Wedding Etiquette Forum

Sister-in-Law's issue!

My Fiance and I are getting married in 2016 so I have enough time to figure what I'm doing, I just like to plan ahead. Anyway, I'm having one of my SIL's (groom side) as a bridesmaid, but I fear I'm going to make the other mad. I can't think of anything for the other to do, so she is included, I already have my brother's wife doing the guest book.  Anybody have any idea of what I can have her do?

Answers

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    Well, nobody should be doing the guest book.  That's a job nobody likes and it isn't necessary.  Just have the guest book on a table.  People know to sign it without someone "doing" it.

    Why not make all your SILs bridesmaids?  Even sides are not necessary.  If you don't feel close enough to have someone as a bridesmaid, then I wouldn't try to find a "role" for them by way of "including" them.  Just being a guest and taking photos with them "includes" them and "honors" them.
  • First, no one except paid vendors should have a job at your wedding.  Guest book attendants are unnecessary, your guests will know what to do. 

    Second, being a guest is an honor in itself, you don't have to have something for your SILs to do. 

    With that said, I'd talk to your FI and see what he thinks.  You could ask her to do a reading, she could stand on his side or on yours.  Is there a reason you can't have another bridesmaid?
  • We really aren't close and my Fiance doesn't want her in the wedding. That sounds bad, but there are reasons. She will just be a guest then.

    Thank You for all your help with this, I've made my decision. 
  • mollieh66 said:
    My Fiance and I are getting married in 2016 so I have enough time to figure what I'm doing, I just like to plan ahead. Anyway, I'm having one of my SIL's (groom side) as a bridesmaid, but I fear I'm going to make the other mad. I can't think of anything for the other to do, so she is included, I already have my brother's wife doing the guest book.  Anybody have any idea of what I can have her do?
    It's way to early to ask anyone to be in the wedding party, so I would just sit on this for a year and then ask. Sides don't have to be even, so if you want to ask her, ask her. If you don't, don't.

    Re. "jobs", don't assign jobs. It's not an honor, it's a job. Who in their right mind wants to stand by a guest book and say "did you sign the guest book?" "please sign the guest book!" instead of visit with family like normal guests. Ugh. No. She probably said yes to make you happy, but is eye-rolling hard about it. 

    Being a reader is actually an honor and a good way to include someone who's not a bridesmaid or groomsman. 
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  • Just wait till end of 2015 to decide. Way to early to make this decision. If you want to plan, start with guest list, budgeting, venues and other vendors.
  • Definitely wait on this for a year. In a year you could be best friends with this woman and actually want her to stand by you as a bridesmaid.
    Or in a year there could be a falling out and she isn't even invited.

    Anything can happen over time. Wait this one out for a while.
  • I agree with the others on waiting it out. Wait until about 8-9 months before the wedding to ask anyone to be in your bridal party. You just don't know how dynamics can change!

    As for roles - I was in the same situation. We asked the non-bridesmaid sister if she wanted to be a greeter/usher or reader. She politely declined and really just wanted to be a guest, which as others point out is an honor in itself. If you do ask her to fulfill some other role, please make sure she knows it's not mandatory and make sure that it's not a job - you're just happy to have her there!

    I also plan on keeping her included through pre-parties. She is invited to ALL bridal showers and bachelorette parties that the bridesmaids are all invited to. She is invited to the rehearsal dinner and to get her hair and makeup done with us day of. I let her know when anything is going on and always ask (but never pressure her) to participate. I will ask her to be in a lot of our wedding day photos as well.
  • OP I know you said you've made your decision, but please re-consider the whole guest book thing. It's a truly crappy thing to have to stand next to a stationary object at a wedding. Plus, most guests actually seek out the guest book because they want to sign it, they don't need encouragement from someone to do so and then your SIL will just be standing there useless and lonely.
  • Wait until you are within 1 year of the wedding to ask anyone. If you don't want to ask the other SIL, don't ask her. Marriage and DNA do not give anyone the right to be in your wedding party.

    Do not ask anyone to be a guest book attendant. It is a slap in the face. No one wants to be given a crappy job because they aren't good enough to be a BM. 
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