Is this a good idea?

Viczaesar

This is, in fact, one of the worst wedding ideas I've ever heard of.

MGP

mslrose said:

Since my mother is the one paying, she really doesn't seem to have a budget... so if that's what floats her boat. I guess she'd rather just hear the prices of all the venues and make her decision that way. Honestly, I don't even want over 150 people at my wedding .. more like 100 or so. Looking in South NJ, the prices are okay.

Oh she has a budget.  She may not be giving you that number now, but she does.  Do you ever watch those bridal shows where the parents say there is no budget and then they get quotes and they suddenly have one?  Make this easier on everyone and:

1)  GET THE BUDGET

2)  make a guest list

3)  look ONLY at venues that fit your budget and guest list

Any other approach is back asswards and will only cause problems.

Can I just ask - how old are you?

Viczaesar

MGP said:

mslrose said:

Since my mother is the one paying, she really doesn't seem to have a budget... so if that's what floats her boat. I guess she'd rather just hear the prices of all the venues and make her decision that way. Honestly, I don't even want over 150 people at my wedding .. more like 100 or so. Looking in South NJ, the prices are okay.

Oh she has a budget.  She may not be giving you that number now, but she does.  Do you ever watch those bridal shows where the parents say there is no budget and then they get quotes and they suddenly have one?  Make this easier on everyone and:

1)  GET THE BUDGET

2)  make a guest list

3)  look ONLY at venues that fit your budget and guest list

Any other approach is back asswards and will only cause problems.

Can I just ask - how old are you?

She's 20, turning 21 in December.

MGP

Viczaesar said:

MGP said:

mslrose said:

Since my mother is the one paying, she really doesn't seem to have a budget... so if that's what floats her boat. I guess she'd rather just hear the prices of all the venues and make her decision that way. Honestly, I don't even want over 150 people at my wedding .. more like 100 or so. Looking in South NJ, the prices are okay.

Oh she has a budget.  She may not be giving you that number now, but she does.  Do you ever watch those bridal shows where the parents say there is no budget and then they get quotes and they suddenly have one?  Make this easier on everyone and:

1)  GET THE BUDGET

2)  make a guest list

3)  look ONLY at venues that fit your budget and guest list

Any other approach is back asswards and will only cause problems.

Can I just ask - how old are you?

She's 20, turning 21 in December.

**** picture me shaking my head

Can Facebook come up with something to block all posts with the word "wedding" in them?

MobKaz

mslrose said:

MobKaz said:

KatWAG said:

mslrose said:

misshart00 said:

So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?

I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
*le tear*

So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

In reading other posts, it goes from bad to worse. OP says she has selected a date of April, 2016. She has already asked someone to be a BM, regrets it, and is considering kicking her out.

I don't see why or how that's your issue? Regarding the bridesmaid issue, I've already settled that, if you curious. I don't think it's a big deal if I already set my date but not set on a venue. It's really not that serious. It isn't. So, do you have anything productive to add or will you continue to nitpick the issues you see?

It's not my issue.  It is YOUR issue.  It speaks to the problem upon which every poster has commented and you have yet to hear.  You are going about this backwards.  Your comments, such as, "It's not a big deal", "We'll figure out something", "It's not my fault we don't have a budget","We'll decide who is worthy",  are naive. 

Making BM selections so far out creates problems.  By going about things backwards, you have already discovered this the hard way.  Posters are trying to explain that if you continue with this backwards planning, you will continue to create frustration, hardships, and complications. 

Have you considered a ceremony location yet?  If you plan on marrying in a church, you should do NOTHING else until you have spoken with your church to determine dates and times of available services.  Everything else in your planning is dependent on your ceremony availability and time.  If you plan on marrying at your reception site, be aware that not every reception venue offers ceremony services. 

There is a reason you posted on these boards.  There is no point in continuing if you plan on disregarding the EXPERIENCED advice and suggestions of the posters.

MandyMost

You mentioned in a previous post that you don't want more than 150 guests, and you'd prefer closer to 100. If you had asked me a year and a half ago (when I got engaged) I would have said the perfect number for a wedding was something like 75-90 people. Then we sat down and made our list. It was around 150, but allowing space for significant others it was really a max of around 175! And turns out we were glad we budgeted money and space for those significant others, we ended up inviting 159 people. A total of 144 are able to attend. Plus, us, and the vendors that we're feeding, is seats for 149 (not counting all the waitstaff and bar tenders). If we had chosen a venue with a 150 max (as we had looked at a number of places), I would have had to invite a max of 140 or so, so we'd have enough room for ourselves and our vendors and then it still would have been very crowded! And I am glad I didn't have to cut 19 people out of my guest list just because I picked a venue that was a little small.

We were also looking to get married about a year and a half out. All the places we looked at were at least half booked. We were really set on October, but ended up with the November 8th because that's what was available. If you DO have a set date for some reason (maybe your fiance is in the military and can only get a particular weekend off, for example), don't waste your time and call the venues before you visit to see if it's available. 

MGP

MandyMost said:

If you DO have a set date for some reason (maybe your fiance is in the military and can only get a particular weekend off, for example), don't waste your time and call the venues before you visit to see if it's available. 

Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that the date OP is insisting on is something like a dating anniversary?

mikenberger

Oh I cannot wait for more of her posts. It's like a train wreck. 

flantastic

MGP said:

If you DO have a set date for some reason (maybe your fiance is in the military and can only get a particular weekend off, for example), don't waste your time and call the venues before you visit to see if it's available. 

Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that the date OP is insisting on is something like a dating anniversary?

Oh God. Irina. The April dating anniversary (2015 or 2016, didn't matter, had to be that date) was hers. She GBCK a while ago so possibly...?

I could not for the life of me understand why "get married sooner, pick a new date which you also get to celebrate" was SUCH a difficult concept for her.

KatWAG

OP, what did your mom say when she offered to pay for your wedding? Were there strings attached did she says she will contribute $XXX? These are things you need to knw before you can even consider venues. becuse there is a big difference between contributing $2,000 free and clear or contributing $20,000 with all kinds of strings.

slothiegal

Seriously though, this is a hot fucking mess.  OP, please listen to PPs: get a budget, make a guest list, and for the love of god, keep wedding stuff off of Facebook.

theartistformerlyknownas

KatWAG said:

OP, what did your mom say when she offered to pay for your wedding? Were there strings attached did she says she will contribute $XXX? These are things you need to knw before you can even consider venues. becuse there is a big difference between contributing $2,000 free and clear or contributing $20,000 with all kinds of strings.

We've also seen lots of examples where parents have no idea that weddings don't cost the same as when they got married, and expect to fork over 2 or 3 grand to cover everything, then the bride (or groom) comes here freaking out because they planned a $40k wedding thinking Mom was gonna pay for it but is now balking at the price tag. 

Get that shit ironed out before you step foot in a venue or start monogramming everything with your chosen date.

MGP

lolo883 said:

KatWAG said:

OP, what did your mom say when she offered to pay for your wedding? Were there strings attached did she says she will contribute $XXX? These are things you need to knw before you can even consider venues. becuse there is a big difference between contributing $2,000 free and clear or contributing $20,000 with all kinds of strings.

We've also seen lots of examples where parents have no idea that weddings don't cost the same as when they got married, and expect to fork over 2 or 3 grand to cover everything, then the bride (or groom) comes here freaking out because they planned a $40k wedding thinking Mom was gonna pay for it but is now balking at the price tag. 

Get that shit ironed out before you step foot in a venue or start monogramming everything with your chosen date.

This 100%.

Seriously, everyone has a budget.  Even rich people.  They stay rich by planning and budgeting, not by spending money willy nilly on things like hosting guests based off an open invite on Facebook.  Just saying. . . 

levioosa

MGP said:

lolo883 said:

KatWAG said:

OP, what did your mom say when she offered to pay for your wedding? Were there strings attached did she says she will contribute $XXX? These are things you need to knw before you can even consider venues. becuse there is a big difference between contributing $2,000 free and clear or contributing $20,000 with all kinds of strings.

We've also seen lots of examples where parents have no idea that weddings don't cost the same as when they got married, and expect to fork over 2 or 3 grand to cover everything, then the bride (or groom) comes here freaking out because they planned a $40k wedding thinking Mom was gonna pay for it but is now balking at the price tag. 

Get that shit ironed out before you step foot in a venue or start monogramming everything with your chosen date.

This 100%.

Seriously, everyone has a budget.  Even rich people.  They stay rich by planning and budgeting, not by spending money willy nilly on things like hosting guests based off an open invite on Facebook.  Just saying. . . 

Ditto.  If I was your Mom and I had an idea of who would be invited (say 150 of closest friends and family) and then found out you were asking for 300 people because of an open invite on FB, I would tell you to pay for the whole thing yourselves.  You obviously don't respect my time or money if you go about things this poorly.  

speakeasy14

According to your other post in the budget section, you are looking for an affordable venue.  If you are looking for affordable then you must have a budget, otherwise what is affordable to you may not be to your mother anyone else who is contributing to your wedding. 

MGP

levioosa said:

MGP said:

lolo883 said:

KatWAG said:

OP, what did your mom say when she offered to pay for your wedding? Were there strings attached did she says she will contribute $XXX? These are things you need to knw before you can even consider venues. becuse there is a big difference between contributing $2,000 free and clear or contributing $20,000 with all kinds of strings.

We've also seen lots of examples where parents have no idea that weddings don't cost the same as when they got married, and expect to fork over 2 or 3 grand to cover everything, then the bride (or groom) comes here freaking out because they planned a $40k wedding thinking Mom was gonna pay for it but is now balking at the price tag. 

Get that shit ironed out before you step foot in a venue or start monogramming everything with your chosen date.

This 100%.

Seriously, everyone has a budget.  Even rich people.  They stay rich by planning and budgeting, not by spending money willy nilly on things like hosting guests based off an open invite on Facebook.  Just saying. . . 

Ditto.  If I was your Mom and I had an idea of who would be invited (say 150 of closest friends and family) and then found out you were asking for 300 people because of an open invite on FB, I would tell you to pay for the whole thing yourselves.  You obviously don't respect my time or money if you go about things this poorly.  

Exactly.  I don't blame parents (or grandparents or anyone else generously offering money) to have a little sticker shock on the costs of weddings nowadays.  But the ones that try and look like ballers are doing everyone a disservice by telling their little snowflakes "there is no budget" because you get the situation you described above with Bridezilla screaming "but you said you would pay for everything, I can't afford this on my own!" and then things like uninviting and cash bars happen.

Seriously people just communicate a budget up front.  It saves everyone an immense amount of time.

MGP

speakeasy14 said:

According to your other post in the budget section, you are looking for an affordable venue.  If you are looking for affordable then you must have a budget, otherwise what is affordable to you may not be to your mother anyone else who is contributing to your wedding. 

Oh goodness.  She mentions $60/pp.  In Jersey.  No disrespect, but this is not an unlimited budget wedding.  This is most definitely a wedding with a budget.

I have no more to add here, as I know my point will never get across to the OP.  Have a nice day ladies!

ETA - why the funky fonts?  Sorry.

lc07

Thank you for your reply. But y'all need to back off and improve your personal quality before posting. Her mom is rich.

dcbride86

OP - my parents generously offered to pay for my wedding.  At first, my mom REFUSED to give me any sort of budget - and in DC, venues are VERY expensive.  So I sat down with her and said that I could not go to venues without a budget, because I didn't want to accidentally get my heart set on a venue that was too expensive because I didn't know what the budget was.

She eventually gave me a (very wide) range, and I found a venue she loved.  After seeing the price, she told me I could get married there, but I should scale the guest list back a little (from 200 to 160).  I then went back to the list I made and made some hard cuts.  If I had posted an open call on FB, this would have been MUCH more difficult.

KEEP IT OFF OF FACEBOOK - and seriously - decide on a budget!