofy dress.)

But the truth is, I really want to be The Bride in The Big White Dress, and I feel shallow admitting that like an adult. I could have a beautiful anniversary party and wear a lovely gown and own my previous decision with complete integrity, but that's not what it's about. It's about playing dress up make pretend wedding. I may lie to my friends and family, or just lie to myself, and that's what I'm doing. Because given the choice between 100% straight up integrity or pretend wedding reenactment, I'll take the show starring me in a wedding dress."

And there's the honest answer we'll never see.

I love everything about this post. But you did miss a very important reason - so they can have sex! Because somehow, premarital sex is far greater sin than lying to everyone you know.

libra44423

So many people with their panties in a bunch. IMO, it's your day, do what you want. My only thing is be honestly with everybody about being married already. I may have to do something similar, due to the fact that that my future FIL is terminally ill and may not make it to the intended date. In which case the intended wedding date and events would get changed to more of a marriage celebration. I don't like being up in front of people all that much anyways. But seriously, do what you want, and if someone has a problem with it they can either not show up or leave early. It really is that simple.

flantastic

libra44423 said:

So many people with their panties in a bunch. IMO, it's your day, do what you want. My only thing is be honestly with everybody about being married already. I may have to do something similar, due to the fact that that my future FIL is terminally ill and may not make it to the intended date. In which case the intended wedding date and events would get changed to more of a marriage celebration. I don't like being up in front of people all that much anyways. But seriously, do what you want, and if someone has a problem with it they can either not show up or leave early. It really is that simple.

Yeah, we're the ones with a shitty attitude towards people.

artbyallie

Closing the zombie thread.