MOG did not chip in for photos, but they want the disk ...

hellohkb

Parents are not obligated to pay for a wedding. Surely the bride and groom are adults, no? Perhaps you should start acting like one because this is so incredibly childish and ridiculous. This can't be real life.

themosthappy91

... so are you going to give them the CD or not?  Please just say you'll give them the damn CD and be done with this insanity. 

levioosa

I really want to know what these "extenuating circumstances" were.  Did FIL show up and punch the Bride in the face?  Were kittens maimed?  Oh wait, they just didn't kick in money for the wedding?    You're absolutely right, OP, that totally means you should hoard the photos.  I don't even think you should print any of the photos.  You should just frame the disc and put it up on your wall.  That'll show 'em.

theartistformerlyknownas

If they did anything truly horrible and worthy of such spite, wouldn't the daughter be pissed off at them too? But she's not, she wants the in laws to have the damn pics. Which means the problem is you.

huskypuppy14

I'm going to hug my mom because she gave me "5 figures" for a beautiful wedding and all she wanted was to go to the tasting.

Micromanaging pictures and tuxes; it must be exhausting. You need a hobby.

AddieCake

I definitely feel superior about myself that I would never hold wedding pictures hostage from the groom's family, yes.

PhoneCardLady

Just a thought - most photographers will give you a copy of the disk, but when you try to go and have the pictures printed, they will ask for a written release that they can be printed.

This happened with my and my FI when we had our engagement pictures made.

syoun1nj

What if the Countess *IS* the OP?

sarahonlife

What a great way to ensure that your daughter bonds with her inlaws!  Everytime they can't think of something to talk about, they can always fall back on her crazy mother and how happy she is to have a new family!  Great strategy!

RebeccaB88

I can't imagine what kind of extenuating circumstances warrant this extreme level of selfishness.

Make a copy and give it to them. Or better yet, print the pictures you want and then give the disc to *your daughter and her husband* - you know, the ones the wedding was all about. Their wedding, their decision who gets the disc and for how long. The disc belongs to THEM.

KatieinBkln

martha1818 said:

How were we supposed to know about these "circumstances" if it wasn't in the OP? We obviously can only offer opinions on what we know...so I don't see how that makes us mean/judgmental/frothing at the mouth, or whatever the hell that description was?

Stop making sense, we can't have that here.

indianaalum

1) It was never their job to pay for any part of your wedding.

2) Be happy they care enough about your wedding to ask for pictures.

3) Do you really want bad blood with your MIL and IL's over this?? You have to live with these people until they die. Is this really worth a battle where they dislike you?

ShesSoCold

indianaalum said:

1) It was never their job to pay for any part of your wedding.

2) Be happy they care enough about your wedding to ask for pictures.

3) Do you really want bad blood with your MIL and IL's over this?? You have to live with these people until they die. Is this really worth a battle where they dislike you?

OP is MOB, not bride. MOB wants to keep the pictures as a punishment to her daughter's in-laws for not spending what she deemed appropriate on their son's wedding. Bride wants her lovely mother here to give up the pictures but OP refuses.

Nymeru

You guys do all realize that she's pulling the same shit on us as she is on her daughter's ILS, right?  She's dangling something wanted (the cd/an answer/info about the extenuating circumstances), and then being petty and rude when you take the bait.  Just stop trying to get her attention or posting about how wrong she is.  Chances are she's getting some major jollies off on this.  It's time to cock block this dame. 

If she wants to make newly-married life difficult for her daughter, that's her call.  Her daughter will just have to learn (if she hasn't learned to do this years ago) to go behind her mom's back to do the right thing and grow a thick skin when it comes to hearing people trash-talk her mom.  It's unfortunate, but there it is.

CMGragain

Retirement communities are so educational.  There are the sweet little old ladies who are smiling and always saying nice things about others.  They have lots of visitors.  Then there are the crabby, whining, complaining old girls who never miss a chance to stab someone in the back.  Nobody visits them, and they wonder why.

ohannabelle

CMGragain said:

Retirement communities are so educational.  There are the sweet little old ladies who are smiling and always saying nice things about others.  They have lots of visitors.  Then there are the crabby, whining, complaining old girls who never miss a chance to stab someone in the back.  Nobody visits them, and they wonder why.

Amen. Time wounds all heels.

lulu0405

I'd be ashamed if you were my mother.

April192002

Based on a previous post on a Local board and now this, I'm going to say that times have changed and you're behind the times...and I don't mean that in a negative way.

IF you really wanted to, you could tell his parents to contact the photographer to see if they could pay for or get an additional copy. Giving them a copy of the pictures is almost free, but if you upload them online then it is free. You may feel very bitter about paying for most of the wedding yourselves, but in reality you offered/chose to do so. If you didn't have the money than you shouldn't have.

At this point you honestly may be hurting your daughter and her new husband's relationships. Your SIL might start despising you because of how you're reacting to his parents. Your daughter may end up getting into arguments with her new husband because of it. His parents may feel bitter towards you and take it out on their son or your daughter.

Just bite the bullet, be happy for your daughter and SIL's new beginnings, and share it with the world (or at least her new family)!!!

 

*Edited - spelling*

larrygaga

Pennsyl said:

Why hello there!

Nothing like a good, estrogenic feeding frenzy to make you feel nice and superior about yourselves, is there?

You all need to catch your breath and wipe the froth off your mouths (because it is reeeaaaallly unattractive). And then take a hard, long look in the mirror.

To the handful of people who gave me the benefit of the doubt, thank you. You are correct in assuming that there were and are additional, extenuating circumstances - circumstances  that I have no intention of sharing now. I mean - what's the point? This is no place for intelligent, insightful discussion. Not at all. (What *was* I thinking?)

hyechica81

can i say rude. give them the photos they are under no obligation like others said to pay for anything me and fi paid for most of the wedding. my parents gave me some money towards my dress deposit on the venue,  paid for my favors, paid for my bridal shower because my sister moh was in college and didnt have much money. they put on the rehersal dinner because hubbys mom wanted nothing to do with the wedding.  they didnt have to pay for anything but they did. and no one forced them to 

also my photographer gave us a release and two disks that was it no online gallery nothing on top of it his editing skills were so bad my dad whos a retired photographer had to fix it for me we set up are own gallery on shutterfly and sent a link for our guest to view 

jacques27

Not sure how I missed this thread originally, but it has certainly given me a new appreciation for my own mother, who I am now going to go make sure I hug today.  We may not always get along or agree on things, but I know I could trust her to never be so petty and ugly.

I am genuinely embarrassed for the bride in this situation.  This absolutely has to be horrifying for her to have to explain to her in-laws that her mother is a spiteful, petty snob.  I'm sure she's hoping and praying that her in-laws don't make the assumption that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

aurianna

Huh. While I understand why OP might not want to give the disk, there are really very few good reasons why she shouldn't.

I feel like if there truly were major circumstances, like the in-laws just did something horrid... my main concern would be, "OMG... my daughter married into a horrible family!" not "What do I do with this disk of pictures?"

plainjane0415

A secondary take away for all you lurkers out there, HAVE THE WEDDING YOU AND YOUR FI CAN AFFORD.  Money comes with strings, and in this case a side of crazy as well.

climbingsingle

plainjane0415 said:

A secondary take away for all you lurkers out there, HAVE THE WEDDING YOU AND YOUR FI CAN AFFORD.  Money comes with strings, and in this case a side of crazy as well.

So true!!! 

This post really has made me not only happy that my mother is the great woman she is, but that she and my MIL have become such close friends. 

plainjane0415

Ditto @ClimbingBrideNY

[Deleted User]

Hopefully OP likes being alone because treating people like this leads to that. Look outside your bubble. If there are other situations you do not want to talk about on here then do not ask for people to give advise if you aren't going to share the whole story. You just told everyone on here you witheld info so everyone would agree with you.

Your a self old women who more then likley has a husband who either a. travels for work and isn't home or b. If he is home has nothing to do with you or C. divorced.

 

To EVEN think that this is a good idea when your daughter is telling you not to do it is awful. My aunt is like this. My cousin married a women they have since had a child guess what? They have NOTHING to do with her anymore its really sad but she pushed and pushed and pushed and finally pushed to much. Infact they just came home for a week and NEVER told her they were home. They NEVER saw her.. she hasn't seen her grandchild in over a year. They refuse to allow her to. Because of behavior like this. Be prepared for that samething to happen to you if you do not pick your battles more carefully. Find a hobby.

MrsMarende

I could understand if this was something where there is only 1 of and either you can have it or her, but with modern technology it is very easy to copy the disk and you and her can both enjoy it. 

Why would you want to deprive her of having pictures of her son's wedding when it doesn't subtract from you or cost you a thing?

Better question, why doesn't the Bride and Groom have the copy of the disk (it is after all their wedding) then they can give "access" to whom they choose.