Annoying friend vent

hellohkb

I have a good friend who we will call Joe. A year ago Joe started dating a younger girl with whom he just moved into a house with. She's nice, but odd and extremely immature (her behavior is another story). He won't go out because he can't leave his girlfriend at home because she's scared and can't be without him (his words). He also won't bring her out because she's under 21 and she throws a tantrum if other people drink and she can't (meaning she won't go to dinner).

She sent me a text and invited me to come over to their new house, so I asked what time and she said it was up to me. I said "Does 6 work?" and she never responded. FH and I decided to just make other plans and when 6:30 rolls around Joe calls and asks if we are coming over. I explained his gf never responded and but asked if they wanted to grab food. They say yes, definitely and they suggest a place (they don't serve alcohol so gf can't complain).

FH and I get to the restaurant and they never showed up, and never texted back when I asked where they were. Wtf? Joe's girlfriend texts me today and says, "hey, why don't you come over today"! I flat out ignored her. FH was meh about it, but it really annoyed me. We wound up going out with one of my BMs and I had a great night, but I was so irritated I wasted so many hours waiting around for them. Has this happened to anyone else or is it just me that becomes friends with weirdos?

banana468

I'd be honest too. Say, "The last time we made plans you didn't show up. "

And the not drinking thing would annoy me. She had a lot of growing up to do if she wants to hang out at the big kids table.

climbingsingle

Yeah, another vote for being honest with her instead of ignoring her. IMO, that's pretty immature behavior too. Be direct with her. 

She does sound like she has a lot of growing up to do. 

novella1186

She kind of sounds like a total mess. I'm in a similar situation; FI's best friend is dating a younger girl who's super immature. Luckily they live in a different city a few hours away, so I try to avoid seeing them. But the last time we went to visit, a group of us was going out to dinner and one of the guy's picked a restaurant that was nearby and had really good food. The girlfriend LOST IT because she didn't get to pick the restaurant, and threw the tantrum to end all tantrums, refused to go to dinner, was screaming and yelling at FI's best friend right in front of us which was super awkward, and then wouldn't speak to any of us the rest of the weekend. The next day when we all went out to lunch, she refused to go to that too. All because she didn't get to pick the restaurant. It was nuts. 

Unfortunately they just got engaged, so I'm predicting that I'll be venting about this chick on TK in the near future. She's already flooding facebook with posts about wedding crap. Ugh. 

So no, you're not alone. The world is full of crazies and unfortunately sometimes we're forced to interact with them because of their connections to the people we actually care about. Sad soup.  

lacqueredlover

yep be honest.  People aren't mind readers, they won't know what's bothering you until you tell them.

I would say "hey _____, I didn't come over because you never responded to what time we should come.  In the future, please confirm plans when I ask."  

She definitely sounds immature, but I'd be more pissed that Joe said they would meet up with you guys and bailed.  Sounds to me like Joe puts his gf so far above his friends that he can't see you guys anymore.  I personally just wouldn't make plans with them anymore unless it's a whole group of people hanging out.  Too much drama, not worth it for a guy who lets his gf walk all over him like that.

KatieinBkln

I agree with PPs, go ahead and tell her. You don't have to be mean about it, and you don't have to take responsibility for being her mommy and helping her grow up, but a simple "Your (in)actions caused these consequences" is neither cruel nor preachy. It's just reality, which seems to be a thing this girl has shielded herself from for some time. If you are one person in her life (ok, on the periphery of her life) who doesn't shield her or sugarcoat, it can only be healthy for her.

beethery

"Sorry boo, I don't hang out with people who bail without notice or explanation."

Joe and GF would both be getting that text.

hellohkb

Thanks, all. Sadly, they have done stuff like this before and people have tried talking to them about it. It doesn't change, which is why I wasn't surprised they just didn't show up. She will blame him and he will blame her. I will probably respond to her message eventually, but at that point I didn't want to deal with her because she's socially inept and overly emotional.

Joe is known for falling off the face of the earth when he gets a girlfriend and I'm just sad that it keeps happening. He has admitted it's wrong, he just keeps doing it. At this point he doesn't respond to my texts or calls unless his girlfriend texts me about something, so I don't think I will be asking him to come out for a long time.

Thanks @novella1186‌ I'm glad I'm not the only one!

sarawifenow

hellohkb said:

Thanks, all. Sadly, they have done stuff like this before and people have tried talking to them about it. It doesn't change, which is why I wasn't surprised they just didn't show up. She will blame him and he will blame her. I will probably respond to her message eventually, but at that point I didn't want to deal with her because she's socially inept and overly emotional. Joe is known for falling off the face of the earth when he gets a girlfriend and I'm just sad that it keeps happening. He has admitted it's wrong, he just keeps doing it. At this point he doesn't respond to my texts or calls unless his girlfriend texts me about something, so I don't think I will be asking him to come out for a long time. Thanks @novella1186‌ I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I'm sorry to hear this! It sucks when friends bail for a new gf/bf. I don't have any advice except wine. Lots of wine.

lacqueredlover

Just stop associating with them then.  That's the simple answer.  This isn't high school, you're all grown ups, and you don't have to be friends with people who annoy you.  If he's such a fair weather friend when he gets a new gf who puts all these stipulations on hanging out, well ain't nobody got time for that haha.

climbingsingle

lacqueredlover said:

Just stop associating with them then.  That's the simple answer.  This isn't high school, you're all grown ups, and you don't have to be friends with people who annoy you.  If he's such a fair weather friend when he gets a new gf who puts all these stipulations on hanging out, well ain't nobody got time for that haha.

Ditto. I don't have time for people that are fair weather friends. I had a friend that did something very similar. Whenever she started dating someone, she would disappear from my life or would only hang our with me with her new boyfriend. She constantly dated guys that would treat her like crap. And then when that relationship ended, she'd be calling me nonstop, asking to hang out, asking for advice, obsessing over the relationship. Wash, rinse, repeat. After about the 4th time, I told her that I couldn't handle it anymore. And I stopped hanging out with her. 

JeeGooDowster

Seeing as the young girlfriend is immature, I would not be surprised if they stood you guys up at the restaurant on purpose.  I agree w PP's, just be honest with Joe and tell him how you feel.