"Your dad doesn't like to leave the dogs, so...."

mrsdee15

We are still up in the air with our planning and are kind of getting frustrated with it, and were talking last night about how we could just fly our wedding party out to Ireland and get married in an old castle in a really intimate ceremony.  

I asked my mom just to see what she thought.  Her response?  "Your dad doesn't like to leave the dogs so he and I would probably skip it."

Wait, WHAT? I guess I should have expected that, my dad almost skipped my college graduation due to leaving the dogs.  He came, they just drove up, saw it, and left.  No dinner or anything celebratory.   

In all fairness, that Ireland wedding probably won't happen, but ouch...

beethery

Your dad needs to work on his priorities. Also, if he really can't handle the separation anxiety, if I were you I'd be preparing not to see his ass there.

I am sorry your dad is like that. That's ridiculous.

doeydo

But they could bring the dogs to Ireland couldn't they?  And leave them at a pet friendly hotel during the wedding?  

mrsdee15

These dogs... he hand-feeds them (actually cuts up their dog food into cubes and alternates which one gets a bite) and if the dog routine is interrupted he becomes distressed.  I don't know how it came to this with the dogs.

One has a congenital disease and went deaf and blind (still a very happy dog) so he needs some help, but he's fine usually.  When he almost skipped the graduation, it was because one of their anal glands exploded.  Can't make this up, folks.

novella1186

Wow. I'm sorry your parents seem to have some very skewed priorities. I thought I was obsessed with my dogs, but I seem like a negligent asshole compared to your dad! 

Maggie0829

doeydo said:

But they could bring the dogs to Ireland couldn't they?  And leave them at a pet friendly hotel during the wedding?  

I am hoping that this was sarcastic, but I can't really tell.  Flying dogs anywhere is really stressful for the dogs.  You have to drug them and then they are stowed in a storage compartment which is loud and devoid of humans and a strange place that they will not recognize.  Add that into having to transport the dogs to the airport and then through the airport in crates and then handing them off to people they don't know.

Then leaving them in a hotel room that is unfamiliar?  Yeah, I could see that all going really badly and OPs Father being even more stressed then if he left the dogs at home with people he could trust.

beethery

Maggie0829 said:

doeydo said:

But they could bring the dogs to Ireland couldn't they?  And leave them at a pet friendly hotel during the wedding?  

I am hoping that this was sarcastic, but I can't really tell.  Flying dogs anywhere is really stressful for the dogs.  You have to drug them and then they are stowed in a storage compartment which is loud and devoid of humans and a strange place that they will not recognize.  Add that into having to transport the dogs to the airport and then through the airport in crates and then handing them off to people they don't know.

Then leaving them in a hotel room that is unfamiliar?  Yeah, I could see that all going really badly and OPs Father being even more stressed then if he left the dogs at home with people he could trust.

Yeah, I agree. Flying the dogs over and putting them through all that just to appease his neediness so he can inconvenience himself to attend the wedding is a bit much.

Skype him from the ceremony OP. Hopefully it's not going to take place during doggy dinner.

mrsdee15

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

zizibet

Aside from being stressful, it isn't possible. UK/Ireland have never had rabies, and as they are an island, do not want to start. Quarantine is 6 months for an animal imported from a non-EU country.
 

mrsdee15

zizibet said:

Aside from being stressful, it isn't possible. UK/Ireland have never had rabies, and as they are an island, do not want to start. Quarantine is 6 months for an animal imported from a non-EU country.
 

I didn't know that, that's really interesting!

novella1186

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

For some reason the bolded made me think of Meet the Parents, where the dad has a special pillow made for Jinx that straps onto his back, and insists that Jinx is the ring bearer. Just wait... Your dad might try to score a couple honorary roles for his dogs! 

Maggie0829

What does your Mom think of your Dad's obsessive attachment to the dogs?  I mean I get being attached to your pet (trust me, I love my dog like freaking crazy and I feel bad leaving her for long periods of time during the day, but do because I know she will be fine and I have to) but there is a line and I think your Dad has long jumped over that line.  Did anything traumatic happened to him around when he got his dogs?

mrsdee15

Maggie0829 said:

What does your Mom think of your Dad's obsessive attachment to the dogs?  I mean I get being attached to your pet (trust me, I love my dog like freaking crazy and I feel bad leaving her for long periods of time during the day, but do because I know she will be fine and I have to) but there is a line and I think your Dad has long jumped over that line.  Did anything traumatic happened to him around when he got his dogs?

Nothing happened, they were my mom's idea and it wasn't always like this, but slowly became like this, I think after one of them started losing their sight.  When I mention it to her, she just says that yes, he's oddly set in his dog ways, nothing else.

penguin44

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

mrsdee15

penguin44 said:

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

I'm amazed it didn't get to that with these dogs.  They still get dog food, and sometimes cheese as a treat (cut into cubes, with alternate feedings so it's fair, as per usual).  They do heat up the food though. 

That memory foam thing is crazy, does the dog like the memory foam?  

beethery

penguin44 said:

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

lol my mom makes her own chicken treats for her dog too. Mostly because it's more cost-effective and partly because of all the dog treat recalls.

He gets regular dog food and gets to sleep on their bed.

penguin44

mrsdee15 said:

penguin44 said:

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

I'm amazed it didn't get to that with these dogs.  They still get dog food, and sometimes cheese as a treat (cut into cubes, with alternate feedings so it's fair, as per usual).  They do heat up the food though. 

That memory foam thing is crazy, does the dog like the memory foam?  

I assume so. He sleeps on it. When he isn't sleeping on the couch/bed. 

Luckily, they aren't opposed to hiring dog sitters when they will be out of the house for more than eight hours. So I haven't run into the same issues as you. 

Maggie0829

mrsdee15 said:

Maggie0829 said:

What does your Mom think of your Dad's obsessive attachment to the dogs?  I mean I get being attached to your pet (trust me, I love my dog like freaking crazy and I feel bad leaving her for long periods of time during the day, but do because I know she will be fine and I have to) but there is a line and I think your Dad has long jumped over that line.  Did anything traumatic happened to him around when he got his dogs?

Nothing happened, they were my mom's idea and it wasn't always like this, but slowly became like this, I think after one of them started losing their sight.  When I mention it to her, she just says that yes, he's oddly set in his dog ways, nothing else.

Huh.  Well I guess it is good that she is okay with it.

Maggie0829

mrsdee15 said:

penguin44 said:

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

I'm amazed it didn't get to that with these dogs.  They still get dog food, and sometimes cheese as a treat (cut into cubes, with alternate feedings so it's fair, as per usual).  They do heat up the food though. 

That memory foam thing is crazy, does the dog like the memory foam?  

I heat up my dog's food for about 15 seconds in the microwave.  We give her a large spoonful of beneful in with the dry dog food so it stays in the refrigerator for a couple of days.  And lets be honest, wouldn't you rather have a warm dinner over something that just came out of the refrigerator?

And I don't judge the memory foam.  I have seen a lot of dog beds made of memory foam, especially for older, arthritic dogs.

mrsdee15

Maggie0829 said:

mrsdee15 said:

penguin44 said:

mrsdee15 said:

It just hit me that even if we keep the wedding local they're still going to peace out early in the reception to deal with dog things, as they can't really leave the house for more than 3 hours at a time.  And the ceremony would conflict horribly with doggie dinner time.  

So this was the only time I'd ever seen someone be this attached to their pet, but then I met FI's brother.  Like 8 years ago he went through a bad break-up (that is a whole other loooooooong story) and was left with these two cats.  He goes home and lets these cats out at lunchtime (or has someone come over and do it) and gets up really early because they like to sit outside in the morning.  And he introduced me to them by holding each of them up like this (just up to my eye level, he's 6'8 and if he held them this high he would have slammed them into the ceiling) and telling me their name:

He's single.  We're all concerned for his happiness.  I love our cats and dog, but dog does just fine while we're at work for the whole day, and the cats are cats and I'm pretty sure they only know I'm there when they try to sleep on my face.

Thanks for letting me helicopter-pet-parenting vent, everyone.

ETA: Making picture work.  In case you can't see it, it's a good one of Rafiki holding up Simba.

And I thought MY dad had issues... He makes homemade chicken jerky for his dog. The dog gets salmon mixed in with his food. It has to be warmed up and he has to eat it outside. 

This dog has a memory foam pillow under his bed because his bed wasn't cushy enough. 

I'm amazed it didn't get to that with these dogs.  They still get dog food, and sometimes cheese as a treat (cut into cubes, with alternate feedings so it's fair, as per usual).  They do heat up the food though. 

That memory foam thing is crazy, does the dog like the memory foam?  

I heat up my dog's food for about 15 seconds in the microwave.  We give her a large spoonful of beneful in with the dry dog food so it stays in the refrigerator for a couple of days.  And lets be honest, wouldn't you rather have a warm dinner over something that just came out of the refrigerator?

And I don't judge the memory foam.  I have seen a lot of dog beds made of memory foam, especially for older, arthritic dogs.

Good points.  I was really curious because dog doesn't like his little bed, but that may be because he wants to be rightnexttous when we're home.

esstee33

Yeah, I definitely don't judge the memory foam dog bed. FI's dog is getting significantly old and creaky, so she has a memory foam bed also. She CRASHES on that thing and sleeps half the day away. 

Kauris

mrsdee15 said:

zizibet said:

Aside from being stressful, it isn't possible. UK/Ireland have never had rabies, and as they are an island, do not want to start. Quarantine is 6 months for an animal imported from a non-EU country.
 

I didn't know that, that's really interesting!

This is true of most every European country. DH's sister moved back to Spain and gave up her cat because it seemed less cruel to find him a new family than leave him in quarantine for the 6 months he would have to endure to enter the country.

charlieyankee03

I think your dad is my step-father. He makes all the dog's food from scratch. The first time he did this, I went home to visit and my mom asked if I was hungry. I was so she gave me a bowl of stew with chicken, carrots, etc in it. I told her it was good and THEN she decides to tell me that it's the dog food. WTF?!?

If any travel is involved and the dogs aren't welcome, my step-father doesn't go. I'm fine with it because nobody in our family actually likes him but that's a story for another day. But I had to specifically tell my mom the dogs were not invited to the wedding. Otherwise I think they would have been "surprise ringbearers". I love them, but come on.

jenajjthr

zizibet said:

Aside from being stressful, it isn't possible. UK/Ireland have never had rabies, and as they are an island, do not want to start. Quarantine is 6 months for an animal imported from a non-EU country.
 

This is how we got "J.B" my Aunt's cat. My Uncle was in the Air Force and was going to be stationed overseas. They didn't want to quarantine "James Bond" so we got him. We found out he about 2 years later he had feline leukemia. He was an awesome cat. 

doeydo

Maggie0829 said:

doeydo said:

But they could bring the dogs to Ireland couldn't they?  And leave them at a pet friendly hotel during the wedding?  

I am hoping that this was sarcastic, but I can't really tell.  Flying dogs anywhere is really stressful for the dogs.  You have to drug them and then they are stowed in a storage compartment which is loud and devoid of humans and a strange place that they will not recognize.  Add that into having to transport the dogs to the airport and then through the airport in crates and then handing them off to people they don't know.

Then leaving them in a hotel room that is unfamiliar?  Yeah, I could see that all going really badly and OPs Father being even more stressed then if he left the dogs at home with people he could trust.

I guess it would depend on the dogs.  I used to cat sit for this lady who would travel a lot for work.  She would bring her standard poodle along but not her cat (the  dog could handle the flights and changes but the cat couldn't).  

After reading more from the OP, though, it almost seems to be an unhealthy obsession her dad has with these dogs (this coming from someone who loves animals and treats her cats like her babies).   

Edited for clarity

smalfrie19

Coming from a certified vet assistant...that's like unhealthy obsession. I mean I don't even think parents are like that with their CHILDREN... and I think my fur babies ARE my children. 

mrsdee15

It's been going on for so long now that I don't know if it can be changed.  I've mentioned to my mom that it's a little beyond the realm of normal, but she isn't bothered by it (which I guess is a good thing).  It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't affect what my parents do, you know, like going to significant life events.  I don't know if there's a way to help it at this point.

weddingcactus

I can sympathize. There is a risk my mom will not make it to my Hawaii wedding due to my parents' dog. I am hoping she can work on finding a suitable pet sitter, but I have also resigned myself to this possibility. I wish I had some helpful advice for you.

PrettyGirlLost

doeydo said:

But they could bring the dogs to Ireland couldn't they?  And leave them at a pet friendly hotel during the wedding?  

Nope. Ireland doesn't have rabies and they want to keep it that way, so any animals coming into the country have to remain in quarantine for like 6 months.

tammym1001

My dog and I have a routine everyday and I go out of my way to make sure that her routine stays on track. She has some serious neurotic issues and it really messes her up when things change. I would say for about the first year I had her it was very difficult for me to make plans because I had to stick to her routine. I slowly introduced her to a pet sitter and a doggie daycare facility. It was a long process because I could only leave her for short periods of time in the beginning. Now she is used to being at those places and I can leave her for long periods. If either of those places ever closed though I would be pretty screwed.

So what I'm saying is I kind of understand where your Dad is coming from if you're asking him to fly to another country and leave his dogs, but it's unfortunate that he didn't get them used to being with someone else from the beginning. He must not do too much of anything except spend time with the dogs. 

ETA: just to give you an idea of how neurotic my dog is, she won't poop in front of guys so my DH can't take her out to the bathroom. She will just hold it until I get home. Luckily the pet sitter and doggie daycare owner's are women.

LondonLisa

That is ridiculous about the dogs, but also note it is difficult to get married in the UK or Ireland without residency. It isn't impossible, but it would require you to get visas and stay for a certain amount of time beforehand usually 4-8 weeks. Are you or your Fi an EU citizen?

His behaviour is silly, but this might be an impossible option for a lot of other reasons.