Snarky Brides

MIND YA BUSINESS!!

My aunt is a very abrasive person who thinks everyone needs to know her opinion. I have lived very far away from her since I was a little girl, and we don’t ever talk. She’ll answer my Mom’s phone call once in a blue moon. I see her once every 4-5 years. She sent me a letter a few days ago expressing her “concern” about how I’m not making the “right” decision by choosing not to get married in the church under the religion of her choice, but opting instead to have a non-denominational ceremony. I found this extremely insulting, as she said she was worried for my “spiritual wellbeing”. How the do I respond to this? I am so angry!

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Re: MIND YA BUSINESS!!

  • Dear Auntie,
    You are so kind to be concerned about my wedding ceremony.  I will be very careful that our ceremony is legal.  Thank you for your thoughts.
    Love,
    Niece
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
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    edited November 2014
    Most religions want you to try and spread the word about and my real advice to you is to say "Thanks for your concern" and move on in your life doing it the way you want to. By her standards, you aren't making the right choice, and as a Christian (I assume? it applies everywhere) it is her duty to try and fix it. 

    Don't get so offended by other people's words, and you will live a happier life. When someone says Bless You or Merry Christmas, do you say thanks and know they said it out of kindness, or do you tell them they are hurting your poor little feelings?

    Be a duck and let the water roll off your back.

    Man, if that's what gets you mad I'll trade my FMIL for your aunt in a heartbeat.
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    LittleWohlscheiddilewis
  • Eh, she probably debated whether or not to reach out to you and (rudely, IMHO) reached out anyway. 

    I would respond like this:
    CMGragain said:
    Dear Auntie,
    You are so kind to be concerned about my wedding ceremony.  I will be very careful that our ceremony is legal.  Thank you for your thoughts.
    Love,
    Niece
    9 times out of 10, there are things I want to say to people that I don't say. I get wanting to tell her she's over-stepping and to back the fuck up, but she's probably not going to change, so I would just not feed the drama fire.
    *********************************************************************************

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    novella1186

  • beethery said:
    Invite her to the wedding. Bathe in the blood of virgins during your ceremony and tell her to eat a dick.


    For real though, just ignore her. My FI has some extremely religious family members who are livid that we're not getting married by a priest/pastor/etc in a church. I give no fucks at all because their behavior certainly isn't making me want to sign up for their belief system.

    We ain't doing the shit to please them, and if it bothers them so much, they can consult with their god about it on their own fucking time. All they've got to do is RSVP 'no.'

    Eye roll, chuckle at her delusion, and go about your business. She can worry about her own spiritual wellbeing, because judging is going to get her some strikes from the lord.
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  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm
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    beethery said:
    Invite her to the wedding. Bathe in the blood of virgins during your ceremony and tell her to eat a dick.


    For real though, just ignore her. My FI has some extremely religious family members who are livid that we're not getting married by a priest/pastor/etc in a church. I give no fucks at all because their behavior certainly isn't making me want to sign up for their belief system.

    We ain't doing the shit to please them, and if it bothers them so much, they can consult with their god about it on their own fucking time. All they've got to do is RSVP 'no.'

    Eye roll, chuckle at her delusion, and go about your business. She can worry about her own spiritual wellbeing, because judging is going to get her some strikes from the lord.
    OMG I'm crying hahahahahaha

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    I'm not sure what your aunt's faith affiliation is, but I can somewhat relate as a Catholic.

    My brother got married 2 years ago.  He is no longer a practicing Catholic and opted for a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  I was actually advised by several people to not attend the wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding.  (FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding).

    Some people are like that.  It sucks. 

    I wouldn't reply to your aunt's letter.  I would still invite her for formality's sake and not expect her to come.  And she'll miss out on a beautiful celebration, I'm sure.

    Hang in there.  I would be hurt by this, too.



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  • I'm not sure what your aunt's faith affiliation is, but I can somewhat relate as a Catholic.

    My brother got married 2 years ago.  He is no longer a practicing Catholic and opted for a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  I was actually advised by several people to not attend the wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding.  (FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding).

    Some people are like that.  It sucks. 

    I wouldn't reply to your aunt's letter.  I would still invite her for formality's sake and not expect her to come.  And she'll miss out on a beautiful celebration, I'm sure.

    Hang in there.  I would be hurt by this, too.

    It's actually the duty of a Godparent to do this. Because their role is to serve as a spiritual guide in the faith, they're technically not out of line to speak up if their God child intends to leave the faith or do something that puts her out of good standing.
  • I became an online minister and officiated my sister's wedding.  I guess people didn't know this beforehand.  My aunt didn't go to the wedding.  She saw pictures of the wedding on facebook after we started posting a few.  The first comment from her on any of the photos was, "is adk19 officiating?"  When the response from my dad (her brother) and others were, "yes, it was beautiful, she did such a great job", I don't remember seeing another single comment on any other photo.  Nothing saying how beautiful the wedding was, how happy the bride and groom looked, how drunk the rest of us where towards the end of the reception, nothing!  I'm pretty sure she was upset about the secular wedding.  C'est la vie.
  • I'm sorry your aunt is behaving so inappropriately. I think you are rightfully angry. If it were me, I would fume about it (probably to my fiance and my family) and throw the letter away (or stuff it away to laugh about it years later). And then I would throw her invitation in the garbage (figuratively). I would not invite her and I would not respond to her. I don't care what religion you are, sending such a rude letter to anyone is way out of line. 
  • banana468 said:

    It's actually the duty of a Godparent to do this. Because their role is to serve as a spiritual guide in the faith, they're technically not out of line to speak up if their God child intends to leave the faith or do something that puts her out of good standing.
    This is a really good point. Sometimes when it seems like someone has done something rude/hurtful/shitty, it can help to try to look at the source of WHY they did what they did. They may actually be coming from a good place and didn't mean any harm. I don't know, for me, trying to see it from their perspective sometimes softens the blow and then I'm not so mad. 
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  • I understand what some of you are saying about it being the duty of a Godparent, but that’s just it. She’s not my Godparent, not involved in my life at all. There’s also some history with us, where she has talked mad shit to my Mom about my fiancé and I, when she hadn’t even MET him! Ridiculous. I guess I’m also feeling years of built up frustration of how she seems to stick her nose in my business every few years, even though she’s not a part of my life.

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    banana468 said:
    I'm not sure what your aunt's faith affiliation is, but I can somewhat relate as a Catholic.

    My brother got married 2 years ago.  He is no longer a practicing Catholic and opted for a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  I was actually advised by several people to not attend the wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding.  (FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding).

    Some people are like that.  It sucks. 

    I wouldn't reply to your aunt's letter.  I would still invite her for formality's sake and not expect her to come.  And she'll miss out on a beautiful celebration, I'm sure.

    Hang in there.  I would be hurt by this, too.
    It's actually the duty of a Godparent to do this. Because their role is to serve as a spiritual guide in the faith, they're technically not out of line to speak up if their God child intends to leave the faith or do something that puts her out of good standing.
    OP didn't say that the aunt is her Godmother. 

    However, I do somewhat agree with your statement.  My Goddaughter is 3 years old, so I haven't had many situations like this with her (thankfully).  However, I have been a Confirmation sponsor and have had similar tough discussions with the person whom I sponsored. 



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  • banana468 said:
    I'm not sure what your aunt's faith affiliation is, but I can somewhat relate as a Catholic.

    My brother got married 2 years ago.  He is no longer a practicing Catholic and opted for a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  I was actually advised by several people to not attend the wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding.  (FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding).

    Some people are like that.  It sucks. 

    I wouldn't reply to your aunt's letter.  I would still invite her for formality's sake and not expect her to come.  And she'll miss out on a beautiful celebration, I'm sure.

    Hang in there.  I would be hurt by this, too.
    It's actually the duty of a Godparent to do this. Because their role is to serve as a spiritual guide in the faith, they're technically not out of line to speak up if their God child intends to leave the faith or do something that puts her out of good standing.
    This is an interesting perspective that I did not think about. And I can see how someone who is a Godparent might feel this way. That said, I think it's important for Godparents around the world to remember that the child did not choose you to be his/her Godparent. And the child is probably not a child anymore if they are being married. My understanding was always that a Godparent takes an active role in the spiritual upbringing of the Godchild. But it seems as though just as a parent needs to step aside and let their children make decisions in adulthood, so do Godparents need to show the same restraint after the Godchild has become an adult.
    grassynowellrajahmd
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    banana468 said:

    I'm not sure what your aunt's faith affiliation is, but I can somewhat relate as a Catholic.

    My brother got married 2 years ago.  He is no longer a practicing Catholic and opted for a non-denominational wedding ceremony.  I was actually advised by several people to not attend the wedding because it wasn't a Catholic wedding.  (FWIW, I was a bridesmaid in the wedding).

    Some people are like that.  It sucks. 

    I wouldn't reply to your aunt's letter.  I would still invite her for formality's sake and not expect her to come.  And she'll miss out on a beautiful celebration, I'm sure.

    Hang in there.  I would be hurt by this, too.

    It's actually the duty of a Godparent to do this. Because their role is to serve as a spiritual guide in the faith, they're technically not out of line to speak up if their God child intends to leave the faith or do something that puts her out of good standing.

    This is an interesting perspective that I did not think about. And I can see how someone who is a Godparent might feel this way. That said, I think it's important for Godparents around the world to remember that the child did not choose you to be his/her Godparent. And the child is probably not a child anymore if they are being married. My understanding was always that a Godparent takes an active role in the spiritual upbringing of the Godchild. But it seems as though just as a parent needs to step aside and let their children make decisions in adulthood, so do Godparents need to show the same restraint after the Godchild has become an adult.

    .........

    Regardless of who asked the person to be a Godparent, the responsibility still stands (at least it does for Catholics). If my Goddaughter one day made this same decision, I would probably find time to talk with her (not just send a letter / email) and express my concerns / feelings. If she is still set in her way, I would still attend. I would never comment about the state of her soul; that's God's job.



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  • GApeaches said:

    I understand what some of you are saying about it being the duty of a Godparent, but that’s just it. She’s not my Godparent, not involved in my life at all. There’s also some history with us, where she has talked mad shit to my Mom about my fiancé and I, when she hadn’t even MET him! Ridiculous. I guess I’m also feeling years of built up frustration of how she seems to stick her nose in my business every few years, even though she’s not a part of my life.

    OP, I can definitely relate to that. I have an aunt who I think means well, but she can get really offensive sometimes. She once grabbed my hand and said "I forgive you for being an alcoholic." Um... this was at a time when I really didn't drink at all because I had stomach problems, unrelated to drinking alcohol. She made this up on her own and then thought she was being such a wonderful person by granting me her forgiveness. 

    She also talks shit about my tattoos, which have nothing to do with her. The ink on my body does not affect your life, so don't worry about it. 

    I've learned to just laugh at her craziness and brush it off. She lives in some other world, and I don't think she gets it. It's not worth me getting upset over cuz in the grand scheme of things, her comments don't change anything for me and don't really impact my life. So whatever. 

    I totally understand why you'd be so annoyed with this aunt, but just ignore her. For your own sake. 
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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
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    GApeaches said:

    I understand what some of you are saying about it being the duty of a Godparent, but that’s just it. She’s not my Godparent, not involved in my life at all. There’s also some history with us, where she has talked mad shit to my Mom about my fiancé and I, when she hadn’t even MET him! Ridiculous. I guess I’m also feeling years of built up frustration of how she seems to stick her nose in my business every few years, even though she’s not a part of my life.

    Yeah she can go fuck herself. Ignore her dumb ass. You'll be happier.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    novella1186
  • I would say "Thanks for your concern but this is my life and my wedding.  If you don't approve, you don't have to come" 
  • "Oh my goodness, I am mortified if I ever gave you the impression that this is any of your business!"
    This. I say things like this all the time. Graduate department sent me daily emails while I was on vacation in Florida in July wanting me to do something they have no expectation of since they didn't offer me an assistanceship (I had to go to another department to get one.) On the first day of school, one of the asshole professors confronted me with 6 emails he'd actually printed out, asking why I wasn't available to do this (unpaid, not-my-job) thing for them.

    Me: "Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed! I thought it was summer vacation!" *Pretends to look at date on top email* "Oh look, it WAS summer vacation! Guess that explains it!" *unamused face*

    When I turned and walked off he was still flummoxed. It's very effective. Go with @KatieinBkln's suggestion.
    esstee33
  • "Oh my goodness, I am mortified if I ever gave you the impression that this is any of your business!"

    Your responses are always so perfect, never stop commenting!
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn!
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    BrandNewJ said:
    "Oh my goodness, I am mortified if I ever gave you the impression that this is any of your business!"

    Your responses are always so perfect, never stop commenting!
    Aw, shucks. Love you!
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    BrandNewJ
  • BrandNewJ said:
    "Oh my goodness, I am mortified if I ever gave you the impression that this is any of your business!"

    Your responses are always so perfect, never stop commenting!
    Aw, shucks. Love you!

    Love you too *muah!*
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario
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    "Oh my goodness, I am mortified if I ever gave you the impression that this is any of your business!"
    OMG, I love this so much. I really want there to be an occasion in the near future where I can pull this out.

    Formerly martha1818

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    adk19
  • It irks me like no other when people use religion to bully others. She wants you to know she doesn't approve of your marriage - and that what you are doing doesn't follow HER beliefs.

    What if you expressed your concern about her not having the same beliefs as you? Like you pointed out that you believe most religions, including Christianity was invented by old school politicians to control the masses? And that those who very much believe in an unprovable all powerful deity like "God" may be showing signs of mental illness? If you were very genuinely bringing these points up because you fear for her and the quality of her life? Is that as okay as her pretty much telling you you're going to burn in hell - all in the name of religion?
    adk19huskypuppy14
  • I had a non-denominational ceremony.  I did not burst into flames.  I did get a nice husband out of the deal, however.

    I wouldn't even write her back.  I'd be all like:

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs
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    I'm pretty much just here for the title, because I frequently tell H to "MIND YA BUSINESS, BITCH." I am a good wife.

    I have nothing of value to add here.
    beetheryesstee33
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