Interfaith Marriage Rabbi Problem

dazzlingfox

My fiance and I aren't getting married until April 2017, but we have already booked the venue and big stuff as the people we wanted are already booked out until the end of 2016.  Being prepared is a big thing for us.  Unfortunately, we have hit a bit of a snag...finding a rabbi.  I am a Catholic and my fiance is Jewish.  My uncle is a priest and also retired military chaplain...and he is more than willing to co-officiate a ceremony with a rabbi, but so far every rabbi we've spoken to has said "no" due to the following:

1. It's an interfaith marriage.
2. It's on a Saturday in April at 6pm (which is the latest time that our venue could give us for the ceremony as the reception is held at the same place right afterward).
3. The children won't be born Jewish (even though I agreed to have them converted and raised Jewish).

I understand that the time can be an issue for a rabbi as it's before sundown on the Sabbath, but my uncle is making a huge compromise for the ceremony by taking Jesus out of it except for a Trinitarian blessing at the end; this is out of respect for my fiance.  It doesn't seem fair that a rabbi won't compromise by doing the ceremony an hour early when my uncle is willing to compromise something.  It's not like God is going to strike us down for it.  Also, every rabbi I've spoken to wants it to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely saying anything.  I don't think that's fair!  My uncle respects the Jewish community and doesn't force religion down anyone's throat, which is refreshing to see in a priest.  I feel very offended and wronged here.

Does anyone know a good reform rabbi in Connecticut who would be willing to co-officiate this ceremony?  Or any advice in general?

climbingsingle

dazzlingfox said:

My fiance and I aren't getting married until April 2017, but we have already booked the venue and big stuff as the people we wanted are already booked out until the end of 2016.  Being prepared is a big thing for us.  Unfortunately, we have hit a bit of a snag...finding a rabbi.  I am a Catholic and my fiance is Jewish.  My uncle is a priest and also retired military chaplain...and he is more than willing to co-officiate a ceremony with a rabbi, but so far every rabbi we've spoken to has said "no" due to the following:

1. It's an interfaith marriage.
2. It's on a Saturday in April at 6pm (which is the latest time that our venue could give us for the ceremony as the reception is held at the same place right afterward).
3. The children won't be born Jewish (even though I agreed to have them converted and raised Jewish).

I understand that the time can be an issue for a rabbi as it's before sundown on the Sabbath, but my uncle is making a huge compromise for the ceremony by taking Jesus out of it except for a Trinitarian blessing at the end; this is out of respect for my fiance.  It doesn't seem fair that a rabbi won't compromise by doing the ceremony an hour early when my uncle is willing to compromise something.  It's not like God is going to strike us down for it.  Also, every rabbi I've spoken to wants it to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely saying anything.  I don't think that's fair!  My uncle respects the Jewish community and doesn't force religion down anyone's throat, which is refreshing to see in a priest.  I feel very offended and wronged here.

Does anyone know a good reform rabbi in Connecticut who would be willing to co-officiate this ceremony?  Or any advice in general?

So, you're offended because you can't find a Rabbi who will agree to perform a wedding on Shabbat? Seriously? 

dazzlingfox

It's one hour early.  6pm versus 7pm.  Even my Jewish future mother-in-law doesn't see a problem with it. 

climbingsingle

dazzlingfox said:

It's one hour early.  6pm versus 7pm.  Even my Jewish future mother-in-law doesn't see a problem with it. 

Your MIL isn't a Rabbi. 

dazzlingfox

Well, I'm assuming you aren't a rabbi either, ClimbingBrideNY.  And it's not just the time.  It's the fact that the rabbis I've met have been condescending to me.  So I'm not Jewish.  I promised to raise my children Jewish and have them converted.  My uncle is making compromises out of respect for my fiance.  It's an interfaith marriage.  Compromises should be made. Why should one religion have a larger priority than the other?  My fiance said it should be an even split.  Interfaith...two faiths, after all.

climbingsingle

No, I'm not a Rabbi, but I know that weddings are not supposed to be performed on Shabbat. Asking a Rabbi to go against this is not the same thing as your uncle not mentioning Jesus. 

climbingsingle

Also, Conservative and Orthodox Rabbis will not perform interfaith ceremonies. Maybe you should do a little research before you start complaining about being wronged. 

redoryx

dazzlingfox said:

I understand that the time can be an issue for a rabbi as it's before sundown on the Sabbath, but my uncle is making a huge compromise for the ceremony by taking Jesus out of it except for a Trinitarian blessing at the end; this is out of respect for my fiance.  It doesn't seem fair that a rabbi won't compromise by doing the ceremony an hour early when my uncle is willing to compromise something.  It's not like God is going to strike us down for it.  Also, every rabbi I've spoken to wants it to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely saying anything.  I don't think that's fair!  My uncle respects the Jewish community and doesn't force religion down anyone's throat, which is refreshing to see in a priest.  I feel very offended and wronged here.

Something about the bolded line bothers me and I think because it comes off as very disrespectful towards the religious culture and traditions of the Jewish faith just because they don't work for your wedding. Like, "Oh, it's only an hour. How big of a deal can it be? Lulz." I don't think it's intentional, but recognize that just like your religion has traditions that are important to you, the Jewish faith has similiar ones. You might not agree with them or understand WHY a religion believes what it does but it doesn't make them wrong to want to hold onto those beliefs even if it inconviences you.

daria24

Is your uncle also going to take out the section of the ceremony where you, as the Catholic party, must vow to raise your children Catholic? 

I have known a few people that had Catholic & Jewish interfaith ceremonies (though I don't recall what day of the week they got married). In all the cases, the rabbis were members of the groom or brides family though, so they were more willing to work with their son/daughter/niece/nephew etc.

Have you tried reaching out to Reform rabbis? Or perhaps some rabbis that are the chaplains at universities? They tend to be more lenient.

But not performing weddings until after the Sabbath ends is a critical tenant of the Jewish faith. It is not for you to decide what compromises a religious figure must make. It's great your uncle is being accommodating, but no one is obligated to bend the rules just for you.

dazzlingfox

This isn't just from me.  This is also the point of view from my fiance and my future mother-in-law.  My fiance was born Orthodox and raised Conservative.  I know that Orthodox and Conservative won't perform the ceremony.  I understand that.  That's why I was looking at Reform.  I've done my research.  Believe me.  I've been in a relationship with my man for 6 years and learned a lot from his family about the Jewish religion.  I respect it.  And by the way, removing Jesus from the ceremony is a HUGE deal to the Catholic religion.  I was surprised when my uncle even agreed to do that, and I could tell that it bothered him.  Just because it doesn't seem like a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal.

dazzlingfox

daria24 said:

Is your uncle also going to take out the section of the ceremony where you, as the Catholic party, must vow to raise your children Catholic? 

I have known a few people that had Catholic & Jewish interfaith ceremonies (though I don't recall what day of the week they got married). In all the cases, the rabbis were members of the groom or brides family though, so they were more willing to work with their son/daughter/niece/nephew etc.

Have you tried reaching out to Reform rabbis? Or perhaps some rabbis that are the chaplains at universities? They tend to be more lenient.

But not performing weddings until after the Sabbath ends is a critical tenant of the Jewish faith. It is not for you to decide what compromises a religious figure must make. It's great your uncle is being accommodating, but no one is obligated to bend the rules just for you.

I've tried reaching out to Reform Rabbis and was very nice to them.  They turned me away with attitude.  That's why it's such a problem.  If they had just said "no" politely, it would have been fine.  But to say "no" followed by a string of words that I dare not repeat...it's wrong.

My uncle knows they will be raised Jewish and is cool with it.  There wouldn't be any vows to raise the children Catholic in or out of the ceremony.

At this rate, I'm going to have my uncle perform the ceremony as a retired military chaplain.  I don't mind that and neither does my fiance.  We just wanted to have a rabbi out of respect to his family.

esstee33

dazzlingfox said:

This isn't just from me.  This is also the point of view from my fiance and my future mother-in-law.  My fiance was born Orthodox and raised Conservative.  I know that Orthodox and Conservative won't perform the ceremony.  I understand that.  That's why I was looking at Reform.  I've done my research.  Believe me.  I've been in a relationship with my man for 6 years and learned a lot from his family about the Jewish religion.  I respect it.  And by the way, removing Jesus from the ceremony is a HUGE deal to the Catholic religion.  I was surprised when my uncle even agreed to do that, and I could tell that it bothered him.  Just because it doesn't seem like a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal.

I feel like you really need to internalize your own statement and apply it to your situation here. You're asking someone to make an exception to something that is a very important part of their faith because you don't think it's that big of a deal and you're willing to make compromises about including references to your faith. One size does not fit all. 

Should they be rude to you instead of just politely saying "no?" No, probably not. But I can see how your request could seriously offend some, and I'm not surprised that they'd react strongly in that case. 

dazzlingfox

esstee33 said:

dazzlingfox said:

This isn't just from me.  This is also the point of view from my fiance and my future mother-in-law.  My fiance was born Orthodox and raised Conservative.  I know that Orthodox and Conservative won't perform the ceremony.  I understand that.  That's why I was looking at Reform.  I've done my research.  Believe me.  I've been in a relationship with my man for 6 years and learned a lot from his family about the Jewish religion.  I respect it.  And by the way, removing Jesus from the ceremony is a HUGE deal to the Catholic religion.  I was surprised when my uncle even agreed to do that, and I could tell that it bothered him.  Just because it doesn't seem like a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal.

I feel like you really need to internalize your own statement and apply it to your situation here. You're asking someone to make an exception to something that is a very important part of their faith because you don't think it's that big of a deal and you're willing to make compromises about including references to your faith. One size does not fit all. 

Should they be rude to you instead of just politely saying "no?" No, probably not. But I can see how your request could seriously offend some, and I'm not surprised that they'd react strongly in that case. 

That's why I asked my fiance and future mother-in-law about the ceremony time we booked before we booked it and asked them how to politely ask the rabbi about it.  I'm very sensitive about that kind of thing.  But when all I receive is rudeness and condescension, I'm not as inclined to be sensitive to them in return.  I didn't demand that they do the ceremony.  I asked if it was a possibility.  And to have them try to say it needs to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely speaking?  Yeah...not happening.  They should have at least been professional about it when I asked the question, as it is their job as well as their faith...just like my uncle's job and faith coincide, and he doesn't talk down to anyone.  When reading my first post here, it seems like I'm being selfish, but I'm not.  I asked all the right stuff first, and was met with complete and utter disrespect.  I don't tolerate that.  I spoke with my future mother-in-law today and she said that we'll look for a rabbi a bit longer.  If we find nothing, we'll have my uncle perform the ceremony as a retired military chaplain.

Problem solved.

artbyallie

This just does not sound like it's truly an interfaith marriage to begin with. You are willing to have your children raised Jewish, which is in direct contradiction to the Catholic wedding ceremony. You say your uncle is a priest but also that he is retired, so would this wedding even be recognized by the Church in the first place? Particularly when you claim he is 'removing Jesus from the ceremony,' since the Catholic requirements have practically no room to be altered. He can't just take things out willy-nilly and have it still be Catholic. I am so confused.

esstee33

dazzlingfox said:

esstee33 said:

dazzlingfox said:

This isn't just from me.  This is also the point of view from my fiance and my future mother-in-law.  My fiance was born Orthodox and raised Conservative.  I know that Orthodox and Conservative won't perform the ceremony.  I understand that.  That's why I was looking at Reform.  I've done my research.  Believe me.  I've been in a relationship with my man for 6 years and learned a lot from his family about the Jewish religion.  I respect it.  And by the way, removing Jesus from the ceremony is a HUGE deal to the Catholic religion.  I was surprised when my uncle even agreed to do that, and I could tell that it bothered him.  Just because it doesn't seem like a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal.

I feel like you really need to internalize your own statement and apply it to your situation here. You're asking someone to make an exception to something that is a very important part of their faith because you don't think it's that big of a deal and you're willing to make compromises about including references to your faith. One size does not fit all. 

Should they be rude to you instead of just politely saying "no?" No, probably not. But I can see how your request could seriously offend some, and I'm not surprised that they'd react strongly in that case. 

That's why I asked my fiance and future mother-in-law about the ceremony time we booked before we booked it and asked them how to politely ask the rabbi about it.  I'm very sensitive about that kind of thing.  But when all I receive is rudeness and condescension, I'm not as inclined to be sensitive to them in return.  I didn't demand that they do the ceremony.  I asked if it was a possibility.  And to have them try to say it needs to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely speaking?  Yeah...not happening.  They should have at least been professional about it when I asked the question, as it is their job as well as their faith...just like my uncle's job and faith coincide, and he doesn't talk down to anyone.  When reading my first post here, it seems like I'm being selfish, but I'm not.  I asked all the right stuff first, and was met with complete and utter disrespect.  I don't tolerate that.  I spoke with my future mother-in-law today and she said that we'll look for a rabbi a bit longer.  If we find nothing, we'll have my uncle perform the ceremony as a retired military chaplain.

Problem solved.

Some people are rude. Just because you're nice doesn't guarantee that everyone will be nice to you, even if you think they should be. There's nothing you can do about that and you may as well not beef stew about it 'cause it's not going to change anything. Ask some more rabbis if you want, or don't. 

RE: the bolded: Well, yeah. You're asking them to perform a ceremony representative of their faith in conjunction with someone performing a ceremony representative of a completely, wildly different faith. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'm not surprised you're having a hard time. 

CMGragain

I had my marriage ceremony very late on Saturday evening so that my Jewish friends could attend.

dazzlingfox

artbyallie said:

This just does not sound like it's truly an interfaith marriage to begin with. You are willing to have your children raised Jewish, which is in direct contradiction to the Catholic wedding ceremony. You say your uncle is a priest but also that he is retired, so would this wedding even be recognized by the Church in the first place? Particularly when you claim he is 'removing Jesus from the ceremony,' since the Catholic requirements have practically no room to be altered. He can't just take things out willy-nilly and have it still be Catholic. I am so confused.

My uncle is still a Catholic priest.  You never really "retire" from being a priest.  You can say Mass as much as you'd like, take confession, perform wedding ceremonies, and funerals, etc.  He is, however, retired from the military.  When he retired, he was a Chaplain Lieutenant Colonel.  In the case of him doing the ceremony as a retired military chaplain, it would be like having a civil ceremony...like using a Justice of the Peace.  If it comes down to it, it's fine by us.  And in that case, we can pretty much have whatever we want in the ceremony, religious or not.

If the ceremony is done with a rabbi and a priest, compromises have to be made as to not offend anyone.  I've done a lot of reading on interfaith ceremonies and there are certain things that should be done and certain things that shouldn't.  This is one of the many sources I found regarding interfaith ceremonies:
http://www.interfaithfamily.com/files/pdf/GuidetoWeddingsforInterfaithCouples.pdf

artbyallie

So the answer to my question then is no, this marriage will not be recognized by the Church. It's fine if that's not important to you but it is very important to most people who are practicing Catholics.

In that case you should probably be looking for a similarly less-religious representative of the Jewish culture for your other officiant since it sounds like you are not wanting to abide by the traditional ceremony of either faith.

redoryx

Did you fill out the referral form in that document from Interfaith Family? It sounds like they will help you find a Rabbi willing to perform the interfaith ceremony.

dazzlingfox

artbyallie said:

So the answer to my question then is no, this marriage will not be recognized by the Church. It's fine if that's not important to you but it is very important to most people who are practicing Catholics.

In that case you should probably be looking for a similarly less-religious representative of the Jewish culture for your other officiant since it sounds like you are not wanting to abide by the traditional ceremony of either faith.

Having it recognized would be preferable, but at this point, it's all contingent on us finding a rabbi.  If we can't do that, then the love my fiance and I have for each other will be enough for us.  After 6 years of being in a relationship, having a legal marriage is most important to us.  Our religions are a bonus.  We wanted a rabbi to make his family happy, but at this point, even his mother is annoyed with the drama.  What would a "less-religious representative of the Jewish culture" be?  That's note a bad idea.

Redoryx, I haven't filled out that form yet.  I'm waiting another couple weeks to see who a friend of ours can find, if anyone.  If we hear nothing, I may try that form.

Jen4948

@dazzlingfox, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but rabbis across the Jewish board take the religion seriously.  Because of all the persecution that Jews have endured over the centuries, many just aren't willing to officiate at interfaith ceremonies.  There's also the fact that a lot of Jews do leave the Jewish religion or, while not leaving it, stop practicing it, say, after intermarriage, and continuing the Jewish faith is very important to many rabbis. 

Whether you think it's fair or not, consider that many priests feel the same way about Catholic weddings and don't want to officiate at interfaith ceremonies either. 

If you really want a "both sides are equal" marriage, it may have to be a totally secular wedding performed by a non-religious officiant.

dazzlingfox

Jen4948 said:

@dazzlingfox, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but rabbis across the Jewish board take the religion seriously.  Because of all the persecution that Jews have endured over the centuries, many just aren't willing to officiate at interfaith ceremonies.  There's also the fact that a lot of Jews do leave the Jewish religion or, while not leaving it, stop practicing it, say, after intermarriage, and continuing the Jewish faith is very important to many rabbis. 

Whether you think it's fair or not, consider that many priests feel the same way about Catholic weddings and don't want to officiate at interfaith ceremonies either. 

If you really want a "both sides are equal" marriage, it may have to be a totally secular wedding performed by a non-religious officiant.

I told the rabbis that I would raise the children Jewish and have them converted.  If they wanted it in writing, I'd give it.  My fiance is a Levi, and I would never deny that history to our children, even though I am a Catholic.  If it comes down to it, then it won't be a religious ceremony, but I want to make the effort for the man I love.  Our relationship has always been equal with compromises on both sides.  We celebrate every holiday and respect each others' similarities and differences.  As I said before, if it comes down to it, my uncle will handle it as a retired military chaplain.  My fiance and I are lucky to have him.

00kim00

It sounds like the most simple compromise that would be respectful of the Jewish faith would be for you to compromise a bit on the day or time. Start an hour later (even if it means a reception one hour shorter) or move it a day earlier or later. Reflect on what's more important to you in starting your marriage off on a good note: 6:00pm on April 17 or incorporating your fiancé's faith?

dazzlingfox

00kim00 said:

It sounds like the most simple compromise that would be respectful of the Jewish faith would be for you to compromise a bit on the day or time. Start an hour later (even if it means a reception one hour shorter) or move it a day earlier or later. Reflect on what's more important to you in starting your marriage off on a good note: 6:00pm on April 17 or incorporating your fiancé's faith?

My fiance picked the time!  I asked if he was sure and he said yes.  He knows the rules of his religion and after all this still wants it at 6:00pm on Saturday April 29, 2017.  And the venue won't let us have the ceremony later than 6:00pm.  We already booked it.  We can't change it.

Jen4948

No rabbi is going to perform a marriage on the Sabbath because they are not allowed to perform marriages on the Sabbath.  It doesn't matter that you plan to convert the kids or raise them Jewish; your venue choice doesn't matter to them.  The Sabbath is sacrosanct in the Jewish religion and they can lose their ordinations or otherwise be severely dealt with if they do.  Expecting it is unrealistic and disrespectful of their beliefs.

I'm afraid your only option is to stop being defensive and recognize that you're not entitled to have a rabbi compromise his faith for you.  If this venue means that much to you, then you'll have to accept that no rabbi is going to be available to perform the ceremony.  Otherwise, you need to let go of "the perfect venue" and accept that it's not so perfect for you.

Viczaesar

dazzlingfox said:

My fiance and I aren't getting married until April 2017, but we have already booked the venue and big stuff as the people we wanted are already booked out until the end of 2016.  Being prepared is a big thing for us.  Unfortunately, we have hit a bit of a snag...finding a rabbi.  I am a Catholic and my fiance is Jewish.  My uncle is a priest and also retired military chaplain...and he is more than willing to co-officiate a ceremony with a rabbi, but so far every rabbi we've spoken to has said "no" due to the following:

1. It's an interfaith marriage.
2. It's on a Saturday in April at 6pm (which is the latest time that our venue could give us for the ceremony as the reception is held at the same place right afterward).
3. The children won't be born Jewish (even though I agreed to have them converted and raised Jewish).

I understand that the time can be an issue for a rabbi as it's before sundown on the Sabbath, but my uncle is making a huge compromise for the ceremony by taking Jesus out of it except for a Trinitarian blessing at the end; this is out of respect for my fiance.  It doesn't seem fair that a rabbi won't compromise by doing the ceremony an hour early when my uncle is willing to compromise something.  It's not like God is going to strike us down for it.  Also, every rabbi I've spoken to wants it to be a Jewish ceremony with my uncle barely saying anything.  I don't think that's fair!  My uncle respects the Jewish community and doesn't force religion down anyone's throat, which is refreshing to see in a priest.  I feel very offended and wronged here.

Does anyone know a good reform rabbi in Connecticut who would be willing to co-officiate this ceremony?  Or any advice in general?

Your attitude is distasteful.

artbyallie

dazzlingfox said:

artbyallie said:

So the answer to my question then is no, this marriage will not be recognized by the Church. It's fine if that's not important to you but it is very important to most people who are practicing Catholics.

In that case you should probably be looking for a similarly less-religious representative of the Jewish culture for your other officiant since it sounds like you are not wanting to abide by the traditional ceremony of either faith.

Having it recognized would be preferable, but at this point, it's all contingent on us finding a rabbi.  If we can't do that, then the love my fiance and I have for each other will be enough for us.  After 6 years of being in a relationship, having a legal marriage is most important to us.  Our religions are a bonus.  We wanted a rabbi to make his family happy, but at this point, even his mother is annoyed with the drama.  What would a "less-religious representative of the Jewish culture" be?  That's note a bad idea.

Redoryx, I haven't filled out that form yet.  I'm waiting another couple weeks to see who a friend of ours can find, if anyone.  If we hear nothing, I may try that form.

A retiree similar to your uncle, perhaps. Or someone who is otherwise not a rabbi but considers themselves culturally rather than religiously Jewish.

Priests/rabbis and so forth are not props. That does seem to be how you are treating them, intentionally or not. One should not include religious aspects in their wedding ceremony if they do not follow the faith represented. You originally said your fiancé is Jewish but now say you wanted a rabbi to 'make his family happy.' How active are either of you in your church/synagogue?

MollyandD

CMGragain said:

I had my marriage ceremony very late on Saturday evening so that my Jewish friends could attend.

This comment seems kind of random. I guess it's a suggestion to move the wedding back a little later?

Can I ask why you want an interfaith wedding? I know you have your background, and I'm in no way critical. But you said you plan to convert to the Jewish faith. Why do you want to have a Catholic ceremony when that won't be your faith after you convert? 

Again, I'm not saying what to do or not to do, I'm honestly asking out of curiosity. 

banana468

I think the issue here is that you found a Catholic priest who is going against the Church and you're irritated that a Rabbi won't do the same for his faith. I don't know that you'd be so lucky to have the ceremony you're requesting I'd your officiant wasn't your uncle. And keep in mind that based on the information you are providing, you will no longer be a Catholic in good standing (unable to receive Eucharist, serve as a Godmother) .

And there's no way you'll get a Rabbi to agree to this if you call religion a bonus and say your love for your FI is more important.

redoryx

dazzlingfox said:

00kim00 said:

It sounds like the most simple compromise that would be respectful of the Jewish faith would be for you to compromise a bit on the day or time. Start an hour later (even if it means a reception one hour shorter) or move it a day earlier or later. Reflect on what's more important to you in starting your marriage off on a good note: 6:00pm on April 17 or incorporating your fiancé's faith?

My fiance picked the time!  I asked if he was sure and he said yes.  He knows the rules of his religion and after all this still wants it at 6:00pm on Saturday April 29, 2017.  And the venue won't let us have the ceremony later than 6:00pm.  We already booked it.  We can't change it.

But, as has been pointed out, your FI isn't a Rabbi so while he thinks it would be okay, he can't really make that decision for sure. Certain situations -- especially complicated ones, like interfaith ceremonies where you want two officiants -- require lots of research before booking any venues or anything so you don't run into these issues. I realize that ship has sailed for you but hopefully lurkers will take note. 

You keep talking about compromising and the thing with compromises is that often some things are just not negotiable, no matter what. In this instance, it's the time. 

climbingsingle

dazzlingfox said:
00kim00 said: It sounds like the most simple compromise that would be respectful of the Jewish faith would be for you to compromise a bit on the day or time. Start an hour later (even if it means a reception one hour shorter) or move it a day earlier or later. Reflect on what's more important to you in starting your marriage off on a good note: 6:00pm on April 17 or incorporating your fiancé's faith? My fiance picked the time!  I asked if he was sure and he said yes.  He knows the rules of his religion and after all this still wants it at 6:00pm on Saturday April 29, 2017.  And the venue won't let us have the ceremony later than 6:00pm.  We already booked it.  We can't change it.
Your wedding is 2 1/2 YEARS away. You can change the venue. You have more than enough time. 

If it's important to YOU to have a Rabbi there, you're going to need to move the time back. As I've said and PPs have said, your MIL and your FI are not Rabbis. They don't get to dictate what is acceptable within the religion. Do you not understand that? Just because I was raised Catholic doesn't mean I can walk up to a priest and tell him how to hold a mass service, and then tell him how I think he should give out communion.